Critics » Christopher Long » Rotten
Christopher Long

Christopher Long

Agrees with the Tomatometer 85% of the time.

Publications:
Cineaste Magazine , Movie Metropolis
Critics' Group:
Online Film Critics Society
Total Reviews:
638
Location:
Near Philly

Worst Reviewed Films

Showing 1 - 50 of 199
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Rating T-Meter Title | Year Add Date
2/10 55% Australia (2008) " Part melodrama, part live-action cartoon, and entirely awful ..." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Nov 26, 2008
3/10 0% Stolen Lives (2010) " Unvarying in tone and style, it's a rough slog." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Jun 22, 2010
3/10 29% Deadgirl (2008) " The filmmakers don't really push the envelope visually as much as they are trying to conceptually." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Sep 26, 2009
3/10 84% In the Realm of the Senses (1976) " I can only imagine critics at the initial screening ... marveling at a 20-foot penis taking up the entire screen: "Oh yeah, that totally represents the patriarchy."" — Movie Metropolis
Posted Jul 26, 2009
3/10 80% El Norte (1984) " Good intentions arent enough to compensate for bad editing, acting and writing." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Jul 26, 2009
4/10 77% Thor (2011) " Thor has the feel of a film that never quite starts. " — Movie Metropolis
Posted May 6, 2011
4/10 84% The Art Of The Steal (2010) " The Art of the Steal paints only in black and white." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Aug 1, 2010
4/10 76% Five Minutes of Heaven (2009) " The film deserves credit for not offering any easy answers, but it also fails to ask any interesting questions." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Jun 22, 2010
4/10 52% Uncertainty (2009) " Perhaps Uncertainty is a metaphor for the writing process. You start with a blank page then you have to make a decision, any decision, and follow it as far as you can." — Movie Metropolis
Posted May 1, 2010
4/10 29% Brúðguminn (White Night Wedding) (2008) " The films uneasy shifts in tone disrupt the sense of rhythm needed for the comic elements to work." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Sep 26, 2009
4/10 95% The Cove (2009) " Its a sloppy, shamelessly pandering film that will work well as an activist tool." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Aug 3, 2009
4/10 37% X-Men Origins - Wolverine (2009) " "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" is a cant-miss idea that misses every target." — Movie Metropolis
Posted May 1, 2009
4/10 40% My Name Is Bruce (2007) " Its a shame to see such talent squandered here on such a one-note performance." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Nov 8, 2008
5/10 73% Revenge of the Electric Car (2011) " This is more superficial rah-rah than investigation. I'm sure it serves its ideological purpose, but as a documentary, it's uninspired." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Feb 3, 2012
5/10 90% Amarcord (2009) " Sweet and endearing for many, irritating and tedious for others." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Feb 26, 2011
5/10 —— The Dungeon Masters (2008) " As portrayed in the film, gamers dont play because of passion, but because of pathology." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Aug 1, 2010
5/10 62% Salt (2010) " Salt changes from super-spy to cartoon-spy, and good implausible becomes bad implausible in a hurry." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Jul 22, 2010
5/10 79% The Yes Men Fix the World (2009) " A resounding Yes for the Yes Men. A middling Maybe for The Yes Men Fix the World." — Movie Metropolis
Posted May 1, 2010
5/10 72% Beeswax (2009) " The primary appeal most mumblecore films hold for me is the comfort of knowing that I have never met any of these people and probably never will." — Movie Metropolis
Posted May 1, 2010
5/10 60% The Fugitive Kind (2005) " Unfortunately the movie doesnt offer much else to supplement Brandos masterstrokes. " — Movie Metropolis
Posted May 1, 2010
5/10 82% Paranormal Activity (2009) " The more the film amps up the action, the more tangible the manifestations get, the less scary and involving the movie becomes." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Oct 16, 2009
5/10 57% Clickety-Clack (Dodesukaden) (1970) " Everything else feels so hollow and occasionally phony, that its hard not to view the film as one of Kurosawas weakest efforts." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Jul 29, 2009
5/10 94% Hobson's Choice (1953) " If your drunken buffoon tolerance is higher than mine, you will probably be more kindly disposed towards the film." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Jul 25, 2009
5/10 —— Ciao Maschio (Bye Bye Monkey) (1978) " Ferreri's first English-language film... is more of a collection of disjointed ideas than an actual story." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Jul 25, 2009
5/10 82% The End of America (2008) " Its very easy to cherry-pick examples and fit them into a previously existing model." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Jul 17, 2009
5/10 64% Duplicity (2009) " The "trust nobody" shtick wears old pretty quickly." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Mar 20, 2009
5/10 26% Punisher: War Zone (2008) " Without a consistent style, "Punisher: War Zone" never establishes a real identity." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Dec 8, 2008
5/10 83% JCVD (Van Dammage) (2008) " JCVD sputters badly during the bank heist scenes which, unfortunately, make up the bulk of the film." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Nov 12, 2008
5/10 29% Captain Mike Across America (Slacker Uprising) (2008) " It doesn't offer enough fresh material either to inspire or to infuriate." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Oct 11, 2008
5/10 46% Lakeview Terrace (2008) " ... a thunderously stupid ending that has all the markings of a heavy dose of production notes." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Sep 20, 2008
6/10 90% The Woman With The 5 Elephants (2011) " Literary Translators Gone Wild!" — Movie Metropolis
Posted May 1, 2012
6/10 85% Under The Boardwalk: The Monopoly Story (2011) " Strictly a soft sell, a breezy, fan's-eye appreciation of one of America's (and now much of the world's) most popular board games. " — Movie Metropolis
Posted Feb 12, 2012
6/10 87% Zazie dans le métro (Zazie in the Subway) (1960) " Zazie, you're so darned adorable, you even make getting picked up by Aqualung look like fun." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Jun 28, 2011
6/10 86% Senso (The Wanton Countess) (1954) " As a chronicle of doomed love, the story gains quite a bit of steam as it bulldozes towards its tragic ending." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Feb 26, 2011
6/10 87% Black Swan (2010) " Aronofsky doesnt waste any time dialing up the hysteria. " — Movie Metropolis
Posted Dec 5, 2010
6/10 95% Best Worst Movie (2010) " What about old-school cult favorite "Manos: The Hands of Fate" ... Does Armond White have to step in with a Fresh review to get the ball rolling?" — Movie Metropolis
Posted Nov 12, 2010
6/10 83% Entre nos (Between Us) (2010) " The films sleeve-worn earnestness is both its strength and its primary flaw. " — Movie Metropolis
Posted Jul 22, 2010
6/10 79% William Kunstler: Disturbing the Universe (2009) " One of the most pronounced recent trends in documentary is the use of the medium as a form of public therapy." — Movie Metropolis
Posted May 1, 2010
6/10 75% Invictus (2009) " (Freeman) portrays Mandela more as a legend than as a man, a symbolic figure who is play-acting an already determined history rather than living in the uncertain moment." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Dec 10, 2009
6/10 94% Secrecy (2008) " Its a neat balancing act that no doubt required some serious juggling in the editing room." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Oct 4, 2009
6/10 88% Danton (1983) " The film lacks the vitality and excitement of Wajdas earlier work." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Jul 29, 2009
7/10 95% The War Room (1993) " It's so intoxicating that sometimes it's easy forget we are, in effect, watching a couple of pitch men selling that year's newest brand of soap." — Movie Metropolis
Posted May 1, 2012
7/10 94% Being Elmo: A Puppeteer's Journey (2011) " I'll go to my grave believing that Elmo is a punk. Kevin Clash, however, is definitely not a punk, not one bit." — Movie Metropolis
Posted May 1, 2012
7/10 50% Chasing Madoff (2011) " When the officials getting paid to do the job failed miserably in their duties, it was the crazy guy who stood as the public's last and only line of defense" — Movie Metropolis
Posted May 1, 2012
7/10 —— I Compagni (The Organizer) (The Strikers) (1963) " The style often features broad comic performances against a background of despair and defeatism; these were not comedies with happy endings which seems to be a contradiction." — Movie Metropolis
Posted May 1, 2012
7/10 80% The Flaw (2011) " (The film) makes a series of points rather than an argument... Think of it as a Festivus-style airing of grievances. " — Movie Metropolis
Posted May 1, 2012
7/10 73% Design for Living (1933) " The dialogue is sharp without seeming too impeccably perfect to be real human speech." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Feb 3, 2012
7/10 83% Godzilla, King of the Monsters! (1956) " It's hard not to chuckle at the fiftieth cutaway to an oddly passive Burr after watching a scene from the Honda original, but this cut shouldn't be dismissed either." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Feb 3, 2012
7/10 78% Il Momento della Verita (The Moment of Truth) (1965) " There's one thing I can say about every bullfighting movie I've seen: I'm always rooting for the bull." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Feb 3, 2012
7/10 —— Transcendent Man (2011) " Is Kurzweil a crackpot? Opinions vary, but one thing everyone agrees on is that Ray Kurzweil is brilliant." — Movie Metropolis
Posted Jun 28, 2011
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