Beautiful Creatures (DNA Films/Universal Pictures International)


The gods aren't favorably inclined toward having the fairer sex wandering the streets this bonny Glasgow night. First, poor Dorothy (Susan Lynch) has to lock herself in a train's loo to escape getting whacked by her beau. Tony, it seems, is upset his golf clubs have been pawned. His revenge decimating Dorothy's pad with wall paint. Her clothes get splattered a tasteful blue. Her dog a bloody red. Meanwhile, not far away, lovely Petula (Rachel Weisz) is getting smacked against a truck hood by her boss/live-in-lover Brian. A distraught Dorothy, who's running away from home, sees this brutal attack, grabs a huge metal pole and conks Brian on the head. Now the fun begins. The two abused ladies quickly bond after they convey Brian's unconscious carcass home to Dorothy's pad. Then almost before the morning's **** crows, the gals discover they have a corpse on their hands, his finger which has been chewed off by the aforementioned canine, and a million dollar ransom plan. Can two innocents carry off a dastardly swindle with a crooked cop, a lunatic businessman, and a fiendish drug addict all on their trail? Of course. So let the bullets fly in this Gloria Steinem take on Pulp Fiction. Here's a sweet, violent B-movie funfest that strays from perfection here and there, yet still leaves you with a fond feeling for killing penised bullies.——Brandon Judell