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Critics / Kelly Parks / DVDs
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    KELLY PARKS

    Agrees with the Tomatometer 75% of the time.

    Biography: I began doing stand-up in February, 1991 at the Tuesday Open Mike Night at Laff's Comedy Cafe' in Tucson, AZ. Before that I was an Aerospace Engineer specializing in Space Missions Analysis and Orbital Mechanics (a rocket scientist, literally). I got laid off, had too much free time, failed my gang initiation, so of course I turned to comedy. I worked as a full time, by god road comic from March of 1992 through December of 1997, performing all across the country. I got off the road and settled in San Diego in January, 1998, in order to spend more time with my daughter and to work on spec scripts for TV and movies. I still perform, mostly at the Comedy Store in La Jolla, CA. For the last two years of my road career I worked almost always as a feature, and have headlined two one-nighters (on both occasions, I was invited back to do it again). I taught Comedy Defensive Driving (a 6 to 8 hour class) in Texas (for 2 years) and in California (for 3 months -- the pay sucked).
    Favorites: Aliens, Rounders, Silence of the Lambs, Manhunter, Predator 2, The Andromeda Strain, Star Trek: First Contact, Colossus, Cube, Forbidden Planet, Day of the Dead, Near Dark, Quatermass and the Pit, Tremors, The Thing

    Publications: Feo Amante

    Total Reviews: 207
    Total QuickRatings: 30

    Location: San Diego, CA

    DVD REVIEWS ONLY

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    • Worst
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    Rating T-Meter Title | Year Add Date (default)

    Rotten
    3/5

    Rotten
    43%

    Death Race (2008)

    " I also have to point out that having a navigator and having a character named Frankenstein and a character named Machine Gun Joe are the only things this movie has in common with the original."

    Posted Jan 8, 2009

    Rotten
    2/5

    N/A

    Zombie Diaries (2008)

    " The quality of the acting varies quite a bit in this low budget feature and often the "reality" of someone recording their predicament on handheld video seems violated when things are obviously being filmed for effect."

    Posted Dec 31, 2008

    Rotten
    3/5

    Rotten
    46%

    The Ruins (2008)

    " You feel for these young people as they lose their sense of invulnerability that the young always have and try their best to deal with what seems to be a hopeless situation."

    Posted Dec 31, 2008

    Fresh
    4/5

    N/A

    Outpost (2008)

    " The characters are always interesting and worth caring about, the reveal of the Nazi leader was scary but left me with a pleasant humming sensation and the ending was an unexpected choice that worked quite well."

    Posted Dec 3, 2008

    Rotten
    2/5

    N/A

    Silent Rage (1982)

    " John the psycho killer is actually a very scary bad guy. He's merciless and completely silent but seems to enjoy his work."

    Posted Aug 18, 2008

    Rotten
    2/5

    Rotten
    19%

    The Invasion (2007)

    " The rest of the movie didn't matter. From then on all I could think about was how unforgivably stupid that scene was. How could that make it through test screenings? How could a just God allow it to exist?"

    Posted Mar 1, 2008

    Rotten
    3/5

    N/A

    Invisible Invaders (1959)

    " I'm a fan of the 50's black and white sci-fi/horror flicks but this is truly a bad one."

    Posted Jan 25, 2008

    Rotten
    3/5

    N/A

    Ultraviolet (1998)

    " The vampires are never seen as especially menacing or murderous and are usually easily dispatched."

    Posted Jan 14, 2008

    Rotten
    2/5

    Fresh
    88%

    The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms (1953)

    " Just for the record, a fathom is equal to six feet so 20,000 fathoms is almost twenty-three miles."

    Posted Jan 1, 2008

    Rotten
    3/5

    N/A

    Gorgo (1961)

    " A cavern would be cut off from this and it's difficult to see how such a closed ecology would be maintained and would provide enough food for very large predators."

    Posted Jan 1, 2008

    Fresh
    4/5

    N/A

    Battlestar Galactica: Razor (2007)

    " The lives of these characters are messy and the morality of their decisions far from clear cut. Sometimes they do terrible things because they feel like they must."

    Posted Dec 18, 2007

    Rotten
    2/5

    N/A

    Species: The Awakening (2007)

    " The story often wanders and has a making it up as they went along feel."

    Posted Nov 29, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Rotten
    29%

    Next (2007)

    " It also comes in handy picking up chicks because he can try and see the results of every pick up line until he finds one that works."

    Posted Nov 29, 2007

    Rotten
    1/5

    N/A

    The Thirst (2006)

    " THE THIRST was awful and the committee of writers should hang their heads in shame."

    Posted Oct 19, 2007

    Rotten
    1/5

    N/A

    Zero Population Growth (1971)

    " But if you've been paying attention you'll have noticed that in spite of there being lots more people today, none of the disasters they worried about in the 70's ever happened."

    Posted Oct 4, 2007

    Rotten
    3/5

    Fresh
    82%

    Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea (1961)

    " The science was awful but the drama was compelling and the characters interesting."

    Posted Oct 1, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    92%

    The Host (2007)

    " At this point if you're thinking, "What the hell do I care what some foreign jerkwad thinks of America? I just want to know if it's a good movie!", I'm right there with you."

    Posted Aug 30, 2007

    Fresh
    5/5

    Fresh
    81%

    Serenity (2005)

    " I'm pretty sure my enthusiasm has given me away by now."

    Posted Aug 22, 2007

    Fresh
    5/5

    Fresh
    83%

    Flash Gordon (1980)

    " Like any good mad scientist, Zarkov has a rocket in his lab."

    Posted Aug 22, 2007

    Rotten
    1/5

    N/A

    Firestarter 2: Rekindled (2002)

    " Bad acting, bad writing, bad storytelling, bad little boys and girls who need a good smack in the head."

    Posted Jul 30, 2007

    Rotten
    3/5

    Rotten
    38%

    Firestarter (1984)

    " Is this another member of the long list of bad movies made from Stephen King stories?"

    Posted Jul 30, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    80%

    District B13 (2006)

    " I'm going to make a prediction. There will be more and more movies made about crime and social breakdown in France in the years ahead."

    Posted Jul 20, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Rotten
    40%

    Hell Comes to Frogtown (1987)

    " It's not unintentionally funny %u2013 it is intentionally hilarious and a lot of fun to watch."

    Posted Jul 20, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Rotten
    17%

    Primeval (2007)

    " But what really made me enjoy the story was the unblinking portrayal of a much worse monster: Africa."

    Posted Jul 13, 2007

    Rotten
    2/10

    N/A

    Crocodile (2000)

    " This movie drained away an hour and 34 minutes of my life and I feel weak and violated."

    Posted Apr 7, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    92%

    Children of Men (2006)

    " I don't know the right word. I mean, is it still called genocide if people do it to themselves?"

    Posted Apr 7, 2007

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    82%

    Death Race 2000 (1975)

    " This is a wacky movie that keeps your attention with a constant stream of violence, nudity and weirdness."

    Posted Apr 7, 2007

    Rotten
    3/5

    Rotten
    54%

    Lifeforce (1985)

    " I just want to mention that a super hot chick walking around completely naked is very distracting."

    Posted Feb 21, 2007

    Rotten
    2/5

    N/A

    The Plague (2006)

    " I don't know why things happened or what it all meant or how what happened resolves anything."

    Posted Jan 4, 2007

    Fresh
    5/5

    Rotten
    56%

    Feast (2006)

    " So what does it all mean? I'll tell you what. This is the best horror movie I've seen in a long time."

    Posted Oct 19, 2006

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    85%

    Slither (2006)

    " Can horrible, gory death be funny? Can seeing someone get split in half and watching their guts spill on the ground make you laugh? Is there something wrong with me, or with you?"

    Posted Oct 19, 2006

    Rotten
    3/5

    Fresh
    63%

    Panic in Year Zero (1962)

    " This movie is bigger on being a how-to-survive-a-nuclear-disaster guide than it is on being a dramatic story."

    Posted Aug 7, 2006

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    100%

    The Call of Cthulhu (2005)

    " This guy knew more synonyms for dank than I thought existed."

    Posted Jun 29, 2006

    Rotten
    2/5

    N/A

    Infection (2004)

    " There are some cool scenes and watching the disintegration of this bad hospital was fascinating at first."

    Posted Jun 26, 2006

    Rotten
    0/5

    Rotten
    20%

    The Brain From Planet Arous (1958)

    " Steve is quickly able to deduce that the odd radiation is coming from Mystery Mountain. I kid you not. Mystery freakin' Mountain."

    Posted Jun 26, 2006

    Rotten
    1/5

    N/A

    Hollow Man II (2006)

    " A new low, Mr. Slater."

    Posted May 27, 2006

    Rotten
    3/5

    Rotten
    50%

    Godzilla: Final Wars (2004)

    " IF you are into Godzilla movies THEN no, it doesn't suck. In fact this is my all time favorite Godzilla movie!"

    Posted Dec 23, 2005

    Rotten
    3/5

    Fresh
    62%

    Demon Seed (1977)

    " Will he be content to use Alfred's many cameras to watch Susan in the shower? Or does he have more sinister plans for her?"

    Posted Dec 5, 2005

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    90%

    Westworld (1973)

    " It's like Star Trek's holodeck, except with basically realistic technology instead of magical force fields."

    Posted Aug 15, 2005

    Rotten
    2/5

    N/A

    Cube Zero (2004)

    " Why add changes that don't mesh with the original?"

    Posted Aug 2, 2005

    Fresh
    4/5

    Fresh
    65%

    Time of the Wolf (2003)

    " Okay, yeah, it's a French movie. But the French aren't all bad. Read 'Anti-Americanism' by Jean Francois Revel to see what I mean."

    Posted Jul 4, 2005

    Rotten
    2/5

    Fresh
    100%

    King of the Ants (2004)

    " I so wanted to like this movie. But the mess of an ending was really annoying..."

    Posted Jul 4, 2005

    Rotten
    1/5

    N/A

    Deep Evil ()

    " Most of these scenes are so poorly lit (or inexplicably filled with fog) that it's hard to tell who got killed how."

    Posted Jun 25, 2005

    Rotten
    3/5

    Fresh
    83%

    Kiss of the Vampire (1962)

    " Can Gerald and Professor Zimmer rescue Marianne? I can't tell you that but I what I can tell you is, for its kind, this is a decent horror flick."

    Posted Jun 16, 2005

    Rotten
    3/5

    N/A

    Decoys (2004)

    " It has no illusions of grandeur, understanding that it's a silly B sci-fi flick with lots of gratuitous nudity."

    Posted Jun 3, 2005

    Rotten
    -2/5

    N/A

    Frankenfish (2004)

    " So we've got a whole bunch of people living deep in the Louisiana swamp...and yet not one of them has a Cajun accent!"

    Posted May 23, 2005

    Rotten
    3/5

    Rotten
    40%

    Gargoyles (1972)

    " This is a very low budget B monster flick from the 70's, after all. Cut it some slack and the story will entertain you."

    Posted May 18, 2005

    Rotten
    -3/5

    N/A

    Zombie Lake (1980)

    " I did enjoy the gratuitous nudity, especially when a van full of girl soccer players pulls up at the lake so they can all go for a naked swim."

    Posted Mar 18, 2005

    Rotten
    3/5

    N/A

    Shock Waves (1977)

    " Will Peter Cushing's appearance later this same year in Star Wars revitalize his career?"

    Posted Mar 18, 2005

    Rotten
    -1/5

    Rotten
    33%

    Species III (2004)

    " Speaking of nudity, I have to wonder why the accelerated alien growth process left her with obviously fake boobs."

    Posted Dec 15, 2004
     
     
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