|
0/4
|
8%
|
The Number 23 (2007) |
"
Though the holes were rather small, I had to count them all. Now we know how many holes it takes to fill The Number 23."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Feb 23, 2007
|
|
0/4
|
9%
|
See No Evil (2006) |
"
Amateur Hour-and-a-Half....It isn't fit for human consumption."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted May 20, 2006
|
|
0/4
|
1%
|
Alone in the Dark (2005) |
"
Dear Alone in the Dark, ...It's time for me to start seeing other movies. But I will think of you always, when I sit at the movies, alone in the dark, without you."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Jan 29, 2005
|
|
0/4
|
9%
|
White Noise (2005) |
"
As inherently unthrilling, incoherent, and unsatisfying as scrambled porn."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Jan 7, 2005
|
|
0/4
|
7%
|
Surviving Christmas (2004) |
"
Some sort of Martian comedy hell I was doomed to misunderstand...like watching Ben Affleck burn Stanislavsky in effigy for ninety minutes."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Oct 23, 2004
|
|
0/4
|
45%
|
My Mother Likes Women (A mi madre le gustan las mujeres) (2002) |
"
A graceless film about hateful people...apart from some Prague scenery in the last act, My Mother Likes Women is thoroughly ugly."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Aug 19, 2004
|
|
.5/4
|
13%
|
Cobra (1986) |
"
Dated and unintentionally laughable, Cobra will always be best known for the catchphrase "You're a disease and I'm the cure." Ironically, any audience foolhardy enough to brave this ugly movie is liable to stagger out feeling mighty sick. [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Sep 5, 2011
|
|
.5/4
|
18%
|
You Again (2010) |
"
Like staring at whorehouse wallpaper: it's sort of interesting, but you have a strong feeling you might be wasting your time. [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Feb 21, 2011
|
|
.5/4
|
8%
|
Furry Vengeance (2010) |
"
Brought to you by Participant Media, makers of Food, Inc. and The Cove. Next time, guys, give a hoot and don't pollute the multiplex. Save the children. [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Apr 29, 2010
|
|
.5/4
|
14%
|
I Love You Beth Cooper (2009) |
"
Does Chris Columbus owe somebody a favor?"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Jul 10, 2009
|
|
.5/4
|
20%
|
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) |
"
Never in the field of blockbuster movies has so much been spent on so little."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Jun 24, 2009
|
|
.5/4
|
11%
|
Bride Wars (2009) |
"
It's like the Whack-a-Mole of everything reasonable people hate about so-called 'chick flicks.' [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted May 25, 2009
|
|
.5/4
|
25%
|
Friday the 13th (2009) |
"
It's been done to death. And brought back to life. And redone to death."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Feb 13, 2009
|
|
.5/4
|
18%
|
Dude, Where's My Car? (2000) |
"
Tone deaf...only slightly better than the worst sitcom you've ever seen."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Aug 23, 2008
|
|
.5/4
|
15%
|
Wild Hogs (2007) |
"
If you listen closely, you can hear your brain cells fizzling."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Mar 2, 2007
|
|
.5/4
|
3%
|
The Covenant (2006) |
"
Where do WB pilots go when they die? Perhaps they're reincarnated as lousy supernatural thrillers."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Sep 8, 2006
|
|
.5/4
|
12%
|
Little Man (2006) |
"
If your taste runs to scatology and you find little people inherently funny, Little Man may be the movie for you."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Aug 8, 2006
|
|
.5/4
|
13%
|
Just My Luck (2006) |
"
Why does the new Lindsay Lohan picture have such a poo fixation?....Could it be that director Donald Petrie is Freudian slipping on his s**tty material?"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted May 11, 2006
|
|
.5/4
|
25%
|
Failure to Launch (2006) |
"
Paula's practiced fraud sounds criminal at worst and grounds for civil suits at best, but to Hollywood, it's a romantic comedy....downright repellent."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Mar 10, 2006
|
|
.5/4
|
9%
|
When a Stranger Calls (2006) |
"
Download the trailer. It's cheaper, quicker, and efficiently shows you everything you think you want to see from the movie."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Feb 17, 2006
|
|
.5/4
|
20%
|
Doom (2005) |
"
As far as I can tell, no one is at the controls of Doom."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Oct 22, 2005
|
|
.5/4
|
6%
|
Supercross (2005) |
"
Dude, I am bummed."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Aug 16, 2005
|
|
.5/4
|
24%
|
The Amityville Horror (2005) |
"
Begin by blaming leads that lack charisma outside of their model bodies, move on to the cheap technique of pounding soundtrack blasts...arrive at the comically clichéd script."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Apr 29, 2005
|
|
.5/4
|
8%
|
First Daughter (2004) |
"
Though you might think this Forest Whitaker film (yeah, you read that right) has more going for it than the other 274 cookie-cutter fairy-tale comedies...you'd be wrong."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Sep 24, 2004
|
|
.5/4
|
5%
|
The Cookout (2004) |
"
Jerryrigged out of painful stereotypes...so offensive, crude, and dumb that the occasional legitimate satire and good-natured family-values message are effectively negated."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Sep 3, 2004
|
|
.5/4
|
33%
|
Benji - Off the Leash (2004) |
"
Good intentions aside, the return of writer-director-producer Joe Camp's "Benji" is terminally boring."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Aug 23, 2004
|
|
1/4
|
21%
|
Darling Companion (2012) |
"
Currish...the film's niche audience is indiscriminate aging dog lovers; people lovers should look elsewhere. "
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted May 10, 2012
|
|
1/4
|
24%
|
A Guy Thing (2003) |
"
Cycles through the same old cliches, like squares accidentally being dosed with drugs, overzealous pharmacists blaring out sensitive medical information (nothing like a good ol' venereal disease joke), and climactically scotched weddings. [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Oct 13, 2011
|
|
1/4
|
33%
|
Wedding Daze (2007) |
"
Something of a train wreck...[but] comedy scavengers may find it worthwhile to pick through the remains for a few amusing gags. [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Oct 13, 2011
|
|
1/4
|
23%
|
Conan the Barbarian (2011) |
"
Momoa, also a model, proves that he's more of a poser than an actor: he's a cocked eyebrow, a squinty tic, and an assortment of bulges in search of a performance."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Aug 18, 2011
|
|
1/4
|
12%
|
Original Sin (2001) |
"
Though written and directed by a Pulitzer Prize winner, Original Sin is better known as the picture in which a naked Angelina Jolie (by then a certified Oscar winner) and Antonio Banderas do the horizontal mambo. [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Jul 5, 2011
|
|
1/4
|
19%
|
Judy Moody and the NOT Bummer Summer (2011) |
"
It'd be nice to report that this film with a still-all-too-rare female protagonist is a great time at the movies, but alas, not so much."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Jun 8, 2011
|
|
1/4
|
32%
|
I Am Number Four (2011) |
"
No creative inspiration gets in the way of the beautiful people running and jumping and kissing while things go boom in the forgettable teen sci-fi actioner I Am Number Four. [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Jun 1, 2011
|
|
1/4
|
0%
|
Nutcracker in 3D (2010) |
"
Vienna. The 1920s. Albert Einstein sings...a world of proto-Nazi space-ranger rats led by a nasty, singing Andy Warhol rodent. But I don't have to tell you the beloved story of The Nutcracker..."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Nov 26, 2010
|
|
1/4
|
15%
|
Sex and the City 2 (2010) |
"
I'm still not sure if writer-director Michael Patrick King intended for his audience to laugh at or with his fab foursome as they refresh the stereotype of the "ugly American" abroad..."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted May 28, 2010
|
|
1/4
|
28%
|
Remember Me (2010) |
"
Only slightly edgier and no more sensible than a Nicholas Sparks story."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Mar 12, 2010
|
|
1/4
|
30%
|
Gamer (2009) |
"
What to make of short-attention-span artists satirizing a short-attention-span world? [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Feb 16, 2010
|
|
1/4
|
12%
|
The Stepfather (2009) |
"
Any subtlety or implicit social satire to be found in Joseph Ruben's original went out with the last neighborhood trash pickup. Too bad the service was canceled before it could haul away this waste-of-time remake. [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Feb 15, 2010
|
|
1/4
|
17%
|
Love Happens (2009) |
"
Pure Hollywood hokum, with plotting that's practically impossible...graceless product placement, cutesy situations, and neatly tied bows."
—
Palo Alto Weekly
Posted Sep 18, 2009
|
|
1/4
|
7%
|
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998) |
"
Needless to say, logic takes a holiday, just not in the Bahamas. [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Aug 12, 2009
|
|
1/4
|
44%
|
Hannah Montana: The Movie (2009) |
"
The way this movie ends is so wrong that it doesn't deserve a pass as frothy entertainment. Why? Because it's actively sending a bad message to kids. [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Aug 12, 2009
|
|
1/4
|
33%
|
Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981) |
"
Basically only for completists looking to see Jason take center stage for the first time. [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Jun 25, 2009
|
|
1/4
|
28%
|
Black Sheep (1996) |
"
It's nice to see the two together, practicing their easy screen rapport--and no doubt more so given Farley's untimely passing--but Black Sheep is still a clunker. [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Jun 19, 2009
|
|
1/4
|
18%
|
Collateral Damage (2002) |
"
Schwarzenegger's Brewer remarks, 'If I don't do it, it seems no one else will,' but that's a lousy excuse for...a multi-million dollar mistake like this one. [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted May 25, 2009
|
|
1/4
|
29%
|
The Chronicles of Riddick (2004) |
"
Vainly attempts to elevate Riddick into a mythological hero in a political-intrigue contest meant to be Dune in an action context, though it's a lot more like Stargate in a crap context. [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Mar 30, 2009
|
|
1/4
|
17%
|
The Boondock Saints (1999) |
"
It's one thing to make a film that's violent and profane; it's another to make one that's a moral black hole, and to do it because black looks cool. [Blu-ray]"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Mar 15, 2009
|
|
1/4
|
33%
|
Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009) |
"
The hero is named for a disgusting bodily function that's hardly PG material, but the movie itself seems to be aimed at grade schoolers."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Jan 18, 2009
|
|
1/4
|
38%
|
Swing Vote (2008) |
"
Would be innocuous if it weren't so utterly, utterly misguided...a black comedy that doesn't know it's a black comedy."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Aug 1, 2008
|
|
1/4
|
14%
|
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (2007) |
"
I sure hope Sandler's next movie is about learning the pain of Asian folks...that'd be hilarious!"
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Jul 20, 2007
|
|
1/4
|
57%
|
Transformers (2007) |
"
A sort of Ambien/No-Doz cocktail likely to send all but fanboy brains into self-protective shutoff mode."
—
Groucho Reviews
Posted Jul 2, 2007
|
63%
——
96%
