Rotten 0/4
| Rotten 0%
| Super Capers (2009) | "
Super Capers doesn't ever come close to justifying its existence." — Slant Magazine Posted Mar 19, 2009 |
Rotten 0/4
| Rotten 18%
| New in Town (2009) | "
Like the odious stepchild of Fargo, New in Town gleefully offers up citizens of rural, snowbound New Ulm, Minnesota as a collection of funny-speaking, Jesus-loving, tapioca-making misfits deserving of nothing less than outright mockery." — Slant Magazine Posted Jan 25, 2009 |
Rotten 0/4
| Rotten 3%
| The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008) | "
For those who find bloody noses and whispered voices bone-chilling, heeeeeeere's The Haunting of Molly Hartley." — Slant Magazine Posted Oct 31, 2008 |
Rotten 0/4
| N/A | Insidious (2008) | "
Insidious baffles from the get-go, but the truly impressive feat pulled off by Jerry Schram's directorial debut is that it manages to become exponentially more incomprehensible as it progresses." — Slant Magazine Posted May 20, 2008 |
Rotten 0/4
| Rotten 8%
| Postal (2008) | "
Having already demonstrated the worst that the horror, action and fantasy genres have to offer, Uwe Boll tries his hand at political/cultural satire with Postal and comes up with something smelling awfully similar to feces." — Slant Magazine Posted May 18, 2008 |
Rotten 0/4
| Rotten 10%
| Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed (2008) | "
For a film about American freedom of expression and the necessity for open dialogue, it's hard to imagine Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed being more one-sided, narrow-minded, and intellectually dishonest." — Slant Magazine Posted Apr 16, 2008 |
Rotten 0/4
| Rotten 9%
| Prom Night (2008) | "
So soul-crushingly vapid it makes one hate high school all over again." — Slant Magazine Posted Apr 11, 2008 |
Rotten 0/4
| Rotten 0%
| They're Just My Friends (2006) | "
So incompetent it should be used by film schools as a manual on how not to make a movie." — Slant Magazine Posted Sep 22, 2006 |
Rotten F
| Rotten 42%
| The Village (2004) | "
It’s hard to care about situations that have been designed only to obscure the ultimate twist." — Lessons of Darkness Posted May 4, 2005 |
Rotten F
| Rotten 4%
| House of the Dead (2003) | "
One of the most astonishingly idiotic pieces of entertainment I’ve ever had the displeasure of sitting through." — Lessons of Darkness Posted May 4, 2005 |
Rotten F
| Rotten 33%
| Battle Royale II (2003) | "
A film in which the heroes are al Qaeda surrogates." — Lessons of Darkness Posted May 3, 2005 |
Rotten D-
| N/A | My Boss's Daughter (2003) | "
Few films are as consistently pathetic." — Lessons of Darkness Posted May 4, 2005 |
Rotten D-
| Rotten 0%
| Troll 2 (1992) | "
It's rare to find a film with such an ignominious reputation actually living up to the hype." — Lessons of Darkness Posted Oct 1, 2007 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 6%
| Old Dogs (2009) | "
So wretched that it should be unceremoniously put down." — Slant Magazine Posted Nov 24, 2009 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 27%
| Splinterheads (2009) | "
Despite positioning itself as a Napoleon Dynamite-style comedy about a spazzy social retard, Splinterheads seems to have misplaced most of its jokes." — Slant Magazine Posted Nov 1, 2009 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 13%
| Labor Day (2009) | "
A promotional film best suited for broadcast in an office lobby." — Slant Magazine Posted Oct 25, 2009 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 0%
| A Beautiful Life (2009) | "
This intertwined tale of people struggling on society's fringe plays like bad community theater." — Slant Magazine Posted Sep 29, 2009 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 22%
| I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell (2009) | "
Underlit and generally shot with an eye toward unattractiveness, Beer in Hell also goes for ugliness in its dialogue." — Slant Magazine Posted Sep 21, 2009 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 9%
| Not Forgotten (2009) | "
Casting its south-of-the-border setting as a dingy, nightmarish hellhole of hookers and red neon lights, Not Forgotten is a feature-length anti-tourism campaign for Mexico." — Slant Magazine Posted Sep 8, 2009 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 9%
| Post Grad (2009) | "
A wretched dramedy about the depths of twentysomething careerist self-absorption." — Slant Magazine Posted Aug 19, 2009 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 20%
| Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) | "
No giant robots urinate on humans in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen." — Slant Magazine Posted Jun 23, 2009 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 11%
| What Goes Up (2009) | "
What Goes Up's point that Americans create icons to fulfill their own screwy needs is made through contrived and nonsensical plotting." — Slant Magazine Posted May 25, 2009 |
Rotten .5/4
| Fresh 61%
| Marley & Me (2008) | "
Hell is Marley & Me." — Slant Magazine Posted Dec 23, 2008 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 25%
| Nobel Son (2008) | "
An absolutely abysmal crime flick." — Slant Magazine Posted Dec 5, 2008 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 13%
| I Can't Think Straight (2008) | "
Homophobia in Muslim families and communities is a topic ripe for exploration, but as its eye-rollingly lame titular pun makes clear, I Can't Think Straight isn't the film to do it." — Slant Magazine Posted Nov 16, 2008 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 7%
| Babylon A.D. (2008) | "
Seems simply like the aftermath of an artistic apocalypse." — Slant Magazine Posted Aug 29, 2008 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 5%
| College (2008) | "
The nadir of homophobic frat-boy humor." — Slant Magazine Posted Aug 29, 2008 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 5%
| 88 Minutes (2008) | "
For sheer silliness, nothing in 88 Minutes tops the fact that Witt's English ex-con husband boasts the ridiculously fanciful name Guy LaForge, presumably because "Fakey McMake-Believe" was already taken." — Slant Magazine Posted Apr 1, 2008 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 4%
| In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2008) | "
Only Uwe Boll would assume that the moviegoing public craved a trashy Lord of the Rings rip-off starring Burt Reynolds and Matthew Lillard, and only he could then manage to make such a potentially riotous endeavor so humorless." — Slant Magazine Posted Jan 20, 2008 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 21%
| Day Zero (2008) | "
Proves that Hollywood doesn't have a monopoly on ponderous, ersatz-thoughtful war dramas." — Slant Magazine Posted Jan 15, 2008 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 23%
| Mad Money (2008) | "
Mad Money opens with the sight of an enormous pile of hundred dollar bills, and that's roughly what it would take to make me once again sit through this dim-witted caper." — Slant Magazine Posted Jan 15, 2008 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 14%
| First Sunday (2008) | "
On the basis of First Sunday, it would seem writer-director David E. Talbert has been keeping close tabs on the creative recipe for success concocted by Tyler Perry." — Slant Magazine Posted Jan 9, 2008 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 0%
| One Missed Call (2008) | "
Takeshi Miike's original 2003 One Missed Call was second-rate techno-phobic J-horror tripe, meaning that Eric Valette's even lousier American remake is something like the next generation of suck." — Slant Magazine Posted Jan 4, 2008 |
Rotten .5/4
| N/A | Valse Sentimentale (2007) | "
Director Voulgaris puts considerable effort into making Valse Sentimentale as aesthetically hideous as possible." — Slant Magazine Posted Mar 24, 2008 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 13%
| The Air I Breathe (2007) | "
A breathtakingly bad Altman rip-off that seems like a wholly unintentional parody of multi-narrative films." — Slant Magazine Posted Jan 13, 2008 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 17%
| Revolver (2007) | "
While it's unclear if this nonsense is propaganda for Madonna's Kabbalah dogma, there's absolutely no doubt that Revolver achieves a higher plane of badness." — Slant Magazine Posted Dec 2, 2007 |
Rotten .5/4
| N/A | Be My Oswald (2007) | "
A miniscule budget is probably at least somewhat to blame for Be My Oswald's dull sets, audio in which voices are drowned out by reverb, and digital video that frequently looks worse than my MiniDV-shot home movies." — Slant Magazine Posted Nov 27, 2007 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 51%
| The Kingdom (2007) | "
Take some notes, Dubya: Jamie Foxx has the anti-terrorism tactics you've been craving." — Slant Magazine Posted Sep 20, 2007 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 6%
| Who's Your Caddy? (2007) | "
A fiasco that never met a crass stereotype it didn't milk for lowest-common-denominator laughs." — Slant Magazine Posted Jul 28, 2007 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 44%
| Hostel: Part II (2007) | "
Outrage and disgust are sure to greet its theatrical arrival, but as its guiding conviction is that horror audiences desire nothing more than predictable schlock bereft of shocks or genuine terror, the chief impression imparted is one of condescension." — Slant Magazine Posted Jun 7, 2007 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 6%
| Deck the Halls (2006) | "
Nothing says Christmas quite like incompetent slapstick, saccharine sermonizing, and cavernous cleavage." — Slant Magazine Posted Nov 19, 2006 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 2%
| Crossover (2006) | "
Just as streetball is a pale version of college or NBA basketball, so too is Crossover a pathetic imitation of an emotionally engaging, professionally made movie." — Slant Magazine Posted Aug 28, 2006 |
Rotten 0.5/4
| Rotten 18%
| RevoLOUtion (2006) | "
A bargain-basement independent which so abysmally examines the cathartic act of confronting personal demons that it inadvertently argues in favor of suppression and denial." — Slant Magazine Posted Jun 9, 2006 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 9%
| See No Evil (2006) | "
As shallow as a toilet bowl and twice as rank as its usual contents." — Slant Magazine Posted May 19, 2006 |
Rotten 0.5/4
| Rotten 15%
| Iowa (2006) | "
Iowa is so stupendously slipshod that even mentioning the classics it vainly attempts to emulate would be to give it too much credit by association." — Slant Magazine Posted Mar 28, 2006 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 4%
| BloodRayne (2006) | "
Less pleasurable than the throbbing bladder pain begat by too much movie theater soda, BloodRayne ably continues Uwe Boll's indisputable reign as the worst filmmaker on the planet." — Slant Magazine Posted Jan 6, 2006 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 44%
| The Thing About My Folks (2005) | "
Like Peter Falk's trifecta of farts, the movie stinks." — Slant Magazine Posted Sep 10, 2005 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 7%
| A Sound of Thunder (2005) | "
What manner of beast might have evolved on Earth had a single butterfly been squashed 65 million years ago? Monkeysaurus!" — Slant Magazine Posted Sep 1, 2005 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 19%
| Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl in 3-D (2005) | "
Sharkboy offers up a piece of sage advice when he remarks, "You snooze, you win."" — Slant Magazine Posted Jun 2, 2005 |
Rotten .5/4
| Rotten 1%
| Alone in the Dark (2005) | "
Saying Uwe Boll’s Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV." — Slant Magazine Posted Jan 27, 2005 |
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