Hasselhoff Starring in Anaconda Sequels

The soundtracks have already gone platinum in Austria!

In a sane and just universe, any actor who gets his first big break starring opposite a talking car would be able to take comfort in the knowledge that his career can only get better, and that his most embarrassing professional moments are safely behind him.

In our universe, however, we are obligated to report the news that David Hasselhoff has agreed to star in Anaconda 3: The Offspring and the yet-to-be-subtitled Anaconda 4. The sequels will be filmed back-to-back in the anaconda capital of the world -- Romania -- and they will premiere on the Sci Fi Channel, where the definition of "science fiction" has apparently been expanded to include "movies whose very existence sounds painfully implausible." Moviehole has the details:

Yep, David Hasselhoff's on river-watch for the Don E. Fauntleroy ("Urban Justice"; cinematographer on "Jeepers Creepers 2") directed sequels -- both filming back to back. He's joined by Crystal Allen ("Maid in Manhattan"), John Rhys Davies ("Lord of the Rings") and Zoltan Butuc ("Funny Money").

Ol' fluffy chest plays a mercenary-for-hire who accepts a mission from a billionaire to capture a dangerous snake that could possibly help cure a terminal illness. I assume the rest of the bunch play, well, food?


Source: Moviehole

Comments

Ender7406

Andrew Raine

YES. THIS IS WHY I DON'T SLIT MY WRISTS. Movies like this are what make life worth living.

Oct 9 - 05:39 AM

foolofatook

Cory C

Oh, this is too good. News like this doesn't come around every day.

Oct 9 - 06:07 AM

walkingdead09

Justin Dean

You gotta give that guy credit for himself. It's not like he can blame is agent over and over agent for taking on bad roles. I respect a man that knows when something is horrible but still goes after it anyway because he has nothing else going for him.

Oct 9 - 06:09 AM

dahluzz

joe shmo

don't hassle the hoff (there it's been said). While the voice of mr. feeney was the best part of night rider, well, aside from the theme song with that ill narration, david has proven that he is an anchor for sequals. Four words: three crazy jerks II. i rest my case.

Oct 9 - 06:12 AM

rockstarfrank

David Frank

I just became an Anaconda fan.

Oct 9 - 07:15 AM

furry_tom

Tim Priester

SPOILER ALERT!!!

In the fourth movie, Hasselhoff's DNA becomes infused with that of the titular snake in genetic experiment gone awry. It is tentatively titled "Anaconda 4: Manaconda."

Oct 9 - 07:42 AM

jaqu7

Joel Christie

Manaconda... no. You're lying. You have to be. Although I want so badly to believe you.

Oct 9 - 08:17 AM

jaqu7

Joel Christie

Manaconda... no. You're lying. You have to be. Although I want so badly to believe you.

Oct 9 - 08:17 AM

tonight we dine.. IN HECK

Douglas McCausland

even bigger then his role in spongebob squarepants :o

Oct 9 - 08:19 AM

Gimy

Gimy Moo

i LOVE crap movies that are funny and this wreaks of it...like a bad horror, which i've seen Rhys davies star in before.

Oct 9 - 08:21 AM

nate2709

Nate 2709

Was that actually sequels with an S? I can't wait to see what happens in these ones. I picture the plot being very different from the first two, kinda like the way Saw IV will be a total departure from the first three. P.S. That entire post was typed with a very sarcastic look on my face.

Oct 9 - 09:15 AM

TheAnswerMVP2001

Snipes .

This only further proves Sci-Fi original films are total crap, I never knew Anaconda was a popular film to begin with, I mean come on, the original had Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez...that's only a small step above The Hoff. And what's happened to John Rhys Davies that he would go from Lord of the Rings to horrible cable channel crap!?! This isn't his first Sci-Fi original, somethings going on he wasn't even cast in Indy IV.

Oct 9 - 10:06 AM

BuckyUnderbelly

Robb Badlam

Sigh.

Yes, the long, slow, steady decline of John Rhys Davies' career has been making me very, very sad for many, many years. After Indy 3 he seemed to fall on some hard times, casting-wise. Which was sad but not entirely surprising. He is a character actor, after all. Which means he doesn't get paid as much as the big A-listers and probably has to take whatever comes along to make ends meet. Throughout the 90's he'd pop up in one crap-tastic straight-to-video stinker after another.

But I thought that when LOTR came along, he'd be able to clambor back up on top of the character actor heap with the likes of Brendan Gleeson or Brian Cox, etc., etc. I thought he'd class it up a bit.

But he didn't! He's still bobbing around in the Sci-Fi Channel ceptic tank!

And this after he was nearly killed on one of those sets after a wall collapsed on top of him! He was very seriously injured and nearly died! Why go back to that same bottom-feeding sub-industry that tried to kill you, John?

Why, John? Why? Do you owe mountains of alimony? Do you have illicit gambling debts? Has there been some kind of ransom demand?

You're making the little children cry, John. Please stop making the little children cry.

Oct 9 - 11:34 AM

Bigbrother

Big Brother

You're right this man needs a role in Harry Potter so bad. That's where all British character actors seem to end up, though if the Watts rumor is true they're expanding their boundries and picking up some colonials too. I could see him as Scrimgeour in Half Blood Prince.

Oct 9 - 01:48 PM

BuckyUnderbelly

Robb Badlam

Manaconda?

Absolutely BRILLIANT.

You're a genius, Furry_Tom. Genius.

And I can guarantee that somebody over at the Sci-Fi Channel just read that and instantly scribbled it onto a cocktail napkin. Smells like a new franchise!

I just hope you get some credit! (Or a check!)

Oct 9 - 11:40 AM

arendr

Arend Anton

The only anaconda is in Hasselhoff's pants!

Oct 9 - 12:34 PM

arendr

Arend Anton

"The sequels will be filmed back-to-back in the anaconda capital of the world -- Romania"

Jeff, your dry wit continues to amuse me...

Oct 9 - 12:35 PM

rockster11

Matt Gamble

Utterly deplorable to even THINK they are making more of these crappy movies.... What a waste of film...

Oct 9 - 12:49 PM

Albert

Alberto De la Hoz

HAIL THE MANACONDA! furry_tom, that's like, the best. idea. ever. No kidding, if I had 100 million to spare, I'd make this movie ASAP!

Damn, I wanna see that already.

Oct 9 - 01:27 PM

Bigbrother

Big Brother

You're right this man needs a role in Harry Potter so bad. That's where all British character actors seem to end up, though if the Watts rumor is true they're expanding their boundries and picking up some colonials too. I could see him as Scrimgeour in Half Blood Prince.

Oct 9 - 01:48 PM

damvbat

damv bat

WTF

Oct 9 - 05:00 PM

IMAmoose24

Eric Schulze

There might just be a God after all..

Oct 9 - 07:46 PM

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