Critics » Kelly Parks
Kelly Parks

Kelly Parks

""Have you ever tried to pick your teeth up with broken fingers?" ---The Crying Game"

Agrees with the Tomatometer 71% of the time.

Biography:
I began doing stand-up in February, 1991 at the Tuesday Open Mike Night at Laff's Comedy Cafe' in Tucson, AZ. Before that I was an Aerospace Engineer specializing in Space Missions Analysis and Orbital Mechanics (a rocket scientist, literally). I got laid off, had too much free time, failed my gang initiation, so of course I turned to comedy. I worked as a full time, by god road comic from March of 1992 through December of 1997, performing all across the country. I got off the road and settled in San Diego in January, 1998, in order to spend more time with my daughter and to work on spec scripts for TV and movies. I still perform, mostly at the Comedy Store in La Jolla, CA. For the last two years of my road career I worked almost always as a feature, and have headlined two one-nighters (on both occasions, I was invited back to do it again). I taught Comedy Defensive Driving (a 6 to 8 hour class) in Texas (for 2 years) and in California (for 3 months -- the pay sucked).
Favorites:
Aliens, Rounders, Silence of the Lambs, Manhunter, Predator 2, The Andromeda Strain, Star Trek: First Contact, Colossus, Cube, Forbidden Planet, Day of the Dead, Near Dark, Quatermass and the Pit, Tremors, The Thing
Publications:
Feo Amante
Total Reviews:
235
Total QuickRatings:
30
Location:
San Diego, CA

Listing Of All Reviews & Articles

Showing 1 - 50 of 235
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Rating T-Meter Title | Year Add Date
1/5 33% Terminator Salvation (2009) " And have I mentioned the gaping plot holes?" — Feo Amante
Posted May 25, 2009
3/5 95% Star Trek (2009) " Without going into too much detail (to avoid spoilers) let me just say that if you had a mini-blackhole and you wanted to use it to destroy a planet, you do NOT need to drill a hole to the center of the planet first." — Feo Amante
Posted May 25, 2009
3/5 43% Death Race (2008) " I also have to point out that having a navigator and having a character named Frankenstein and a character named Machine Gun Joe are the only things this movie has in common with the original." — Feo Amante
Posted Jan 8, 2009
2/5 —— The Zombie Diaries (2008) " The quality of the acting varies quite a bit in this low budget feature and often the "reality" of someone recording their predicament on handheld video seems violated when things are obviously being filmed for effect." — Feo Amante
Posted Dec 31, 2008
3/5 48% The Ruins (2008) " You feel for these young people as they lose their sense of invulnerability that the young always have and try their best to deal with what seems to be a hopeless situation." — Feo Amante
Posted Dec 31, 2008
2/5 21% The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) " Klaatu is here to commit an act of genocide greater than anything Hitler, Stalin or Mao ever dreamed." — Feo Amante
Posted Dec 31, 2008
4/5 —— Outpost (2007) " The characters are always interesting and worth caring about, the reveal of the Nazi leader was scary but left me with a pleasant humming sensation and the ending was an unexpected choice that worked quite well." — Feo Amante
Posted Dec 3, 2008
2/5 —— Silent Rage (1982) " John the psycho killer is actually a very scary bad guy. He's merciless and completely silent but seems to enjoy his work." — Feo Amante
Posted Aug 18, 2008
3/5 94% Iron Man (2008) " Alright, I'm done with the nitpicking. The science mistakes and the super simple plot bugged me but not enough to ruin my good time." — Feo Amante
Posted May 5, 2008
2/5 20% The Invasion (2007) " The rest of the movie didn't matter. From then on all I could think about was how unforgivably stupid that scene was. How could that make it through test screenings? How could a just God allow it to exist?" — Feo Amante
Posted Mar 1, 2008
3/5 —— Invisible Invaders (1959) " I'm a fan of the 50's black and white sci-fi/horror flicks but this is truly a bad one." — Feo Amante
Posted Jan 25, 2008
5/5 77% Cloverfield (2008) " I watched it at a midnight showing, it's now 2:25 A.M., and if I could go see it again right now I would." — Feo Amante
Posted Jan 18, 2008
3/5 —— Ultraviolet (2001) " The vampires are never seen as especially menacing or murderous and are usually easily dispatched." — Feo Amante
Posted Jan 14, 2008
2/5 91% The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms (1953) " Just for the record, a fathom is equal to six feet so 20,000 fathoms is almost twenty-three miles." — Feo Amante
Posted Jan 1, 2008
3/5 —— Gorgo (1961) " A cavern would be cut off from this and it's difficult to see how such a closed ecology would be maintained and would provide enough food for very large predators." — Feo Amante
Posted Jan 1, 2008
3/5 12% Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (AVP 2) (2007) " All these things add up to a decent sequel that could have used a bit more thought and a different director(s)" — Feo Amante
Posted Dec 28, 2007
4/5 —— Battlestar Galactica: Razor (2007) " The lives of these characters are messy and the morality of their decisions far from clear cut. Sometimes they do terrible things because they feel like they must." — Feo Amante
Posted Dec 18, 2007
4/5 69% I Am Legend (2007) " In other words, they could have had their cool ending and the original very cool ending from the novel combined, for a mega-cool ending that would have been, well, legendary." — Feo Amante
Posted Dec 18, 2007
2/5 —— Species: The Awakening (2007) " The story often wanders and has a making it up as they went along feel." — Feo Amante
Posted Nov 29, 2007
4/5 28% Next (2007) " It also comes in handy picking up chicks because he can try and see the results of every pick up line until he finds one that works." — Feo Amante
Posted Nov 29, 2007
1/5 —— The Thirst (2007) " THE THIRST was awful and the committee of writers should hang their heads in shame." — Feo Amante
Posted Oct 19, 2007
1/5 —— ZPG: Zero Population Growth (1972) " But if you've been paying attention you'll have noticed that in spite of there being lots more people today, none of the disasters they worried about in the 70's ever happened." — Feo Amante
Posted Oct 4, 2007
3/5 82% Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea (1961) " The science was awful but the drama was compelling and the characters interesting." — Feo Amante
Posted Oct 1, 2007
4/5 92% The Host (Gwoemul) (2007) " At this point if you're thinking, "What the hell do I care what some foreign jerkwad thinks of America? I just want to know if it's a good movie!", I'm right there with you." — Feo Amante
Posted Aug 30, 2007
5/5 81% Serenity (2005) " I'm pretty sure my enthusiasm has given me away by now." — Feo Amante
Posted Aug 22, 2007
5/5 82% Flash Gordon (1980) " Like any good mad scientist, Zarkov has a rocket in his lab." — Feo Amante
Posted Aug 22, 2007
1/5 —— Firestarter 2: Rekindled (2002) " Bad acting, bad writing, bad storytelling, bad little boys and girls who need a good smack in the head." — Feo Amante
Posted Jul 30, 2007
3/5 41% Firestarter (1984) " Is this another member of the long list of bad movies made from Stephen King stories?" — Feo Amante
Posted Jul 30, 2007
4/5 81% District B13 (Banlieue 13) (2006) " I'm going to make a prediction. There will be more and more movies made about crime and social breakdown in France in the years ahead." — Feo Amante
Posted Jul 20, 2007
4/5 40% Hell Comes to Frogtown (1987) " It's not unintentionally funny %u2013 it is intentionally hilarious and a lot of fun to watch." — Feo Amante
Posted Jul 20, 2007
4/5 19% Primeval (2007) " But what really made me enjoy the story was the unblinking portrayal of a much worse monster: Africa." — Feo Amante
Posted Jul 13, 2007
2/5 71% 28 Weeks Later... (2007) " The camera is so shaky so much of the time that I had no damn idea what was going on!" — Feo Amante
Posted May 14, 2007
4/5 58% The Terminal Man (1974) " The doctors put their tuxes on and go to celebrate, intending to continue the experiment the next day. But Harry, who is much smarter than he seems, has other plans." — Feo Amante
Posted Apr 19, 2007
2/10 —— Crocodile (2000) " This movie drained away an hour and 34 minutes of my life and I feel weak and violated." — Feo Amante
Posted Apr 7, 2007
4/5 93% Children of Men (2006) " I don't know the right word. I mean, is it still called genocide if people do it to themselves?" — Feo Amante
Posted Apr 7, 2007
4/5 85% Death Race 2000 (1975) " This is a wacky movie that keeps your attention with a constant stream of violence, nudity and weirdness." — Feo Amante
Posted Apr 7, 2007
3/5 57% Lifeforce (1985) " I just want to mention that a super hot chick walking around completely naked is very distracting." — Feo Amante
Posted Feb 21, 2007
2/5 —— The Plague (2006) " I don't know why things happened or what it all meant or how what happened resolves anything." — Feo Amante
Posted Jan 4, 2007
5/5 56% Feast (2005) " So what does it all mean? I'll tell you what. This is the best horror movie I've seen in a long time." — Feo Amante
Posted Oct 19, 2006
4/5 85% Slither (2006) " Can horrible, gory death be funny? Can seeing someone get split in half and watching their guts spill on the ground make you laugh? Is there something wrong with me, or with you?" — Feo Amante
Posted Oct 19, 2006
4/5 68% Snakes on a Plane (2006) " Sometimes bad movies are so bad their badness is entertaining. But when a movie tries to be entertainingly bad on purpose, is it a good bad movie?" — Feo Amante
Posted Aug 21, 2006
3/5 63% Panic in Year Zero! (End of the World) (1962) " This movie is bigger on being a how-to-survive-a-nuclear-disaster guide than it is on being a dramatic story." — Feo Amante
Posted Aug 7, 2006
4/5 100% The Call Of Cthulhu (1969) " This guy knew more synonyms for dank than I thought existed." — Feo Amante
Posted Jun 29, 2006
2/5 —— Infection (Kansen) (2004) " There are some cool scenes and watching the disintegration of this bad hospital was fascinating at first." — Feo Amante
Posted Jun 26, 2006
0/5 20% The Brain From Planet Arous (1957) " Steve is quickly able to deduce that the odd radiation is coming from Mystery Mountain. I kid you not. Mystery freakin' Mountain." — Feo Amante
Posted Jun 26, 2006
2/5 57% X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) " It's boring, the dialogue is plodding and cliché-ridden, the special effects are sub-par and there are huge, gaping plot holes all over the place." — Feo Amante
Posted May 30, 2006
1/5 —— Hollow Man II (2006) " A new low, Mr. Slater." — Feo Amante
Posted May 27, 2006
1/5 9% Ultraviolet (2006) " I feel bad. I really wanted to like this movie and I cut it every break I could." — Feo Amante
Posted Mar 7, 2006
3/5 44% Godzilla: Final Wars (2004) " IF you are into Godzilla movies THEN no, it doesn't suck. In fact this is my all time favorite Godzilla movie!" — Feo Amante
Posted Dec 23, 2005
Showing 1 - 50 of 235
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