10,000 B.C. Reviews
my positive review of the film "Quest for Fire" has led me here, just to this worst of all Emmerich crappy films.
My time is too precious to more than just briefly refer to the film-defects that make me downright angry. Angry because a truely great film like "Quest for Fire" is less well known and less profitable than Swabian-Spielbergs "kunterbunte mammoth sause". (untranslateable)
The shortcomings are mentionened sufficiently in the 1-stars. Nevertheless, the most important aspect:
Emmerich charcters are generally so stereotyped, one-dimensional, bloodless and fake, that they do not actually touch me at all. So as much as 0.0. They only serve as extras, as a human dummy for CGI bombastic overkill effects. As a spectator one should at least care for certain characters, hope for them or fear. Emmerich has the "talent" that I do not care about all his characters.
Whether someone dies or not, I simply don't care at all. And I had this feeling even stronger than in other films here of R.E.
Because due to the setting in 10,000 bc, it is even more obvious, that the assembled troop of pop-batches here act in sheer mummery like a bunch of carnival astray - hilarious.
Nothing seems authentic, just fake in every way.
Sorry, but a director who refuses to take his characters seriously or cannot even make them lovable, "wastes" all his technical FX.
Rating = Aaaarrrgggggggggghhhh 15%
Most of the star rating come from the fact that visually it was rather good and many of the cast were nice to look at.
When i knew in 2008 that was released a film about prehistory, i wasn't very interested, but i wanted to see it. It was going to be directed and written by Roland Emmerich, at that time I didn't know who was him.
The first time i saw the picture, i believe in all, although i found the story a little weird and at times ridiculous, nothing seemed really bad to me. I was 9 years, for me every movie with a scene of war was good.
Now, i know that Mr. Emmerich is a very bad director and this is maybe his worst work.
10,000 B.C is horrible, the script tell us the tipical silly romantic story, but in a different period. We see man cultivating the ground, highly organized civilizations, the pyramid of Djoser, man on horseback and man working the iron, you don't need to be over-fussy to realize that these things never took place 8,000 years before Christ.
The initial scene is so poor, the landscape is similar to what you see on the countrysite, I'm not saying that we should see volcanoes erupting or things like that, but it was so difficult to make the earth a bit more hostile or different with the aid of special effects?
The main performances are totally lazy, Steven Strait as D'Leh, a kind of not evolved human with the ugliest name of the history and Camilla Belle as Evolet, the typical virgin, beautiful and innocent girl that fears to the world.
Ok, maybe you could enjoy the scene of the last battle because is well filmed and there's a lot of people and blood and elephants, but this movie is not recommended at all. One more thing, if you know a lot of B.C period don't see it , probably you end up hating cinema.
They lack coherence in every sense of the word, push women to more than marginal roles, have a great degree of fighting in it, the good guys always win and tend to be typically feel-good movie.
10.000 BC however, doesn't even feel as epic as other Emmerich movies. Its cast and its production are scraping the B-grade side of movies, and I just stumbled upon it by chance.
Summary (Spoilers!): A group of neolithic snowy-mountain people with no knowledge of agriculture or even stone carving manages to survive by hunting a yearly pack of mammoths in the snow. There doesn't seem to be a tree in sight nor other animals. Even the population is mixed between visibly black, asian, polynesian and white people, where the whites will of course be the protagonists.
Yet when a band of horse-riding semitic looking warriors with knowledge of metallurgy raid their "village" to take its people as slaves, four of them manage to cross the mountains, follow the raiders through what appears to be a tropical jungle infested with Velociraptor/Moa meat-eating cross-breeds, to finally end up in a Savannah like place inhabited by sub-saharian tribes, finally to a sand desert crossed by a river into what looks to be Egypt.
To this day, I have seen this movie four times and I still have no idea what route they took and how they managed to cross so many types of terrain in what seems to be a few weeks.
Anyway, Pyramids and temples seem to be built by slaves for ONE "God", which is portrayed as a two meter-tall white man who comes from Atlantis (there is a map showing the outline of Europe, Africa and South America, with a tiny non-existent island in the middle of the Atlantic. Hint hint, Nudge nudge Roland?
The slaves follow the protagonist's rebellion, kill the masters, and everybody's happy, because the spirit of the mammoth has given back the life of the temporarily dead white female protagonist, in her total uselessness in the movie, aside from being the male protagonist's love interest.
Pros: Fun to watch, some pretty cool scenes, "big numbers" scenes with many people armed with spears. The CGI is not too bad for the time too. Feel good ending and fun weird made-up languages.
Cons: Stupid story, no coherence whatsoever, terrible voice acting by pretty much everyone, with their stupid made up accents to sound more neolithic. Even if it was to be considered a super ignorant movie, ignorant movies tend to have the token super-hottie to look at, at least. This doesn't even deliver on that.
All in all fun to watch if you're drunk/high, and like many other Emmerich movies, if you don't pay attention to the details.
I do, unfortunately.