Half a star out of ****
I wasn't aware that filmmakers still stooped as low as Fred M. Andrews has with "Creature". The film, which is a catastrophe on its own right that should serve as a damn fine example of how to make an intentionally bad movie bad even for its kind, is terrible as it is, and it's not enough that one of the major themes is hillbilly stereotyping; better yet, Andrews makes it his mission to come off as an immature and emotionally unstable filmmaker by calling all who trashed his movie "bottom feeders". It wasn't going to take long before I became one of them. The project at least has good ambition to back it up, and I'm all for a film in this vein. But Andrews seems to believe his heart is in the right place, when it's not. And in that case, eh, I'd rather be with the bottom feeders.
A group of six college-age kids - two couples, one brother and sister - go to New Orleans and take a rest stop somewhere in the swamp area at a shack owned by a guy named Chopper (Sid Haig) who tells them the story of a local myth, Lockjaw, while they're there. Lockjaw is apparently half man and half alligator; the man part coming from a guy who was once completely human, until his lover - of course, his sister - was taken for him by a ferocious gator, causing him to kill the beast and then consume its meat, which obviously turns you into a gator too.
Lockjaw is still lurking in the swamp, albeit concealed in the darkness (he feeds at night, most of the time, but he's a flexible fella). Do the obnoxious kids care? Nope. They're going to find Lockjaw's birthplace, which is a cabin out in the middle of the woods, and they're going to camp out nearby for a night of sex, drugs, and alcohol. But oh no, Lockjaw isn't about to let that happen. He's always close, ready to pounce; and from then on, let the alligator man's primitive race commence. Andrews tries making this at least somewhat interesting by allowing the swampland locals to show their true colors once Lockjaw has begun his spree, and there's also a twist at the end in which the black guy is the one to live.
But there's something fishy about that. To let the black guy live would entail that Andrews has done his homework in regards to the horror genre...yet none of that translates into how he made the movie itself. "Creature" feels like something even less than a student film; it's the unfortunate bastard product of a man who likes dirty jokes a bit too much and thinks that stereotyping is still acceptable in today's cinematic society. Yes, stereotyping can still be funny in certain cases; but only if it says something about human beings, which "Creature" does not. It makes the mistake of being a full-on horror farce; although it's neither funny nor scary.
Poorly shot, poorly acted, and just plain annoying and unbearable from start to finish; "Creature" is a shit film that only a select few will be able to enjoy as a minor guilty pleasure. Me, I saw no pleasure; only an hour and a half of sheer hell. The film pretends to have a whole lot of absurd up its sleeve, but I guess that's limited to sibling hand jobs and alligator men ripping off limbs. The gore is too tame, and while the boobage (AKA the other half of this cinematic equation) is not, you need both parts to work in order for the movie to. I like the rubber monster movies of the 50's and I tend to love B-movies, but this film does not capture them in spirit. It's bland an unimaginative; I literally have nothing to say for it. Andrews' views on backwoods hillbilly society is at a level I'd expect from a kid in High School, or maybe even someone at the age of one of his dumbass characters. I had no idea grown adults were this stupid, and I also had no idea that people would pay for crap like this to hit a few theatrical screens instead of being dumped straight-to-video. Whoever wanted this movie released clearly shared a similar mindset as our boy Andrews. Good thing people like this are so low on the human scale; they don't have the capacity to fuck up modern cinema for the rest of us. Thank fucking God.