ANACONDA / (1997) *1/2

Starring: Ice Cube, Jennifer Lopez, Jon Voight, Eric Stoltz, Jonathan Hyde, Owen Wilson, Kari Wuhrer, and Vincent Castellanos. Directed by Luis Llosa. Written by Jim Cash and Hans Bauer. Running time: 89 minutes. Rated PG-13 (for horror violence and language). Released by Columbia Pictures

"Anaconda" is a ludicrous, ridiculous, disposable attempt at a horror thriller; it is the kind of movie in which the concepts contain potential and inhabit an adventurous atmosphere, believably crafted set designs, and special effects that are morally effective, but the plot self-destructs in epidemically undistinguished peril. Louis Llosa's monster romp contains a very good setup, but efficiently obscures itself as it progresses.
The story opens introducing a formidable reason for its shallow characters to seek a dramatic premise. The film stars Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube as Terri Flores and Danny Rich who, along with their crew (Jonathan Hyde, Owen Wilson, Eric Stoltz, Kari Wuhrer and Vincent Castellanos), set out on a small boat to tour the Amazon in order to film a documentary detailing an ancient Indian tribe. Along the way they encounter a creepy snake trapper (Jon Voight) obsessed with capturing a thirty foot anaconda and forces the boat out of its course.
The story is about as obvious as they come. We meet a variety of well-cast characters who will undoubtedly be picked off one by one by the monstrous creature. Audiences have seen this material many times before, but it still can be successful if constructed with the proper conditions. The problem is the characters are as gullible and mechanical as puppets because they blandly submit to the movie’s many predictable circumstances. They spend most of their time running from the anaconda as if there is a fire between their legs.
The performances are just as campy and recycled as the rest of the movie's lame concoctions. Jon Voight creates one of the most exaggerated and overacted characters in film history; it is incomprehensible of how poorly he acts here. Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez form no chemistry or charisma between themselves. Supporting performers including Jonathan Hyde, Eric Stoltz, Owen Wilson, Kari Wuhrer, and Vincent Castellanos lack character development.

"Anaconda" is as stupid as movies nowadays come. While the production begins with a mysterious, sneaky story, the phoniness of the giant snake destroys its only hope of producing fright in an audience. Throughout this movie I felt nothing for the characters, almost developing a more wholesome relationship with the reptile antagonist; it is hard to respect a movie when, in the end, after all the chaos and destruction it caused, I felt sorry for the snake's suffering.