|
1/4
|
73%
|
Piranha 3-D (2010) |
"
Too much Jersey Shore, not enough piranhas."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Aug 20, 2010
|
|
1.5/4
|
58%
|
Taken (2009) |
"
Women, sit back and accept your victimhood as men abduct you, sell you, and save you amid mindless violence that somehow got a PG-13 rating."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Jan 30, 2009
|
|
1.5/4
|
2%
|
Twisted (2004) |
"
Twisted is so bad I'm embarrassed to have seen it and therefore am a bit ashamed to write even an unkind review."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Jul 2, 2006
|
|
1.5/4
|
33%
|
The Libertine (2006) |
"
This ugly creation uses graphic sex, bad hygiene, mud, diseased features and Depp wetting his pants (we get to see the puddle) to illustrate the perils of hedonism."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Jul 2, 2006
|
|
1.75/4
|
15%
|
The Wicker Man (2006) |
"
...intentionally or not, in reimagining this classic he's created In the Company of Women without the satire."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Sep 7, 2006
|
|
2/4
|
12%
|
The Bounty Hunter (2010) |
"
It's a little sad that in 2010 we still have dated films like this, but some movies are just 'critic proof' comfort food. You know exactly what you are going to get and that's what you pay for."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Mar 25, 2010
|
|
2/4
|
28%
|
The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009) |
"
If they spent more time on the scripts, coaching the actors and finding less distracting hair and makeup, they might earn what they have but don't deserve: the fans' unconditional love."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Nov 21, 2009
|
|
2/4
|
23%
|
The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (2009) |
"
Let's just say it doesn't make me feel like Riverdancing."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Oct 31, 2009
|
|
2/4
|
21%
|
Amelia (2009) |
"
The key to selling a story is making people believe it's real. That's the trouble with Amelia -- I didn't buy a minute of it."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Oct 24, 2009
|
|
2/4
|
7%
|
Whiteout (2009) |
"
What a stiff."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Sep 12, 2009
|
|
2/4
|
34%
|
G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra (2009) |
"
Worst 'blockbuster' of the summer."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Aug 8, 2009
|
|
2/4
|
15%
|
Year One (2009) |
"
Blessed are the cheesemakers? Not this time."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Jun 21, 2009
|
|
2/4
|
51%
|
Observe and Report (2009) |
"
For people disappointed that Paul Blart didn't have more violence, booze, drugs, date rape, f-bombs, 'retarded' insults and full frontal penis shots."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Apr 10, 2009
|
|
2/4
|
42%
|
He's Just Not That Into You (2009) |
"
Girl porn for The Bachelor set."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Feb 8, 2009
|
|
2/4
|
32%
|
The X-Files: I Want to Believe (The X Files 2) (2008) |
"
As bad as the final season of the show."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Jul 26, 2008
|
|
2/4
|
18%
|
The Happening (2008) |
"
M. Night Shyamalan's worst film."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Jun 13, 2008
|
|
2/4
|
16%
|
Jumper (2008) |
"
If not for Jamie Bell, this should've gone straight to video."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Feb 14, 2008
|
|
2/4
|
22%
|
Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (2008) |
"
I laughed harder watching Norbit."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Feb 11, 2008
|
|
2/4
|
24%
|
Awake (2007) |
"
Silly, but fans of Christensen and Alba should be pleased."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Nov 30, 2007
|
|
2/4
|
35%
|
Elizabeth: The Golden Age (2007) |
"
The script is the flowery prose of an overly earnest high school student."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Oct 23, 2007
|
|
2/4
|
11%
|
Perfect Stranger (2007) |
"
(Giovanni Ribisi) throws himself into every part like each is the opening night of Hamlet on Broadway. Here he goes again in Perfect Stranger, a strange little movie that spends most of its time as a straightforward, if silly, cyber-thriller before"
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Apr 19, 2007
|
|
2/4
|
8%
|
Premonition (2007) |
"
It may be a mediocre thriller, but it's a nice drama about rekindling the spark in a dying marriage. If you don't buy that, consider it a 110-minute fashion show, with more clothing changes than Project Runway."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Mar 22, 2007
|
|
2/4
|
16%
|
Turistas (Paradise Lost) (2006) |
"
Don't bother to buy popcorn, the sight of Josh Duhamel's abs and Melissa George's breasts should tide you over until Beau Garrett's pancreas and kidneys show up."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Dec 7, 2006
|
|
2/4
|
11%
|
All The King's Men (2006) |
"
We have a series of beautiful threads weaved together in such haphazard fashion that, despite their potential, form a surprisingly ugly quilt."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Dec 2, 2006
|
|
2.25/4
|
51%
|
Alice in Wonderland (2010) |
"
Tim Burton is the kind of director who probably does come up with six impossible things before breakfast. So it was a surprise to see him produce a film so lacking in joy, innovation and curiosity."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Mar 18, 2010
|
|
2.25/4
|
20%
|
Legion (2010) |
"
It's Terminator plus Dogma times Supernatural as set in a Stephen King novel reinterpreted by someone without a sense of humor or knack for dialogue operating on a low budget. But God help me, I liked it!"
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Jan 28, 2010
|
|
2.25/4
|
75%
|
Capitalism: A Love Story (2009) |
"
Michael Moore preaches to the converted in his least insightful op-ed to date."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Oct 3, 2009
|
|
2.25/4
|
20%
|
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) |
"
The first movie of 2009 to fail my clock test."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Jun 26, 2009
|
|
2.25/4
|
55%
|
Australia (2008) |
"
You don't find many three-hour fairy tale love story war films about race relations featuring the ultra-competitive beef market in northern Australia. For good reason."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Nov 30, 2008
|
|
2.25/4
|
65%
|
Quantum of Solace (2008) |
"
The only thing that's shaken is the camera work and I certainly wasn't stirred by a dang thing. This isn't a Bergman film: Bond can search his soul on his own time."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Nov 14, 2008
|
|
2.25/4
|
9%
|
Bangkok Dangerous (2008) |
"
Pointless vanity project."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Sep 5, 2008
|
|
2.25/4
|
40%
|
Hancock (2008) |
"
Remember Wild Wild West? Well..."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Jul 1, 2008
|
|
2.25/4
|
50%
|
Doomsday (2008) |
"
Even the two fanboys behind me - who almost reached orgasm during the Speed Racer preview - laughed and yelled "What?!" when shown both a gimp and a medieval pit fight."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Mar 15, 2008
|
|
2.25/4
|
37%
|
Rambo (Rambo IV) (2008) |
"
This is the Schindler's List of B-list butchery."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Jan 26, 2008
|
|
2.25/4
|
42%
|
The Golden Compass (2007) |
"
Wanting to appeal to a broad audience %u2014 especially young teens %u2014 is more than fine. It's admirable. But soulful, philosophical 13-year-olds do exist. They do! And they can even handle a religious discussion with lots of words involved."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Dec 11, 2007
|
|
2.25/4
|
51%
|
30 Days of Night (2007) |
"
30 Days is gory, graphic, suspenseful and occasionally nonsensical. But it's a vampire movie and if you're into that genre you'll probably be into this."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Oct 23, 2007
|
|
2.25/4
|
20%
|
The Invasion (2007) |
"
The 1978 version was funny (Donald Sutherland's jokes, Jeff Goldblum's Jeff Goldblum-ness), spooky and unpredictable, with likable characters. This one is just as clinical as a pod person."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Aug 20, 2007
|
|
2.25/4
|
11%
|
Blood and Chocolate (2007) |
"
No effects and no cheese. Even one shot of Olivier Martinez howling at the moon would've been worth my matinee ticket."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Jan 31, 2007
|
|
2.25/4
|
76%
|
Superman Returns (2006) |
"
There's no spark. No life. A chuckle here or there but no romantic tension, no wit, no inspiration."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Jul 6, 2006
|
|
2.5/4
|
72%
|
The Crazies (2010) |
"
Tense. Gross. Gory. Nice shots of Iowa. Nice shots of Joe Anderson as my new favorite Brit-who-roughs-it-up-playing-American. But is it something you're likely to remember 10 minutes after it ends? Nah."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Mar 4, 2010
|
|
2.5/4
|
37%
|
Nine (2009) |
"
In the canon of modern musicals, Nine belongs miles beneath Moulin Rouge, and even Evita and bright, whimsical Mamma Mia."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Dec 31, 2009
|
|
2.5/4
|
83%
|
Avatar (2009) |
"
Breaks technological ground with stunning visuals, but disappoints on story and characters - which still do matter."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Dec 24, 2009
|
|
2.5/4
|
52%
|
The Men Who Stare at Goats (2009) |
"
If I could make a mix tape of scenes from this film I'd watch them repeatedly. But as a whole, it was a missed opportunity. And the ending . . . even Obi-Wan would roll his eyes. Definitely not the droids I was looking for."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Nov 7, 2009
|
|
2.5/4
|
82%
|
Paranormal Activity (2009) |
"
Sorry. The emperor is naked. It was just an OK indie horror film with more shaky camerawork. Is this really the highest standard we can set?"
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Oct 10, 2009
|
|
2.5/4
|
63%
|
Extract (2009) |
"
Where's the flair, Dinkus?"
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Sep 6, 2009
|
|
2.5/4
|
56%
|
Orphan (2009) |
"
It's ... uh ... creepy in that other way."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Jul 25, 2009
|
|
2.5/4
|
68%
|
Public Enemies (2009) |
"
Never mind crime, I'm declaring the nation's first war on hand-held cameras."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Jul 3, 2009
|
|
2.5/4
|
37%
|
Angels & Demons (2009) |
"
The Da Vinci Code, while not a great movie by a stretch, was better and actually offered some interesting characters."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted May 15, 2009
|
|
2.5/4
|
72%
|
Monsters vs. Aliens (2009) |
"
Attack of the 50 Foot Shrug."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Mar 29, 2009
|
|
2.5/4
|
49%
|
Twilight (2008) |
"
This lion didn't fall in love with the lamb, but she's not about to eat it alive either."
—
Seacoast Newspapers (NH/Maine)
Posted Nov 21, 2008
|
68%
——
98%
