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Critics / Kelly Parks
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    KELLY PARKS

    Agrees with the Tomatometer 75% of the time.

    Biography: I began doing stand-up in February, 1991 at the Tuesday Open Mike Night at Laff's Comedy Cafe' in Tucson, AZ. Before that I was an Aerospace Engineer specializing in Space Missions Analysis and Orbital Mechanics (a rocket scientist, literally). I got laid off, had too much free time, failed my gang initiation, so of course I turned to comedy. I worked as a full time, by god road comic from March of 1992 through December of 1997, performing all across the country. I got off the road and settled in San Diego in January, 1998, in order to spend more time with my daughter and to work on spec scripts for TV and movies. I still perform, mostly at the Comedy Store in La Jolla, CA. For the last two years of my road career I worked almost always as a feature, and have headlined two one-nighters (on both occasions, I was invited back to do it again). I taught Comedy Defensive Driving (a 6 to 8 hour class) in Texas (for 2 years) and in California (for 3 months -- the pay sucked).
    Favorites: Aliens, Rounders, Silence of the Lambs, Manhunter, Predator 2, The Andromeda Strain, Star Trek: First Contact, Colossus, Cube, Forbidden Planet, Day of the Dead, Near Dark, Quatermass and the Pit, Tremors, The Thing

    Publications: Feo Amante

    Total Reviews: 207
    Total QuickRatings: 30

    Location: San Diego, CA

    LISTING OF ALL REVIEWS & ARTICLES

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    # a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z
    Results for All Genres
    Showing 1 - 50 of 207
    Previous | Next
    Rating T-Meter Title | Year Add Date (default)

    Rotten
    1/5

    Rotten
    32%

    Terminator Salvation (2009)

    " And have I mentioned the gaping plot holes?"

    Posted May 25, 2009

    Rotten
    3/5

    Fresh
    95%

    Star Trek (2009)

    " Without going into too much detail (to avoid spoilers) let me just say that if you had a mini-blackhole and you wanted to use it to destroy a planet, you do NOT need to drill a hole to the center of the planet first."

    Posted May 25, 2009

    Rotten
    3/5

    Rotten
    43%

    Death Race (2008)

    " I also have to point out that having a navigator and having a character named Frankenstein and a character named Machine Gun Joe are the only things this movie has in common with the original."

    Posted Jan 8, 2009

    Rotten
    2/5

    N/A

    Zombie Diaries (2008)

    " The quality of the acting varies quite a bit in this low budget feature and often the "reality" of someone recording their predicament on handheld video seems violated when things are obviously being filmed for effect."

    Posted Dec 31, 2008

    Rotten
    3/5

    Rotten
    46%

    The Ruins (2008)

    " You feel for these young people as they lose their sense of invulnerability that the young always have and try their best to deal with what seems to be a hopeless situation."

    Posted Dec 31, 2008

    Rotten
    2/5

    Rotten
    20%

    The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

    " Klaatu is here to commit an act of genocide greater than anything Hitler, Stalin or Mao ever dreamed."

    Posted Dec 31, 2008

    Fresh
    4/5

    N/A

    Outpost (2008)

    " The characters are always interesting and worth caring about, the reveal of the Nazi leader was scary but left me with a pleasant humming sensation and the ending was an unexpected choice that worked quite well."

    Posted Dec 3, 2008

    Rotten
    2/5

    N/A

    Silent Rage (1982)

    " John the psycho killer is actually a very scary bad guy. He's merciless and completely silent but seems to enjoy his work."

    Posted Aug 18, 2008

    Rotten
    3/5

    Fresh
    93%

    Iron Man (2008)

    " Alright, I'm done with the nitpicking. The science mistakes and the super simple plot bugged me but not enough to ruin my good time."

    Posted May 5, 2008

    Rotten
    2/5

    Rotten
    19%

    The Invasion (2007)

    " The rest of the movie didn't matter. From then on all I could think about was how unforgivably stupid that scene was. How could that make it through test screenings? How could a just God allow it to exist?"

    Posted Mar 1, 2008

    Rotten
    3/5

    N/A

    Invisible Invaders (1959)

    " I'm a fan of the 50's black and white sci-fi/horror flicks but this is truly a bad one."

    Posted Jan 25, 2008

    Fresh
    5/5

    Fresh
    77%

    Cloverfield (2008)

    " I watched it at a midnight showing, it's now 2:25 A.M., and if I could go see it again right now I would."

    Posted Jan 18, 2008

    Rotten
    3/5

    N/A

    Ultraviolet (1998)

    " The vampires are never seen as especially menacing or murderous and are usually easily dispatched."

    Posted Jan 14, 2008

    Rotten
    2/5

    Fresh
    88%

    The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms (1953)

    " Just for the record, a fathom is equal to six feet so 20,000 fathoms is almost twenty-three miles."

    Posted Jan 1, 2008

    Rotten
    3/5

    N/A

    Gorgo (1961)

    " A cavern would be cut off from this and it's difficult to see how such a closed ecology would be maintained and would provide enough food for very large predators."

    Posted Jan 1, 2008

    Rotten
    3/5

    Rotten
    13%

    Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)

    " All these things add up to a decent sequel that could have used a bit more thought and a different director(s)"

    Posted Dec 28, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    N/A

    Battlestar Galactica: Razor (2007)

    " The lives of these characters are messy and the morality of their decisions far from clear cut. Sometimes they do terrible things because they feel like they must."

    Posted Dec 18, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    69%

    I Am Legend (2007)

    " In other words, they could have had their cool ending and the original very cool ending from the novel combined, for a mega-cool ending that would have been, well, legendary."

    Posted Dec 18, 2007

    Rotten
    2/5

    N/A

    Species: The Awakening (2007)

    " The story often wanders and has a making it up as they went along feel."

    Posted Nov 29, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Rotten
    29%

    Next (2007)

    " It also comes in handy picking up chicks because he can try and see the results of every pick up line until he finds one that works."

    Posted Nov 29, 2007

    Rotten
    1/5

    N/A

    The Thirst (2006)

    " THE THIRST was awful and the committee of writers should hang their heads in shame."

    Posted Oct 19, 2007

    Rotten
    1/5

    N/A

    Zero Population Growth (1971)

    " But if you've been paying attention you'll have noticed that in spite of there being lots more people today, none of the disasters they worried about in the 70's ever happened."

    Posted Oct 4, 2007

    Rotten
    3/5

    Fresh
    82%

    Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea (1961)

    " The science was awful but the drama was compelling and the characters interesting."

    Posted Oct 1, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    92%

    The Host (2007)

    " At this point if you're thinking, "What the hell do I care what some foreign jerkwad thinks of America? I just want to know if it's a good movie!", I'm right there with you."

    Posted Aug 30, 2007

    Fresh
    5/5

    Fresh
    81%

    Serenity (2005)

    " I'm pretty sure my enthusiasm has given me away by now."

    Posted Aug 22, 2007

    Fresh
    5/5

    Fresh
    83%

    Flash Gordon (1980)

    " Like any good mad scientist, Zarkov has a rocket in his lab."

    Posted Aug 22, 2007

    Rotten
    1/5

    N/A

    Firestarter 2: Rekindled (2002)

    " Bad acting, bad writing, bad storytelling, bad little boys and girls who need a good smack in the head."

    Posted Jul 30, 2007

    Rotten
    3/5

    Rotten
    38%

    Firestarter (1984)

    " Is this another member of the long list of bad movies made from Stephen King stories?"

    Posted Jul 30, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    80%

    District B13 (2006)

    " I'm going to make a prediction. There will be more and more movies made about crime and social breakdown in France in the years ahead."

    Posted Jul 20, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Rotten
    40%

    Hell Comes to Frogtown (1987)

    " It's not unintentionally funny %u2013 it is intentionally hilarious and a lot of fun to watch."

    Posted Jul 20, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Rotten
    17%

    Primeval (2007)

    " But what really made me enjoy the story was the unblinking portrayal of a much worse monster: Africa."

    Posted Jul 13, 2007

    Rotten
    2/5

    Fresh
    71%

    28 Weeks Later (2007)

    " The camera is so shaky so much of the time that I had no damn idea what was going on!"

    Posted May 14, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    64%

    The Terminal Man (1974)

    " The doctors put their tuxes on and go to celebrate, intending to continue the experiment the next day. But Harry, who is much smarter than he seems, has other plans."

    Posted Apr 19, 2007

    Rotten
    2/10

    N/A

    Crocodile (2000)

    " This movie drained away an hour and 34 minutes of my life and I feel weak and violated."

    Posted Apr 7, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    92%

    Children of Men (2006)

    " I don't know the right word. I mean, is it still called genocide if people do it to themselves?"

    Posted Apr 7, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    82%

    Death Race 2000 (1975)

    " This is a wacky movie that keeps your attention with a constant stream of violence, nudity and weirdness."

    Posted Apr 7, 2007

    Rotten
    3/5

    Rotten
    54%

    Lifeforce (1985)

    " I just want to mention that a super hot chick walking around completely naked is very distracting."

    Posted Feb 21, 2007

    Rotten
    2/5

    N/A

    The Plague (2006)

    " I don't know why things happened or what it all meant or how what happened resolves anything."

    Posted Jan 4, 2007

    Fresh
    5/5

    Rotten
    56%

    Feast (2006)

    " So what does it all mean? I'll tell you what. This is the best horror movie I've seen in a long time."

    Posted Oct 19, 2006

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    85%

    Slither (2006)

    " Can horrible, gory death be funny? Can seeing someone get split in half and watching their guts spill on the ground make you laugh? Is there something wrong with me, or with you?"

    Posted Oct 19, 2006

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    69%

    Snakes on a Plane (2006)

    " Sometimes bad movies are so bad their badness is entertaining. But when a movie tries to be entertainingly bad on purpose, is it a good bad movie?"

    Posted Aug 21, 2006

    Rotten
    3/5

    Fresh
    63%

    Panic in Year Zero (1962)

    " This movie is bigger on being a how-to-survive-a-nuclear-disaster guide than it is on being a dramatic story."

    Posted Aug 7, 2006

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    100%

    The Call of Cthulhu (2005)

    " This guy knew more synonyms for dank than I thought existed."

    Posted Jun 29, 2006

    Rotten
    2/5

    N/A

    Infection (2004)

    " There are some cool scenes and watching the disintegration of this bad hospital was fascinating at first."

    Posted Jun 26, 2006

    Rotten
    0/5

    Rotten
    20%

    The Brain From Planet Arous (1958)

    " Steve is quickly able to deduce that the odd radiation is coming from Mystery Mountain. I kid you not. Mystery freakin' Mountain."

    Posted Jun 26, 2006

    Rotten
    2/5

    Rotten
    57%

    X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)

    " It's boring, the dialogue is plodding and cliché-ridden, the special effects are sub-par and there are huge, gaping plot holes all over the place."

    Posted May 30, 2006

    Rotten
    1/5

    N/A

    Hollow Man II (2006)

    " A new low, Mr. Slater."

    Posted May 27, 2006

    Rotten
    1/5

    Rotten
    8%

    Ultraviolet (2006)

    " I feel bad. I really wanted to like this movie and I cut it every break I could."

    Posted Mar 7, 2006

    Rotten
    3/5

    Rotten
    50%

    Godzilla: Final Wars (2004)

    " IF you are into Godzilla movies THEN no, it doesn't suck. In fact this is my all time favorite Godzilla movie!"

    Posted Dec 23, 2005

    Rotten
    3/5

    Fresh
    62%

    Demon Seed (1977)

    " Will he be content to use Alfred's many cameras to watch Susan in the shower? Or does he have more sinister plans for her?"

    Posted Dec 5, 2005
    Results for All Genres
    Showing 1 - 50 of 207
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    Best to Worst Sampling

    Best to Worst Sampling

    5/5

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    Offsite

    4/5

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    Offsite

    3/5

    Daredevil

    Offsite

    2/5

    The Sum of All Fears

    Offsite

    1/5

    Godzilla

    Offsite

    -4/5

    Godzilla 2000

    Offsite

    -1/5

    Supernova

    Offsite

    Best Reviewed

    Best Reviewed

    5/5

    Cloverfield

    Offsite

    5/5

    The Incredibles

    Offsite

    5/5

    THX 1138

    Offsite

    5/5

    The Lord of the Rings: The Return of...

    Offsite

    5/5

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    Offsite

    5/5

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    Offsite

    More…

    Worst Reviewed

    Worst Reviewed

    -1/5

    Supernova

    Offsite

    -4/5

    Godzilla 2000

    Offsite

    1/5

    Terminator Salvation

    Offsite

    1/5

    Ultraviolet

    Offsite

    1/5

    A Sound of Thunder

    Offsite

    1/5

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    Offsite

    1/5

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    Offsite

    1/5

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