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Conan the Barbarian Reviews

Tom Huddleston
Time Out
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Rent the original instead.

Full Review Source: Time Out | Original Score: 2/5

August 24, 2011
James Berardinelli
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The 2011 version of Conan the Barbarian looks cheap and feels rushed. The few good elements are dwarfed by a generic, nonsensical plot and shoddy storytelling.

Full Review Source: ReelViews | Original Score: 1.5/4

August 19, 2011
Laremy Legel
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Shoddy acting, no real plot, and silly dialogue? You betcha!

Full Review Source: | Original Score: D-

August 19, 2011
Stephen Whitty
Newark Star-Ledger
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Does it satisfy, this tale? In its own modest way, it does.

Full Review Source: Newark Star-Ledger | Original Score: 2.5/4

August 19, 2011
Jordan Riefe
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August 19, 2011
Rick Groen
Globe and Mail
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It ain't a pretty sight -- in fact, it's downright barbaric.

Full Review Source: Globe and Mail | Original Score: 1.5/4

August 19, 2011
Joe Neumaier
New York Daily News
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It's just another ham-handed adventure flick in eye-deadening, wallet-draining 3-D.

Full Review Source: New York Daily News | Original Score: 1/5

August 19, 2011
John DeFore
Washington Post
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Momoa ... speaks in one of those trying-too-hard baritones heard in young jocks whose greatest fear is being called gay.

Full Review Source: Washington Post | Original Score: 1.5/4

August 19, 2011
Linda Barnard
Toronto Star
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The very definition of the dumb summer flick, designed to squeeze a few last bucks out of the kids before school starts up again.

Full Review Source: Toronto Star | Original Score: 1.5/4

August 19, 2011
Kyle Smith
New York Post
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You can't underestimate the vitality of a movie where manly men give orders such as, "We will cast our rivals into oceans of blood."

Full Review Source: New York Post | Original Score: 2.5/4

August 19, 2011
Scott Bowles
USA Today
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Conan the Barbarian lives by a pretty simple ethos: He lives, he loves, he slays. What he doesn't do, alas, is act.

Full Review Source: USA Today | Original Score: 1.5/4

August 18, 2011
Mick LaSalle
San Francisco Chronicle
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Take a bad movie in two dimensions, film it in three, and what do you get? Three entire dimensions of lousy.

Full Review Source: San Francisco Chronicle | Original Score: 1/4

August 18, 2011
Scott Tobias
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There are swords and sorcery, pirates and monsters, taxed bodices and taxing mythology. In other words, there's the bare minimum necessary to summon this dismal movie into existence.

Full Review Source: NPR

August 18, 2011
Gary Dowell
Dallas Morning News
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Dull and uninvolving, Conan the Barbarian occasionally verges on escaping its rut, but never makes good on the promise. It's busy without having energy, a loud, lackluster mess.

Full Review Source: Dallas Morning News | Original Score: D+

August 18, 2011
Betsy Sharkey
Los Angeles Times
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It's kind of a wicked blast to watch, especially if you're in the mood for some righteous revenge.

Full Review Source: Los Angeles Times | Original Score: 3.5/5

August 18, 2011
Manohla Dargis
New York Times
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Mr. Momoa has some awfully big biceps to fill. He rises to that task with a pumped physique made for ogling.

Full Review Source: New York Times | Original Score: 3/5

August 18, 2011
Ty Burr
Boston Globe
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Even the Schwarzenegger version had a crackpot long-range vision. This Conan is just a barbarian for hire.

Full Review Source: Boston Globe | Original Score: 1.5/4

August 18, 2011
Richard Corliss
TIME Magazine
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A gaudily ornamented medieval banquet table groaning with junk food and open entrails.

Full Review Source: TIME Magazine

August 18, 2011
Tom Keogh
Seattle Times
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This Conan barely qualifies as a character, smirking and hacking his way through life, never evolving into someone who can change or whom you want to follow.

Full Review Source: Seattle Times | Original Score: 1/4

August 18, 2011
Rene Rodriguez
Miami Herald
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Pity the fool who tries to reprise the role that made Arnold Schwarzegger an icon.

Full Review Source: Miami Herald | Original Score: 1/4

August 18, 2011
Ben Sachs
Chicago Reader
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At its best the movie suggests a funhouse at a state-of-the-art county fair; at its worst it's a fairly dumb celebration of brute violence.

Full Review Source: Chicago Reader

August 18, 2011
Michael Phillips
Chicago Tribune
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I've certainly seen worse movies this summer, though I hope that if director Nispel returns to the land of Hyboria he'll learn that sword fights don't respond well to his chaotic brand of staging, made worse by the editing.

Full Review Source: Chicago Tribune | Original Score: 2/4

August 18, 2011
Lisa Schwarzbaum
Entertainment Weekly
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Here's a movie that's simultaneously lavishly violent and numbing, visually ornate and undistinguished, epic and shallow, relentlessly noisy and tone-deaf, workmanlike and unfilling.

Full Review Source: Entertainment Weekly | Original Score: C

August 18, 2011
Keith Phipps
AV Club
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[Momoa] barks and growls his dialogue with the unpracticed enthusiasm of a first-time Ren Fair performer.

Full Review Source: AV Club | Original Score: D

August 18, 2011
Roger Ebert
Chicago Sun-Times
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A brutal, crude, witless high-tech CGI contrivance, in which no artificial technique has been overlooked, including 3-D.

Full Review Source: Chicago Sun-Times | Original Score: 1.5/4

August 18, 2011
Bill Goodykoontz
Arizona Republic
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There's just not a lot to like here, with the exception of what may be one of the all-time best bad movie lines, one Conan utters to Tamara as a kind of personal credo: "I live. I love. I slay. I am content." That makes one of us.

Full Review Source: Arizona Republic | Original Score: 1.5/5

August 17, 2011
Mark Holcomb
Village Voice
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Both truer to the vision of its character's creator, Robert E. Howard, and more satisfyingly pulpy than the 1982 movie incarnation.

Full Review Source: Village Voice

August 17, 2011
Peter Debruge
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With all earnestness, Nispel embraces the property's classic roots, placing this new Conan squarely within the tradition of sword-and-sorcery pics.

Full Review Source: Variety

August 17, 2011
Kirk Honeycutt
Hollywood Reporter
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Non-stop blood-and-guts action aimed at game boys and emotionally stunted lovers of adolescent fantasy.

Full Review Source: Hollywood Reporter

August 17, 2011
Christy Lemire
Associated Press
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It didn't seem possible for there to be even less characterization than there was in the original "Conan," but voila.

Full Review Source: Associated Press | Original Score: 1/4

August 17, 2011
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