Advertised as being made by two of the six writers from Scary Movie. I'm going to assume those two writers were the guys who spent most writing sessions finding biology books and drawing little mustaches on the sperms and holding round objects up and going to the other "Dude, look! I have boobs!" (If you want a truly funny joke about a man holding up something and pretending it's a pair of breasts, I suggest watching the Black Books scene when Manny pretends to be a "robot prostitute from the future.)
I would be very surprised to learn if these two guys were behind some of Scary Movie's more inspired moments (making the first female character seen on screen choose the banana over weapons, for example) and if that IS true, I think my head would asplode at the idea these guys made something both amusing AND an actual parody moment.
Seriously guys, do you KNOW what a parody is? In your universe, does Flying High/Airplane not exist? Naked Gun trilogy, you familiar with that?
Guess not. You two boneheads seem to think to parody something is to simply hit the Random Reference Machine, let it spit something out and just insert a character/scene, usually from a much, much better movie and assume that's the punchline. I mean, what other reason could there be for using Napoleon Dynamite? If that was meant to be funny, you did not get a laugh out of me.
By now I imagine some of you are thinking, "David, why exactly did you watch this film then?" Well, two words for you: Alyson. Hannigan.
She was ace as Willow Rosenberg (though why Willow had to go from straight to lesbian with no hint of bisexuality baffles me. I do not have one single problem with homosexuality, I do have a problem with people afraid of admitting bisexuality. Guys, bisexuals do exist, I happen to know a few. By the way, credit must be given to Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story for having a character not afraid to openly admit being bisexual. But I digress)
and she's nailing her role on How I Met Your Mother. Up until she was cast in HIMYM, I believed she wasn't getting the acclaim or roles I knew she was capable of. I was hoping Alyson would raise this movie from being mediocre to something decent. Well... I was right, in a way. She WAS the best feature in this feature. She tried her damned hardest even though I bet she was thinking "I could crap out better material than this" and she's almost enough to save this movie. Almost. Why she agreed to don a fat suit to play Julia for this escapes me. And when she is in the fat suit, at the beginning, we are treated to her trying to seduce random men on the street to the tune of Kelis' Milkshake. Yes, because that song just wasn't getting enough exposure as it is (P.S, you want a better Kelis song, there is one. It's called Trick Me).
'Cos, y'know, fat suits are funny! Wait...
So eventually, she becomes thin and sees Hitch (wait, wait, don't tell me... based off of Hitch! Wow, that was a brain-buster!) for dating guidance. Also, Hitch is a midget. 'Cos, y'know, midgets are funny! Wait...
She does end up finding the right man, Grant Fockyerdodder (Alan Campbell, who should be sent to some corner in time-out until he learns not to act in crap) on a reality show. Grant chooses Julia and eliminates the other contestants by shooting them.
Holy crap! Was that an actual attempt at humor working?! By George, I think it was! Why did it work for me? Maybe because it was unexpected, maybe it was wish fulfillment (can anyone out there honestly tell me they don't hate most reality TV show contestants? I mean, if we don't include traditional game shows, The Amazing Race might be the only show that is exempt from this. Sure, it has SOME participants you wish had been removed from the time/space continuum but not all)
Anyway, we go through the movie and meet more "colourful" characters played by actors you don't care about and the slack parody maker's favourite type of actor, the "I'll-do-anything-for-a-paycheck" actor/actress (Fred, Jennifer, didn't you have careers at one point?) and go through all sorts of "jokes" like a cat using the toilet. 'Cos, y'know, toilets are funny! Wait...
Oh, now for one of my other big criticisms of the movie: the return of one of my most hated actresses ever, Sophie Monk. As well as doing the whole "I've left Australia and abandoned my accent" tradition most Australians do when overseas (one of many reasons I think so highly of Hugh Jackman is that he never forgets his roots. But I'm getting off-topic again), she decided singing wasn't bringing enough attention (to someone like her, it's depressing to think the world does not revolve around her) and decided to become a "serious actress". Why is that in quotation marks? Well, a serious actress would try and go beyond "supposedly hot blond who's only purpose is to be slutty". Sophie just revels in these kinds of roles.
In theory, she is the "designated antagonist". Or, as close to one as a romantic comedy gets. I know we're supposed to hate her because she's the rival for the protagonist's love but she's so cliche, and such a poor actress that I keep hoping the Monty Python foot would squash her and the whole movie. And then maybe the General could come in and go "Right, stop that, it's silly." It's one thing to hate the character because we're supposed to or to hate that we like them but to hate them for going above and beyond the boundaries of sheer annoyance is something to worry about, indeed.
(Also, just before we leave the paragraph, can someone explain why Kill Bill is being parodied when it's not really what one would call a romantic film?
Maybe, y'know, parodies of Tarantino are funny? Well..)
And why the Hell does Carmen Electra get cast in ANYTHING?! Can she actually act? I mean, she appears to be one of those people that's famous for being famous (hello, Joey Buttafuoco). Yeah, she's only at the end but I just don't see the appeal. I see her as a younger Pamela Anderson: guys think she's hot but I just can't see what they see (but then I think Meg White is quite the looker so I'm clearly not going to win any friends with that)
Look, I can enjoy a "mindless" comedy. I love the Police Academy series (but let's not mention Mission To Moscow, it's the Batman And Robin of that particular franchise) because it's goofy and wacky. Formulaic, yes, but good fun. This is not fun, this is an excruciating experience featuring excrement (see, even I can make a funnier toilet joke!)
Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer, the world owes you a great deal of pain. Tarantino owes you for messing with Kill Bill, De Niro should beat you up for what you did to Meet The Fockers, Alyson should kick you both in the balls for trying to stall her career and I hate you both for what you did to Juno in Disaster Movie (no I haven't seen it but trust me, I know. You have no right even SEEING Juno, let alone trying to tear it to shreds.)
Think I'm being melodramatic? I'd say I'm being fair considering how they're trying to rape cinema. Considering all the belt-tightening we're supposed to be doing during these times, throwing money at them is like giving a monkey the keys to an amusement park (don't question me on this stuff! Oh and 50 points for whoever gets the reference).
I suggest we make a movie where we just keep throwing eggs and water balloons at them and continuously insulting them.
'Cos, y'know, picking on idiots is funny! Well... yes it is, actually!