Critical Consensus: This Film Is "Condemned"; "Next" Vexes; Guess "Invisible," "Kickin' It" Tomatometers!

This week at the movies, we've got clairvoyants ("Next," with Nicolas Cage and Julianne Moore), cons ("The Condemned," starring Steve Austin and Vinnie Jones), teen spirits ("The Invisible," starring Justin Chatwin), and breakdancers ("Kickin' It Old Skool," starring Jamie Kennedy and Bobby Lee). Are the critics feeling it this week?

Another year, another slickly-produced Philip K. Dick adaptation. In "Next," Nicolas Cage stars as a Cassandra-like magician who can see terrible things happening two minutes in the future. (Sorta like "Memento," but the other way around. Or something.) The movie also features Julianne Moore as an FBI agent on his trail attempting to thwart a terrorist plot, and Jessica Biel as the love interest. The critics say the biggest problem with "Next" is that it fails to provide a consistent framework for Cage's character's remarkable powers. In addition, it lacks the nuance of source writer Dick's text and features mediocre performances. At 33 percent on the Tomatometer, you may not want this one to be "Next" on you're viewing schedule.


"Can you throw on a little 'Ninth Symphony?'"

In the wrestling ring, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin made for a compelling antihero. In "The Condemned," his first starring vehicle? Not so much, but don't entirely blame the noted purveyor of the stone cold stunner. Austin stars as a death-row inmate sent to a remote island, where he and nine other prisoners must duke it out on live television for the ultimate prize: freedom. Critics say this retread of "The Most Dangerous Game" and "The Running Man" is undone by its shopworn premise and its message, which is that vicarious, voyeuristic violence is bad (as the film itself traffics in vicarious, voyeuristic violence). At 12 percent on the Tomatometer, this one's been "Condemned," all right.


Slap fight!

Critics have been kept in the dark with regard to David S. Goyer's latest, "The Invisible." This tale of a teenager trapped between the living and the dead wasn't screened for the scribes. In addition, the pundits haven't been allowed to bust a move with "Kickin' It Old Skool," the Rip Van Winkle-inspired tale of a breakdancer (Jamie Kennedy) who gets his poppin' and lockin' crew together after a 20-year repose. Take a temporary break from listening to Run DMC and guess those Tomatometers.


You're the best, Jamie Kennedy!

Also opening this week in limited release: "Triad Election," Johnny To's star-studded Hong Kong gangster flick, is at 88 percent on the Tomatometer; "Diggers," a slice-of-life tale of clam diggers in Maine starring Paul Rudd and Lauren Ambrose, is at 86 percent; "The Short Life of Jose Antonio Gutierrez," a doc about the first soldier killed in Iraq, is at 83 percent; the French thriller "Poison Friends" is at 82 percent; "Snow Cake," a drama about the aftermath of a fatal accident starring Sigourney Weaver and Carrie-Anne Moss, is at 68 percent; "Zoo," an impressionistic doc about bestiality, is at 53 percent; and the Raymond Carver adaptation "Jindabyne," starring Laura Linney and Gabriel Byrne, is at 56 percent.


"Heard any good clam jokes?"

Films Not Screened for Critics in 2007 (Best To Worst Tomatometer Score):
----------------------------------------------
28% -- Ghost Rider
24% -- The Abandoned
21% -- The Hitcher
20% -- Dead Silence
16% -- Primeval
14% -- The Messengers
13% -- The Hills Have Eyes 2
11% -- Slow Burn
10% -- Blood and Chocolate
3% -- Epic Movie
0% -- Redline

Recent Philip K. Dick Adaptations:
--------------------------------------
66% -- A Scanner Darkly (2006)
28% -- Paycheck (2003)
92% -- Minority Report (2002)
15% -- Impostor (2001)
29% -- Screamers (1995)

Comments

supafly006

Fulton Singleton

[b]Guess the tomato[/b]
Invisible 14%
Kickin it old school 28%

Apr 26 - 05:21 PM

ManofStee1

Alec G

I'm really surprised The Invisible wasn't screened, it looked pretty promising to me.

Kickin' -- 05%
The Invisible -- 30%

Apr 27 - 01:09 PM

DreCosby

David Gonzalez

kios- 13%
invisible- 45%

Apr 26 - 05:48 PM

SplendidIsolation

Rick King

Wow, this is one bad week for movies; although Jindabyne looks pretty good despite what the critics are saying. I just don`t know what to say for zoo though. It sounds interesting (in the sick and perverted way, of course) and yet if I see it, I will probably need counselling afterwards (not to mention a few thousand cold showers). Anybody else here seeing the movie?

As for Tomatometers:

kickin` it old school- 7%
the invisible- 9%

Apr 26 - 06:16 PM

smartmoviekid

jonathan ramirez

Invisible about 17%
kickin it old school hmmm abot between 10 and 16 % i say around 14%

Apr 26 - 06:32 PM

mizzoucritic

Sean Ludwig

The Invisible - 21%

Kickin' It Old Skool - 11%

Apr 26 - 08:12 PM

lrm8

john smith

kickin' = 0%
invisible = 31%

Apr 26 - 08:26 PM

Peacealien

Richard Seymour

kickin - 14%

Invisible - 26%

Apr 26 - 10:32 PM

AudioNinja

TJ O'Neill

Invisible - 7%
Kickin' - 22%

Apr 27 - 08:17 AM

CFM

'schak Attack

I think Jamie Kennedy is very talented, and I hope someday he gets a worthy movie project. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say a breakdancin' spoof ain't it.

Apr 27 - 08:20 AM

CFM

'schak Attack

It's good to finally see Nic Cage in a movie again. He hasn't been in any for awhile.

*wink*

Apr 27 - 08:32 AM

Unbreakable Samurai

Unbreakable Samurai

Kickin-15%
Invisible-29%
I want to see both Next, and The Invisible so hopefully they aren't that bad. I think I'll go see Fracture this weekend too.

Apr 27 - 10:32 AM

-eternity-

lol eternity

The Invisible- 9%
Kickin' It Old School- 5%

Apr 27 - 10:48 AM

Praz

Rajit Sarkar

Kickin' it Old Skool - 30%, but I'm still going to watch it.

Apr 27 - 12:31 PM

ManofStee1

Alec G

I'm really surprised The Invisible wasn't screened, it looked pretty promising to me.

Kickin' -- 05%
The Invisible -- 30%

Apr 27 - 01:09 PM

~*Admiral Snowstorm*~

Dominique Amsterdam

The Invisible - 39%
Kickin' It Old Skool - 25%

Indeed, I'm going to see The Invisible in a few hours with a friend of mine. Guess I'll see firsthand if it's any good or not.

Apr 27 - 01:54 PM

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