Clueless Quotes

The top Clueless quotes selected by the Rotten Tomatoes community. Login to submit a quote!

  • Josh:
    Hey James Bond, In America we drive on the right side of the road!
    Cher Horowitz:
    I am! You try driving in platforms.
    ‐ Submitted by Jason M (13 months ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    This is California, not Kentucky?
    ‐ Submitted by Alyssa B (19 months ago)

  • Travis:
    I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I might never be tardy.
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Dionne:
    Cher's saving herself for Luke Perry.
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    Dionne and her boyfriend Murray are in this dramatic relationship. I think they've seen that Ike and Tina Turner movie too many times.
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    Until mankind is peaceful enough not to have violence on the news, there's no point in taking it out of shows that need it for entertainment value.
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    Okay, so you're probably going, "Is this like a Noxzema commercial or what?" But seriously, I actually have a way normal life for a teenage girl.
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Amber:
    She could be a farmer in those clothes.
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Lucy:
    Girlie, as far as you're concerned, I am the messiah of the DMV.
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good.
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex.
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Christian:
    Do you like Billie Holiday?
    Cher Horowitz:
    I love him.
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Mel Hamilton:
    What's with you, kid? You think the death of Sammy Davis left an opening in the Rat Pack?
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    Would you look at that body language? Legs crossed towards each other. That is an unequivocal sex invite.
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    Isn't my house classic? The columns date all the way back to 1972.
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Christian:
    Hey man, the protective vibe. I dig.
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    Oh look, Josh is dancing with Tai, he never dances.
    Christian:
    I can see why.
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    Miss Stoeger, I would just like to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean, standing in line for forty minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubt I've worked off the calories in a stick of Carefree gum.
    ‐ Submitted by Kelly E (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    I have direction...
    Josh:
    Yeah, towards the mall.
    ‐ Submitted by Ella T (2 years ago)

  • Josh:
    Be seeing you.
    Tai:
    Yeah, I hope not sporadically.
    ‐ Submitted by Ursula N (2 years ago)

  • Amber:
    Miss Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.
    Dionne:
    Well there goes your social life.
    ‐ Submitted by Ursula N (2 years ago)

  • Amber:
    Hello? Was I the only one listening? I mean, I thought it reeked.
    Cher Horowitz:
    I believe that was your designer imposter perfume.
    ‐ Submitted by Ursula N (2 years ago)

  • Josh:
    Want to practice parking?
    Cher Horowitz:
    What's the point? Everywhere you go has valet.
    ‐ Submitted by Ursula N (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    Would you call me selfish?
    Dionne:
    No, not to your face.
    ‐ Submitted by Ursula N (2 years ago)

  • Dionne:
    Hello? There was a stop sign.
    Cher Horowitz:
    I totally paused.
    ‐ Submitted by Ursula N (2 years ago)

  • DMV Tester:
    How'd you do? Well, let's see shall we? You can't park, you can't switch lanes, you can't make right hand turns, you damaged private property and you almost killed someone. Off hand, I'd say you failed.
    Cher Horowitz:
    Failed?
    ‐ Submitted by Ursula N (2 years ago)

  • DMV Tester:
    Watch out for the bike rider!
    Cher Horowitz:
    Oops, my bad!
    ‐ Submitted by Ursula N (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    Lucy you know I don't speak Mexican.
    Lucy:
    I'm not a Mexican!
    ‐ Submitted by Ursula N (2 years ago)

  • Amber:
    Whatever!
    ‐ Submitted by Ursula N (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    He does dress better than I do. What would I bring to the relationship?
    ‐ Submitted by Ursula N (2 years ago)

  • Elton:
    I can't find my Cranberries CD, I gotta go to the quad before somebody snags it.
    ‐ Submitted by Ursula N (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    I am totally butt crazy in love with Josh.
    ‐ Submitted by Marie-Madeleine D (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    I feel like such a heifer. I had two bowls of Special K, 3 pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, 5 peanut butter M&M's and like 3 pieces of licorice.
    ‐ Submitted by Marie-Madeleine D (2 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    Christian said he'd call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday.
    ‐ Submitted by Marie-Madeleine D (2 years ago)

  • Josh:
    You look like Pippi Longstocking.
    Cher Horowitz:
    Well you look like Forrest Gump. Who's Pippi Longstocking?
    Josh:
    Someone Mel Gibson never played.
    ‐ Submitted by Marie-Madeleine D (2 years ago)

  • Murray:
    Are you bitches blind?
    ‐ Submitted by Claudia D (3 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    No, she's a full-on Monet.
    Tai:
    What's a Monet?
    Cher Horowitz:
    It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's okay, but up close it's a big old mess.
    ‐ Submitted by Hera S (3 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    Are we going somewhere to make left turns?
    DMV Tester:
    We're going back to the DMV.
    Cher Horowitz:
    Well, did I pass?
    DMV Tester:
    [laughs] Did you pass? Let's see here. You can't make right turns, you can't park, you can't change lanes, you destroyed public property, oh yeah and you almost killed someone. Overall I'd say you failed.
    ‐ Submitted by Dan P (3 years ago)

  • Mel Hamilton:
    Do you drink?
    Christian:
    No, thanks, I'm cool.
    Mel Hamilton:
    I'm not offering, I'm asking. You think I give alcohol to teenagers taking my daughter out.
    ‐ Submitted by Dan P (3 years ago)

  • Mel Hamilton:
    [angry] Do you know what time it is?
    Cher Horowitz:
    A watch doesn't really go with this outfit daddy...
    ‐ Submitted by Emma S (3 years ago)

  • Mel Hamilton:
    I'd like to see you have a little direction.
    Cher Horowitz:
    I have direction!
    Josh:
    Yeah, towards the mall.
    ‐ Submitted by Emma S (3 years ago)

  • Mel Hamilton:
    What the hell is that?
    Cher Horowitz:
    A dress!
    Mel Hamilton:
    Says who?
    Cher Horowitz:
    Calvin Klein!
    ‐ Submitted by Emma S (3 years ago)

  • Mel Hamilton:
    If anything happens to my daughter, I have forty-five and a shovel. I doubt anyone would miss you.
    ‐ Submitted by Emma S (3 years ago)

  • Tai:
    You're a virgin who can't drive.
    ‐ Submitted by Daniella G (4 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.
    ‐ Submitted by Daniella G (4 years ago)

  • Cher Horowitz:
    As if!
    ‐ Submitted by Chris P (4 years ago)

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