Movie Review Jackie K Cooper
“Alexander” (Warner Brothers)

Alexander was known as “the Great” in history. He led his armies against the kingdoms of the known world in 300BC and conquered most of them. Now there is a movie version of Alexander’s life and it will forever be known as “Alexander” the terrible. This movie has replaced “Heaven’s Gate” as the milestone against which badness in filmmaking is judged.

Colin Farrell plays the young warrior king and he is completely miscast in the role. He doesn’t look the part; he doesn’t act the part. When he is romancing his bride (Rosario Dawson) he looks uncomfortable; when he is longing after Hephaistion (Jared Leto) he seems timid. When he is supposed to be encouraging his troops before they go into battle he sounds weak and unsure of himself. In short he just isn’t Alexander.

Farrell’s performance drags down the entire film. Of course he is not the only culprit. Oliver Stone’s direction is aimless and cloudy. Maybe Stone did have a view of his story but he mangles it with disjointed episodes and non-linear storytelling. Alexander may have conquered the world but you never understand how or why in this movie.

The bright spot in all this mess is Angelina Jolie. Not only is she gorgeous to look at, she also seems to have a feel for who Alexander’s mother, Queen Olympias, is. She may be only a year older than Farrell in real life but she brings such strength and dignity to her role that she could easily be the mother of such an immature acting boy/child.

The battle scenes have a cast of thousands but they evoke no feelings in the viewing audience. They are just clashing hordes that battle to the death and then we move on. There is no sense of victory or shame over defeat.

Alexander’s supposed bisexuality is addressed in his involvement with Hephaistion and a male eunuch. Stone seems to want to get his point across without being graphic so there are numerous hugs by the men.

The film is rated R for nudity, violence and profanity.

At three hours length the movie more than overstays it’s welcome. And those are three very long hours. Alexander may have been a conqueror but on screen he is just a bore. This movie makes “Troy” look like “Citizen Kane” and Brad Pitt look like Brando.

I scored ”Alexander” a conquered 2 out of 10.

JKC
www.jackiekcooper.com