Conan the Barbarian Reviews

What happened here?! I was really looking forward to seeing this as I do have love for these sword n sorcery fantasy adventure flicks of old and had high hopes for this remake/reboot. Yes I accept the obvious cheese factors and possible over the top silliness of the whole concept, if you love the old 'Conan/Red Sonja/Dragonslayer/Beastmaster' type films then you surely do, but I was amazed at the lack of imagination used for this new film.

I really feel disappointed with this in every aspect, Momoa certainly looked the part but he wasn't quite big enough for me, not enough muscle tone, he played the part OK but there was too much needless sword twirling and fancy pointless showmanship. Lang and McGowan didn't really thrill me either, they both looked like characters outta 'Star Trek' and were simply dull, much like all the characters, just your run of the mill faceless baddies with silly haircuts. Poor old Perlman looked like a flipping 'Wookie' or Neanderthal in his get up, the abominable swordsman.

I just felt a real lack of inspiration throughout the film, the location and sets were drab, nothing really exciting actually happened and the finale was a mess of bad bluescreen, poor models and poor CGI. Throw into the mix a very lackluster giant octopus monster thing (terrible CGI again) which didn't really do anything, totally mediocre and has been done before over and over *sigh*.

Yes the film sticks to original source material by staying violent with plenty of blood and gore (although the blood was again bad CGI in places), but the film just felt like it lacked care, just tossing together all the old cliches and old ideas and throwing out yet another lame reboot/remake..whatever.

I really do like Jason Momoa, but I have trouble pinning down exactly why I didn't like this movie. Maybe I found the plot a little bit too crazy to make sense. It seems like Conan's tribe is a bunch of bloodthirsty destroyers. Why are we siding with them over the other bloodthirsty destroyers? Because they look less creepy? Flip a coin. It really annoys me in movies when the female characters are not actually characters at all, but more like devices to spur other characters into action by nagging them, requiring a heroic rescue or giving them something to screw. Tamara was the worst offender. Where are all the female barbarians? Off fighting with the Amazons?

Ever since I saw this guy on Game of Thrones, I have to say that I am smitten. He is hot! So, I'm not sure if my opinion of this movie was swayed by that, or not. Plus, this is my kind of movie anyway. I really enjoyed this. It was well done. Had great style, great action, and definitely never a dull moment. It is quite clear that critics are NOT fans of these kinds of movies...they never seem to like them. I, on the other hand, love them..

With plenty of action,a new face for the Barbarian and Morgan Freeman as the Narrator, this film isn't the worst. However, with very few creatures than it advertised, it left me quite unsatisified. With some obvious moments, and no reason for the violence, this film seems unecessary. Finally, the CGI is relatively poor, so this film is best to no touched, unless you like mindless yet poor fighting.

The tale of Conan the Cimmerian and his adventures across the continent of Hyboria on a quest to avenge the murder of his father and the slaughter of his village.

Good movie! It was fun and interesting. The plot was simple to follow. Good action scenes. Go see it!

A quest that begins as a personal vendetta for the fierce Cimmerian warrior soon turns into an epic battle against hulking rivals, horrific monsters, and impossible odds, as Conan realizes he is the only hope of saving the great nations of Hyboria from an encroaching reign of supernatural evil.

A decent enough film with plenty of action, blood, sword fights etc. It has a decent cast and good cgi, overall though it doesn't have the strongest story line. I just felt like it was missing something to make it stand out from the crowd.

There's no possible way that I could give the reboot of Conan the Barbarian anything but one star. This movie is horribly flawed in nearly every category: performances, story, direction, special effects... you name it. I find it amazing that such big name actors were drawn into this little project. I'm sure they were shown a lot of cool concept art and/or they were handed healthy paychecks. Either way, it's surprising to see them hamming it up in this pile of manure. The one saving grace that this movie does have is that it winds up being an unintentional comedy... especially if you're into story mechanics and editing. It's absolutely hilarious in that regard. Some of the scenes even feel like they were edited specifically for comedic purposes, when I know in the back of my mind that they weren't. Don't get me wrong though. I'm not recommending this movie in a positive light. Even though I found it funny, I couldn't bring myself to watch it again. However, if you're looking for a way to kill a couple of hours with some pretty good laughs, then by all means, go out and Redbox this one. I should note here that I also Redboxed this one, and I'm not even a fan of Redbox. That's how uninterested in it I was: I wouldn't even spend more than a buck to see it.

There is nothing special about this, except the boring bad plot.

four stars!!!

"I live, I love, I slay, and I am content."

The tale of Conan the Cimmerian and his adventures across the continent of Hyboria on a quest to avenge the murder of his father and the slaughter of his village.

REVIEW
There was a lengthy, and promising, opening sequence telling of young Conan's birth, winning his spurs, and then the defining event in turning him into the nomadic warrior we are used to. This section was good. Then, early in the adult Conan's activities, we meet a large group of attractive bare-breasted cuties, at which point I thought "Hello, this movie looks distinctly promising." Unfortunately, they put in no further appearances. Instead, what happens is that Conan does some fighting. Then he fights some more. After that, he fights again. And then he does some fighting. I have never seen a film with so much fighting in it. Unfortunately, this takes the place of little things like character development.

I think this film is so keen to lay out its credentials as a fresh, and adult, take on Conan after the Schwarzenegger era than it makes it clear early on that there will be gory violence and sex, and then forgets that a movie needs a bit more than that. The story is adequate but, if stripped of the fighting, would probably take about 10 minutes to tell. It looks good, if dark (as is the current fashion), Jason Momoa looks the part (it's a bit difficult to tell if he can act it as he isn't given much opportunity to do anything except fight), and Stephen Lang overdoes the sneering.

Conan the Barbarian is a painful and dumb experience with a lot of blood but no payoff. The story is of a quest that begins as a personal vendetta for the fierce Cimmerian warrior soon turns into an epic battle against hulking rivals, horrific monsters, and impossible odds, as Conan (Jason Momoa) realizes he is the only hope of saving the great nations of Hyboria from an encroaching reign of supernatural evil. The plot is pretty pointless and stupid, they use another revenge story we have seen a thousand times before and we will see at thousand times after, and the characters were barely even actors, I think they picked the guys with six packs and hoped they could act, and any girl with big boobs they would keep too. The cast as I said is terrible, they were emotionless, creepy, and just working for a paycheck, that is it, nothing more, nothing less. The action was almost decent, there were moments that were a little worth my time but they were short and done quickly, soon the action becomes a little repetitive as well. Conan the Barbarian is a film I recommend to nobody who wants a good time, because I sure did not find it here.

Not as cheesy as it could've been. MILDLY entertaining, but I use that word carefully.

Conan the Barbarian 2011 is a better made film than its predecessor. It also has the benefit of a much higher budget, which gives director Marcus Nispel free reign to CGI as much as he wants, add as much blood and gore as he wants, and stage as many drawn out elaborate action sequences as he can cram in 2 hours.
I found the 1982 Conan to be frustratingly boring and cheesy. This new version kept my eyes on the screen as the violence and blood sprayed in epic fashion. Jason Momoa is a much better action lead than even Arnold was at this point in their respective careers. He's got a good balance of badass action hero for the guys, and dreamy, confident romantic for the ladies.
Unfortunately, all is not entirely well and good for this remake. I hated the original, but I understand that when it was released, there was nothing else quite like it. It's a dated film, but I know I would have a different view of that film had I been a teenager in 1982. It also launched the career of the granddaddy of all action stars - Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger. This new Conan, as well made as it is, does nothing to distinguish itself from the many sword fantasies that are dime a dozen at the multiplex. 300, Immortals, Troy, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Clash of the Titans to name a few. This new Conan the Barbarian simply joins the list for better or for worse.
The film is fun, but it leaves you with nothing. It unfolds in a formulaic, predictable fashion. Even the action scenes feel uninspired. Simple action may be enough for some, especially fans of cheesy 80s inspired pictures, but that's only a small group of people. The turnout may not be enough to launch Jason Momoa as a bonafide action star, no matter how much he deserves it.

"I live, I love, I slay, and I am content."

This Conan reboot is quite different from the old Schwarzenegger flicks from the 80's, but it's not necessarily better. If anything, it lacks the charm of the older movies. It's just an average sword and sorcery flick with the violence and blood turned up to 11. Worth a rental if you're curious, but Conan the Barbarian doesn't stand out in any real way.

An explosive and electrifying action-packed extravaganza. It`s pulse-pounding, sexy, fierce, epic and furious. A bold, stylish, very intense and very brutal roller-coaster ride that just pure bloody fun from start to finish. This is popcorn action movie entertainment at it`s very best. The action and battle sequences are spectacular and well-crafted. Loads of dazzling special effects and great scenery that adds to the films visual flair. Jason Momoa is outstanding, he is a born action star and looks like he will be a promising and stellar film hero. This film is a tribute to the old-school with a hard-core mixture of rock and roll and hits the screen dead-on. A fearless and unrelenting adventure that delivers the blood soaked action and spectacle we have been wating for.

First things first, Jason Momoa(Conan) ain't no Arnold. Arnold had a charisma that Momoa just doesn't have. Momoa is just ok, but really he's just a model trying to be a badass. Now, other than the fact that Momoa isn't as cool as Arnold, this is still a great action flick. The effects are great(wish i would have seen this is 3D), and make up for a generic story. This is the story of Conan the Barbarian's quest to avenge his father's murder and save the nations of Hyboria. I know ladies, you will probably want/need to sit this one out. This is a 100% guys type of movie(I know, I know, what business do I have watching this? Well for starters, I'm a dude). Lots and lots of blood, violence, some sex, and just an entertaining thrill ride. The supporting cast is just ok, but part of the blame there is the weak dialogue throughout. It's not a very well written movie, but it's a movie that looks great. Style over substance for sure. So guys, when football isn't on and your lady is gone, pop this bad boy in and have a beer and some pizza.

Decent re-make, with a lot of blood, swordplay and bare-breasted beauties. Jason Momoa may not be as awesome as Schwarzenegger was, but he's not a bad choice for the role, as we have previously seen proof of in Game of Thrones. And although hollow as a bone and riddled with cardboard stereotypes, I quite liked the film for what it supplied: as in action, sorcery and quite exciting visuals. It didn't appeal much to my intelligence, but the inner teenager in me was fairly content with what it offered. Just throw your expectations out the door, and you won't feel too let down once you delve into this world of barbary and poor dialogue. Mediocre, sure, but it could easily have been a lot worse.

Whooo boy does this stink. No, it's not rocket-science, making a great Conan film. In fact, you can narrow it down to three ingredients: swords, de-capitations, and boobs. That's it, and it takes real incompetence to mess that up. Unfortunately, director Marcus Nispel (best known for his awful unoriginal re-makes of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "Friday the 13th") has just the kind of incompetence to do it. Conan the Barbarian feels like a compilation of scenes from other similarly-themed movies (the big "water wheel" fight from the end of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is even ripped off here). Arrows raining down from the sky, the cgi sand monsters, and villains that are simultaneously cheesy and bland all feel so familiar because they've been lifted from other equally awful epic adventure films from the last 5 years or so. The obvious question is, if you're going to rip off a movie (or movies), why not rip off something better, or at least more successful? Prince of Persia: the Sands of Time didn't exactly rake in the box office dollars, so why imitate it so heavily? Well, having said all this, there is a minor bit of fun to be had with Conan. Mostly it's just a big bore.

The vengeful hero and the damsel in distress. Conan The Barbarian is a hackneyed and bland narrative sufficing with relentless gore and violence. Unnecessary remake of the 1982 Arnold Schwarzenegger version. Barbaric.

I was hoping that "Conan the Barbarian" would be good trash. Instead, it was just boring. One average, unimaginative battle scene after the next. I couldn't wait for it to end.

Lead actor, Jason Momoa, who is of Hawaiian descent, has some charisma and could possibly turn into a significant star. But it doesn't look like he's getting the right kind of drama coaching. He seems to put all his attention into body-building and maintaining sexual magnetism. This is good, but that's not enough to build a movie career.

It should be noted that he's the same actor who plays the barbarian king in the thrilling new HBO series, "Game of Thrones." In that series, he's given almost no lines. He just skulks around showing off his physicality. Someone's got to teach him to do more.