Simon Abrams

Simon Abrams

Agrees with the Tomatometer 65% of the time.

Publications:
House Next Door , New York Press , RogerEbert.com , Slant Magazine , The Playlist , Twitch
Critics' Group:
Online Film Critics Society
Total Reviews:
330

Listing Of All Reviews & Articles

Showing 51 - 100 of 330
Rating T-Meter Title | Year Add Date
100% Vixen! " Stands as a prime example of Meyer's infantile and sometimes disarmingly protean perversity." — Village Voice
Posted Aug 13, 2013
0.5/4 14% The Smurfs 2 (2013) " Reluctant parents: you don't need to tell your kids that you won't love them if they like "The Smurfs 2." Instead, you can silently judge them until either you and/or they simply can't bear the thought of talking to each other." — RogerEbert.com
Posted Aug 1, 2013
3.5/4 94% Drug War (2013) " While it takes a while to come to a full boil, Drug War is an atypically grim gangster film from the typically inspired Hong Kong filmmaker Johnnie To." — RogerEbert.com
Posted Jul 26, 2013
1/4 86% The Conjuring (2013) " Watching "The Conjuring" is like getting a tour of a haunted house attraction from someone that pushes, and pulls you through every room. " — RogerEbert.com
Posted Jul 19, 2013
2.5/4 31% Beneath (2013) " As shrill as it often is, the film's situational peril makes otherwise unlikable characters sympathetic, or maybe just sympathetic enough." — RogerEbert.com
Posted Jul 17, 2013
B- 77% How To Make Money Selling Drugs (2013) " When Drugs is firing on all cylinders, it feels as if you're in a room with these people, just listening to one crazy story after another." — The Playlist
Posted Jun 28, 2013
C- 44% Primeval (US): Season 1 (TV, 2012-2013) " The worst part about The New World is how by-the-numbers its plot and dialogue are. " — AV Club
Posted Jun 8, 2013
B- 60% Sinbad: Season 1 (TV, 2012) " If Sinbad's series premiere is any indication, it's the lame duck SyFy Channel fantasy to beat. " — AV Club
Posted Jun 8, 2013
1.5/4 38% The Purge (2013) " Instead of being a creepy B-movie about the necessity of suppressing one's animalistic urges, "The Purge" is just a product of uninspired filmmaking." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Jun 7, 2013
—— Go Goa Gone (2013) " The creators ... only vaguely know what kind of story they want to tell-and not at all how to tell it." — Village Voice
Posted May 14, 2013
—— Shootout At Wadala (2013) " Shootout at Wadala is a true-crime gangster epic about an ostensibly charismatic outlaw who's really just a preening monster-something the filmmakers seem to miss." — Village Voice
Posted May 7, 2013
2.5/4 50% Pain & Gain (2013) " As ambitious and vibrant as it is ugly and scattershot, "Pain & Gain" is the most charming Michael Bay movie in a long while." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Apr 25, 2013
D 20% Arthur Newman (2013) " Arthur Newman an intentionally listless story about a boring everyman." — The Playlist
Posted Apr 24, 2013
—— Holla II (2013) " Wailing amateur actors are thrust into viewers' face so often that Holla II looks like it was shot in someone's dirty rear-view mirror." — Village Voice
Posted Apr 23, 2013
40% Tai Chi Hero (2013) " This sequel is sluggish and rote where its predecessor was aggressively perky and desperate to please." — Village Voice
Posted Apr 23, 2013
C 98% Mud (2013) " Mud is as unmoving as it is because it doesn't aspire to be anything other than a competent anti-fairy tale in which the paint-by-number morals are enforced by equally obvious main protagonists." — The Playlist
Posted Apr 22, 2013
3/4 45% The Lords of Salem (2013) " Instead of retreating into his manic, hyper-allusive style of psychedelic, grindhouse-friendly pastiche, Zombie tested his considerable skills and made something different." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Apr 18, 2013
78% A Cop (Un Flic) (2013) " A fitting final act for noir master Jean-Pierre Melville ..." — Village Voice
Posted Apr 16, 2013
B+ 45% The Lords of Salem (2013) " This is probably Rob Zombie's best film, though it does often prove that the cinephile writer/director is a gifted tyro. At the same time, as his most formally mannered and tonally tempered film, Zombie's latest also proves his versatility." — The Playlist
Posted Apr 16, 2013
C- 88% The Angels' Share (2013) " Some good laughs and a passable air of bonhomie do nothing to cover up the fact that The Angels' Share is totally lightweight and distractingly underdone." — The Playlist
Posted Apr 10, 2013
—— Chashme Buddoor (2013) " Simultaneously dopey and irrepressibly charming." — Village Voice
Posted Apr 9, 2013
2/4 73% Simon Killer (2013) " A relentless and largely unrewarding descent into an ostensibly personal hell." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Apr 4, 2013
3.5/4 84% Upstream Color (2013) " A romance, a thriller, and a science-fiction drama, "Upstream Color" tantalizes viewers with an open-ended narrative about overcoming personal loss." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Apr 4, 2013
1.5/4 81% The Place Beyond The Pines (2013) " An over-stuffed, hyper-pulpy, and mostly trite trifurcated drama about family, crime, and moral ambiguity." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Mar 28, 2013
73% Violeta Went to Heaven (2013) " Violeta Went to Heaven's creators do a disservice to Chilean singer and multi-hyphenate artist Violeta Parra's legacy by making her suicide the logical climax to her working life." — Village Voice
Posted Mar 26, 2013
—— Mindless Behavior: All Around The World (2013) " The film's creators exploit the group's natural, thoughtless enthusiasm." — Village Voice
Posted Mar 19, 2013
2.5/4 65% Spring Breakers (2013) " Korine's latest is a characteristically serious film about inherently ridiculous characters, but it's too montonous to be really thoughtful or funny." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Mar 17, 2013
16% The Last Exorcism Part II (2013) " When the creators of The Last Exorcism Part II swapped pseudo-verité realism for psychological realism, they made it a lot harder to take their franchise seriously ..." — Village Voice
Posted Mar 6, 2013
—— The Attacks Of 26/11 (2013) " An exploitative docudrama that mercilessly begs viewers to wallow in an exhausting, stilted re-enactment of the 2008 Mumbai terrorist attacks." — Village Voice
Posted Mar 6, 2013
—— White T (2013) " It's pretty apparent that inmates were allowed to take over the asylum." — Village Voice
Posted Feb 26, 2013
—— Doctor Bello (2013) " The film's writers left no cliché unused, and no major plot point undeveloped." — Village Voice
Posted Feb 26, 2013
—— Lost In Thailand (2013) " Zheng errs on the side of improvisatory and lazily assembled Apatow-esque narrative episodes; many of those scenes are amiably goofy, but it all holds together based on his cast's charm and energy." — Village Voice
Posted Feb 13, 2013
—— Special 26 (2013) " What sets Special 26 apart is its insistence that cops and robbers operate based on similarly intractable assumptions about each other." — Village Voice
Posted Feb 13, 2013
1/4 33% Small Apartments (2013) " A toxically quirky black comedy starring a morbidly obese albino who dreams of traveling to Switzerland." — Chicago Sun-Times
Posted Feb 7, 2013
27% The Sorcerer and the White Snake (2013) " The clunky action mostly revolves around uninspired wire-fu choreography: Monks fly around while flailing their arms as hordes of CGI creatures gather around and then do nothing." — Village Voice
Posted Feb 6, 2013
—— David (2013) " It's thrilling to watch Nambiar futz around with tone and style for the sake of establishing a thematic progression." — Village Voice
Posted Feb 5, 2013
—— Race 2 (2013) " What most interests the creators of Race 2? Action-figure posturing." — Village Voice
Posted Jan 30, 2013
—— Mumbai Mirror (2013) " An essentially conventional loose-cannon cop story made occasionally exciting thanks to some unexpectedly lurid narrative flourishes, Mumbai Mirror feels weirdly exciting and novel despite its pompous and clichéd scenario." — Village Voice
Posted Jan 23, 2013
100% Birders: The Central Park Effect (2013) " A well-measured docu-character study ..." — Village Voice
Posted Jan 23, 2013
33% Matru Ki Bijlee Ka Mandola (2013) " Save for a couple of visually engaging dance numbers, mostly shot with hand-held digital cameras, MKBKM is dishearteningly banal." — Village Voice
Posted Jan 15, 2013
18% My Best Enemy (2013) " A banal World War II thriller dependent on contrived role reversals." — Village Voice
Posted Jan 9, 2013
18% Allegiance (2012) " Without its topical pretext and overzealous patriotism, Allegiance would be just another generic action film." — Village Voice
Posted Dec 27, 2012
—— Dabangg 2 (2012) " Mostly likable thanks to its creators' preference for lighthearted mugging over self-serious teeth-gnashing." — Village Voice
Posted Dec 24, 2012
—— Sahkanaga (2012) " The film feels flimsy rather than delicate, lacking strong performances or psychological nuance." — Village Voice
Posted Dec 7, 2012
34% Deadfall (2012) " Deadfall just isn't manic enough to be memorable." — Village Voice
Posted Dec 4, 2012
—— Happy New Year (2012) " So trite that it's unwittingly insensitive." — Village Voice
Posted Dec 4, 2012
67% Talaash (2012) " Kapoor naturally exudes a kittenish charm that not even a violet, skintight, leopard-print dress and equally purple dialogue can entirely diminish." — Village Voice
Posted Nov 30, 2012
33% Certainty (2012) " There are few romantic dramas more frustrating than the kind that studiously avoid clichéd characterizations while gracelessly begging viewers to alternately coo and tsk-tsk the behavior of their adult protagonists." — Village Voice
Posted Nov 29, 2012
29% Ex-Girlfriends (2012) " The callow behavior that characterizes Ex-Girlfriends' lead would be less maddening had writer/director/star Alexander Poe firmly decided how to portray the bedroom follies of youth." — Village Voice
Posted Nov 27, 2012
—— The Normals (2012) " Ciancimino and director Kevin Patrick Connors's lone gag pays off. Too bad the joke is only funny in retrospect." — Village Voice
Posted Nov 15, 2012
—— The Return of Lencho (2012) " As far as agitprop goes, The Return of Lencho is not totally generic, but its subject is mostly undistinguished." — Village Voice
Posted Nov 7, 2012
Showing 51 - 100 of 330
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