by Jeffrey K. Lyles

Let’s start with the good news. "Are We There Yet?" isn’t half as bad as the trailers would indicate. The bad is that the inclusion of a Satchel Page bobble-head doll as a character is not the worst part of this disappointing Ice Cube family comedy.
The film’s basic premise is simple. Ladies’ man Nick (Cube, "Barbershop 2") falls head over heels for Suzanne (Nia Long, "Alfie"). Only catch is Suzanne is a divorcee whose children Lindsey (Aleisha Allen, "School of Rock") and Kevin (Philip Bolden, "Johnson Family Vacation") don’t want any new guy screwing up their plans to reunite their parents. To scare off potential suitors, they act like total brats but that’s just fine since Nick hates kids anyway.
At the opening of the film, Nick picks up his brand new SUV that he’s spent a good portion of his collectible shop owner salary on, clearly signaling that poor Nick’s SUV won’t be long for this movie. Even more so after he volunteers to bring the kids to meet Suzanne in Vancouver from Oregon while she prepares for a big business party.
You would think that it could be a bit subtler but maybe it’s not so surprising upon considering who is at the helm of this movie.
Few things really spell the kiss of death to a movie like having Brian Levant as the director.
The name Brian Levant may not instantly ring a bell to you, but his films are like a who’s who of bad modern day films. From "Snow Dogs," "Jingle All the Way" to the classically bad "Flintstones" and "Flintstones in Las Vegas."
Levant likes his films full of energy and all-out chaos, which often doesn’t result in sensible (or enjoyable for that matter) movies. His tendencies don’t change here resulting in "Are We There Yet" not so much resembling a movie but a jumbled composition of one bad idea to the next and that’s what ultimately dooms the film.
For example, the kids decide they’ve had enough of Nick and drive his SUV around in a parking lot. Let’s try to imagine that these kids can figure out how to drive, but how exactly are they reaching the gas and brake pedals in an SUV? I know, don’t let logic get in the way of a "good joke."
Every time it looks like Levant will just let the film settle down, he adds yet another dose of insanity such as Nick riding on a horse to chase the kids or getting into a fight with a deer. I only wish I were making this up.
Cube and Long originally starred together in Cube’s breakout comedy film "Friday," which helped to legitimize both of their still-developing film careers in 1995.
Despite not working with one another since then, the pair have excellent chemistry in their scenes together, making me wish that more of the film’s focus was on Nick and ‘s courtship as opposed to Nick dealing with her hellion offspring.
Hopefully at some point down the road, Cube and Long will pair up to do a more serious romantic comedy as they make for a believable on-screen pairing.
Allen and Bolden play their parts to perfection, but I found myself wondering if even the kid audience would find their antics amusing?
Perhaps recognizing that the "aren’t these kids just adorable" jokes and hi-jinks would wear thin over time, Levant adds such family movie staples as projectile vomiting and urine spraying are liberally tossed in to the film.
In teen-stoner comedies it makes a bit more sense as the obnoxious teens smoke and drink their way into some wild situations, but here it just seems thrown in to gross out the audience.
Much like "Meet the Parents," after the 30th time the kids did something annoying, I wondered why any man would put up with this much mess for one woman?
"Are We There Yet?" is a movie that’s constantly battling itself as there’s a perfectly acceptable comedy about this player trying to make good with this divorcee and her kids but that good premise battles with the abundance of predictable kiddie movie cliches.
It’s just too ridiculous to be believable and not funny enough to make one ignore the out there situations.