Vance: I've been happily married for 30 years. She's the light that guides me home. Yes, it is from one of our cards. No, someone else wrote it. Doesn't make it less true.
Tom: No! Don't pull that with me! This is not how you treat your friend! Kissing in the copy room? Holding hands in IKEA? Shower sex? Come on! Friends my balls!
Tom: Do you ever do this, you think back on all the times you've had with someone and you just replay it in your head over and over again and you look for those first signs of trouble?
McKenzie: Hey, don't you have like 20 cards to write by Friday?
Hmmm.
Tom: Nope, all done.
McKenzie: Really? Well, could you help me with mine? Because I'm running out of ways to say "Congratulations". So far, I've got: "Congrats", "Good job" and "Well done".
Tom: How about, "Every day you make me proud. But today you get a card."
Rachel Hansen: Look, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Now, I think you're just remembering the good stuff. Next time you look back, I, uh, I really think you should look again.
Tom: Author's Note: The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Especially you Jenny Beckman. Bitch.
Tom: It's official. I'm in love with Summer. I love her smile. I love her hair. I love her knees. I love how she licks her lips before she talks. I love her heart-shaped birthmark on her neck. I love it when she sleeps.
Tom: This is lies. We are liars. Think about it. Why do people buy cards? It's not because they want to say how they feel. People buy cards because they can't say they feel or are afraid to. And we provide the service that let's them off the hook. You know what? I say to hell with it. Let's level with America. Or at least let them speak for themselves. Right?
Tom: Well, why rock the boat, that's what I'm thinking. Things are going well, you start putting labels on it? That's like the kiss of death. It's like saying 'I love you'.
Rachel Hansen: Yeah, I know what you mean. That's what happened between me and John.
Tom: It's not that simple.Why,like, are we going steady?Come on guys, we're adults.We know how we feel, and we don't need to put labels on it - I mean boy friend, girlfriend,you know, all that stuff ,it's really juvenile.
Tom: [the girl at the job interview agrees to meet Tom for coffee afterward] We'll figure it out. My name's Tom.
Girl at Interview: [Last lines of the film] Nice to meet you.
[Shakes his hand]
Girl at Interview: I'm Autumn.
[Tom looks at the camera in amazement. Film cuts to a title card with a '1' indicating the first day of Tom's relationship with Autumn]
Tom: [Montage of Summer] I hate her crooked teeth. I hate her 1960s haircut. I hate her knobby knees. I hate her cockroach-shaped splotch on her neck. I hate the way she smacks her lips before she talks. I hate the way she sounds when she laughs. [Fade to black as Swayze's 'She's Like the Wind' plays briefly]
Tom: Did you ever do this, you think back on all the times you've had with someone and you just replay it in your head over and over again and you look for those first signs of trouble?
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Luke: Alright. I'll give it a try. Yoda: No. Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.