Gossip Starring: James Marsden, Lena Headey, Norman Reedus, Kate Hudson, Eric Bogosian, Edward James Olmos, Joshua Jackson, Sharon Lawrence, and Marisa Coughlan. Directed by Davis Guggenheim. Written by Gregory Poirier and Theresa Rebeck. Rated R (for sexual content including language, and for brief violence). Running
time approximately 1 hour 30 minutes. [center] I just took this pic, and, like, I'm totally gonna show it to people. [/center] Gossip is one of the post-Quentin Tarantino/Kevin Williamson flicks that tries so very hard to have a twisty-turny, topsy-turvy plot, yet makes the mistake of having completely unbelievable characters. The dialogue is horrid, the performances even worse and the final revelation is a true howler. I did enjoy it, though - which is odd enough to shock me in itself - and therefore, it gets *1/2 (out of ****), which is a C-. Friends & Lovers Starring: Stephen Baldwin, Danny Nucci, George Newbern, Alison Eastwood, Claudia Schiffer, and Robert Downey, Jr. Written and Directed by George Haas. Rated R (for sexuality and language). Running time approximately 1 hour 43 minutes. [center] Oh, bah! [/center] George Haas's Friends & Lovers is a terrible film. It's boring, unfunny and filled past the brim with some of the whiniest, most annoying, most ridiculously stupid people I've seen in what I assume is supposed to be a romantic comedy. It's not romantic in the least, and it's not funny. Sorry, Mr. Haas, but...you failed. Robert Downey, Jr. is in this, and no one knows why. 1/2* (out of ****) D- Driven Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Burt Reynolds, Kip Pardue, Stacy Edwards, Til Schweiger, Gina Gershon, Estella Warren, and Brent Briscoe. Directed by Renny Harlin. Written by Sylvester Stallone. Rated PG-13 (for language and some intense crash sequences). Running time approximately 1 hour 57 minutes. [center] Psh...wow. [/center] I don't mind Sylvester Stallone. I think he's an okay guy. I dig some of his stuff. Driven, however, was directed by Renny Harlin, and therefore it hurts. I'm thinking Harlin himself lent a hand with the script, seeing as Stallone would never had approved scenes like the one pictured above. Paychecks must be nice when you've already established yourself, huh? Rich bastards and their shit movies. *1/2 (out of ****) D+ Eden Starring: Joanna Going, Dylan Walsh, Sean Patrick Flanery, Sean Christensen, and John Aylward. Written and Directed by Howard Goldberg. Rated R (for language and a scene of sexuality). Running time approximately 1 hour 46 minutes. [center] Hey, let's be fake and make no sense! Yay! [/center] Alright, I know that Eden was supposed to be really enlightening and sweet, but it came off as cloying and ridiculous - not to mention ridiculously underbudgeted and miscast. Joanna Going is not good. I last saw her in the dreadful sci-fi/horror flick Phantoms. She's bad. The only sympathy I have for her has to do with not knowing how bad she really is because she keeps getting work and people keep telling her she's good. It's a really bad, sappy melodrama that's better left for the Family Video crowd. *1/2 (out of ****) D+ Assassins Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Antonio Banderas, Julianne Moore, Anatoly Davydov, and Muse Watson. Directed by Richard Donner. Written by Andy Wachowski, Larry Wachowski, and Brian Helgeland. Rated R (for violence and language). Running time approximately 2 hours 13 minutes. [center] I miss the backwards ballcap look. I really do. [/center] Now, Assassins is way cool. It could've been way cooler, but as is, it's way cool. The problem: it's far too long and has far too many scenes with underdeveloped dialogue. Most of the film, when the guns aren't a-blazin', seems like filler. It's almost like they had this awesomely thick chocolate bar an filled it with...well, with nothing. It's a hollow chocolate bunny. It looks great, but there's nothing to really fill you up (unless, in the case of the bunny, you eat the whole damned thing and get sick while your teeth start to rot). ** (out of ****) C
March 16, 2008
