Reel Talk: The Alamo
By Audrey Rock
Transcript-Bulletin Film Critic

In the world of movies, the highly anticipated and heavily promoted don’t always translate to the highly recommended and heavily attended. And when word gets out about "The Alamo," the public will likely stay home.

Touchstone’s historical film, which documents one of the most famous events in Texas history, is long on textbook detail and short on imagination and emotion. This will live on for years in many an American classroom. But not in the hearts of American moviegoers. It has all the big-budget gloss, glorious costuming, and flagrant casting of a blockbuster, but none of the emotion inherent in such an explosive event as that of The Alamo.

A small-in-number but large-in-spirit band of “Texians” headed by legendary figures William Travis (Patrick Wilson), Jim Bowie (Jason Patric) and David Crockett (Billy Bob Thornton) agree to take a position at the ruined mission The Alamo in 1836. They assume dreaded Mexican general Santa Anna (Emilio Echevarria) won’t be attacking the fort until spring at least. So they get take their leisurely time setting up.

But Santa Anna is moving much more quickly than anticipated, and he assaults the unaware Alamo almost immediately. While Bowie ails helplessly with a nasty (and boring) bout of consumption--which consists of fits of romantic memories and rolling around in a sweaty bed begging for liquor--the rest attempt to fight off Santa Anna’s daily attacks.

They call repeatedly for help, and Sam Houston (Dennis Quaid), who’s busily attempting to form an independent government, tries to recruit enough troops to help defend The Alamo. But nobody cares enough to go down and listen to Davy Crockett spout imbecilic dialogue, which includes the spectacularly dumb “I’m really sorry about all this,” as a wounded compatriot lies dying in his arms.

Thornton’s Crockett does, in fact, provide most of the entertainment value hidden in this haystack of historical boredom. Quaid’s Houston is also as effective as it could be, given the circumstances.

But writer/director John Lee Hancock, along with writers Leslie Boehm and Stephen Gaghan fail to make critical background explanations (why were they rebelling against Mexico to begin with?), produce an emotional connection anywhere, or even create excitement within famously dramatic and rousing battle scenes.

"The Alamo" isn’t the sweeping, grand, patriotic experience it promises. It’s more like a dull kick in the pants. One that didn’t really hurt, but you rub your rear indignantly anyway, because well, it isn’t fun to get an unexpected kick in the pants you didn’t deserve. And it isn’t fun to pay money for such a boring movie.

Grade: D+