ROTTEN TOMATOES: Ed Gonzalez

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ED GONZALEZ

""Scooby Doo can do do but Sartre is smartra."--Homer Simpson"

Agrees with the Tomatometer 71% of the time.

Biography: Ed Gonzalez is a freelance writer working out of New York City, or thereabouts. A graduate of NYU, he worked for Cosmopolitan, House Beautiful, and O Magazine before turning to film criticism. His writing has appeared in City Pages, Gay City News, and The Village Voice. He currently serves time as Film Editor and Senior Film Writer at Slant Magazine and Contributing Film Editor at PLANETº. Ed is also a member of the Online Film Critics Society and the New York Film Critics Online.

Publications: Apollo Guide, City Pages, Minneapolis/St. Paul, House Next Door, L.A. Weekly, Los Angeles Times, Slant Magazine, Village Voice

Critics' Group: Online Film Critics Society, New York Film Critics Online

Total Reviews: 2553

Location: Weehawken, NJ

WORST REVIEWED FILMS

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Rating	T-Meter	Title \| Year	Add Date (default)

Rotten 0/4	Rotten 22%	Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009)	" The story is so paper-thin one surmises it was scrawled on soggy toilet paper somewhere" — Slant Magazine Posted Dec 23, 2009
Rotten 0/4	N/A	Stay the Same Never Change (2009)	" Shines a light on an artist's prurient, shamelessly exploitative, and attention-grabbing instincts." — Slant Magazine Posted Mar 27, 2009
Rotten 0/4	Rotten 13%	College Road Trip (2008)	" College Road Trip hurts more than just the eyes and ears, it wreaks havoc on one's humane sensibilities." — Slant Magazine Posted Mar 6, 2008
Rotten 0/4	N/A	A Broken Sole (2007)	" A Broken Sole is a bad movie, worse theater." — Slant Magazine Posted Oct 26, 2007
Rotten 0/4	Rotten 28%	Trade (2007)	" Trade has cojones for trying to lay the kind of political guilt trip it does on us with its sham aesthetics and lurid telenovela-writ-large storyline." — Slant Magazine Posted Oct 19, 2007
Rotten 0/4	Rotten 33%	Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera (2004)	" Like overpriced costume jewelry, this tasteless, soulless contraption is sure to appeal to anyone who owns Celine Dion and Meatloaf albums." — Slant Magazine Posted Dec 11, 2004
Rotten 0/4	Rotten 10%	A Cinderella Story (2004)	" *If some films are made to order, the market-researched A Cinderella Story* has the stretch marks to prove it.*" — Slant Magazine* Posted Jul 12, 2004
Rotten 0/4	Rotten 15%	Sleepover (2004)	" Sleepover will do for tween girls what Max Keeble’s Big Move did for prepubescent boys: get them beat up at school." — Slant Magazine Posted Jul 7, 2004
Rotten 0/4	Rotten 23%	Bad Boys II (2003)	" *Michael Bay’s latest jingoistic fetish film, Bad Boys II, could be the most vile creation to come out of Hollywood since Patch Adams." — Slant Magazine* Posted Jul 14, 2003
Rotten 0/4	Rotten 41%	K-Pax (2001)	" *Tailor-made for the K-Mart sect, K-PAX* is a weepy regression fantasy for the psychologically half-conscious.*" — Slant Magazine* Posted Oct 18, 2001
Rotten 0/4	Rotten 40%	Pay It Forward (2000)	" Sanctimonious drivel." — Slant Magazine Posted May 2, 2001
Rotten 9/100	Rotten 33%	H.O.T.S. (1979)	" *Think Animal House* meets the Revenge of the Nerds and you have the essence of H.O.T.S.’ plot.*" — Apollo Guide* Posted Jul 25, 2001
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 17%	The Last Legion (2007)	" A depressing pageant of bad dialogue, uninspired sword fights, corny getaways, and loads of completely unintentional sexual innuendo." — Slant Magazine Posted Aug 16, 2007
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 7%	Bratz: The Movie (2007)	" *The storyline is almost too easy to rag on, what with its almost complete incoherence and dead-serious evocation of Mean Girls* by way of McNamara's own Raise Your Voice.*" — Slant Magazine* Posted Jul 28, 2007
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 5%	Because I Said So (2007)	" *Welcome to the rom-com in the age of Must Love Dogs." — Slant Magazine* Posted Jan 30, 2007
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 33%	Poseidon (2006)	" Poseidon recognizes and encourages belief in the popular popcorn-movie theory of The Survival of the Whitest." — Slant Magazine Posted May 8, 2006
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 44%	Final Destination 3 (2006)	" A reminder of how low a filmmaker will sink to pander to our most corrupt tendencies." — Slant Magazine Posted Feb 8, 2006
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 35%	Memoirs of a Geisha (2005)	" *More like Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey's Memoirs of a Geisha." — Slant Magazine* Posted Dec 3, 2005
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 6%	Supercross: The Movie (2005)	" A Clear Channel shill." — Slant Magazine Posted Aug 12, 2005
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 6%	Chaos (2005)	" Where's the lesson here? Don't let your kids out of the house? Don't ask for Ecstasy from strange men in the woods?" — Slant Magazine Posted Jul 27, 2005
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 35%	Must Love Dogs (2005)	" *To paraphrase some hackerish blurb I just heard on the shill-y E! network: Must Love Dogs* is in the doghouse.*" — Slant Magazine* Posted Jul 24, 2005
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 52%	Secuestro Express (2005)	" *Immoral and aesthetically bankrupt, Secuestro Express* allows first-time director Jonathan Jakubowicz to exploit and sell out his Venezuelan culture.*" — Slant Magazine* Posted Jul 14, 2005
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 41%	A Hole in My Heart (2005)	" Moodysson doesn’t use this borrowed aesthetic to study what’s on his plate; he’s just out to cause a scene." — Slant Magazine Posted Apr 9, 2005
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 13%	Hide and Seek (2005)	" An elaborate equation consisting entirely of bad horror tropes and trashy psychological symbolism." — Slant Magazine Posted Jan 25, 2005
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 43%	Palindromes (2005)	" Solondz fancies himself a spokesman for the socially oppressed but does to celluloid what future serial killers of the world do to butterfly wings." — Slant Magazine Posted Oct 11, 2004
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 15%	Without A Paddle (2004)	" *Add Steven Brill's Without a Paddle* to that id-grinding pig-pile that includes Sorority Boys and the American Pie films.*" — Slant Magazine* Posted Aug 13, 2004
Rotten .5/4	Fresh 71%	Napoleon Dynamite (2004)	" For those who think there'e nothing funnier than yokels acting like idiots for 90 minutes straight." — Slant Magazine Posted Jun 2, 2004
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 14%	Garfield the Movie (2004)	" *Strictly for those who didn’t want to crawl into the fetal position and die when Shaggy grew breasts in Monsters Unleashed." — Slant Magazine* Posted Apr 19, 2004
Rotten .5/4	Fresh 60%	Saved! (2004)	" This is a film that sees only in black-and-white." — Slant Magazine Posted Apr 15, 2004
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 33%	The United States of Leland (2004)	" Sundance twaddle of the highest degree." — Slant Magazine Posted Mar 1, 2004
Rotten .5/4	N/A	Iron Ladies 2 (2003)	" Queens living on Castro and Christopher streets will lap this up, but isn’t this kind of we-are-family minstrel comedy getting kind of old?" — Slant Magazine Posted Jun 14, 2004
Rotten .5/4	Fresh 75%	House of Sand and Fog (2003)	" *The war between America and the Middle East is in full metaphoric force in Vadim Perelman’s ridiculous eviction melodrama House of Sand and Fog." — Slant Magazine* Posted Nov 26, 2003
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 9%	The Order (2003)	" Blood in. Blood out. Eye roll." — Slant Magazine Posted Nov 25, 2003
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 15%	Gothika (2003)	" Bless Penelope Cruz's Spanish little heart (not to mention her right tear duct) that she can wail a line like “He opened me like a flower of pain” without busting a gut." — Slant Magazine Posted Nov 19, 2003
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 10%	Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003)	" Sans the original's entire creative life force, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that this "prequel" allows the lame gross-out to trump all romantic poignancy." — Slant Magazine Posted Jun 7, 2003
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 8%	Darkness Falls (2003)	" Its unbearably loud and witless disposition conjures images of studio heads wanting to numb young test audiences into submission." — Slant Magazine Posted Jan 18, 2003
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 13%	Ghost Ship (2002)	" *Not only is the film's boo-yah opening sequence derivative of Beck's 13 Ghosts, so are all the music video tableau morts and cheesy one-liners." — Slant Magazine* Posted Oct 21, 2002
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 7%	Dragonfly (2002)	" *Possibly the most maudlin horror film ever made, Dragonfly* spells out its scares and faith-speak as if it were lecturing from atop Mt. Sinai.*" — Slant Magazine* Posted Feb 19, 2002
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 14%	Crossroads (2002)	" *Sexless Britney is also blasé Britney and Crossroads* might as well be a dry-hump through a Baby-Sitters Club book.*" — Slant Magazine* Posted Feb 12, 2002
Rotten .5/4	Rotten 9%	Friday the 13th - Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)	" Director Rob Hedden may have been onto something: From Crystal Lake to Manhattan, the series itself was always drowning in . " — Slant Magazine Posted Sep 25, 2004
Rotten 15/100	Rotten 0%	Delta Force 2 (1990)	" This world, geographically located anywhere between Miami and Bogota, is full of lots of rotting cheese." — Apollo Guide Posted Jun 12, 2002
Rotten 19/100	N/A	A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell (1991)	" This lacklustre effort is a disappointment even to its B-movie predecessors." — Apollo Guide Posted Jul 24, 2001
Rotten 1/5	Rotten 24%	Even Money (2007)	" The story is scarcely grounded in the mechanics of real-world expression." — Los Angeles Times Posted May 18, 2007
Rotten 1/5	Rotten 17%	Dead Silence (2007)	" The movies have always asked us to suspend our disbelief, but Dead Silence demands our ignorance of its own derivations. A conflation of the horror genre's laziest tropes, plot angles and shorthands." — Los Angeles Times Posted Mar 20, 2007
Rotten 1/4	Rotten 49%	It's Complicated (2009)	" The character names are irrelevant as the plot's a hoary, hokey pretense to gather under the stars." — Slant Magazine Posted Dec 22, 2009
Rotten 1/4	Rotten 0%	Bullet in the Head (2008)	" Essentially the equivalent of a news story where the facts are still forthcoming." — Slant Magazine Posted Sep 29, 2008
Rotten 1/4	Rotten 16%	Hounddog (2008)	" *Suggests a Black Snake Moan* origin story as conceived by Blanche Devereaux.*" — Slant Magazine* Posted Sep 14, 2008
Rotten 1/4	Rotten 47%	Towelhead (2008)	" A kissing cousin of Todd Field and Todd Solondz, Ball suffocates audiences with a guttersniping view or suburban life, a Haggassian act of exploitation that misrepresents even the most fundamental modes of human interaction." — Slant Magazine Posted Sep 7, 2008
Rotten 1/4	Fresh 82%	Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008)	" Vicky Cristina Barcelona is basically the most arrogant film of the year, an occasion for Allen to feign interest in challenging heteronormic ideals when all he's doing is advancing a simplified view of female sexual agency." — Slant Magazine Posted Aug 9, 2008
Rotten 1/4	Rotten 28%	The Doorman (2008)	" Jesus, Bruno is so going to blow this guy out of the water." — Slant Magazine Posted Jul 17, 2008

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3.5/4	UpOffsite
3/4	Summer PalaceOffsite
2.5/4	Live and BecomeOffsite
2/4	Alice's HouseOffsite
1.5/4	Cassandra's DreamOffsite
1/4	PricelessOffsite
0/4	College Road TripOffsite

4/4	I Am CubaOffsite
4/4	SiberiadeOffsite
4/4	Inland EmpireOffsite
4/4	The Fall of the House of UsherOffsite
4/4	Pandora's BoxOffsite
4/4	Sir Arne's TreasureOffsite
4/4	RepulsionOffsite
4/4	The Best of YouthOffsite
4/4	The New WorldOffsite
4/4	PickpocketOffsite

ED GONZALEZ

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