Critics » Simon Abrams
Simon Abrams

Simon Abrams

Agrees with the Tomatometer 64% of the time.

Publications:
House Next Door , New York Press , RogerEbert.com , Slant Magazine , The Playlist , Twitch
Critics' Group:
Online Film Critics Society
Total Reviews:
289

Listing Of All Reviews & Articles

Showing 1 - 50 of 289
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Rating T-Meter Title | Year Add Date
3/4 68% Bad Milo! (2013) " On paper, "Bad Milo!" sounds loosey-goosey-crazy-go-nuts. But in practice, it's understated, if only in relation to its bonkers premise." — RogerEbert.com
Posted Oct 4, 2013
2/4 80% I Used To Be Darker (2013) " It's hard to appreciate an intentionally blurry portrait of a family that's so impressionistic that all you can see of its already-withdrawn characters are their shadows." — RogerEbert.com
Posted Oct 4, 2013
0.5/4 5% Battle of the Year (2013) " The movie's inability to showcase its greatest asset, the grace and control of its dancers, is its most conspicuous failing." — RogerEbert.com
Posted Sep 20, 2013
1/4 58% GMO OMG (2013) " This is a David-vs.-Goliath movie, but David's aim is so spotty that Goliath has nothing to fear." — RogerEbert.com
Posted Sep 13, 2013
2/4 35% Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013) " Insidious: Chapter 2 is a puzzle movie with too many unnecessary pieces and not enough essential ones, but it's superior to its predecessor in a few basic ways." — RogerEbert.com
Posted Sep 13, 2013
B- 34% Adore (2013) " Adore is a proudly feminist film, with both its pedigree and its themes allowing additional opportunities for women." — The Playlist
Posted Sep 6, 2013
2/4 34% Hell Baby (2013) " It soon becomes apparent that the filmmakers, many of whom worked together on "The State" and "Reno 911!", aren't committed to their film's main conceit." — RogerEbert.com
Posted Sep 6, 2013
1.5/4 75% You're Next (2013) " "You're Next" is a simultaneously nihilistic and grossly incompetent horror homage." — RogerEbert.com
Posted Aug 27, 2013
2/4 52% Thérèse (2013) " It only looks like Tautou does a lot with a little in her performance because much of her character's inner life is implied through pensive scenes of her frowning and deferring her gaze." — RogerEbert.com
Posted Aug 23, 2013
1/4 12% The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013) " "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones" will make you yearn for more "Twilight" movies." — RogerEbert.com
Posted Aug 22, 2013
C 52% Thérèse (2013) " Therese Desqueyroux,...is not the nuanced period drama it should be but is rather more like a banal, pseudo-thoughtful and monotonous episode of Masterpiece Theater." — The Playlist
Posted Aug 20, 2013
50% Drew: The Man Behind The Poster (2013) " The demure, self-effacing Struzan undermines Sharkey's strategy by insisting his art is only the product of a mundane creative process." — Village Voice
Posted Aug 13, 2013
100% Vixen! () " Stands as a prime example of Meyer's infantile and sometimes disarmingly protean perversity." — Village Voice
Posted Aug 13, 2013
0.5/4 14% The Smurfs 2 (2013) " Reluctant parents: you don't need to tell your kids that you won't love them if they like "The Smurfs 2." Instead, you can silently judge them until either you and/or they simply can't bear the thought of talking to each other." — RogerEbert.com
Posted Aug 1, 2013
3.5/4 97% Drug War (2013) " While it takes a while to come to a full boil, Drug War is an atypically grim gangster film from the typically inspired Hong Kong filmmaker Johnnie To." — RogerEbert.com
Posted Jul 26, 2013
1/4 87% The Conjuring (2013) " Watching "The Conjuring" is like getting a tour of a haunted house attraction from someone that pushes, and pulls you through every room. " — RogerEbert.com
Posted Jul 19, 2013
2.5/4 33% Beneath () " As shrill as it often is, the film's situational peril makes otherwise unlikable characters sympathetic, or maybe just sympathetic enough." — RogerEbert.com
Posted Jul 17, 2013
B- 72% How To Make Money Selling Drugs (2013) " When Drugs is firing on all cylinders, it feels as if you're in a room with these people, just listening to one crazy story after another." — The Playlist
Posted Jun 28, 2013
1.5/4 38% The Purge (2013) " Instead of being a creepy B-movie about the necessity of suppressing one's animalistic urges, "The Purge" is just a product of uninspired filmmaking." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Jun 7, 2013
—— Go Goa Gone (2013) " The creators ... only vaguely know what kind of story they want to tell-and not at all how to tell it." — Village Voice
Posted May 14, 2013
—— Shootout At Wadala (2013) " Shootout at Wadala is a true-crime gangster epic about an ostensibly charismatic outlaw who's really just a preening monster-something the filmmakers seem to miss." — Village Voice
Posted May 7, 2013
2.5/4 49% Pain & Gain (2013) " As ambitious and vibrant as it is ugly and scattershot, "Pain & Gain" is the most charming Michael Bay movie in a long while." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Apr 25, 2013
D 23% Arthur Newman (2013) " Arthur Newman an intentionally listless story about a boring everyman." — The Playlist
Posted Apr 24, 2013
—— Holla II (2013) " Wailing amateur actors are thrust into viewers' face so often that Holla II looks like it was shot in someone's dirty rear-view mirror." — Village Voice
Posted Apr 23, 2013
40% Tai Chi Hero (2013) " This sequel is sluggish and rote where its predecessor was aggressively perky and desperate to please." — Village Voice
Posted Apr 23, 2013
C 98% Mud (2013) " Mud is as unmoving as it is because it doesn't aspire to be anything other than a competent anti-fairy tale in which the paint-by-number morals are enforced by equally obvious main protagonists." — The Playlist
Posted Apr 22, 2013
3/4 47% The Lords of Salem (2013) " Instead of retreating into his manic, hyper-allusive style of psychedelic, grindhouse-friendly pastiche, Zombie tested his considerable skills and made something different." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Apr 18, 2013
78% A Cop (Un Flic) (2013) " A fitting final act for noir master Jean-Pierre Melville ..." — Village Voice
Posted Apr 16, 2013
B+ 47% The Lords of Salem (2013) " This is probably Rob Zombie's best film, though it does often prove that the cinephile writer/director is a gifted tyro. At the same time, as his most formally mannered and tonally tempered film, Zombie's latest also proves his versatility." — The Playlist
Posted Apr 16, 2013
C- 89% The Angels' Share (2013) " Some good laughs and a passable air of bonhomie do nothing to cover up the fact that The Angels' Share is totally lightweight and distractingly underdone." — The Playlist
Posted Apr 10, 2013
—— Chashme Buddoor (2013) " Simultaneously dopey and irrepressibly charming." — Village Voice
Posted Apr 9, 2013
2/4 73% Simon Killer (2013) " A relentless and largely unrewarding descent into an ostensibly personal hell." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Apr 4, 2013
3.5/4 85% Upstream Color (2013) " A romance, a thriller, and a science-fiction drama, "Upstream Color" tantalizes viewers with an open-ended narrative about overcoming personal loss." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Apr 4, 2013
1.5/4 82% The Place Beyond The Pines (2013) " An over-stuffed, hyper-pulpy, and mostly trite trifurcated drama about family, crime, and moral ambiguity." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Mar 28, 2013
73% Violeta Went to Heaven (2013) " Violeta Went to Heaven's creators do a disservice to Chilean singer and multi-hyphenate artist Violeta Parra's legacy by making her suicide the logical climax to her working life." — Village Voice
Posted Mar 26, 2013
—— Mindless Behavior Lose Your Mind (2013) " The film's creators exploit the group's natural, thoughtless enthusiasm." — Village Voice
Posted Mar 19, 2013
2.5/4 66% Spring Breakers (2013) " Korine's latest is a characteristically serious film about inherently ridiculous characters, but it's too montonous to be really thoughtful or funny." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Mar 17, 2013
16% The Last Exorcism Part II (2013) " When the creators of The Last Exorcism Part II swapped pseudo-verité realism for psychological realism, they made it a lot harder to take their franchise seriously ..." — Village Voice
Posted Mar 6, 2013
—— The Attacks Of 26/11 (2013) " An exploitative docudrama that mercilessly begs viewers to wallow in an exhausting, stilted re-enactment of the 2008 Mumbai terrorist attacks." — Village Voice
Posted Mar 6, 2013
—— White T (2013) " It's pretty apparent that inmates were allowed to take over the asylum." — Village Voice
Posted Feb 26, 2013
—— Doctor Bello (2013) " The film's writers left no cliché unused, and no major plot point undeveloped." — Village Voice
Posted Feb 26, 2013
—— Lost In Thailand (2013) " Zheng errs on the side of improvisatory and lazily assembled Apatow-esque narrative episodes; many of those scenes are amiably goofy, but it all holds together based on his cast's charm and energy." — Village Voice
Posted Feb 13, 2013
—— Special 26 (2013) " What sets Special 26 apart is its insistence that cops and robbers operate based on similarly intractable assumptions about each other." — Village Voice
Posted Feb 13, 2013
1/4 33% Small Apartments (2013) " A toxically quirky black comedy starring a morbidly obese albino who dreams of traveling to Switzerland." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Feb 7, 2013
27% The Sorcerer and the White Snake (2013) " The clunky action mostly revolves around uninspired wire-fu choreography: Monks fly around while flailing their arms as hordes of CGI creatures gather around and then do nothing." — Village Voice
Posted Feb 6, 2013
—— David (2013) " It's thrilling to watch Nambiar futz around with tone and style for the sake of establishing a thematic progression." — Village Voice
Posted Feb 5, 2013
—— Race 2 (2013) " What most interests the creators of Race 2? Action-figure posturing." — Village Voice
Posted Jan 30, 2013
—— Mumbai Mirror (2013) " An essentially conventional loose-cannon cop story made occasionally exciting thanks to some unexpectedly lurid narrative flourishes, Mumbai Mirror feels weirdly exciting and novel despite its pompous and clichéd scenario." — Village Voice
Posted Jan 23, 2013
100% Birders: The Central Park Effect (2013) " A well-measured docu-character study ..." — Village Voice
Posted Jan 23, 2013
Showing 1 - 50 of 289
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