Uwe Wants to Fight Film Critics!

This is just so hilarious I barely know where to begin. OK, you all know that Uwe Boll is arguably one of the very worst filmmakers on the planet ... but now he's really gone off the deep end. Seems Mr. Boll (who, yes, actually IS a doctor) wants to get into the boxing ring with five of his most outspoken critics. He just doesn't know who they are just yet. Read on for one of the loopiest press releases ever written...

Thanks to SKNR.net for brightening my day with this hilarious news:

June 12, 2006 ? Vancouver, BC ? We are proud to announce that Dr. Uwe Boll?s BloodRayne starring Kristanna Loken, Michael Madsen, Matthew Davis, Michelle Rodriguez, Sir Ben Kingsley, Will Sanderson, Udo Kier, Meat Loaf, Michael Pare & Billy Zane had a successful release May 23rd., 2006 on DVD in both Canada & USA.

Iain Taylor of Vivendi Visual Entertainment Canada stated, ?BloodRayne ranked in the top 6 best selling DVD titles during the first part week of sales in Canada (Nielsen Videoscan Canada)?. In the USA BloodRayne?s DVD performance was even stronger. Tom O?Malley, GM of Vivendi Visual Entertainment (USA), said ?For the first time in this industry, a Theatrical Release and the Complete PC Video Game were released together on DVD. BloodRayne ranked in the top 5 best selling DVD titles during its debut week (Nielsen VideoScan USA)?. In both countries unofficial DVD rental statistics have proven to be even more impressive.

Again the fans have shown that the critics of Uwe Boll are out of touch with want the general movie audience population wants. Dr. Boll has continually been roasted for the films he has directed and produced. His last two films, House of the Dead & Alone in the Dark, cost $20 million but they have grossed over $110 million to-date. The same negative reactions from some of the same press and the internet critics are now being directed at Uwe Boll?s latest film; BloodRayne.

Dr. Uwe Boll has had enough! Uwe Boll?s position is ?I am fed up. I?m fed up with people slamming my films on the Internet without see them. Many journalists make value judgments on my films based on the opinions of one or two thousand Internet voices. Half of those opinions come from people who?ve never watched my films. I have been told that ?BloodRayne? has a very bad IMDb rating, but how many of those votes of zero were made before the movie appeared in theatres.?

The criticism goes on and on.
Uwe is now challenging the critics that failed to watch his films prior to reviewing or commenting, ?TO PUT UP OR SHUT UP!?

On July 17th, 2006 Uwe will start filming his next feature film, ?Seed?, starring Will Sanderson, Ralf Moeller, Michael Pare & Andrew Jackson. Following that film he will go into production in late September with another feature called ?Postal?. Both movies will be shot in Vancouver, BC, Canada.

Towards the end of the filming of the ?Postal? the 5 most outspoken critics will be flown into Vancouver and supplied with hotel rooms. As a guest of Uwe Boll they will be given the chance to be an extra / stand-in in ?Postal? and have the opportunity to put on boxing gloves and enter a BOXING RING to fight Uwe Boll. Each critic will have the opportunity to bring down Uwe in a 10 bout match. There will be 5 matches planned over the last two days of the movie. Certain scenes from these boxing matches will become part of the Postal movie. All 5 fights will be televised on the internet and will be covered by international press.

To be eligible you must be a critic who has posted on the internet or have written in magazines / newspapers at least two extremely negative articles in the year 2005. Critics of 2006 will not be considered. Please submit proof of your negative reviews & comments via e-mail to: info@boll-kg.de All challengers must be healthy males, weighing between 64 kilograms (140 lbs.) and 86 kilograms (190 lbs.). You will require to be physically examined by a doctor and sign the necessary release forms for liability, etc. You will not be paid or entitled to any residualsor fees. Your transportation & hotel costs will be covered.


Dr. Uwe Boll?s invitation to fight and / or appear in his film is extended to all his harshest critics. Roger Avary and Quentin Tarantino are among the most eligible candidates.

--

So it's nothing more than a moronic publicity stunt, but someone might want to remind Dr. Boll of something: He could fight 15,000 film critics and it wouldn't make him a better filmmaker.

Comments

D79

Lupe DeLeon

HAHAHAHA!!! He needs to just hug it out and stop making movies....

Jun 13 - 09:11 AM

Jofo1185

jonathan foster

that maybe the stupidest thing I have ever heard.

Jun 13 - 09:44 AM

kfarschman

Kurt Farschman

Is he a medical doctor? If he is, could you imagine if you went to the ER or something and in walks Uwe Boll! I'd seriously ask for someone else, anyone. Anyone but this maniac. Even if I was dying and it might take precious time to page another doctor.

Jun 13 - 09:58 AM

new12play

Nathan Wells

I believe he is a Doctor of Literature, which would explain his coherent and elegant dialogue in Bloodrayne.

Jun 13 - 10:00 AM

ninjaandy

Andrew O'Neill

I'm starting to think this guy's a genius. This is too over-the-top not to work.

Ed Wood, anyone?

Jun 13 - 10:05 AM

renodc

Ryan Meals

How is he going to be able to narrow his critic list to five? There's so many!!

Jun 13 - 10:32 AM

foolofatook

Cory C

...

Uwe Boll's remaining brain cells have just called it quits.

Jun 13 - 10:45 AM

CrazyGhost78

CrazyGhost78 CrazyGhost78

this is what children do. They can't solve their problems or disputes in intelligent conversation, so they simply go "I'MA FIGHT YOU!"

Of course, if Uwe looses every single fight, he won't put them in the movie. And do they know WHY Bloodrayne sells? Quite like the review on DVDVerdict says, it's a movie that a bunch of drunk friends will enjoy watching and making fun of. he's trying to make excuses, but people HAVE seen his films and THEN give him the 0's.

I would laugh if it turns out a bunch of Boll's harshest critics are bulky body-builders who can crush beer cans between two fingers. Regardless, I'll be watching the internet for these fights.

Jun 13 - 10:46 AM

Scott Weinberg

Scott Weinberg

Uwe Boll and Anne Coulter should get together, get married, and movie to Guam.

Jun 13 - 11:19 AM

SozeStrangelove

Will Potenberg

If Quentin Tarantino goes, i'm going to laugh my ass off

Jun 13 - 11:22 AM

D79

Lupe DeLeon

i'd love to see roger ebert shove his foot up boll's a$$...

Jun 13 - 11:23 AM

IMAmoose24

Eric Schulze

The boxing matches will be Uwe's first piece of real entertainment. This is now on my list of most anticipated in 2006, right behind Snakes on a Plane, which will be amazing.

Jun 13 - 11:37 AM

IMAmoose24

Eric Schulze

Hey anne Coulter said some real sh*t and everyone got freaked out about it. Sorry if the truth is too scary for ya.

Jun 13 - 11:43 AM

UweBoll

laurent de alberti

Ach ach bring it on!

Jun 13 - 11:44 AM

Ten Ton Alien

ffdsd fdsafsafd

I doubt these critics are going to return, sounds like a crappy horror movie.

Jun 13 - 11:45 AM

Prosper761

Brian Bara

Boll proves to be not only vastly talentless, but incredibly stupid as well. It's like Andy Kaufman wrestling women, without the humor!

Jun 13 - 12:06 PM

KwazyWabbit

Chad Pourciau

This is hilarious. Defintitly made me laugh alot. I know it must be tough copeing that your not that great of a filmmkaer. You don't go off your block like this. You go back to school get some advice do your homework. Although if this how he wants to do it then fine by me. Should make for some good humor.

Jun 13 - 12:32 PM

DjMovieGoer

DJ Hnd

I sure hope someone like mike tyson turns up to be a internet critic

Jun 13 - 12:38 PM

killbill82

frank ford

[b]wow![/b]
dude is nuts!

Jun 13 - 01:34 PM

dylan21484nj

glenn welsh

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

ok, i think i got it out of my system. nope, here it comes again.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

alright... okay. i'm good now. screw the boxing ring, how about getting an Ultimate Fighting Championship octagon. GET IN THE OCTAGON, BROTHA!

or how about THUNDERDOME! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES! TWO MEN ENTER! ONE MAN LEAVES!

what a complete ass. he's so desperate to be this big, critically-acclaimed director, but all his movies are heaping, steaming piles of dogshit. and he's so delusional because he thinks his movies are great peices of work and he's frustrated that his "great" movies get shit on. he's desperate to be loved, that's why he picks video game franchises, thinking he's got a built-in audience and they'll be happy with just about anything he throws onto the screen and they'll praise him and erect statues in his honor. but that's not happening, and he's going crazy trying to figure out why. surely, his own "great" filmmaking abilities can't be to blame, and surely the "dumb" gamer audience isn't to blame since he thinks they'll be happy with anything, so he thinks the critics are the ones to blame for his "great" movies doing so piss-poor.

i think we're winning, people. he's literally losing his mind. hopefully he'll check himself into a mental institute or off himself so he can never make another horrible movie ever again.

Jun 13 - 01:57 PM

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