Dark Shadows Quotes

The top Dark Shadows quotes selected by the Rotten Tomatoes community. Login to submit a quote!

• 1. David Collins: Uncle Barnabas, why do you have ladies underwear on your head?
  2. Barnabas Collins: Never mind that.
  – Submitted by Ah-lick L (50 days ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: What is that thing?
  2. Dr. Julia Hoffman: It's a lamp.
  3. Barnabas Collins: It looks like a pulsating blood urn!
  – Submitted by Ah-lick L (50 days ago)
• 1. Carolyn Stoddard: He's not staying with us forever, is he?
  2. David Collins: I like him.
  – Submitted by Ah-lick L (50 days ago)
• 1. Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: Fight on, Barnabus, Fight on for us.
  2. Barnabas Collins: And fight i shall!
  – Submitted by Ah-lick L (50 days ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: I have another proposition. It reads thusly: You may place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!
  – Submitted by Nunya B (4 months ago)
• 1. Carolyn Stoddard: Are you stoned or something?
  2. Barnabas Collins: They tried stoning me, my dear. It did not work.
  – Submitted by Nunya B (4 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: They say blood is thicker than water. It is what defines us, binds us together...
  – Submitted by Nunya B (4 months ago)
• 1. Angelique: If I can't have you my love, il destroy you!
  – Submitted by Madie H (4 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: Are you ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN?
  – Submitted by Superkitty A (5 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: Mephistopheles!
  – Submitted by Jeffrey F (5 months ago)
• 1. Dr. Julia Hoffman: Every year I get half as pretty and twice as drunk.
  – Submitted by JG M (6 months ago)
• 1. Dr. Julia Hoffman: Who the hell is this?
  – Submitted by Jenna L (7 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: Fifteen, and no husband? You must put those birthing hips to good use at once, lest your womb shrivel up and die.
  – Submitted by James B (7 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: How dare you place your wicked lips upon me!
  – Submitted by Brooke H (7 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: Ugliest woman I've ever seen. [when he see's Alice Cooper]
  – Submitted by Dean M (8 months ago)
• 1. Victoria Winters: Good morning. I'm Victoria Winters.
  2. Willie Loomis: Congratulations.
  – Submitted by Dave M (8 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: [watching Scooby Doo] This is a *very* silly play...
  – Submitted by Claire H (8 months ago)
• 1. Carolyn Stoddard: I'm a werewolf. Get over it.
  – Submitted by Matthew D (8 months ago)
• 1. Carolyn Stoddard: Are stoned or something?
  2. Barnabas Collins: They tried stoning me, my dear. It did not work.
  – Submitted by Miles F (9 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: What is your age?
  2. Carolyn Stoddard: 15.
  3. Barnabas Collins: 15 and no husband.
  – Submitted by Ibraheem M (10 months ago)
• 1. Angelique: Burn baby burn.
  – Submitted by Juana L (10 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: [seeing rocker Alice Cooper performing] I knew a Alice Cooper.
  2. Barnabas Collins: [seeing rocker Alice Cooper performing] That is the ugliest woman.
  – Submitted by Gary H (10 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: Look into my eyes.
  – Submitted by Pantelis A (11 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: She has the most amazing birthing hips.
  – Submitted by Vicki N (11 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: Reveal yourself tiny songstress!
  – Submitted by Aidan B (11 months ago)
• 1. Dr. Julia Hoffman: Barnabus, have you ever heard of doctor-patient confidentiality?
  – Submitted by Aidan B (11 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: Here are my terms: Goest thou to hell, and swiftly please, and there may Azmodaeus himself suckle from your diseased teat!
  – Submitted by Trey A (11 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: Satan! Mock me not with your strange luminence.
  – Submitted by Skyler B (11 months ago)
• 1. Angelique: Sleeping flame I summonly to your form, return. Make the night as bright as day and Burn, baby, burn...
  – Submitted by OsLo P (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: [looks at his hands, skin, and fingernails changing, eyes bleeding] What have you done!
  – Submitted by Frederick L (12 months ago)
• 1. Angelique: [on top of Barnabas with her arms around him] Love me.
  2. Barnabas Collins: Never! [rolls on floor holding Angelique. They make love all over her office]
  – Submitted by Frederick L (12 months ago)
• 1. Angelique Bouchard: I'm going to make you an offer, Barnabas. My last. You can join me by my side and we can run Collinsport together as partners, and lovers... or I'll put you back in the box.
  2. Barnabas Collins: I have already prepared my counter-proposal. It reads thusly: You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!
  – Submitted by Lorenzo V (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: What kind of sorcery is this? Reveal yourself, you tiny songstress!
  2. Angelique: Burn, baby, burn!
  – Submitted by Stelios K (12 months ago)
• 1. Carolyn Stoddard: I'm a werewolf, let's not make a big deal out of it...woof.
  – Submitted by Directors C (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: That..was a regretable turn of events.
  – Submitted by Akaiya M (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: This Alice Cooper is the ugliest woman I have ever seen.
  – Submitted by Mark O (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: If a man can become a monster, then a monster can become a man.
  – Submitted by Zaenal A (12 months ago)
• 1. Dr. Julia Hoffman: Every year I get older I get half as pretty and twice as drunk!
  – Submitted by Jessica B (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: Go watch that Cooper woman.
  – Submitted by Ginny J (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: Reveal yourself, tiny songstress! [after seeing a TV for the 1st time]
  – Submitted by Ana Cely R (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: You may put your beautiful strategically upon my posterior, and kiss repeatedly!
  – Submitted by Joseph H (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: You had me locked in a box for over two hundred years!
  2. Angelique: Don't exaggerate, it was only a hundred and ninety-six.
  – Submitted by Mich M (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: A woman doctor... what an age this is!
  2. Dr. Julia Hoffman: Is he for real?
  – Submitted by Mich M (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: Angelique, you cannot love. That is your curse.
  – Submitted by David B (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: I must admit, they have not aged a day.
  – Submitted by Harsha T (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: I have father issues.
  – Submitted by Cole K (12 months ago)
• 1. Carolyn Stoddard: Are you stoned or something?
  2. Barnabas Collins: They tried stoning me my dear, it did not work.
  – Submitted by Chris B (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: What is your age?
  2. Carolyn Stoddard: 15?
  3. Barnabas Collins: 15! And no husband!? We must put those birthing hips to good use at once!
  – Submitted by Britney J (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: Future dweller, what is the year?
  2. Willie Loomis: 1972.
  3. Barnabas Collins: 1972?!
  – Submitted by Geramie T (12 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: You will strategically place your wonderful lips on my posterior and kiss it repeatadly!
  – Submitted by Joshua B (12 months ago)
• 1. Carolyn Stoddard: I guess the only thing missing is Alice Cooper!
  2. Barnabas Collins: Well, she should be our guest, nonetheless!
  3. Barnabas Collins: [as Alice Cooper sings ['No More Mr. Nice Guy'] Ugliest woman I've ever seen!
  – Submitted by Cody F (13 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: What is your age?
  2. Carolyn Stoddard: 15!
  3. Barnabas Collins: 15 and no husband! We must put those birthing hips to good use at once!
  – Submitted by Cody F (13 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: How soon can the horses be ready?
  2. Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: We don't have horses...we have a Chevy.
  – Submitted by Susan J (13 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly.
  – Submitted by Muthu M (13 months ago)
• 1. Carolyn Stoddard: Are you stoned or something?
  2. Barnabas Collins: They tried stoning me, my dear! It did not work!
  – Submitted by Cody F (14 months ago)
• 1. Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: Fight on, Barnabas! Fight on for us!
  2. Barnabas Collins: And fight I shall!
  – Submitted by Cody F (14 months ago)
• 1. Angelique Bouchard: BURN, BABY, BURN!
  – Submitted by Cody F (14 months ago)
• 1. Dr. Julia Hoffman: Is she for real?
  2. Barnabas Collins: INDEED!
  – Submitted by Cody F (14 months ago)
• 1. Angelique Bouchard: What if I made you love me?
  2. Barnabas Collins: With what? A spell?
  3. Angelique Bouchard: WITH THIS!
  4. Barnabas Collins: I must admit....they have not aged a day!
  – Submitted by Cody F (14 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: What sorcery is this? [rips out a cord from the TV] Reveal yourself, tiny songstress!
  – Submitted by Cody F (14 months ago)
• 1. Barnabas Collins: Reveal yourself! Tiny songstress!
  – Submitted by Augustine S (14 months ago)