Top Reasons Why Batman Returns is the Rape of the Natural World
1. Batman has barely 40 minutes of screen time
2. Walken has little to do
3. Batman kills people
4. Batman thinks killing people is funny
5. Cat licks do not really have healing power
6. Cats do not really have 9 lives
7. Penguins cannot raise human children
8. A person raised by penguins would not no how to speak English
9. "Eat floor. More fiber," is worse than anything Mr. Freeze said.
10. Penguins with bombs strapped to them are not menacing.
11. Giant rubber ducks are not menacing
12. Michelle Pfeiffer eating a bird is not sexy
13. Michelle Pfeiffer making cat puns is not sexy
14. Michelle Pfeiffer licking herself is not sexy
15. Cats really aren't sexy
16. Batman falls for the old "You can't hit me. I'm a woman." thing.
17. Pointless "Batman killed the ice princess" plot thread
18. Barely any action
19. Billy Dee Williams does not become Two Face
20. Batman has pretty much already one before the third act. The rest is just tying up loose ends
21. Penguin driving the Batmobile is ripping off the much better Adam West movie
22. Hell here. Heheh... not that clever
23. Cat licks do not give you super powers
24. Someone is bound to find penguins in the sewer.
25. Zoo never noticed that their penguins play around in toxic waste
26. Bruce Wayne does not recognize Kyle's voice when she is out of costume
27. Batman does nothing except brood
28. Somehow people are willing to vote for the Penguin to be Mayor despite the fact that he has no qualifications
29. Throwing babies into the sewer is not a very efficient way to kill them
30. People will wonder what happened to your baby and will connect you to the dead baby body they find
31. Tim Burton hates Christmas
32. Getting shot does not equal dying. Catwoman still has plenty of lives left
33. The alliance between Walken and the Penguin makes no sense
34. Throwing your secretary off of your building is a stupid way to kill someone. Someone will notice that.
35. Building blows up but is all fixed in a few minutes
36. Why would you bite someone's nose if you are running for mayor?
37. Kyle knows that Bruce is Batman. She's going to rat him out.
38. Helicopter umbrellas would not work. There is not way the can support the weight of a person
39. This movie led to the hiring of Joel Schumacher
40. Why can't we give love one more chance?