Die Screaming, Marianne (1970)

[i][b]Amusement[/b][/i]
Starring: Keir O'Donnell, Katheryn Winnick, Laura Breckenridge, and Jessica Lucas.
Directed by John Simpson.
Written by Jake Wade Wall.
Rated [b]R[/b] (for horror violence, terror and disturbing images).
Running time approximately 1 hour 25 minutes.

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[i]...blech.[/i]
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The trailer for [i]Amusement[/i] enticed me. It, in fact, excited me. It looked to be quite frightening, visually pleasing and creeptastic. Upon seeing the film, however, I found that it is none of these things. It is, in fact, complete and utter trash. Trashtastic, if you will. It has one good scene (hence the half-star), but it is a competently mounted scene that we have seen before in better films. It involves the creepiest clown face I've seen in a long, long time, a dark bedroom, a rocking chair and a scantily-clad young woman. Oh, and it's rainy outside to boot. Ah, well. The rest is simply crap. [b]1/2* (out of ****) D-[/b]

[i][b]Candyman[/b][/i]
Starring: Virginia Madsen, Tony Todd, Xander Berkeley, Kasi Lemmons, and Vanessa Williams.
Written and Directed by Bernard Rose.
Rated [b]R[/b] (for violence and gore).
Running time approximately 1 hour 39 minutes.

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[i]Positively horrifying? Indeed.[/i]
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Clive Barker and I have gotten along fine thus far. He's written some wonderfully morbid stories and made some enjoyably icky films. [i]Candyman[/i], written for the screen and directed by Bernard Rose, is based on one of his stories (which I unfortunately have not yet read, but do intend to), and it is just as delightfully icky as if he were behind the camera, and also quite frightening and original. I didn't expect to like this picture as much as I did, and I really, truly did like it very much. It's a very good story - sort of a better, earlier version of that staple of mediocrity [i]Urban Legend[/i] - and it's acted and scripted very well. And that score by Philip Glass! Oh! [b]***1/2 (out of ****) B+[/b]

[i][b]The Children[/b][/i]
Starring: Rachel Shelley, Stephen Campbell Moore, Jeremy Sheffield, Eva Birthistle, and Hannah Tointon.
Written and Directed by Tom Shankland.
No MPAA rating (contains horror violence and gore, terror and language).
Running time approximately 1 hour 24 minutes.

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[i]There weren't any photos for this on yahoo...but this guy came up, and he's scary![/i]

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I've said it before, but why not reiterate: British horror is doing very well lately (at least in my eyes, and whose eyes could possibly be better?). [i]The Children[/i] is a quirky independent horror picture from Britain, obviously and shamelessly paying homage to such classics as [i]Invasion of the Body Snatchers[/i], [i]Village of the Damned[/i] (no, not that Kirstie Alley/Christopher Reeve crap) and [i]The Omen[/i]. Not only does it not come off as derivative, no no. The picture actually frightened me. A whole lot. [b]*** (out of ****) B[/b]

[i][b]Demented[/b][/i]
Starring: Sallee Young, Harry Reems, Deborah Alter, and Kathryn Clayton.
Directed by Arthur Jeffreys and Alex Rebar.
Written by Alex Rebar.
Rated [b]R[/b] (for sadistic violence and gore including rape).
Running time approximately 1 hour 32 minutes.

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[i]Awful. Read that despicable synopsis.[/i]
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I haven't seen a more vile, morally reprehensible, completely despicable film since [i]I Spit on Your Grave[/i]. That's maybe a bit of an overstatement, but honestly, at least [i]I Spit on Your Grave[/i] had the decency to [i]pretend[/i] to have exposition. This one jumps right into the rape, bores, then goes into the revenge killing of [i]the wrong men[/i]! They're teenaged boys, in fact. The scenes with the afflicted woman and her husband (her getting easily frightened and him reacting like an asshole) are outrageous, and him going off and cheating on her is eve more wrecthed. Repugnant shit. Truly. [b]Zero Stars (out of ****) F[/b]

[i][b]Die Screaming, Marianne[/b][/i]
Starring: Susan George, Barry Evans, Christopher Sandford, Judy Huxtable, and Leo Genn.
Directed by Pete Walker.
Written by Murray Smith.
No MPAA rating (contains relentless nonsense, terribly false violence and bad dialogue).
Running time approximately 1 hour 37 minutes.

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[i]Bore me again with your trickery...[/i]
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H'okay, so...the Pete Walker "Collection" looked quite enticing to me when I got my birthday checkywecks last year, and I was tricked, I tell you! [i]Die Screaming, Marianne[/i] is one of the biggest wastes of time I've ever made the mistake of sitting through. My husband and I both were rather outraged at the misuse of our time by the film, and thought rather seriously about suing for our emotional distress its creators. The bastards couldn't make a film, so why was there a film made? Seneless, endless nonsense with badly choreographed violence, not-at-all-surprising "surprises" and some of the worst acting, writing and directing I've ever seen, heard or experienced. [b]Zero Stars (out of ****) F[/b]