Critics » Mike Ward » Rotten
Mike Ward

Mike Ward

Agrees with the Tomatometer 76% of the time.

Biography:
I'm a feelance film critic for Richmond.com and inRich.com, and have been reviewing movies for them since 2001.
Publications:
Richmond.com
Total Reviews:
354
Location:
Richmond, VA

Worst Reviewed Films

Showing 1 - 50 of 354
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Rating T-Meter Title | Year Add Date
0/4 36% Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011) " Michael Bay's third "Transformers" installment in four years is a rambling mess of bastardized news reel footage, over-stylized CGI talking toy jousts, and light-hearted scenes with the comedic timing of Dick Cheney's pacemaker." — Richmond.com
Posted Jul 2, 2011
0/4 30% The Warrior's Way (2010) " Your first clue that you're about to see the worst flick of 2010 is the TWO Nicholas Cage trailers you endure before the movie even starts. " — Richmond.com
Posted Dec 6, 2010
0/4 9% Grown Ups (2010) " The good news for Adam Sandler is that people may finally stop razzing him about "Little Nicky." The bad news is that any dramatic street cred he may have built up with "Punch-Drunk Love" or even "Funny People" will be as forgotten as Hitler's penmanship." — Richmond.com
Posted Jun 24, 2010
0/4 20% Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009) " I'd rather listen to Mr. Roboto on a loop for 150 minutes than watch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen again." — Richmond.com
Posted Jun 25, 2009
0/4 19% Obsessed (2009) " I hope Jay-Z doesn't add me to his hit list for saying this, right below Chris Brown, but his wife can't act worth a damn when she doesn't get to sing." — Richmond.com
Posted Apr 27, 2009
2/54 66% The Karate Kid (2010) " Rooting against The Karate Kid sequel is easier than rooting against an ex on a game show poised to win a yacht that will likely be christened, "(Your name) sucks."" — Richmond.com
Posted Jun 11, 2010
1/4 84% The Tree of Life (2011) " I admire The Tree of Life - in the same way I admire the white-haired lady in the Guinness Book of World Records with 28-foot fingernails. By the way, after "The Tree of Life," you'll probably have to cut your nails, just saying." — Richmond.com
Posted Jun 18, 2011
1/4 35% Battle: Los Angeles (2011) " Alien invasion flick "Battle: Los Angeles" is basically a $100,000,000 recruitment video for the Marines that will help the Corps fill its ranks with gawky gamers who like laughably bad movies. Semper sigh." — Richmond.com
Posted Mar 11, 2011
1/4 10% Little Fockers (2010) " I'm guessing there will be a fourth and a fifth "Meet the Parents" sequel: "Stepfockers," and "Tween Fockers" or maybe even "As Long as She's Your Second Cousin, You Can Still Focker." Who knows, or cares." — Richmond.com
Posted Dec 26, 2010
1/4 6% The Last Airbender (2010) " The trunk of my car is filled with busted 3D glasses and broken dreams of summer movie bliss. But that's not as bad as what's in the trunk of a Paramount Pictures bigwig: A bound and gagged Shyamalan, who's about to have $150 million beat from him." — Richmond.com
Posted Jul 2, 2010
1/4 15% A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) " The movie takes itself way too seriously, like a Medieval Times waiter acting scared of a cell phone." — Richmond.com
Posted May 3, 2010
1/4 28% Clash of the Titans (2010) " The Clash of the Titans remake is the most embarrassing black eye for Greeks since the short-lived McGyro." — Richmond.com
Posted Apr 2, 2010
1/4 27% The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009) " It's Shakespeare on training wheels made for future Lifetime viewers." — Richmond.com
Posted Nov 20, 2009
1/4 21% Amelia (2009) " The characters look and sound more like animatronic figures at the Air & Space Museum than real-life history makers. Every sanitized, faux-jolly line of script is spoken like it's from a decades-old toothpaste commercial." — Richmond.com
Posted Oct 24, 2009
1/4 12% Pink Panther 2 (2009) " It woulda been less insulting for Martin to dig up Peter Sellars' corpse, build a bone xylophone out of the skeletal remains, and bang out Henry Mancini's "Pink Panther" theme during the Super Bowl halftime show. Opie & Anthony were right..." — Richmond.com
Posted Feb 5, 2009
69% Synecdoche, New York (2008) " You'll walk out of Charlie Kaufman's new movie feeling like a drunk bodybuilder just went bumper bowling with your brain." — Richmond.com
Posted Dec 5, 2008
49% Twilight (2008) " He's a 100ish-year-old albino who likes classical music and deer blood. She's a quiet teen from a broken home who likes sweaters, ballet and alone time. Together, they make movie romance and suspense all at once!" — Richmond.com
Posted Nov 21, 2008
12% Saw V (2008) " The Saw franchise cut its teeth with macabre MacGyver gimmicks and buckets of bloodshed. Acting was never a consideration. And when you're racking in millions upon millions with next to no budget, why start vying for Oscars now?" — Richmond.com
Posted Oct 28, 2008
43% Blindness (2008) " I usually love post-apocalyptic flicks. There's something so refreshing about thinking of finally having a zero credit card balance that I don't think about the smelly beards, black market prostitution and cannibalism that will inevitably ensue." — Richmond.com
Posted Oct 3, 2008
29% Captain Mike Across America (Slacker Uprising) (2008) " Slacker Uprising is a grossly self-indulgent flick compared to Moore's other works -- a second trip to the Golden Corral buffet when your elastic waistband already reeks of fried okra." — Richmond.com
Posted Sep 24, 2008
9% Bangkok Dangerous (2008) " For a man obsessed with The King -- he even married his daughter -- it makes sense that Cage has finally entered the fat Elvis act III of his career. I hope we don't read about him flat-lining on the commode, face down in the "Ghost Rider 3" script." — Richmond.com
Posted Sep 5, 2008
23% Balls of Fury (2007) " Imagine if Chris Farley had been a Gremlin ... the good, cute gremlin. Fogler would be what happened after you poured water on him and fed him KFC after midnight." — Richmond.com
Posted Aug 31, 2007
23% Evan Almighty (2007) " Will it make up its $175 million budget? Maybe with some divine intervention. Seriously. I wouldn't be surprised to see buses unloading smiling families and frenzied Young Lifers hitting up theaters for the first time since Mel Gibson told them to." — Richmond.com
Posted Jun 22, 2007
70% Ocean's Thirteen (2007) " You know it's one sequel too many, well, actually two sequels too many, when Brad Pitt and George Clooney start finishing each other's sentences while strolling down the Vegas strip and reminiscing on the good ole days." — Richmond.com
Posted Jun 8, 2007
63% Spider-Man 3 (2007) " Spidey promised bigger, bolder and better. Turns out he's a two-faced liar." — Richmond.com
Posted May 4, 2007
72% Fracture (2007) " It would be easy to imagine the nearly two-hour movie being broken down to a 50-minute Law & Order TV episode. Just cut the romance, tighten the script and cue up a couple of cliffhanger commercial breaks." — Richmond.com
Posted Apr 20, 2007
8% The Number 23 (2007) " It's a 95-minute movie that takes 20 minutes to explain its 'shocking premise.' That's not a good ratio, it's kind of like a stripper agreeing to do a $5 lap dance to 'Bohemian Rhapsody.'" — Richmond.com
Posted Feb 22, 2007
26% Ghost Rider (2007) " It's easy to imagine why Cage would want to write a couple of his own lines. After all, you'd tell Dr. Kevorkian you could take your own temperature, right?" — Richmond.com
Posted Feb 17, 2007
29% Smokin' Aces (2007) " Considering a cast that also touts Ben Affleck and Wayne Newton, Smokin' Aces should have been a veritable bachelor party of guilty pleasures. It's got guns, casinos, girls, drugs and Piven." — Richmond.com
Posted Jan 27, 2007
5% THR3E (2007) " If you like the idea of a retread, heavy-handed psychological thriller, but you don't like the idea of eating a big juicy steak during Lent, you just might want to try Thr3e on for size." — Richmond.com
Posted Jan 4, 2007
78% Dreamgirls (2006) " When Dreamgirls is behind the mic, it's Oscar golden. But when it's powered by anything other than its pipes, say story-telling, it falls flat and hard." — Richmond.com
Posted Dec 29, 2006
47% The Holiday (2006) " By the way, Iris and Amanda's online encounter marks the first time in two years that two people spoke online about visiting the other's home and "Dateline NBC's" Chris Hanson wasn't involved." — Richmond.com
Posted Dec 8, 2006
7% Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (Van Wilder 2) (2006) " At times, Taj counsels his lovable losers with Dr. Phil-esque platitudes. Other times, the movie is a booze and sex romp without the jokes or production quality to give the Frat Pack movies a run for their money." — Richmond.com
Posted Dec 1, 2006
46% Bobby (2006) " Where the hell is our money shot of brother Charlie Sheen wearing a Hawaiian shirt with dark shades while picking up a cocktail waitress at the Cocoanut Grove?! Throw us a bone, Emilio!" — Richmond.com
Posted Nov 23, 2006
21% Man of the Year (2006) " In 1938, Adolph Hitler was chosen as Time's Man of the Year. Somewhere, there's a witty sequeway about this fact and just how awful Robin Williams' movie sharing the same "accolade" is." — Richmond.com
Posted Oct 13, 2006
25% School for Scoundrels (2006) " Heder smacks Thornton in the bullocks with a tennis ball. Heder gets shot in the groin point-blank with a paintball gun. Heck, School for Scoundrels isn't a movie; it's an infomercial for prosthetic testicle replacement." — Richmond.com
Posted Sep 29, 2006
11% All The King's Men (2006) " At just over two hours - not bad for a semi-fictional bio-epic - All the King's Men still feels bloated. And by the end of the (ego) trip, you know what it's filled with: arrogance." — Richmond.com
Posted Sep 22, 2006
32% The Black Dahlia (2006) " Even though Hollywood is known for fakes and forgeries, from fake breasts to fake Rolexes and fake blood, you would think it would still know how to make a movie about itself." — Richmond.com
Posted Sep 15, 2006
55% The Protector (Tom yum goong) (Warrior King) (2005) " You're going to The Protector for the skull fractures and sky-high knees to the groin. And if this is all you're after, your mind may be black and blue, but you'll be all smiles by the end. " — Richmond.com
Posted Sep 8, 2006
22% Barnyard (2006) " Pigs get drunk. Cows steal cars. Find out why Barnyard: The Original Party Animals is a funny flick grazing in the wrong pasture." — Richmond.com
Posted Aug 10, 2006
47% Miami Vice (2006) " Breaking down the faults of Michael Mann's big screen Miami Vice adaptation is like mowing Montgomery Burns' lawn when you're high - you have no idea where to begin." — Richmond.com
Posted Jul 27, 2006
21% You, Me and Dupree (2006) " In a year that already underwhelmed us with Failure to Launch, it's a lot to ask audiences to take in another raunchy comedy highlighting the slacker lifestyle. (If we want to watch a truly skilled underachiever, we'll watch Lebowski again)" — Richmond.com
Posted Jul 16, 2006
54% Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006) " Two hours into this 150-minute behemoth, the worst fears of most moviegoers are confirmed. It's essentially a teaser for the next Pirates flick." — Richmond.com
Posted Jul 7, 2006
33% Click (2006) " Sandler has rightfully transitioned from annoying frat dude who got lucky to affable everyman who even cries every once in a while, although I'm guessing he needs the prop guy to slice an onion to get the job done." — Richmond.com
Posted Jun 23, 2006
57% X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) " Watching the actors is like watching Elton John try to make out with Anne Heche. They go through the motions in a totally disingenuous display, except Wolverine doesn't break out into an impromptu "Rocket Man" to ease the awkwardness. " — Richmond.com
Posted May 26, 2006
70% Mission: Impossible III (2006) " Fun to watch but ultimately empty, Tom Cruise has found his most fitting metaphor in MI:3." — Richmond.com
Posted May 5, 2006
7% Basic Instinct 2 (2006) " It doesn't know whether it wants to be a Skin-e-max soft core porno or an episode of a primetime cop drama. It's unfulfilling as neither and ends up as an awful hybrid: we'll call it CSI: Cleavageville. I take that back: CSI: Faux Cleavageville." — Richmond.com
Posted Mar 31, 2006
24% Failure to Launch (2006) " Failure to Launch in a nutshell: constantly inching past your wildly low expectations. " — Richmond.com
Posted Mar 12, 2006
7% Date Movie (2006) " The movie is not a parody or even a spoof. Instead, Date Movie is under the impression that if it mentioned a romantic comedy or uses the same exact joke from a movie, then it's funny." — Richmond.com
Posted Feb 21, 2006
23% Freedomland (2006) " Freedomland is a garbled, ripped-from-the-headlines mess of Susan Smith meets the L.A. riots. If you're mad that I've spoiled the ending, than I won't further ruin your day by telling you what happens after you wind up a jack-in-the-box... " — Richmond.com
Posted Feb 17, 2006
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