Dark Shadows Quotes

The top Dark Shadows quotes selected by the Rotten Tomatoes community. Login to submit a quote!

  • Victoria Winters:
    You're the doctor.
    Dr. Julia Hoffman:
    Yes. And you're the nanny and she's the bitch.
    ‐ Submitted by Maryam Z (11 months ago)

  • Willie Loomis:
    Don't worry Mr. B. I never liked the bitch anyway.
    ‐ Submitted by John T (12 months ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    Ahhh, music... Yes, I'm rather fond of the music of the day. "I'm a picker, I'm a grinner, I'm a lover and I'm a sinner. I play my music in the sun."
    ‐ Submitted by John T (12 months ago)

  • Roger Collins:
    That's what I've been saying. This family needs more balls!
    ‐ Submitted by John T (12 months ago)

  • David Collins:
    Uncle Barnabas, why do you have ladies underwear on your head?
    Barnabas Collins:
    Never mind that.
    ‐ Submitted by Alec L (18 months ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    What is that thing?
    Dr. Julia Hoffman:
    It's a lamp.
    Barnabas Collins:
    It looks like a pulsating blood urn!
    ‐ Submitted by Alec L (18 months ago)

  • Carolyn Stoddard:
    He's not staying with us forever, is he?
    David Collins:
    I like him.
    ‐ Submitted by Alec L (18 months ago)

  • Elizabeth Collins Stoddard:
    Fight on, Barnabus, Fight on for us.
    Barnabas Collins:
    And fight i shall!
    ‐ Submitted by Alec L (18 months ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    I have another proposition. It reads thusly: You may place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!
    ‐ Submitted by Nunya B (21 months ago)

  • Carolyn Stoddard:
    Are you stoned or something?
    Barnabas Collins:
    They tried stoning me, my dear. It did not work.
    ‐ Submitted by Nunya B (21 months ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    They say blood is thicker than water. It is what defines us, binds us together...
    ‐ Submitted by Nunya B (21 months ago)

  • Angelique:
    If I can't have you my love, il destroy you!
    ‐ Submitted by Madie H (22 months ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    Are you ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN?
    ‐ Submitted by Superkitty A (22 months ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    Mephistopheles!
    ‐ Submitted by Jeffrey F (22 months ago)

  • Dr. Julia Hoffman:
    Every year I get half as pretty and twice as drunk.
    ‐ Submitted by JG M (23 months ago)

  • Dr. Julia Hoffman:
    Who the hell is this?
    ‐ Submitted by Jenna L (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    Fifteen, and no husband? You must put those birthing hips to good use at once, lest your womb shrivel up and die.
    ‐ Submitted by James B (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    How dare you place your wicked lips upon me!
    ‐ Submitted by Brooke H (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    Ugliest woman I've ever seen. [when he see's Alice Cooper]
    ‐ Submitted by Dean M (2 years ago)

  • Victoria Winters:
    Good morning. I'm Victoria Winters.
    Willie Loomis:
    Congratulations.
    ‐ Submitted by Dave M (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    [watching Scooby Doo] This is a *very* silly play...
    ‐ Submitted by Claire H (2 years ago)

  • Carolyn Stoddard:
    I'm a werewolf. Get over it.
    ‐ Submitted by Matthew D (2 years ago)

  • Carolyn Stoddard:
    Are stoned or something?
    Barnabas Collins:
    They tried stoning me, my dear. It did not work.
    ‐ Submitted by Miles F (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    What is your age?
    Carolyn Stoddard:
    15.
    Barnabas Collins:
    15 and no husband.
    ‐ Submitted by Ibraheem M (2 years ago)

  • Angelique:
    Burn baby burn.
    ‐ Submitted by Juana L (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    [seeing rocker Alice Cooper performing] I knew a Alice Cooper.
    Barnabas Collins:
    [seeing rocker Alice Cooper performing] That is the ugliest woman.
    ‐ Submitted by Gary H (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    Look into my eyes.
    ‐ Submitted by Pantelis A (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    She has the most amazing birthing hips.
    ‐ Submitted by Vicki N (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    Reveal yourself tiny songstress!
    ‐ Submitted by Aidan B (2 years ago)

  • Dr. Julia Hoffman:
    Barnabus, have you ever heard of doctor-patient confidentiality?
    ‐ Submitted by Aidan B (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    Here are my terms: Goest thou to hell, and swiftly please, and there may Azmodaeus himself suckle from your diseased teat!
    ‐ Submitted by Trey A (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    Satan! Mock me not with your strange luminence.
    ‐ Submitted by Skyler B (2 years ago)

  • Angelique:
    Sleeping flame I summonly to your form, return. Make the night as bright as day and Burn, baby, burn...
    ‐ Submitted by OsLo P (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    [looks at his hands, skin, and fingernails changing, eyes bleeding] What have you done!
    ‐ Submitted by Frederick L (2 years ago)

  • Angelique:
    [on top of Barnabas with her arms around him] Love me.
    Barnabas Collins:
    Never! [rolls on floor holding Angelique. They make love all over her office]
    ‐ Submitted by Frederick L (2 years ago)

  • Angelique Bouchard:
    I'm going to make you an offer, Barnabas. My last. You can join me by my side and we can run Collinsport together as partners, and lovers... or I'll put you back in the box.
    Barnabas Collins:
    I have already prepared my counter-proposal. It reads thusly: You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!
    ‐ Submitted by Lorenzo V (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    What kind of sorcery is this? Reveal yourself, you tiny songstress!
    Angelique:
    Burn, baby, burn!
    ‐ Submitted by Stelios K (2 years ago)

  • Carolyn Stoddard:
    I'm a werewolf, let's not make a big deal out of it...woof.
    ‐ Submitted by Directors C (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    That..was a regretable turn of events.
    ‐ Submitted by Akaiya M (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    This Alice Cooper is the ugliest woman I have ever seen.
    ‐ Submitted by Mark O (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    If a man can become a monster, then a monster can become a man.
    ‐ Submitted by Zaenal A (2 years ago)

  • Dr. Julia Hoffman:
    Every year I get older I get half as pretty and twice as drunk!
    ‐ Submitted by Jessica B (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    Go watch that Cooper woman.
    ‐ Submitted by Ginny J (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    Reveal yourself, tiny songstress! [after seeing a TV for the 1st time]
    ‐ Submitted by Ana Cely R (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    You may put your beautiful strategically upon my posterior, and kiss repeatedly!
    ‐ Submitted by Joseph H (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    You had me locked in a box for over two hundred years!
    Angelique:
    Don't exaggerate, it was only a hundred and ninety-six.
    ‐ Submitted by Mich M (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    A woman doctor... what an age this is!
    Dr. Julia Hoffman:
    Is he for real?
    ‐ Submitted by Mich M (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    Angelique, you cannot love. That is your curse.
    ‐ Submitted by David B (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    I must admit, they have not aged a day.
    ‐ Submitted by Harsha T (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    I have father issues.
    ‐ Submitted by Cole K (2 years ago)

  • Carolyn Stoddard:
    Are you stoned or something?
    Barnabas Collins:
    They tried stoning me my dear, it did not work.
    ‐ Submitted by Chris B (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    What is your age?
    Carolyn Stoddard:
    15?
    Barnabas Collins:
    15! And no husband!? We must put those birthing hips to good use at once!
    ‐ Submitted by Britney J (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    Future dweller, what is the year?
    Willie Loomis:
    1972.
    Barnabas Collins:
    1972?!
    ‐ Submitted by Geramie T (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    You will strategically place your wonderful lips on my posterior and kiss it repeatadly!
    ‐ Submitted by Joshua B (2 years ago)

  • Carolyn Stoddard:
    I guess the only thing missing is Alice Cooper!
    Barnabas Collins:
    Well, she should be our guest, nonetheless!
    Barnabas Collins:
    [as Alice Cooper sings ['No More Mr. Nice Guy'] Ugliest woman I've ever seen!
    ‐ Submitted by Cody F (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    What is your age?
    Carolyn Stoddard:
    15!
    Barnabas Collins:
    15 and no husband! We must put those birthing hips to good use at once!
    ‐ Submitted by Cody F (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    How soon can the horses be ready?
    Elizabeth Collins Stoddard:
    We don't have horses...we have a Chevy.
    ‐ Submitted by Susan J (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly.
    ‐ Submitted by Muthu M (2 years ago)

  • Carolyn Stoddard:
    Are you stoned or something?
    Barnabas Collins:
    They tried stoning me, my dear! It did not work!
    ‐ Submitted by Cody F (2 years ago)

  • Elizabeth Collins Stoddard:
    Fight on, Barnabas! Fight on for us!
    Barnabas Collins:
    And fight I shall!
    ‐ Submitted by Cody F (2 years ago)

  • Angelique Bouchard:
    BURN, BABY, BURN!
    ‐ Submitted by Cody F (2 years ago)

  • Dr. Julia Hoffman:
    Is she for real?
    Barnabas Collins:
    INDEED!
    ‐ Submitted by Cody F (2 years ago)

  • Angelique Bouchard:
    What if I made you love me?
    Barnabas Collins:
    With what? A spell?
    Angelique Bouchard:
    WITH THIS!
    Barnabas Collins:
    I must admit....they have not aged a day!
    ‐ Submitted by Cody F (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    What sorcery is this? [rips out a cord from the TV] Reveal yourself, tiny songstress!
    ‐ Submitted by Cody F (2 years ago)

  • Barnabas Collins:
    Reveal yourself! Tiny songstress!
    ‐ Submitted by Augustine S (2 years ago)