|
0/5
|
0%
|
The Sex Lives of the Potato Men () |
"
This doesn't have the wit to stagger to the end of the pier."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Apr 29, 2004
|
|
1/5
|
60%
|
Pirate Radio (The Boat That Rocked) (2009) |
"
The rom-com glue that has turned every other Curtis film into box-office gold is absent. This is a listless, sketchy mess."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Apr 3, 2009
|
|
1/5
|
64%
|
Marley & Me (2008) |
"
There is something wildly odd about a film that measures human happiness with the whims of a dog."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Mar 13, 2009
|
|
1/5
|
22%
|
Push (2009) |
"
"What if nothing we did made any sense. Would that throw them off the scent?" Nick asks. You bet."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Feb 19, 2009
|
|
1/5
|
12%
|
Pink Panther 2 (2009) |
"
The entire film is a tedious string of pratfalls."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Feb 12, 2009
|
|
1/5
|
42%
|
He's Just Not That Into You (2009) |
"
The cretinous script is in no hurry to explain how this anguish will be resolved. The result is a masterclass in Method dullness."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Feb 5, 2009
|
|
1/5
|
44%
|
The Broken (2009) |
"
The tedium is almost as annoying as the sound effects."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Jan 30, 2009
|
|
1/5
|
21%
|
Faintheart (2008) |
"
Faintheart is a wild folly. It's a romantic comedy devised, directed, cast, and produced by the online members of MySpace. In this slender respect it's a genuine sensation. But it looks and feels as knock-kneed as the ingredients."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Jan 23, 2009
|
|
1/5
|
26%
|
Seven Pounds (2008) |
"
Seven Pounds is a profoundly irritating mystery about a profoundly silly man."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Jan 16, 2009
|
|
1/5
|
25%
|
Bedtime Stories (2008) |
"
Adam Shankman's idea of directing a Walt Disney film is to pump toxic quantities of schmaltz into every available hole. Not a pleasant sight."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Dec 23, 2008
|
|
1/5
|
25%
|
The Lost City (2005) |
"
Andy Garcia's preposterous vanity project The Lost City is an all-singing, all-dancing version of the Cuban Revolution."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Dec 5, 2008
|
|
1/5
|
54%
|
Choke (2008) |
"
Choke is a confused sex comedy by Clark Gregg that blunders around for 90-odd minutes trying to look butch and sensitive."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Nov 21, 2008
|
|
1/5
|
10%
|
Free Jimmy (Slipp Jimmy fri) (2006) |
"
Deeply unhinged, deeply awful."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Oct 17, 2008
|
|
1/5
|
26%
|
Eagle Eye (2008) |
"
don't have the willpower, words, or energy to explain why a psychopathic CIA computer suddenly decides to take over the world. But that's the plot in a nutcase."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Oct 17, 2008
|
|
1/5
|
43%
|
Death Race (2008) |
"
This sci-fi fantasy about crazy Mad Max races in a high security prison is 8,000 horsepower of pure auto-erotic carnage."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Sep 26, 2008
|
|
1/5
|
13%
|
The Women (2008) |
"
A costly and bemusing disaster. Dull is too kind a word."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Sep 11, 2008
|
|
1/5
|
45%
|
The Strangers (2008) |
"
The usual stupidness ensues. "Stay here darling with the axe-wielding psychos while I go and get help," says Speedman. Ugh."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Aug 29, 2008
|
|
1/5
|
70%
|
Sakuran (2006) |
"
The pop star Anna Tsuchiya is duly fetching as the young upstart, but not fetching enough to prop up a cast-iron potboiler."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Aug 29, 2008
|
|
1/5
|
19%
|
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) |
"
The latest instalment of George Lucas's interminable franchise, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, has the charm of a cash machine. This noisy animated feature is set in a galaxy that isn't far away enough."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Aug 15, 2008
|
|
1/5
|
37%
|
Street Kings (2008) |
"
Depressing and sickeningly violent."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Apr 18, 2008
|
|
1/5
|
11%
|
Fool's Gold (2008) |
"
A ghastly romantic comedy about a race to find a 17th-century Spanish wreck full of treasure. The film is completely dead behind the eyes."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Apr 18, 2008
|
|
1/5
|
12%
|
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (AVP 2) (2007) |
"
A mindless distraction."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Jan 18, 2008
|
|
1/5
|
26%
|
Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007) |
"
It's the kind of family entertainment that makes you reach for the shotgun."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Dec 21, 2007
|
|
1/5
|
14%
|
The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising (2007) |
"
The Dark is Rising is one of those awful sorcery tales where a spotty young boy (Alexander Ludwig) suddenly gets to save the Earth from supernatural creeps such as Christopher Eccleston."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Oct 19, 2007
|
|
1/5
|
33%
|
The Nanny Diaries (2007) |
"
The wholesome child-friendly lessons made me feel queasy."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Oct 12, 2007
|
|
1/5
|
20%
|
Dead Silence (2007) |
"
The sensual pleasure in watching this kind of horror movie depends entirely on your tolerance for ear-splitting jolts of shock. In the end, though, the film sags like a David Lynch pudding."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Jul 6, 2007
|
|
1/5
|
44%
|
Hostel: Part II (2007) |
"
It pains me to admit that Hostel: Part II is a slicker package than the craven original. That doesn't excuse the fact that it's torture pornography for morons."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Jun 29, 2007
|
|
1/5
|
15%
|
The Breed (2006) |
"
The Breed is all bite."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Apr 27, 2007
|
|
1/5
|
15%
|
Wild Hogs (2007) |
"
A humiliating medley of ghastly slapstick stunts. Walt Becker is the author of this nonsense. He ought to be sued."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Apr 14, 2007
|
|
1/5
|
29%
|
The Punisher (2004) |
"
The Punisher is mildly entertaining, for all the wrong reasons"
—
Times [UK]
Posted Sep 23, 2004
|
|
|
7%
|
Captivity (2007) |
"
Roland Joffé's feeble attempt to swing with the latest horror-flick fashion for gratuitous sensation is embarrassing"
—
Times [UK]
Posted Jun 22, 2007
|
|
|
57%
|
5 Children and It (2004) |
"
Five posh First World War sprogs are despatched to Uncle Kenneth Branagh's Gothic pile in a Devon nook. It's a ghastly film"
—
Times [UK]
Posted Oct 21, 2004
|
|
|
49%
|
Alfie (2004) |
"
Jude Law plays the limousine taxi driver like a sex-mad Alan Whicker, whisking us around the hot spots of Manhattan with a sardonic eye on the best places to pick up chicks"
—
Times [UK]
Posted Oct 21, 2004
|
|
|
64%
|
Bride and Prejudice (2005) |
"
Gurinder Chada's film has all the feminist clout of a giant blancmange"
—
Times [UK]
Posted Oct 11, 2004
|
|
|
10%
|
Catwoman (2004) |
"
A thriller you wouldn't inflict on a laboratory rat"
—
Times [UK]
Posted Aug 12, 2004
|
|
|
58%
|
I, Robot (2004) |
"
A B-movie blast about power and greed"
—
Times [UK]
Posted Aug 5, 2004
|
|
|
29%
|
The Prince and Me (2004) |
"
A woeful and predictable outing for Cinders and an impossibly twitty prince"
—
Times [UK]
Posted Jul 15, 2004
|
|
|
44%
|
Connie And Carla (2004) |
"
Full marks for trying a radical change of direction, and nul points for inflicting the ghastly mess on us"
—
Times [UK]
Posted Jun 9, 2004
|
|
|
67%
|
Japanese Story (2003) |
"
It's powerful, but fatally contrived"
—
Times [UK]
Posted Jun 2, 2004
|
|
|
45%
|
The Day After Tomorrow (2004) |
"
A big-weather disaster movie designed to put the fear of God into audiences with Olympic stamina and peanut-sized brains"
—
Times [UK]
Posted May 26, 2004
|
|
|
33%
|
Imagining Argentina (2004) |
"
The power of the film is its roots in official truths which are already melting away."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Apr 28, 2004
|
|
|
93%
|
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind (2004) |
"
It is not as fiendishly cunning as Being John Malkovich or as savage as Adaptation, but the surreal romantic twists are pure Kaufman at his neurotic worst"
—
Times [UK]
Posted Apr 28, 2004
|
|
|
82%
|
Monster (2004) |
"
I can forgive the Oscar- winning makeover, but not the script-doctored romance"
—
Times [UK]
Posted Apr 15, 2004
|
|
2/5
|
42%
|
The Last House on the Left (2009) |
"
A dismal reminder of just how starved Hollywood studios are for good ideas."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Jun 12, 2009
|
|
2/5
|
78%
|
The Hangover (2009) |
"
The lads duly lurch from one bewildering crisis to another."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Jun 12, 2009
|
|
2/5
|
48%
|
Doghouse (2009) |
"
Jake West's low-budget British movie Doghouse is so jaw-droppingly bonkers that it actually deserves to be seen."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Jun 12, 2009
|
|
2/5
|
79%
|
Pour elle (Anything for Her) (2008) |
"
Heavy-handed teases do very little for the overcooked melodrama."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Jun 5, 2009
|
|
2/5
|
33%
|
Terminator Salvation (2009) |
"
Terminator Salvation looks, sounds and tastes like a 2.50 fairground ride. There is nothing human about it. McG feeds you the sort of thrills that can be had on Clacton pier."
—
Times [UK]
Posted Jun 5, 2009
|
|
2/5
|
63%
|
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009) |
"
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is a film with a huge heart and a dazzling eye, but it does little for the very thing it is trying to celebrate: the imagination."
—
Times [UK]
Posted May 22, 2009
|
|
2/5
|
90%
|
Coraline (2009) |
"
Technically, it's impeccable. But it's madly out of synch with the 12A certificate."
—
Times [UK]
Posted May 8, 2009
|
63%
——
96%
