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Branded (2012)


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Average Rating: N/A
Critic Reviews: 3
Fresh: 1 | Rotten: 2



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Average Rating: 2.2/5
User Ratings: 4,740

My Rating

Movie Info

Branded is a dark and mind-bending journey into a surreal, dystopian society where corporate brands have unleashed a monstrous global conspiracy to get inside our minds and keep the population disillusioned, dependent and passive. One man's Misha (Ed Stoppard) passion to unlock the truth behind the conspiracy will lead to an epic battle with the hidden forces that really control our world. -- (C) Official Site

Jan 15, 2013


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All Critics (10) | Top Critics (3) | Fresh (1) | Rotten (9) | DVD (1)

There's almost a Seussian vibe in this heap, but no hint that it's intentional.

September 11, 2012 Full Review Source: Village Voice
Village Voice
Top Critic IconTop Critic

To borrow a hamburger chain's refrain, not lovin' it.

September 10, 2012 Full Review Source: Los Angeles Times
Los Angeles Times
Top Critic IconTop Critic

This fantastical fable takes aim at marketing itself with an intriguing if tendentious narrative.

September 7, 2012 Full Review Source: New York Times | Comments (8)
New York Times
Top Critic IconTop Critic

Branded" is a confusing sci-fi thriller that takes itself much too seriously.

January 21, 2013 Full Review Source: Movie Chambers
Movie Chambers

Satire usually implies at least a little bit of humor, and Branded is mostly humorless -- if it was ever actually trying to be funny, then it fails. If a satire should be pointed, then this movie is more on the dull side.

September 26, 2012 Full Review Source: Common Sense Media
Common Sense Media

Nothing more than a freshman's first term paper for a sociology 101.

September 11, 2012 Full Review Source: Boston Phoenix
Boston Phoenix

This movie makes absolutely no sense.

September 7, 2012 Full Review Source: Film School Rejects | Comments (3)
Film School Rejects

The worst of the worst, but serious connoisseurs of le bad cinema shouldn't pass it up.

September 7, 2012 Full Review Source: One Guy's Opinion
One Guy's Opinion

It's not every day you see an ostensible satire that's never funny on purpose but is frequently hilarious by accident.

September 7, 2012 Full Review Source: Twitch | Comment (1)

Its ambition is decimated by its absurdly slapdash assembly and fogged messages on the zombification of consumerism.

September 7, 2012 Full Review Source: | Comments (6)

Audience Reviews for Branded

A Russian advertising executive (with a British accent) develops the ability to see people's brand loyalty, which materializes as waving blobs on stalks attched to their necks, then decides he must come up with a plan to destroy all advertising. This could have made a decent a satire, but it's way too serious, preachy and hamfisted; a couple of good ideas are killed off by mediocre performances, lazy scriptwriting, and cheap, head-scratching CGI.
July 21, 2013
Greg S

Super Reviewer

I watched the full movie just to see whether it gets better later or not. Wasted my time.
December 13, 2012
Dead Angel

Super Reviewer

Most of people who watch Branded (also known as The Mad Cow and Москва 2017), a Russian and American science fiction film written and directed by Jamie Bradshaw and Aleksandr Dulerayn, will choose to hate it. Why? In the Western world because it attacks the consumerism - their life style, everywhere else - because they will feel disconnected! There is no other option!

As the movie begins, the names of famous visionaries including Joan of Arc, Albert Einstein and Alexander the Great flash on the screen (probably hundred different names) and the caption reads, "All of them saw things others didn't see. All of them changed the world." In this story, starting in the early 1980s, in Soviet Russia, young Misha Galkin is struck by lightning. A woman examines him and, seeing that he is still alive, predicts that his life will not be ordinary. And it wasn't! In a series of documentary-style flashbacks, narrated by the same unseen narrator, we were led through the events to see how Misha used his natural marketing savvy to rise from a poor clerk to a marketing exec. His big break came when he met Bob, an American hired to spread Western brands and businesses in post-Communist Russia...

Did you know that this film was not screened for critics and has received predominantly negative reviews? Go back to my first paragraph - people who live from consumerism would not like it presented like this! This is much deeper movie which tried to even educate the audience... but instead of "thanks" was branded as "convoluted and pretentious... so packed with ideological pretension". Yes, it is ideological, it is silly at moments, far from executed the best possible way, and I will say for one reason: at least one of the directors tried to sit on "two chairs" - criticizing the late stages of the capitalism and trying to make money out of it in that same stage of the capitalism. The team was just not brave enough to carry the mission to the end - and they failed.~

If you don't think that this society is fair, and that politicians are just executives for the more powerful people, believe in 'voices' and love good photography, give it a go. A NO GO for everyone else!
January 13, 2013
Panta Oz

Super Reviewer

As much as "Branded" is ambitious and inventive, it's also careless and void of appropriate character development and character reactions. In the surreal world where corporations and brands are materialized into strange animals and blobs, the message is so blatant that you picture the film having its own monster slapping you across the face throughout the course of it. Ed Stoppard plays Misha, an up-and-coming marketing man who gets publicly and professionally burnt when his reality show involving physical make-overs is sabotaged by a conglomerate aiming to make obesity glamorous in order to sell more hamburgers. After losing his girlfriend, played wonderfully by the underutilized Leelee Sobieski, he disappears from the corporate world to herd sheep. It is there that he has a dream, kills a red cow, and discovers the ability to see these strange corporate beasts floating above office buildings. The reasoning behind the film is often glazed over, the human reactions are baseline and never delved into, and the character played by Max Von Sydow is so random, he sticks out like a sore thumb. What eventually kills this film is the strange narration throughout. Often out of place-out of nowhere, a film that relies on this heavy of narration is a sinking ship from the start. That being said, "Branded" is a break on the mold and even though the messaging is clear, the ambitiousness of the directors to delve into a world like this is commendable and has not been done like this before. However, given a bit more character development and attention to detail, this could have been a much more impressive endeavor.
September 12, 2013

Super Reviewer

    1. Misha Galkin: Ladies and gentlemen. The Burger is dead. The growth of brands has spiraled out of control. Never before in history has it been this difficult to record growth because there is simply not enough room in the minds of consumers to hold new desires for new products. What happened in the case of fast food has fundamentally altered the market forever. A crippling anxiety has seized consumers. They're terrified the products can hurt them. A unique opportunity now stands before you. The time has come to clear a free space in the minds of consumers, where your products can live on. Today, in order to get consumers to continue to desire computers, you have to first make them lose interest in cellphones. What you need, is to convince them that the competition's brands are deadly dangerous. Destroy the market for cellphones, and eradicate the competition. For your brands to grow, they need to learn how to attack. And I know how to teach your brands to attack.
    – Submitted by Typhon Q (20 months ago)
    1. Marketing Guru: I want to talk to you today... about love. See, I have struggled to find a way to restore the people's love of your products, but it hasn't worked out. Consumers just no longer wish to buy them. When it's over, it's over. They no longer love you. The era of fast food has passed. But I do have a proposal. Something which exceeds the limits of marketing in its traditional form. A plan which will change the world. Together, we will make fat beautiful again. But first, a question. How far are you willing to go to solve your problems?
    – Submitted by Typhon Q (20 months ago)
    1. Marketing Guru: How far are you willing to go... to change the world?
    – Submitted by Typhon Q (2 years ago)
    1. Misha Galkin: Now is the time to get the truth out.
    2. Bob Gibbons: No no no.
    – Submitted by Chris P (2 years ago)
    1. Misha Galkin: I wanted to get really rich.
    – Submitted by Chris P (2 years ago)
View all quotes (5)

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