Conan the Barbarian Reviews

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Tom Huddleston
Time Out
August 24, 2011
Rent the original instead.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/5
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James Berardinelli
ReelViews
August 19, 2011
The 2011 version of Conan the Barbarian looks cheap and feels rushed. The few good elements are dwarfed by a generic, nonsensical plot and shoddy storytelling.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
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Laremy Legel
Film.com
August 19, 2011
Shoddy acting, no real plot, and silly dialogue? You betcha!
Full Review | Original Score: D-
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Stephen Whitty
Newark Star-Ledger
August 19, 2011
Does it satisfy, this tale? In its own modest way, it does.
Full Review | Original Score: 2.5/4
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Jordan Riefe
TheWrap
August 19, 2011
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Rick Groen
Globe and Mail
August 19, 2011
It ain't a pretty sight -- in fact, it's downright barbaric.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
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Joe Neumaier
New York Daily News
August 19, 2011
It's just another ham-handed adventure flick in eye-deadening, wallet-draining 3-D.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/5
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John DeFore
Washington Post
August 19, 2011
Momoa ... speaks in one of those trying-too-hard baritones heard in young jocks whose greatest fear is being called gay.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
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Linda Barnard
Toronto Star
August 19, 2011
The very definition of the dumb summer flick, designed to squeeze a few last bucks out of the kids before school starts up again.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
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Kyle Smith
New York Post
August 19, 2011
You can't underestimate the vitality of a movie where manly men give orders such as, "We will cast our rivals into oceans of blood."
Full Review | Original Score: 2.5/4
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Scott Bowles
USA Today
August 18, 2011
Conan the Barbarian lives by a pretty simple ethos: He lives, he loves, he slays. What he doesn't do, alas, is act.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
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Mick LaSalle
San Francisco Chronicle
August 18, 2011
Take a bad movie in two dimensions, film it in three, and what do you get? Three entire dimensions of lousy.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/4
Top Critic
August 18, 2011
There are swords and sorcery, pirates and monsters, taxed bodices and taxing mythology. In other words, there's the bare minimum necessary to summon this dismal movie into existence.
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Gary Dowell
Dallas Morning News
August 18, 2011
Dull and uninvolving, Conan the Barbarian occasionally verges on escaping its rut, but never makes good on the promise. It's busy without having energy, a loud, lackluster mess.
Full Review | Original Score: D+
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Betsy Sharkey
Los Angeles Times
August 18, 2011
It's kind of a wicked blast to watch, especially if you're in the mood for some righteous revenge.
Full Review | Original Score: 3.5/5
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Manohla Dargis
New York Times
August 18, 2011
Mr. Momoa has some awfully big biceps to fill. He rises to that task with a pumped physique made for ogling.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/5
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Ty Burr
Boston Globe
August 18, 2011
Even the Schwarzenegger version had a crackpot long-range vision. This Conan is just a barbarian for hire.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
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Richard Corliss
TIME Magazine
August 18, 2011
A gaudily ornamented medieval banquet table groaning with junk food and open entrails.
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Tom Keogh
Seattle Times
August 18, 2011
This Conan barely qualifies as a character, smirking and hacking his way through life, never evolving into someone who can change or whom you want to follow.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/4
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Rene Rodriguez
Miami Herald
August 18, 2011
Pity the fool who tries to reprise the role that made Arnold Schwarzegger an icon.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/4
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Ben Sachs
Chicago Reader
August 18, 2011
At its best the movie suggests a funhouse at a state-of-the-art county fair; at its worst it's a fairly dumb celebration of brute violence.
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Michael Phillips
Chicago Tribune
August 18, 2011
I've certainly seen worse movies this summer, though I hope that if director Nispel returns to the land of Hyboria he'll learn that sword fights don't respond well to his chaotic brand of staging, made worse by the editing.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/4
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Lisa Schwarzbaum
Entertainment Weekly
August 18, 2011
Here's a movie that's simultaneously lavishly violent and numbing, visually ornate and undistinguished, epic and shallow, relentlessly noisy and tone-deaf, workmanlike and unfilling.
Full Review | Original Score: C
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Keith Phipps
AV Club
August 18, 2011
[Momoa] barks and growls his dialogue with the unpracticed enthusiasm of a first-time Ren Fair performer.
Full Review | Original Score: D
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Roger Ebert
Chicago Sun-Times
August 18, 2011
A brutal, crude, witless high-tech CGI contrivance, in which no artificial technique has been overlooked, including 3-D.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
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Bill Goodykoontz
Arizona Republic
August 17, 2011
There's just not a lot to like here, with the exception of what may be one of the all-time best bad movie lines, one Conan utters to Tamara as a kind of personal credo: "I live. I love. I slay. I am content." That makes one of us.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/5
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Mark Holcomb
Village Voice
August 17, 2011
Both truer to the vision of its character's creator, Robert E. Howard, and more satisfyingly pulpy than the 1982 movie incarnation.
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Peter Debruge
Variety
August 17, 2011
With all earnestness, Nispel embraces the property's classic roots, placing this new Conan squarely within the tradition of sword-and-sorcery pics.
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Kirk Honeycutt
Hollywood Reporter
August 17, 2011
Non-stop blood-and-guts action aimed at game boys and emotionally stunted lovers of adolescent fantasy.
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Christy Lemire
Associated Press
August 17, 2011
It didn't seem possible for there to be even less characterization than there was in the original "Conan," but voila.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/4