Extreme Rules 2009 (2009)

Rating System: Live PPV Reviews - I just say if the matches/PPV was good or not, DVD Reviews - 1-10 stars Extreme Rules lived up to its name, however the word "extreme" could be used in many ways. Today, I'll be going over all seven matches that took place at the New Orleans Arena on June 7th, 2009. So let us start at the opening match. Fatal Four Way for the WWE United States Championship Kofi Kingston (C) vs William Regal vs Matt Hardy vs MVP Now I thought this was a good way to start the show. Though it wasn't an "extreme" match, it still did its job of getting the audience excited for the rest of the card. The only problem is that it was too damn short! I mean you look at all the talent that was in this match, every single one of them have had reigns with the IC/US title and the tag team title at some point in their careers. But they were only given like what, 8-9 minutes? Bull crap! They deserved more time. But whatever, at least the match was entertaining while it lasted. I mean Kofi was on FIRE in that match, of course MVP and William Regal did a good job, but WOW. Now I know why he's signature catchphrase is "BOOM BOOM BOOM" because he was exploding all over the place. He even managed to hit a leg drop on two opponents! He's Trouble in Paradise did look a little off, but everything else he did was great. Overall I say this was a very good opener, it got the crowd, and myself, begging for more........literally. Results: Kofi Kingston retains the United States title by pinning William Regal after hitting the T.I.P No Holds Barred for the WWE Intercontinental Championship Rey Mysterio (C) vs Chris Jericho Remember when I said the word "extreme" could be used in many ways? Well in this case, it means extremely awesome!! This match was amazing and I wasn't excepting anything less from these two. Though the only problem I had with this match was the fact that they really didn't take advantage of the whole "No Disqualification" stipulation. I mean they had some nice spots, but they didn't use weapons until near the end. In fact, the only weapon that was used was a steel chair, that's it.............................Oh we are really getting extreme now!! I mean I have no problem with pure wrestling matches, in fact, I love pure wrestling matches. But when a promotion advertises for a "extreme" PPV with weapons and injuries and blood (well ok not blood, since the WWE decided to go PG on us, but that's for another blog) you go in excepting a night of weapons and injuries and blood!. It was like the writers decided to make this match as similar to their Judgment Day match as humanly possible. In fact, this is probably how the meeting went. "Hey Bob, how the hell are we supposed to make this match exactly like their last match?" "Well we'll just add a steel chair and say it's a No Holds Barred match" "Genius!" But we shouldn't let this ruin what we think of the match, sure it was basically Judgment Day V.2, but it was kinda extreme. Plus Jericho did take Mysterio's mask off, which was interesting. So overall, I think this was a great IC title match. BTW I'll be making a blog of what I think of Jericho's ninth IC title win in the near future. That's right, he broke his own record. LONG LIVE CHRIS JERICHO!!! Results: Chris Jericho defeated Rey Mysterio to win the Intercontinental title after a roll up Samoan Strap Match CM Punk vs Umaga Now for me, this match was extremely disappointing. I thought their Judgment Day match totally tops this. One of the main problems was the fact that they did it differently than I excepted. I was thinking they were going to do it like the Texas Bullrope match with Dusty Rhodes and Randy Orton a few years back, but instead we got what Eddie Guerrero and JBL did and that's not good. Who the hell wants to see which wrestler touches all the posts first? I know I don't. The whole concept is just stupid. I mean the wrestling was decent but the stipulation takes away from this match and that's a shame. And the best part is that was Umaga's last match in the WWE, what a way to go out. Overall it wasn't the worst match on the card, but it was definitely not the best. Results: CM Punk wins after touching all the posts (exciting right?) So we've seen THREE matches and not one of them was extreme, but our saving grace has arrived. Triple Threat Hardcore Rules Match for the ECW Championship Christian (C) vs Tommy Dreamer vs Jack Swagger Now THIS is extreme. Trash cans, stop signs, kendo sticks and canes. This is hardcore heaven (or at least the best we're going to get out of this show). How extremely satisfying. These guys really tore it up and gave us fans a match to enjoy. And how fitting is it for Dreamer to FINALLY win the ECW title at a PPV like Extreme Rules? I mean Christian is and always will be one of my top favourite wrestlers and I have alot of respect for Swagger, but this was definitely Dreamer's night, and he deserved every minute of it. Results: Tommy Dreamer wins the ECW title after pinning Jack Swagger with the Dreamer DDT Now I'm not even going to mention the Hog Pen segment because it was not a match!! Period!! It was crap (no pun intended) and I hated it. Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship Randy Orton (C) vs Batista WARNING: This part of the review contains crude language and a hint of reality If you've been watching Raw the last couple of months, I feel sorry for you. No fan should sit through that crap. It's pretty sad that the highlight of Raw nowadays is The Miz (though I'm not saying I dislike him). This match was extremely pointless (keeping with the theme of this review). The WWE knew before Extreme Rules that Batista was injured and needed surgery, SO WHY THE HELL DID THEY GIVE HIM THE TITLE ANYWAYS!!!!!????? My guess is that Batista just wanted to win it so he could say he won it. Bull crap, I don't care if he wants to win it, he should have thought of that before he decided to be so injury prone. And the worst part about it is that he actually was the first wrestler to win the WWE title in a cage. You would think that the WWE would save that honor for someone who wasn't injured. But no, Batista just had to win the title, thus giving him the record breaking win. Why is he even still in the title picture? It' s obvious that he is not reliable. I mean they release Mr. Kennedy (Kennedy) for getting injured so often, so how come Batista gets away with it. I'll tell you why. The stupid kids!!! Our generation is filled with idiots (besides the teens that go on this website ) listening to Lady Ga Ga and Black Eyed Peas and Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. What happened to the good old days when teens liked rock music (and no, The Jonas Brothers are NOT a rock band). What happened to the partying all night, sleeping all day, rockers of the 90s? Now all we got are emos who go to their schools with guns and shoot everybody and little pussies who go around with Hannah Montanna bags on their backs singing the latest crap song from the queen of pussies herself. When I was ten I wanted to be a teenager, before the term of "teenager" was changed. Now you're either a pussie or a emo, great selections right? But anyways, I'm starting to sound like Nostalgia Critic so I'm going to wrap this up. This match was pointless and shouldn't be watched by any fan. The end Results: Batista wins the WWE title after pinning Randy Orton with the Batista Bomb Submission Match John Cena vs Big Show This was extremely boring and I mean EXTREMELY boring. In fact I can pretty much some it up for you right now. "Big Show gets in the ring. Then John Cena gets in the ring. Bell rings. Big Show dominates. Cena hits his five move combo of death. Big Show taps. Cena wins. Match over" It's so boring I'm getting tired just thinking about it, so I'm going to make this short and sweet. Vince, end this feud NOW! Results: John Cena wins by making Big Show tap with the crossface (it was not the STF, it was the crossface, don't believe me? Go watch it, if you dare) Ladder Match for the World Heavyweight Championship Edge (C) vs Jeff Hardy This was the match of the night, hands down. Great action from these two. I loved it when Jeff and Edge crashed through the ladder. It wasn't as good as their tag team work, but I knew going in it wasn't going to be. But it was still a great main event and a great way to end the show after three terrible matches. I'm kinda pissed that Edge had ANOTHER short title reign, but I don't care anymore to be honest, he is never going to have a long run with the belt. With that said, he was champion longer than Hardy since Punk decided to cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase at that very moment. So the World Heavyweight title changed twice in this match. Hopefully Punk will actually look like a good champion this time around. Results: Jeff Hardy won the World Heavyweight title after grabbing the belt, but then CM Punk came and cashed in his briefcase and won the title by pinning Hardy after two G.T.Ss In conclusion, we've found out that Extreme Rules was many things. Extremely short, extremely awesome, extremely disappointing, extremely satisfying, extremely pointless and extremely boring. But anyway you look at it, it was still Extreme. I say it was a decent PPV, but I guess that's what you usually get from WWE these days. This is Evan signing out. Ringside Views.