|
0/5
|
7%
|
The Devil Inside (2012) |
"
It's not just a dull, witless, horror film, it's also an incredibly lazy one."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Jan 14, 2012
|
|
0/5
|
7%
|
All's Faire in Love (2011) |
"
Avoid this one like the pox."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Oct 28, 2011
|
|
0/5
|
67%
|
Insidious (2011) |
"
Don't even get me started on the sublime asininity of the cloven-hoofed, fire-faced demon thingee that, for no reason I can fathom, resembles, almost exactly, Darth Maul. Seriously. Don't."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Apr 1, 2011
|
|
0/5
|
9%
|
My Soul to Take (2010) |
"
This utterly mediocre forget-me-now could've been crafted by any faceless serial director at all."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Oct 15, 2010
|
|
0/5
|
4%
|
Vampires Suck (2010) |
"
You want vampiric satire with actual laughs? Try Mel Brooks' Dracula: Dead and Loving It, Love at First Bite, or even Roman Polanski's The Fearless Vampire Killers. Anything is better than Friedberg and Seltzer's un-comedy."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Aug 28, 2010
|
|
0/5
|
19%
|
The Back-up Plan (2010) |
"
Husbands, boyfriends, and first-daters are absolutely within their purview to flee in terror to the nearest Michael Bay explodathon when confronted with the grim news that The Back-up Plan is on this evening's romantic menu."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Apr 22, 2010
|
|
0/5
|
12%
|
The Bounty Hunter (2010) |
"
Strictly by-the-numbers, cookie-cutter, Hollywood production-line crap barely worthy of a legitimate theatrical release."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Mar 19, 2010
|
|
0/5
|
13%
|
The Spy Next Door (2010) |
"
Nobody of Chan's legendary stature should ever have to play second banana to George Lopez, and certainly not in a film that was already made five years ago with Vin Diesel (see: The Pacifier)."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Jan 15, 2010
|
|
0/5
|
21%
|
Leap Year (2010) |
"
There may be more masochistic ways to spend this coming box-office weekend than by taking in a matinee of Brit director Tucker's soulless, Lifetime-lite flibbertigibbet of a movie, but for once I'm at a loss to think of any."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Jan 7, 2010
|
|
0/5
|
26%
|
Ninja Assassin (2009) |
"
Ninja Assassin, awash in a veritable flood of patently fake CG blood - some of which ends up bespotting the "camera," no less - feels like getting stuck on Level 1 of the 1992 beta version Mortal Kombat for two hours."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Nov 25, 2009
|
|
0/5
|
82%
|
Paranormal Activity (2009) |
"
An excruciatingly tedious YouTube gag cleverly marketed to go viral in the broadest and most box office-friendly way."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Oct 9, 2009
|
|
0/5
|
27%
|
Pandorum (2009) |
"
In space, no one can hear you snore."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Sep 25, 2009
|
|
0/5
|
7%
|
Post Grad (2009) |
"
No one in the cast, not even the great Carol Burnett, makes much of an impression in a film that virtually defines the word 'unnecessary,' but it does manage to pull double duty as one heck of a sleep aid."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Aug 20, 2009
|
|
0/4
|
18%
|
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009) |
"
The Legend of Chun-Li is as vapid and dull as it is."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Mar 5, 2009
|
|
0/5
|
25%
|
Friday the 13th (2009) |
"
Bland and uninspired."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Feb 13, 2009
|
|
0/5
|
8%
|
Prom Night (2008) |
"
This do-over isn't so much an improvement over the original as lousy in a whole new direction, a nearly bloodless slasher film with fewer surprises than a broken jack-in-the-box."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Oct 18, 2008
|
|
0/5
|
5%
|
College (2008) |
"
Excruciatingly unfunny."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Oct 18, 2008
|
|
0/5
|
9%
|
Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed (2008) |
"
Ignorance may be bliss, but encouraging it, as Expelled does, ought to be a crime."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Oct 18, 2008
|
|
0/5
|
43%
|
Death Race (2008) |
"
One of the most boring drags of all time."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Aug 20, 2008
|
|
0/5
|
14%
|
The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising (2007) |
"
Throughout its interminable and steadfastly, maniacally bewildering running time, neither the cast nor director Cunningham appear to have even the most rudimentary idea of what is going on from one sequence to the next."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Oct 5, 2007
|
|
0/5
|
7%
|
Captivity (2007) |
"
Captivity is the kind of film that gives torture porn a bad name. It's disturbing in the most unpleasant ways possible outside of Abu Ghraib or battlefield snuff films."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Jul 20, 2007
|
|
0/5
|
7%
|
Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (Van Wilder 2) (2006) |
"
Penn sports little of the squirrelly charm evidenced by the original Van Wilder star, Ryan Reynolds."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Feb 3, 2007
|
|
0/5
|
4%
|
Happily N'ever After (2006) |
"
No child deserves Happily N'Ever After."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Jan 20, 2007
|
|
0/5
|
12%
|
Let's Go To Prison (2006) |
"
Consider this one disarmed and extremely pointless."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Nov 21, 2006
|
|
0/5
|
15%
|
The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006) |
"
Bah, humbug."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Nov 18, 2006
|
|
0/5
|
9%
|
See No Evil (2006) |
"
This rote exercise in slasher-film tedium holds zero surprises."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Jun 3, 2006
|
|
0/5
|
24%
|
RV (2006) |
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted May 13, 2006
|
|
0/5
|
37%
|
Scary Movie 4 (2006) |
"
Scary Movie 4 is so lazy it's downright boring, something not even a naked Leslie Nielsen (!) can salvage."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted May 6, 2006
|
|
0/5
|
7%
|
Basic Instinct 2 (2006) |
"
[A] garish, deliciously awful sequel."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted May 6, 2006
|
|
0/5
|
9%
|
Stay Alive (2006) |
"
Implausibly tedious, Stay Alive has none of the vicarious thrills of, say, Konami's Silent Hill 2. It's barely even Pong unplugged."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Apr 8, 2006
|
|
0/5
|
9%
|
When a Stranger Calls (2006) |
"
Long distance information? Get me Hollywood, USA: I've got a rusty ice pick to bury in the gullet of whoever greenlighted this pointless exercise."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Mar 4, 2006
|
|
0/5
|
7%
|
Date Movie (2006) |
"
Director Seltzer and his co-writer Jason Friedberg throw everything they can at the audience in the hope of generating laughter, but the only chuckles I heard arose when a screamy, apparently unchaperoned little wild child took a spill."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Feb 23, 2006
|
|
0/5
|
10%
|
Venom (2005) |
"
... even by the logistically malleable standards of the horror genre, Venom lacks even the barest rudiments of the form ..."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Dec 11, 2005
|
|
0/5
|
5%
|
The Fog (2005) |
"
[It] pales in comparison to Carpenter's original fogbanks, some of which were created by optical effects nearly as ancient as filmmaking itself but still vastly more believable than anything seen in this absolutely dreadful and just plain dull remake."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Oct 29, 2005
|
|
0/5
|
6%
|
A Sound of Thunder (2005) |
"
It's somehow refreshing to know that the spirit, if not the flesh, of Edward D. Wood Jr. lives on."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Sep 24, 2005
|
|
0/5
|
6%
|
Supercross (2005) |
"
Part advertisement for Clear Channel's Supercross broadcasts and part hellish miscalculation on the part of the producers."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Aug 28, 2005
|
|
0/5
|
9%
|
The Pest (1997) |
"
Pass that can of Black Flag, hon."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Jun 25, 2005
|
|
0/5
|
16%
|
Eating Out (2004) |
"
It's just too bad it's not still stuck in a plain brown wrapper."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Jun 4, 2005
|
|
0/5
|
1%
|
Alone in the Dark (2005) |
"
It's just the most inept filmmaking you can catch in theatres right now, or probably all year long."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Feb 6, 2005
|
|
0/5
|
4%
|
Darkness (2004) |
"
The kind of monstrous misfire that makes your mind ache and your teeth grind."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Jan 15, 2005
|
|
0/5
|
5%
|
Christmas with the Kranks (2004) |
"
Egregiously mediocre and flagrantly ill-conceived in every department, this is, truly, the cinematic equivalent of finding a single solitary Saltine in your stocking and a pair of old tube socks beneath the tree."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Nov 28, 2004
|
|
0/5
|
10%
|
Taxi (2004) |
"
As dull and dented as a Ford Pinto minus the exploding gas tank."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Oct 19, 2004
|
|
0/5
|
14%
|
Beverly Hills Ninja (1997) |
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Aug 29, 2004
|
|
0/5
|
10%
|
Catwoman (2004) |
"
Utterly devoid of merit, fantastic or otherwise, a more exasperating descent into the feline world is difficult to imagine."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Jul 25, 2004
|
|
0/5
|
18%
|
Soul Plane (2004) |
"
Come fly with me? Thanks, no, I'd rather pay cross-country cab fare."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Jun 5, 2004
|
|
0/5
|
29%
|
The Punisher (2004) |
"
The Punisher is such a bad film that it becomes inadvertently entertaining."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Apr 18, 2004
|
|
0/5
|
26%
|
Never Die Alone (2004) |
"
A misogynistic, dull-witted bore."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Mar 28, 2004
|
|
0/5
|
57%
|
Dirty Work () |
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Mar 16, 2004
|
|
0/4
|
4%
|
House of the Dead (2003) |
"
It's a botched attempt at filmmaking that could easily become a midnight staple along the lines of Showgirls, as aesthetically frazzled as Ed Wood's finest, and as howlingly, inadvertently funny as, well, pick a Sybil Danning movie, any movie."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Oct 12, 2003
|
|
0/5
|
23%
|
Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003) |
"
A complete snooze -- it doesn't even qualify as a nightmare."
—
Austin Chronicle
Posted Aug 31, 2003
|
67%
——
98%
