By crikey! — I interviewed Steve Irwin.

You know, that guy in the khaki shorts and shirt who wallows in the Australian mud with his little dog, Sui.

That guy who dives headfirst into pitch-black swamps to wrangle ornery man-eaters with his bare hands.

That mate who free-handles the most venomous snakes in the world with nothing more than his steady wits.

That Australian who has more catchphrases — “crikey,” “whatta shame,” “isn’t she gorgeous,” etc. — than all the characters on the Simpsons combined.

You know that guy — The Crocodile Hunter!

Irwin, that lovable bloke who’s dazzled the animal kingdom on the Discovery Channel, now has a new movie, Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course, a self-parody of the TV show set up as an odd spy adventure.

When Irwin, and his “wifey-poo” Terri, came into town to promote the new flick, the West Valley View was more than ready to go toe-to-toe with the man I refer to as the Toughest Man Alive and his “Sheila.”

WVV: How was the filming of the movie different from the filming of the TV show?

Steve Irwin: The animal stuff is very similar. What you see is what you get, because I had to really catch those crocs. I had to virtually ignore the cameras because I had to keep me and Terri and Sui alive. The movie side of it was weird, tedious. It was so unlike anything I’ve ever done. I had to do some stuff 10 times. “What? You want me to do it again? Why?”

Terri Irwin: At least the movie’s a tremendous showcase of, if anything, the Australian outback. We were filming in the Simpson Desert, and instead of a crew of four, we have a crew of 100 people. Whereas I liked hanging out in an air-conditioned trailer, Steve liked hanging a tarp between two trees and sitting outside with all his friends — flies, snakes, stuff like that. That kept Steve on an even keel, because even if it’s take 10 on the boat chase, we’re in a boat on a river and we can admire our surroundings.

It’s funny because I admire Hollywood women who prepare for roles and for this I really worked out, not to look good on camera, but to be able to lift the boat and help Steve with the crocodile and …

SI: Hey, but don’t sell yourself short, sweetheart. You’ve been strong and rugged in our 10 years of marriage, which is the 10 years of Croc Hunter. You can handle yourself fine.

WVV: You wrestle a huge croc in the movie. Did you try to outdo yourself for the film?

SI: Oh yeah, mate, he’s almost 12 feet long, over 400 kilos and his name’s Graham. He’s one naughty croc. He’s tried to kill me and he’s tried to kill my mate, and nearly did. He’s got an attitude, but so does his girlfriend, Bindi — that’s my daughter’s namesake. She’s mean, too. She actually cracked me across the head and busted me up a bit while I was underwater.

WVV: One of the best points with the film is the way you stayed true to who and what you are. Is that the way you wanted it?

SI: Oh, yeah, mate. The dialogue was ad libbed. No script, no story. That’s how they wanted it. They wanted us to stay natural and to not be Hollywood actors.

TI: It was fun watching the story unfold. To think that some people in the world would think we’re international spies! We enjoyed the storyline because during the making of it we were as naive as we were actually supposed to be in the movie.

SI: It was a real kick to go to the premier and see myself on the cinema wrestling a croc or snake. Meanwhile everyone in the cinema is gripping their mate’s leg or the chair, or your veins are pulsing because you’re so nervous for me. Don’t worry, I was nervous too. But then, people can laugh at me and say, “That Steve Irwin bloke, he’s a character.”

WVV: Does the movie stress that you’re real people doing a very real job?

SI: Mate, it’s about this: Life’s a journey, here’s our life, here’s our journey. It gets filmed and it’s exciting and it’s fun. Everyone’s in this journey called life and it’s about the family, mate. There’s nothing more important than the family and humanity, human life. Sincerely, mate, there’s nothing more important than that. Keep the family unit strong — that’s what my mum always wanted.

TI: It’s exciting because Steve is such a catalyst, an inspiration, to take on the next level. We get thousands of phone calls and e-mails at the Australia Zoo and when I go through those I can feel it with people, that desire to do something more. Steve ignites that in so many people. It was an adventure filming the movie and life is an adventure and hopefully that will happen with everybody.

WVV: Describe where the money made from Collision Course will be going?

SI: Every single cent of our slice of the pie is going directly to animal conservation.

TI: The pie is huge and MGM will slice it into really, really, really tiny pieces, but we’re hoping that people are happy to know that by seeing this movie they too are helping wildlife.

SI: It’s from the heart and, historically speaking, Crocodile Hunter funds that Terri and I have gained have gone directly into animal conservation. Oh, crikey, and the merchandising, some people think it’s so we can get money and be rich. It’s about getting our message into the playgrounds and sandboxes across the world. If you wear a Croc Hunter T-shirt, that means you support animals the way we support animals.

TI: The money we get from the merchandising, it’s a six-digit sum of money, which is not much. Steve’s new croc project will cost $5 million, so it helps, but it doesn’t pay for everything. It’s a drop in the conservation bucket. It helps and the main thing is to keep the message going. We love watching the kids play Steve and Terri, rescuing things and crocs.

SI: Crocodile Hunter is not just about conservation though, mate, it’s also about family. There seems be a long gone day when a family would sit down and watch the telly and talk about what they’re watching. Those days when a family goes somewhere as a group are gone. My mum and dad taught me, and Terri’s mum and dad taught her — keep your family together. When we travel we take everyone: Terri and I, baby Bindi and most of the time, my dog Sui. Somewhere in the plot, families lost that connection to each other. Croc Hunter will always be about, and always has been about, getting the family together and involved with each other and with the wildlife around them.

WVV: What’s the next project then?

SI: There’s an endangered population of elephants in Indonesia that needs help and we aim to help them as soon as we possibly can. We’ve already been over there once before and absolutely fell in love with them, but things haven’t got any better. So that’s it — we’re going.

WVV: So what’s the problem? Poachers?

SI: Naw, mate. It’s habitat destruction, the encroachment of man. You know, Indonesia is one of the most populated places in the world, and they’re fast running out of bush and we’re probably going to pull a few of them into captivity. They’re starving out, getting poisoned, killed, shot, snared, trapped and tortured. It’s sad mate, very sad. That’s just one of a million stories, though, that we can tell. We’ve just got to put one foot in front of the other and strive to do what we can and be happy with what we do.

TI: Sometimes people wonder how we pick a project and how we figure out what conservation project we’re going to focus on next. I heard a firefighter friend of mine say it best: “When you go into a burning building where a 14-year-old girl and an 80-year-old man are trapped, who do you save when you only have time to save just one?”

WVV: The younger one?

TI: That’s what a lot of people would say, but the correct answer is whichever one you come to first. Firefighters don’t make decisions; they just save who they can. Maybe Steve and I can’t save the elephants or the Tazmanian devils, but we’re going to save what we can.

SI: That’s an awfully gruesome question, but we have to ask it.

WVV: So what’s phase one with the elephants then?

SI: Well, we’re not sure. Terri and I always seem to arm wrestle on projects. She wants to do something with the Tazmanian Devils too. They’re also in a bit of trouble.

TI: We don’t argue about normal marriage things, we argue about what animals we’re going to help next.

SI: On our honeymoon — we’ve been married 10 years — we went straight to those elephants.

TI: No, for our 10th wedding anniversary.

SI: Sorry, what did I say?

TI: Our honeymoon. It was just like a honeymoon, let me tell you.

SI: Well, Ter, we don’t have to get into that. [Laughing] It’s not that kind of article is it?

WVV: Trust me, no. On to other subjects: You went snake hunting basically in my back yard — the View’s office is near Luke Air Force Base, Ariz.

SI: By crikey, those guys at Luke took care of us. They know how to treat visitors. Say g’day to those Luke pilots and crew for me. They’re nice guys and they’re doing their absolute best to preserve the wildlife. On the show, when we were out at Luke Air Force Base, I only touched on the surface of the amazing set of snakes you got in this beautiful Arizona desert. We sneak back in Arizona all the time, one because it looks and feels a lot like our Australian home and, two, because your snakes are mighty beautiful.

TI: It was eye-opening for me on the military base, because I’ve always been one of those naive people who thinks war, conflict and weaponry when someone mentions the military. You don’t realize that a great deal of their time is just dealing with conservation and looking after the land. Ironically — oh, here’s something for you — the most animals are in areas like the bombing ranges. It’s so weird, we were standing there in spent shells and it’s thick with wildlife.

SI: Crikey, absolutely. It’s amazing.

TI: I told Steve: “Isn’t this scary? Where there are no people, there are more animals in spite of the fact that they’re living on a bombing range.” People are more destructive than bombs, that’s what that said to me.

WVV: Do you feel like a celebrity?

SI: Oh, no. We’re normal people. We’re not Hollywood actors like Bruce Willis and Matt Damon and Will Smith. We’re just Steve and Terri Irwin and we love animals.

WVV: Watching the show, one could say you’re the toughest man alive. Is there any truth to that?

SI: Hmmmm …

TI: It’s true.

SI: [Pointing at Terri] You’re biased.

TI: He’s a real-life action hero.

SI: Check this out, mate. I got clubbed in the face by an alligator; almost got my jaw broke. It just went crack across my face, head butted me, tooth snagged my neck and got a little cut. It hurt, but I’m all right.

TI: Steve heals like an alien.

SI: I reckon that if a croc ate my arm, I’d just grow a new one. I’ve been doing this since I was born and it looks kind of wild and bizarre and I do achieve things that people thought were unachievable like the Bionic Man, but I’m not the Bionic Man. Here’s what it is: I’ve been doing it for so long and I know what I’m doing, but I do make mistakes. Everyone does; it doesn’t matter if you’re a journalist or a croc rescuer. It’s the nature of the game. We learn and there’s no point walking around with a sour face. It’s a journey. Have fun.

TI: I don’t agree with you totally …

SI: Uh oh, here we go. Domestic argument starting right now.

TI: All of my adult life I’ve worked with animals and I know people that have also worked with animals their entire lives. The difference with Steve is he is truly gifted. I work with the same animals as Steve and I wish I were more like him. When I hold a rattlesnake, it’s like holding a piece of dynamite with the fuse lit. I’m a little bit nervous. But when you watch Steve, he puts every ounce of his concentration, love and consideration into handling that snake and it settles down and begins gliding through his fingers. Everywhere we go Steve is told, ‘You can’t handle that Sidewinder; it’ll bite you. You can’t handle a black mamba; it’ll bite you. You can’t handle this cobra; it’ll bite you. Chleo the Cobra — when we were on with her on the Oprah show — wouldn’t even hood up or do the cobra stance.

SI: The guy was stunned. It was his snake and he was freaked out that I was handling his snake so calmly and with such ease.

TI: Steve-O, use the force.

SI: When I handle the most poisonous snake in the world I have to remember several things: first, don’t get killed, and second, keep the snake calm. I do it because I love them. I can’t help them. If I could kiss them on the lips I would, but it would cost me my life.

What’s great is, that each snake, each croc, each animal I come in contact with has it’s own unique personality. When you see a rattler out there you think it’s just some slithery snake. It’s not — it’s an individual and each individual snake has its own preferences, likes, dislikes and personalities.

TI: There are species of rattlesnakes that actually hang out on a rock or underneath a rock overhang and guard the female.

SI: Isn’t that cute?

TI: Yeah, and they have communities that are basically rattlesnake cities. There’s a transit rock, where all the snakes moving through stop at for shade and shelter and then they move on their way. There’s a bachelor cave …

SI: You know, where the boys go to the nudie bar.

TI: There’s a maternity ward, where all the snakes give birth. It’s a little city. I never knew that until hanging out with Steve. We just think of snakes as these unthinking fighting robots programmed to kill, but they’re not.

SI: Thanks Terri, that’s a very good set of analogies. I may get old and slower and a might more wrinkly, but one thing will never change — snakes and crocs rule!

Michael Clawson can be reached by e-mail mclawson@westvalleyview.com.