"I've got a great idea for a new movie now hobbits and shit are in vogue!""Oh, yeah? What's it about?""Well there's this young farmboy see, and he lives with his uncle...let's call him Duke Styporker. He can be played by some characterless pretty boy with an English accent, like that Hayden Christensen dude! EVERYBODY
liked him...am I right or am I right?!""Okaaaay....""He finds out one day that he's the chosen one to hang out with this dragon who speaks to him!""You mean like Dragonheart?""No, no...nothing like that! That had that cool, charismatic Scottish guy voicing it. We'll just get a Satnav to do it and make her communicate through thought so we don't have to make its lips move...that oughtta save us a few bucks!""I see...""Then he can meet up with an ageing mentor who used to be like him, who teaches him how to fight and use magic powers. We could call it The Horce or something! But there's this bad ass Emper...er I mean King who wants him dead, so he calls in his right hand man who used to be a good guy like Obi Wan Kebabi (just thinking off the top of my head here!) but turned to the dark side!""How did you get in here?""This bad guy, called, um Garth Nader, captures a feisty princess who Duke has to rescue with the help of an enigmatic, morally ambiguous mercenary who keeps appearing to save his ass at the last minute!!""Let me guess. Flan Polo?""Now we're cooking! What a team!""You ARE shitting me, right...?""So they rescue the princess but his old mentor is killed by Garth...bet you never saw that one coming! So they all get together to help the rebels fight the imperial forces in a big battle in a Keep built into a mountain side!!""Exactly like The Two Towers you mean...""Erm...ever heard of it...""SECURITY!"
March 1, 2007
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