|
A
|
69%
|
Les Misérables (2012) |
"
Judging from the title I expected Les Miserables to be in French - so imagine my delight when I realized that this was the corner of Paris where every peasant in Britain lives! Chez blimey!"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Dec 24, 2012
|
|
A
|
92%
|
Skyfall (2012) |
"
'Wait a minute, did I just walk in on The Man with the Golden Groin?' asks Bond. 'I was going for Thunderballs,' says Bardem, 'but let's settle on yours!'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 11, 2012
|
|
A
|
87%
|
The Dark Knight Rises (2012) |
"
Fueled by a diet of oxygen garnished with hydrogen, Anne Hathaway slices through bad guys like paper through rock and scissors. 'Wilst thou grant me one Tic Tac, O grumbling gut!'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 21, 2012
|
|
A
|
79%
|
The Grey (2012) |
"
'I don't see this movie ending well,' said a member of Liam's tribe, 'unless the wolves start talking to each other with the voices of Ian McKellen and Jeremy Irons.'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 30, 2012
|
|
A
|
96%
|
True Grit (2010) |
"
'Is your every utterance to be indecipherable, Marshall? Your vocalizations are less words than outhouse rumbles after overconsumption of whisky and chicken wings. Does your throat retain an unfortunate tumbleweed?'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 2, 2011
|
|
A
|
68%
|
Shutter Island (2010) |
"
'I don't know who #67 is,' said Leo, 'but more than one Sports Illustrated cover model has closed my case-file on #69.'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Feb 21, 2010
|
|
A
|
91%
|
Up in the Air (2009) |
"
George Clooney knows all the travel secrets, all right. And not just the ones he uses to bypass every woman's homeland security."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Dec 12, 2009
|
|
A
|
91%
|
District 9 (2009) |
"
District 9 is a cautionary tale about man's inhumanity to aliens, especially those aliens who are high in cholesterol."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Aug 15, 2009
|
|
A+
|
95%
|
Star Trek (2009) |
"
The average Star Trek fan is fatter than a Mugatu. And I mean the kind of Mugatu that just ate a family of Mugatus. Hey, fella, is that your mouth or the Doomsday Machine?"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted May 3, 2009
|
|
A
|
94%
|
The Dark Knight (2008) |
"
At one point, all of Gotham believes that Aaron Eckhart is Batman. Indie-man, maybe. Or Blonde with Split Chin-man. But I'd sooner believe that Val Kilmer is Batman. And what are the odds of that?"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 21, 2008
|
|
A
|
94%
|
The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) |
"
The pouty stylings of Julia Stiles, whose cherubic face looks less at home in the spy biz than in the business of shooting arrows at would-be lovers."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Aug 6, 2007
|
|
A
|
63%
|
Spider-Man 3 (2007) |
"
Once you go black, you DO go back!"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Apr 27, 2007
|
|
A
|
62%
|
Blood Diamond (2006) |
"
Connelly is an American reporter who looks much less like an American reporter than like Jennifer Connelly pretending to be an American reporter who knows she looks more like Jennifer Connelly than any American reporter ever will."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Dec 11, 2006
|
|
A
|
76%
|
The Prestige (2006) |
"
Marvel as I take a page from the U.S. government and snap my fingers to create a 700 mile fence around Scarlett Johansson's cleavage. Yes, that would leave 350 miles of bosom unprotected, but we must all sacrifice for our art."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 22, 2006
|
|
A
|
76%
|
Superman Returns (2006) |
"
In a moment of near-romance, Lois hugs Clark: 'I forgot how warm you are,' she says. 'And I forgot I don't have a bulge,' he replied. 'That makes one of us,' said Lois."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jun 25, 2006
|
|
A
|
70%
|
Mission: Impossible III (2006) |
"
'Something has gone up my nose,' Cruise says, 'and if it explodes I'm dead!' 'That happened to Lindsay Lohan,' said Ving Rhames, 'but it just made her peppy and skinny.'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted May 7, 2006
|
|
A
|
84%
|
King Kong (2005) |
"
Kong whips Naomi about with enough fury to induce whiplash. Said Brody: "I've heard of shaken baby syndrome, but this baby's head is about to fly off like a pebble in a slingshot!""
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Dec 18, 2005
|
|
A
|
88%
|
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005) |
"
The ball is coming. It's a 'night of well-mannered frivolity,' as Maggie Smith puts it, 'much like the splendidly impetuous time I had with Harry Hamlin in Clash of the Titans.'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 21, 2005
|
|
A+
|
93%
|
Spider-Man 2 (2004) |
"
Sam Raimi, Sam Raimi. Movie auteur and fan Raimi. Spins a tale, any size. Even makes James Franco look wise. Look Out! Here comes that Sam Raimi."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jun 30, 2004
|
|
A
|
60%
|
The Terminal (2004) |
"
Only on a concourse can a Sbarro franchise boast: 'When it's got to be good enough to be between Gates 16 and 17.'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jun 14, 2004
|
|
A
|
94%
|
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) |
"
'We must ride light and swift,' says King Theoden. 'Pack a man-bag, everybody,' suggests a helpful Legolas. 'Chain mail is the new black,' he adds."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Dec 10, 2003
|
|
A
|
85%
|
Kill Bill: Volume 1 (2003) |
"
Uma and her foes were once on the same side. They were the "Deadly Viper Assassination Squad," or D.I.V.A.S. In a fit of me-too inspiration, the powers-that-be over at the Playboy mansion formed their own death squad: "Women Hefner Owns Rarely Enjoy Se"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 10, 2003
|
|
4/4
|
77%
|
Seabiscuit (2003) |
"
Ten horses played Seabiscuit throughout this movie, and coincidentally twelve actors played Chris Cooper!"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 29, 2003
|
|
4/4
|
23%
|
Bad Boys II (2003) |
"
You won't find chemistry better than this if you searched Tommy Lee's entire underwear drawer."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 16, 2003
|
|
4/4
|
87%
|
X2: X-Men United (2003) |
"
"I'm gonna go get the jet ready," says Halle Berry as "Storm." Get the jet ready!? What exactly was she intending to do? Hang some jackets in first class? Restock the onboard Revlon products?"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted May 3, 2003
|
|
4/4
|
96%
|
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) |
"
'The time of the Elves is nearly over,' warns the Elf leader. 'Soon, there will be no one to bake the Keeblers. No one to laugh at Margaret Cho.'"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Dec 11, 2002
|
|
4/4
|
83%
|
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) |
"
These Potter kids have grown up a lot in one year. At this rate, their next adventure will be Harry Potter and the Octogenarian's Enlarged Prostate."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 17, 2002
|
|
4/4
|
92%
|
Minority Report (2002) |
"
All goes well until Tom's balls pop out. Is this a setup or just a gratuitous mental image?"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jun 20, 2002
|
|
A-
|
79%
|
The Innkeepers (2012) |
"
Interview with Director/Writer Ti West. I liked this movie!"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Apr 23, 2012
|
|
A-
|
85%
|
The Hunger Games (2012) |
"
The Hunger Games features names that are like color palette rejects at the Dior counter."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Mar 25, 2012
|
|
A-
|
77%
|
War Horse (2011) |
"
War Horse is the kind of evergreen holiday movie that will play annually on TV like Judy Garland in Easter Parade - except with dead horses and poison gas."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jan 7, 2012
|
|
A-
|
93%
|
Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol (2011) |
"
Something goes wrong and the entire Kremlin blows up. 'The wattage of my smile has overpowered the antiquated Russian electrical grid,' explained Tom."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Dec 27, 2011
|
|
A-
|
96%
|
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2 (2011) |
"
'The wand chooses the wizard,' says John Hurt, whose own wand hasn't made any choices since its scaffolding collapsed after Bea Arthur died."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 18, 2011
|
|
A-
|
62%
|
Salt (2010) |
"
So Angie disguises herself as Mario Cantone for whom the White House evidently has an open door policy. 'Some White Houses are more Chris Noth, others are more Mario Cantone,' explained the helpful White House gate guard as he ushered the Salahis and thei"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 26, 2010
|
|
A-
|
87%
|
Hellboy II: The Golden Army (Hellboy 2) (2008) |
"
'Hey, Selma Blair's in this movie!' said Abe Sapien. 'Yeah, I forgot, too.' said Hellboy. 'Not only did I forget she was in this movie, I forgot she even existed,' said Sapien. 'Me too!' replied Hellboy."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 15, 2008
|
|
A-
|
64%
|
The Forbidden Kingdom (2008) |
"
'Blue eyeshadow went out in the 1280's!' Jet Li shouts at the Jade Warlord"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Apr 22, 2008
|
|
A-
|
70%
|
I Am Legend (2007) |
"
Thanks to the botched cancer cure, 'social de-evolution has occurred,' says Will. 'And typical human behavior is now entirely absent.' In other words, it's another night on the town with Lindsay Lohan!"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Dec 21, 2007
|
|
A-
|
71%
|
Beowulf (2007) |
"
Says the Queen, 'There have been many brave men who have come to taste my Lord's meat.''I shall not touch that one with a 3D ten foot pole, m'Lady,' said Beowulf."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 18, 2007
|
|
A-
|
80%
|
American Gangster (2007) |
"
Russell is, indeed, a cop. And, miraculously, he works for the same police sergeant that Monk works for two thousand miles and 37 years away! How can that be?!"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 8, 2007
|
|
A-
|
51%
|
30 Days of Night (2007) |
"
Danny Huston is the vampire leader. Who knew that vampires look like traveling salesmen, belly up to the bar at the Holiday Inn by the highway in Poughkeepsie? 'It's time to sink my teeth into a free breakfast buffet,' says Danny."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 20, 2007
|
|
A-
|
85%
|
The Descent (2006) |
"
In America, the only reason six girlfriends would enter a cave would be to find reliable day care."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Aug 7, 2006
|
|
A-
|
82%
|
Serenity (2005) |
"
Said Joss Whedon: "One time my cat spit up and Universal bought the treatment. They'd film the phone book if only they could find the action sequence.""
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 13, 2005
|
|
A-
|
82%
|
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) |
"
Oompa loompa doompadee doo, our bougie moves fit on MTV2 "
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 18, 2005
|
|
A-
|
80%
|
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith 3D (2013) |
"
As every fan is well aware, Natalie Portman is destined to reveal her twins, and not the twins we were all hoping to see, if you know what I mean."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted May 22, 2005
|
|
A-
|
78%
|
Sin City (2005) |
"
Jessica Alba is the kind of dame you want to swing with, even if it's by a grimy rope from a tree."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Apr 4, 2005
|
|
A-
|
83%
|
Finding Neverland (2004) |
"
Bomb-sniffing dogs have checked the theater and declared it safe for the kind of old world luxury that sees more action at Miramax than Harvey Weinstein's napkin at Nobu."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Nov 12, 2004
|
|
A-
|
81%
|
The Bourne Supremacy (2004) |
"
Have you noticed that the older he gets, the more Matt Damon resembles Ray Liotta? 'It's essential preparation for my remake of Operation Dumbo Drop,' notes Matt."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Jul 21, 2004
|
|
A-
|
80%
|
Miracle (2004) |
"
While this upset was unquestionably a great achievement, it's only a 'miracle' if it's accompanied by the image of the Blessed Virgin on the Zamboni, if you ask me."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Feb 8, 2004
|
|
A-
|
85%
|
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003) |
"
It's 1805. Napoleon is master of Europe and Russell Crowe is master of the dessert tray"
—
MovieJuice!
Posted Oct 31, 2003
|
|
B+
|
77%
|
Thor (2011) |
"
I knew there was a planet of Frost Giants, but I always assumed the neighboring planet of Heat Misers would keep them in check."
—
MovieJuice!
Posted May 6, 2011
|
78%
——
——
85%
45%
40%
