Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

One and a half stars

Directed by Sarah Sugarman. Screenplay by Gail Parent, based on the book by Dyan Sheldon. Released by Buena Vista Pictures. Rated PG (for mild thematic elements and brief language). Running time: 86 minutes.


The cast

Lola Lindsay Lohan
Ella Alison Pill
Stu Adam Garcia
Carla Megan Fox
Ms. Baggoli Carol Kane
Karen Glenn Headly

by Michael Drakulich

Most teenage girlie flicks remind me of bubble-gum lip gloss: slick looking, saccharine sweet and not very long lasting.

If they are done reasonably well, with a little self-deprecating humor, I couldn't summon up much criticism. I could write it off as harmless escapist entertainment for the 8-13 year old demographic.

Fine. We all need a little break to indulge a few guilty pleasures.

But when I get a line like "Dreams are important. Sometimes they just find you," I cringe. Especially when it comes from a 15-year old girl whose only discernible dream in the film was to lie her way into a concert by her favorite band and crash the party just so she can meet the boozing lead guitarist. That tells me this film has taken itself somewhat seriously, which just invites criticism.

And who am I to turn down the opportunity.

"Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" is kind of like a softer "Almost Famous" but not nearly as insightful nor mature.

Lindsay Lohan plays Lola Cep, whose mother uproots her and her two siblings from New York and moves them to suburban New Jersey.

As the title suggests, Lola is prone to exaggeration and histrionics and doesn’t want to leave her home.

So she abandons all hope of ever becoming a "serious actress." Such dreams dashed at such an early age. But, mind you, dreams find you, and this persevering young girl.

She turns her dreams to attending the farewell concert of her favorite band, Sidarthur. As a sidetrack, she auditions for her new school's play.

Lola manages to find competition for the play's lead character from Carla (Megan Fox), whose father also happens to be Sidarthur’s attorney.

Almost immediately the two start an inane competition over who will get the role of Eliza Doolittle in the school’s production of Pygmalion and who will get the most access to a party after Sidarthur’s last concert.

But what Lola must do, her big dream as it were, is to meet Stu, the lead guitarist for the band (because of course, in grand dramatic fashion, she tells us he’s the greatest poet since Shakespeare) How high she sets her goals.

Though Lola manages to crash the after-concert party, Carla convinces everyone Lola wasn’t really there. Lola has been found to be less than honest about a lot of things and her credibility among her classmates is shot. She just wanted to make herself more interesting to her new classmates, she explains.

Lola is so humiliated afterward, she just cannot summon the energy to per-form in the play's opening night performance. She’s just too sick to make it, thus bailing on the whole production without notice.

Lola’s character reminds me of similar people we all went to school with. You could tell immediately when they were lying about themselves, but didn’t bother trying to prove them wrong. You just snicker at them and kind of stay away. So why this same type of person is worth building a film script around is a bit beyond my comprehension.

On top of that, this film perpetuates the typical stereotypes where the beautiful people are deserving of all the breaks and the less attractive geeks, in this case Ella (Alison Pill), are happy to just have the beautiful people to pal around with.

But everything works out of course, with all the right people learning all the right lessons. Lola stops lying, Stu goes into detox, and Carla gets her comeuppance.

There will be legions of young girls who will look at these stars’ good looks, and cool clothing, and want to be just like them.

I’m hoping there are kids who see this and aren’t fooled by the slick production value; ones who will be able to set their own goals a little higher.
*
Michael Drakulich is a member of the Chicago Film Critics Association. He may be reached at (708) 802-8841 or via e-mail at mdrakulich@starnewspapers.com