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Brian Orndorf

Agrees with the Tomatometer 71% of the time.

Publications:: BrianOrndorf.com , Collider.com , Dark Horizons , DVDTalk.com , eFilmCritic.com , FilmJerk.com , Modamag.com , OhmyNews.com , rec.arts.movies.reviews , Sci-Fi Movie Page
Critics' Group:: Online Film Critics Society

Total Reviews:: 2870

Location:: East Coast

Worst Reviewed Films

Showing 1 - 50 of 2864

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Rating	T-Meter	Title \| Year	Add Date
F	25%	Act of Valor (2012)	" One puppet Matt Damon cameo away from a Team America: World Police sequel. " — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Feb 23, 2012
F	36%	Restless (2011)	" Feels like an Urban Outfitters catalog shoot, boasting two intolerable lead performances from young actors who treat extraordinary trauma as a lazy Sunday afternoon acting school exercise." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Oct 6, 2011
F	72%	The Future (2011)	" Miranda July has a way of making 90 minutes of incessant quirk feel like 30 years on a chain gang. " — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Aug 31, 2011
F	25%	The Change-Up (2011)	" The Change-Up seems to find itself enchantingly mischievous, but brazen desperation chokes the life out of every screen element. It's a lousy, vacant, hostile creation. " — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Aug 7, 2011
F	14%	Problem Child 2 (2004)	" I swear this film plays like a sick joke from the screenwriters, who seem to be throwing anything at director Brian Levant, expecting to be reprimanded or refused." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Jul 5, 2011
F	44%	Bad Teacher (2011)	" Content to beat the same three jokes into a meaty paste, trusting Diaz's appearance will keep eyes on the screen while the film's winded sense of humor is swiftly choked out, never to recover." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Jun 23, 2011
F	7%	Drop Dead Fred (1991)	" An appallingly unpleasant, unfunny, and deeply disturbed motion picture. It's an ear-splitting slapstick comedy for an unknown audience, unifying parents and kids in discomfort with its aggressive movement." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted May 24, 2011
F	11%	Red Riding Hood (2011)	" Truly dreadful...Hardwicke hasn't offered a competent directorial effort to date, with Hood a new low for the filmmaker. Not only is the feature a total eyesore, but one perfectly content to pilfer from a fad." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Mar 9, 2011
F	0%	Nutcracker in 3D (2010)	" I have my theories on the true inspiration motivating the madness here. Something tells me if I bit into the negative, it might taste like whisky, insomnia, and repressed childhood trauma." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Dec 5, 2010
F	25%	Chain Letter (2010)	" A severely muddled, amateur offering, the film is a complete waste of time. There's almost pride in the manner the feature highlights Taylor as arguably the most inept director of 2010." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Oct 1, 2010
F	18%	You Again (2010)	" Fickman, suggesting he might've been asleep during filming, just lets it all drone on and on, until everyone in the ensemble has a chance to damage their career....a baffling, excruciating, cancerous lump. " — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Sep 23, 2010
F	4%	Vampires Suck (2010)	" Generally goes out of its way to be one of the worst, most shamelessly slapdash films of 2010. But I'm sure you already knew that." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Aug 17, 2010
F	4%	Twelve (2010)	" An unsavory piece of dreary, mindless ick from a director who can't seem to get his act together these days. That is, if he ever had an act to begin with. " — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Aug 7, 2010
F	7%	Problem Child (1990)	" The film gets so lost in angry pranks, it forgets to provide a reason why Junior shouldn't be hung from the nearest tree...The worst movie of all time? Problem Child." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Jul 29, 2010
F	——	The 41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall And Felt Superbad About It (2010)	" I promise these will be the longest, most aggressively acrid 74 minutes of your life. Don't give Craig Moss your time or your money. Watch coverage of the BP oil disaster instead. I guarantee it's funnier. " — DVDTalk.com Posted Jul 1, 2010
F	5%	Ghost Dad (1990)	" Just depressing and incompetently assembled, reaching for a madcap mood of paranormal activity that results in one long headache. I now see why Poitier never directed again and Cosby refused another leading role in a feature film." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Jun 28, 2010
F	15%	Sex and the City 2 (2010)	" An atrocious motion picture...makes The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert look like The Remains of the Day. " — BrianOrndorf.com Posted May 25, 2010
F	26%	Why Did I Get Married Too (2010)	" Perry's most obscenely obnoxious, morally bankrupt, and professionally ramshackle film to date. It's appalling in every way, showing a disregard for humankind in a manner that should keep Perry on a therapist's couch, not on a film set." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Apr 2, 2010
F	16%	When in Rome (2010)	" Johnson doesn't know how to sell funny, so he plays everything in the most obvious, siren-wail fashion, deploying an atrocious supporting cast to volcanically ham it up while Bell blinks and fidgets and Duhamel plays confused convincingly" — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Jan 28, 2010
F	——	Smokin' Aces 2: Assassin's Ball (2010)	" Co-hatched and executive produced by Carnahan himself, the filmmaker should hang his head in shame over this cut-rate, slapdash cash-in. It's a ghastly, embarrassing motion picture." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Jan 13, 2010
F	12%	Did You Hear About the Morgans? (2009)	" I'm not sure what entertainment itch Morgans is supposed to scratch, but as an obnoxious, poorly performed, and distastefully executed comedy, it's near the bottom of the barrel for 2009." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Dec 17, 2009
F	18%	Stan Helsing (2009)	" At least the Scary Movie features had a budget and filmmakers with some genre battle scars. Stan Helsing is more Friedberg/Seltzer territory: random, agonizingly desperate, and dripping with laziness." — DVDTalk.com Posted Oct 30, 2009
F	21%	I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (2009)	" If anything positive can come from this film, it might be the mass acceptance of gay marriage across the land. After all, if Tucker Max symbolizes where heterosexuality is headed, perhaps the alternative is worth a shot." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Sep 25, 2009
F	22%	Sorority Row (2009)	" Imagine being trapped inside a pungent shoebox with the over-caffeinated morning shift of Forever 21 while an inept epileptic captures the small talk with a camera he lost the instruction manual for. That's Sorority Row." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Sep 11, 2009
F	——	Van Wilder: Freshman Year (2009)	" Watching a dumb comedy shouldn't feel like a swan dive into a swimming pool filled with razor wire." — DVDTalk.com Posted Jul 27, 2009
F	14%	I Love You Beth Cooper (2009)	" Perhaps Columbus was involved in a hideous car accident recently that left him brain damaged, or maybe tragic senility is creeping up on the 51-year-old filmmaker. I refuse to believe he willingly created something this monstrously unfunny." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Jul 9, 2009
F	——	7-10 Split (Strike) (2009)	" Within the first six minutes of the film there are two fart jokes, and the best actor of the picture? Tara Reid. Consider yourself fully warned." — DVDTalk.com Posted May 29, 2009
F	0%	C Me Dance (2009)	" So relentlessly dreadful it almost needs to be seen to be believed. However, that would require 85 minutes of your time that I cannot recommend be wasted on something as ludicrous and shamefully unprofessional as this movie." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Apr 3, 2009
F	5%	Miss March (2009)	" Without a Friedberg/Seltzer offering this year (fingers crossed), I can wholeheartedly declare Miss March as the worst film of 2009." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Mar 12, 2009
F	42%	The Last House on the Left (2009)	" A banal, insistently juvenile venture that climaxes loudly from its own gaudy sadism, reveling in sexual violence to a blinding degree that spotlights brazen incompetence over any fundamental genre manipulation." — DVDTalk.com Posted Mar 12, 2009
F	22%	Fired Up (2009)	" Man-boys, nubile girls, sporting hijinks, and beloved actor John Michael Higgins in a cameo; one would think with these tools the filmmakers could've invited any reaction from the viewer other than the one they achieve: self-immolation." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Feb 19, 2009
F	26%	Punisher: War Zone (2008)	" A picture of deliberate stupidity and derivative artistry, Punisher: War Zone is so atrocious it makes professional wrestling look like a whimsical afternoon with Shakespeare in the Park by comparison." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Dec 4, 2008
F	11%	An American Carol (2008)	" American Carol reinforces how needlessly divisive our country has become. Certainly there's a better way to say "Yay America!" than this lousy, hopeless movie, easily one of the worst films of the year." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Oct 3, 2008
F	2%	Disaster Movie (2008)	" I'm not sure if Disaster is the worst movie the boys have churned out, but, at this point, that's like asking if a bullet hurts more than a knife." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Aug 28, 2008
F	43%	Death Race (2008)	" The remake takes everything that was imaginative about the original feature and reduces it to an ear-splitting energy drink commercial, topped off with some of the worst filmmaking decisions to be found at the multiplex this year." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Aug 21, 2008
F	33%	Marigold (2007)	" It seems the only thing worse than a faulty culture shock comedy with zero charm is a faulty culture shock comedy with zero charm starring Ali Larter." — DVDTalk.com Posted Jul 29, 2008
F	14%	Day of the Dead (2008)	" It's a pageant of stupidity that hopes gushing wounds and deliberate fanboy-catnip slices of ultraviolent cheese will mask the reality that it's a worthless offering in an increasingly abused genre." — DVDTalk.com Posted Apr 1, 2008
F	16%	Superhero Movie (2008)	" Superhero Movie deserves a special place in the burning fires of Hell, where lazy writing, insipid direction, and an unforgivable eagerness towards bottom-feeding stupidity can roast along with the rest of the spoof genre's recent offerings." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Mar 28, 2008
F	77%	Paranoid Park (2007)	" Paranoid Park confirms that Gus Van Sant is so far up his own artistic anus, it's impossible to take anything he makes seriously anymore...a crisp, white hanky doused with cinematic chloroform pressed tightly across the face." — BrianOrndorf.com Posted Mar 12, 2008
F	3%	Witless Protection (2008)	" Witless Protection is disgusting, racist, clueless, sexist, charmless, unfunny, infantile, mean-spirited, amateurish, and insulting. In other words, it stars Larry The Cable Guy." — DVDTalk.com Posted Feb 22, 2008
F	5%	The Hottie and the Nottie (2008)	" It's a total and complete misfire of intention and execution; an utterly worthless, unfunny sack of pain that doesn't deserve anyone's time or attention." — eFilmCritic.com Posted Feb 7, 2008
F	——	Blonde and Blonder (2008)	" Boy, this is the last time I listen to my penis for movie selection advice...watching Anderson and Richards squirm, shimmy, and squeal their way around this stinker is enough to make one give up on the dream of overinflated, untalented starlets forever." — DVDTalk.com Posted Feb 3, 2008
F	2%	Meet the Spartans (2008)	" OK, I get it now: Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg are agents of Satan himself, and their recruitment video is Meet the Spartans...a new low even for these diseased buffoons." — eFilmCritic.com Posted Jan 25, 2008
F	14%	Blonde Ambition (2007)	" It's easy to hog pile on Jessica Simpson, and certainly "Blonde Ambition" makes a great case to grab a flaming torch and run her out of the acting world for the rest of time. Perhaps if Simpson acted like an adult for once it would be a different story." — DVDTalk.com Posted Jan 21, 2008
F	12%	Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (AVP 2) (2007)	" A vile, joyless, murky, moronic, amateurish, contemptuous, numbing, unintentionally hilarious, and thoroughly diseased motion picture...a middle-finger to the paying crowd." — eFilmCritic.com Posted Dec 25, 2007
F	9%	The Comebacks (2007)	" One of the worst excuses for a mainstream comedy to be found this year...a loathsome filmgoing experience, created by the brain-dead for the brain-dead." — eFilmCritic.com Posted Oct 19, 2007
F	12%	Feel the Noise (2007)	" A horrid excuse for teen escapism...for those who find Hannah Montana too challenging." — eFilmCritic.com Posted Oct 5, 2007
F	66%	Shoot 'Em Up (2007)	" If there's a Hell, an honest-to-God place of eternal torment, Shoot 'Em Up would make the ideal introductory video, promising a lifetime of anguish to come." — eFilmCritic.com Posted Sep 6, 2007
F	20%	Death Sentence (2007)	" It turns out Wan is a legitimately atrocious filmmaker, and Sentence is his Exile on Main St. of awful." — eFilmCritic.com Posted Aug 31, 2007
F	7%	Bratz: The Movie (2007)	" You see, when these barely legal billboards walk down the street in short skirts and porn star makeup, they're just expressing their creativity and livin' life to the fullest. Holla!" — OhmyNews.com Posted Aug 3, 2007

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