|
0/5
|
9%
|
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005) |
"
Note to Adam Sandler, who co-produced this film: Enough already. For the sake of future generations of moviegoers, we beg you to stop getting movies made for your friend."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Aug 12, 2005
|
|
0/5
|
5%
|
Christmas with the Kranks (2004) |
"
A band of drunken elves working with leftovers from the Island of Misfit Toys could have pieced together a better holiday film than Christmas with the Kranks."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Nov 24, 2004
|
|
0/5
|
27%
|
Anacondas - The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (2004) |
"
How many dopes could a big snake squish if a big snake could squish dopes?"
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Aug 27, 2004
|
|
0/5
|
7%
|
Gigli (2003) |
"
Marriage tip No. 2: Unless desiring to sleep on the sofa with the dog, do not begin discussions of sex with wife by saying, "It's turkey time. Gobble, gobble.""
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Aug 13, 2003
|
|
1/5
|
13%
|
Stealth (2005) |
"
I know I'm your agent, babe, but I gotta come clean with you - maybe picking Stealth as your first movie after Ray wasn't a very good idea."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jul 29, 2005
|
|
1/5
|
33%
|
The Phantom of the Opera (2005) |
"
Right after hearing those bombastic rock opera organ chords, I felt all hope rapidly deflating from my body."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jan 11, 2005
|
|
1/5
|
16%
|
Alexander (2004) |
"
How nice of Uncle Oliver to have brought the turkey."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Nov 24, 2004
|
|
1/5
|
15%
|
White Chicks (2004) |
"
I held out hope that one of the stars from Alien vs. Predator might wander onto the set and devour all of these painfully unfunny people. Now that's comedy! "
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jun 23, 2004
|
|
1/5
|
8%
|
Kangaroo Jack (2003) |
"
Director David McNally, who last inflicted Coyote Ugly on the American public, can't even make the Australian Outback look beautiful."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jan 17, 2003
|
|
1/5
|
43%
|
The Rules of Attraction (2002) |
"
An annoying orgy of excess and exploitation that has no point and goes nowhere."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Oct 10, 2002
|
|
1/5
|
6%
|
The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002) |
"
It's one long bore."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Aug 16, 2002
|
|
1/5
|
30%
|
The Country Bears (2002) |
"
Someone get the tranquilizer gun - The Country Bears needs an early hibernation."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jul 25, 2002
|
|
1/5
|
22%
|
Enough (2002) |
"
At the point Slim decides to run with her little Gracie you may wish to run, too -- from the theater."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jun 3, 2002
|
|
|
75%
|
House of Sand and Fog (2003) |
"
House of Sand and Fog may just be the prettiest house in town, but it could be blown over by a gust of wind because it has a foundation of straw."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Dec 26, 2003
|
|
|
36%
|
Crush (2002) |
"
The dark and bittersweet twist feels strange as things turn nasty and tragic during the final third of the film. First-timer John McKay is never able to pull it back on course."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jun 7, 2002
|
|
1.5/5
|
6%
|
Yours, Mine & Ours (2005) |
"
Watching the turkey in the oven would be more entertaining."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Nov 23, 2005
|
|
1.5/5
|
31%
|
The Longest Yard (2005) |
"
Sets a record of some sort for Meaningless Celebrity Cameos."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted May 27, 2005
|
|
1.5/5
|
39%
|
Sahara (2005) |
"
Sahara falls into quicksand and quickly disappears into the abyss that can only be described as Movie Hell. Only one word can describe this thing, baby: Craptacular."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Apr 8, 2005
|
|
1.5/5
|
26%
|
Blade: Trinity (2004) |
"
Stuff blows up and glass shatters when Blade is in the room. He's like Shaft with worst theme music."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Dec 15, 2004
|
|
1.5/5
|
26%
|
The Princess Diaries 2 - Royal Engagement (2004) |
"
Even the long-awaited Sound of Music coming from Julie Andrews is uninspiring."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Aug 16, 2004
|
|
1.5/5
|
10%
|
Catwoman (2004) |
"
Catwoman has all the appeal of a hairball."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jul 22, 2004
|
|
1.5/5
|
23%
|
Van Helsing (2004) |
"
Drive a stake through the heart of this stinker, quick, and then feed the remains to a pack of werewolves. "
—
Des Moines Register
Posted May 7, 2004
|
|
1.5/5
|
29%
|
The Prince and Me (2004) |
"
A lesson, ladies: Sometimes a frog is just... a frog. Toss this baby back in the pond, sweetheart."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Apr 2, 2004
|
|
1.5/5
|
44%
|
50 First Dates (2004) |
"
Even by the standards of an Adam Sandler film, 50 First Dates feels like heap of recycled garbage."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Feb 13, 2004
|
|
1.5/5
|
37%
|
Sylvia (2003) |
"
If movies were regulated like medications, the label for "Sylvia" would say: "Warning: This film is so depressing it will suck every ounce of holiday cheer from your soul.""
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Dec 19, 2003
|
|
1.5/5
|
48%
|
S.W.A.T. (2003) |
"
S.W.A.T. has more filler than a cheap hot dog, and it's about as tasty."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Aug 8, 2003
|
|
1.5/5
|
18%
|
Trapped (2002) |
"
A predictable, manipulative stinker. The story passes time until it's time for an absurd finale of twisted metal, fireballs and revenge."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Sep 21, 2002
|
|
1.5/5
|
41%
|
The Scorpion King (2002) |
"
By the time The Rock grunts his Schwarzenegger line -- "I've come for the woman . . . and your head" -- you may want to throw a folding chair at the screen. Or at least put him and his enormous biceps in a sleeper hold."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jun 6, 2002
|
|
1.5/5
|
26%
|
Chelsea Walls (2001) |
"
Hawke's film, a boring, pretentious waste of nearly two hours, doesn't tell you anything except that the Chelsea Hotel today is populated by whiny, pathetic, starving and untalented artistes."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jun 6, 2002
|
|
2/5
|
46%
|
Rent (2005) |
"
Get a job for God's sake, people, and bring back some better songs while you're out."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Nov 22, 2005
|
|
2/5
|
36%
|
The Great Raid (2005) |
"
What makes The Great Raid so disappointing is that the heroic moment it depicts deserves so much more."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Aug 12, 2005
|
|
2/5
|
42%
|
Herbie: Fully Loaded (2005) |
"
Like a Dodge K-car with 350,000 miles and a good engine - it gets you from Point A to Point B but the ride isn't much fun."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jul 26, 2005
|
|
2/5
|
15%
|
Smile (2005) |
"
Feels like a school project that has its heart in the right place if not the skills to produce something with depth and emotional heft."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jul 26, 2005
|
|
2/5
|
14%
|
The Honeymooners (2005) |
"
How sweet it is? Uh, no."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jun 10, 2005
|
|
2/5
|
55%
|
Lords of Dogtown (2005) |
"
Skate all day, party all night. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Yawn."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jun 3, 2005
|
|
2/5
|
70%
|
In the Realms of the Unreal - The Mystery of Henry Darger (2005) |
"
Fails to shed much light on this odd, reclusive man or his art."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Apr 15, 2005
|
|
2/5
|
43%
|
Beyond the Sea (2004) |
"
By the time Spacey and his movie mini-me are soft-shoeing in the finale, you'll wonder if your popcorn has been sprinkled with something stronger than artificial flavoring."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jan 11, 2005
|
|
2/5
|
33%
|
What the Bleep Do We Know!? (2004) |
"
It's the New Age hooey that starts to wear thin."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Sep 24, 2004
|
|
2/5
|
21%
|
Resident Evil - Apocalypse (2004) |
"
I don't think there's such a thing as a vegetarian zombie. Or a vegan zombie. Or a fruitarian zombie."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Sep 10, 2004
|
|
2/5
|
43%
|
Latter Days (2004) |
"
The screenplay is efficient to a fault, populated with stock characters."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted May 7, 2004
|
|
2/5
|
34%
|
The United States of Leland (2004) |
"
An exasperating film about teen violence and suburban dysfunction that wears its confusion like a badge of honor."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted May 7, 2004
|
|
2/5
|
4%
|
Godsend (2003) |
"
You wonder if De Niro will ever seriously devote himself to acting again or whether he's going to coast until directors stop casting him."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted May 4, 2004
|
|
2/5
|
32%
|
Mambo Italiano (2003) |
"
The film has a few laughs, but none of the sweetness of My Big Fat Greek Wedding."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Nov 13, 2003
|
|
2/5
|
35%
|
Levity (2003) |
"
Levity surely was made by people who wear lots of black, drink way too much expensive coffee and spend endless hours debating What It All Means."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Aug 2, 2003
|
|
2/5
|
53%
|
Love Liza (2002) |
"
Love Liza is a festival film that would have been better off staying on the festival circuit."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted May 6, 2003
|
|
2/5
|
31%
|
The Hunted (2003) |
"
The story becomes so contrived after 40 minutes that the remainder becomes a chore to watch."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Mar 15, 2003
|
|
2/5
|
42%
|
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003) |
"
The film is based on a very small book of the same name that's illustrated with stick figures. Director Donald Petrie's film miraculously manages to be even less detailed."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Feb 7, 2003
|
|
2/5
|
51%
|
The Man from Elysian Fields (2001) |
"
Hickenlooper seems unsure what he wants his film to be. Is it a mid-life crisis film? Is it a marriage-in-trouble film? Or is it really classy neo-porn lite?"
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Dec 6, 2002
|
|
2/5
|
29%
|
The Other Side Of Heaven (2001) |
"
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this is a Mormon family movie, and a sappy, preachy one at that."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Aug 15, 2002
|
|
2/5
|
22%
|
Joshua (2002) |
"
What would Jesus do if He was a film director? He'd create a movie better than this."
—
Des Moines Register
Posted Jul 5, 2002
|
68%
——
98%
