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TOP 10 QUOTES (in no order):
"81:02 - JESUS IN HEAVEN, CASTRATE ME!"
"62:05 - THEY KILLED OPTIMUS! Ah, damn you! Goddamn you all to hell!"
"'It feels good to grab your flesh.' UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
"'Hey, Professor. I'd do anything for an A.' SHUT UP ALREADY! You're driving me nuts!"
"'I will tear you apart!' YOU'RE TEARING ME APAAHT, LISA!"
'This place is a freaking house of horrors.' Something Panda would say about Charles Manson's summer home."
"'I feel smarter already.' *facepalm* Bitch, please."
"Galloway, how dare you interrupt Optimus' awesome speech. You go to your room and learn something about non-douchiness."
"'Who are you to judge what's best for us?' A giant robot who'd be a better president than Obama."
"'That's Sharsky. That's Fassbinder.' Replace the "i" in Fassbinder with an "e" and you'll gross more than Avatar."
Oct 20 - 11:39 PM
The Majestic Pigbutt Worm
Oct 20 - 11:07 PM
Yes. It happened.
Oct 20 - 11:09 PM
Shit, son. Make a list of your best quotes. Then check out my list over on the Resident Evil RC thread.
Oct 20 - 11:22 PM
Look at the quotes above.
Oct 21 - 04:27 PM
Dana Cutler Scully-Stormborn
Smart way to bump the thread, John.
Oct 21 - 04:29 PM
Oct 20 - 10:59 PM
Oh, and Sam's parents are alive. Yay.
Oct 20 - 10:58 PM
"I rise. You fall."
That doesn't make up for the fact that this fight was too damn short.
Oct 20 - 10:57 PM
WHAT? Optimus' fight with Megatron and The Fallen lasts less than two and a half minutes? FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU.
Oct 20 - 10:56 PM
"This planet will be dark forever."
I beg to differ.
Oct 20 - 10:54 PM
HOLY CRAP ON A CRACKER IN CRAIG ROBINSON'S CRUSTY BUTTCHEEKS.
Oct 20 - 10:52 PM
Dammit, Fallen, you ruined everything!
Oct 20 - 10:51 PM
WHOOOO-HOOOO! OPTIMUS IS BACK, BITCHES!
Oct 20 - 10:50 PM
Robot heaven? You're shitting me, right?
Oct 20 - 10:49 PM
"Fucking do something!"
Forced usage of the word "fuck" in a Transformers movie.
SIN COUNT: 864
Oct 20 - 10:46 PM
Oh, no. Sam dies.
Are we supposed to feel sentiment? 'Cause I don't think I am.
Oct 20 - 10:45 PM
Oct 20 - 10:43 PM
"I am directly below the enemy scrotum."
Oct 20 - 10:41 PM
Scorponok's here?! Shit yeah!
Oct 20 - 10:40 PM
Well that was fucking short, Michael Bay, you cocktease motherfucker.
Oct 20 - 10:42 PM
"The pain in my day!"
Where's the gain? No pain, no gain. Pain & Gain.
Oct 20 - 10:39 PM
Bullets, and action, and Megan Fox cleavage, oh my!
Oct 20 - 10:37 PM
Oh, yeah! Humans firing at Decepticons.
Oct 20 - 10:35 PM
Less than a half-hour left.
Oct 20 - 10:31 PM
Thank God. Some great action.
Oct 20 - 10:23 PM
That Decepticon looks awesometacular.
Oct 20 - 10:21 PM
Less than 40 minutes left.
Oct 20 - 10:17 PM
"I can't take that guy anymore."
Neither can I. Not even Anne Ramsey could.
Oct 20 - 10:12 PM
Leo goes apeshit and I couldn't fucking care less.
Oct 20 - 10:11 PM
Oct 20 - 10:10 PM
The music by Steve Jablonsky = Great
Oct 20 - 10:09 PM
The Matrix of Leadership turns to dust. Oh, no!
Oct 20 - 10:08 PM
Not fucking funny.
Thank you, Bumblebee.
Oct 20 - 10:06 PM
Hasta la fucking vista, Galloway!
Oct 20 - 10:04 PM
Oh! The douchebag turns out to be a wimp!
Oct 20 - 10:02 PM
NEST'S Egyptian Vacation
Oct 20 - 10:01 PM
A cameo by Deep Roy?
Oct 20 - 09:56 PM
Less than an hour left.
Oct 20 - 09:52 PM
A machine that destroys suns? Wow, that's bad-ass.
Oct 20 - 09:51 PM
"Beginning, middle, end. Facts. Details. Condense. Plot. Tell it!"
It's about time.
Oct 20 - 09:49 PM
"I think we're in Vegas!"
You're in the birthplace of Imhotep, fucktard.
Oct 20 - 09:47 PM
An Autobot farts out a fucking parachute.
Oct 20 - 09:43 PM
The wheelie Decepticon is humping Megan Fox's leg. Is this even a Transformers movie?
Oct 20 - 09:42 PM
"You are an amateur, man, a rank amateur."
It's funny because it's true.
Oct 20 - 09:38 PM
The Hangover sequels are funnier than this.
Oct 20 - 09:37 PM
JESUS IN HEAVEN, CASTRATE ME!
Oct 20 - 09:35 PM
Oct 20 - 09:34 PM
Mikaela's treating the wheelie Decepticon like a dog. What?
Oct 20 - 09:32 PM
John, if you get a chance, check out me, Tut, and Goldblum's RC on Resident Evil.
I did. Nice RC.
Oct 20 - 11:20 PM
"They got your face all over the news, alien boy."
Is it me or is that line humorous?
Oct 20 - 09:29 PM
John Turturro's back. Yippee.
Oct 20 - 09:27 PM
"That's 'cause you're a pussy."
This wasn't an R rating?
Oct 20 - 09:26 PM
Why would you watch this? Even to rip it apart.
Well, why not?
"We don't really do much reading."
Oct 20 - 09:25 PM
I'll admit, the references Bumblebee makes when talking through the radio are cool to hear.
Oct 20 - 09:24 PM
"I really don't like that dude."
Neither does anybody else.
"He's an asshole."
Oct 20 - 09:22 PM
"Take that pile of scrap metal back to Diego Garcia."
Fuck you too, bitch.
Oct 20 - 09:21 PM
I am Diego Garcia now. U mad?
Nope. I'm not mad.
Gibson! Are you down for an RC?
Sure. What movie and what start time?
Movie: The first Resident Evil. It can be found on your friendly neighborhood Netflix.
Time: Three minutes from now.
Oct 20 - 09:28 PM
Really? Three minutes from now? All right, I'm down! Make the forum!
Life Finds a Way
I'll ah join you.
On it. One minute.
This douchebag again...
"Your NEST team is deactivated, Major."
YOU ARE EVIL.
Oct 20 - 09:19 PM
"I will tear you apart!"
YOU'RE TEARING ME APAAHT, LISA!
Oct 20 - 09:18 PM
Still funnier than Friedberg & Seltzer's movies.
Oct 20 - 09:16 PM
Final decision on what to watch: Resident fucking Evil.
Mudflap and Skids time.
Oct 20 - 09:15 PM
Barack Obama reference.
SIN COUNT: 247
Oct 20 - 09:13 PM
Bad-ass speech by The Fallen.
Oct 20 - 09:12 PM
Oh, thank Jesus. A Decepticon kidnaps Sam's parents.
Oct 20 - 09:11 PM
Michael Bay destruction "for the win."
Oct 20 - 09:09 PM
NEUUUUUUUU! NOT HER AGAIN!
Oct 20 - 09:07 PM
John, do you know where I can find The Spectacular Now online?
No, I don't.
Oct 20 - 09:10 PM
THEY KILLED OPTIMUS!
Ah, damn you! Goddamn you all to hell!
Oct 20 - 09:02 PM
10 points for that ah reference.
That Decepticon got fucked up real good.
Oct 20 - 09:01 PM
Jesus, this is only an hour in? It feels like this has been going on forever.
Oct 20 - 09:06 PM
That's what it felt like to critics.
Oct 20 - 11:21 PM
"I'll take you all on!"
Oct 20 - 09:00 PM
Optimus v. Decepticons in the woods = Legen...wait for it...dary
Oct 20 - 08:58 PM
Optimus and Megatron duking it out in the woods. Oh, the awesomeness.
Oct 20 - 08:54 PM
Oh, my God! The Autobots are here! This is gonna be fucking epic!
Oct 20 - 08:52 PM
Sam, kissing and making up with Megatron won't do jack shit.
WHAT AM I WATCHING?
Oct 20 - 08:50 PM
"It feels good to grab your flesh."
Oct 20 - 08:49 PM
HOW DID THAT NOT SEVERELY INJURE HIM?!
Oct 20 - 08:48 PM
Why didn't that blade kill Leo, you bastards?!
Oct 20 - 08:47 PM
Aw, why you wanna kill Gibson like that?
I'm talking about Sam's annoying roommate.
Oct 20 - 08:46 PM
Oct 20 - 08:45 PM
"Kiss this, bitch."
You are no Sigourney Weaver or Chloe Moretz.
Oct 20 - 08:44 PM
Oh, yeah. Sweet, sweet badassery.
Oct 20 - 08:42 PM
So the Decepticon chick tongue-fucked Sam and now he's fucking puking after arguing with Leo and Mikaela. Bravo. Brav-fucking-o.
She was hot.
Kinda. She was hotter in the Red Dawn remake.
Shia swinging on vines with CGI monkies >>> Shia screaming like a bitch in this movie
Oct 20 - 08:39 PM
Oct 20 - 08:59 PM
Tongue strangle. What the fuck is this.
Oct 20 - 08:38 PM
Oh, shit, son!
"You're very aggressive."
"You want some turkey meatloaf?"
The fuck does turkey meatloaf have to do with anything else in this movie?
Oct 20 - 08:37 PM
So the chick hitting on Sam turns out to be a Decepticon. Yippee.
Oct 20 - 08:36 PM
"Can I just sit and watch?"
This movie? Sure. That'll be $200 million.
Oct 20 - 08:33 PM
Where's Tommy Wiseau when you need him to destroy the dorm room?
Oct 20 - 08:31 PM
Bad Boys II poster.
SIN COUNT: 79
Oct 20 - 08:29 PM
"This place is a freaking house of horrors."
Something Panda would say about Charles Manson's summer home.
Oct 20 - 08:27 PM
Dammit. THIS little shitface...
Oct 20 - 08:25 PM
See that dog next time in the next film of Bayformers.
Oct 20 - 08:24 PM
Sam mentions "a Sentinel Prime expedition" during his mental breakdown.
Oct 20 - 08:23 PM
"Finish that for me."
Do I have to comment on this?
Oct 20 - 08:20 PM
Hipster Elitist Maverick
I forgive Rainn Wilson for his work on The Office.
Oct 20 - 08:21 PM
As do I.
NEUUUUUUUU! NOT RAINN WILSON!
The Fallen: Voiced by Candyman
Oct 20 - 08:18 PM
That's an awesome shot.
Oct 20 - 08:17 PM
"Now hold six contacts."
2 + 3 = Not 6
Oct 20 - 08:16 PM
Oh, my God! Megatron's brought back to life! This is gonna be awesome!
Oct 20 - 08:13 PM
"People, we've got a problem!"
Oct 20 - 08:12 PM
Thank you. We finally get some more robot mayhem coming afoot.
Oct 20 - 08:10 PM
Thank GOD. Optimus Prime is here.
Oct 20 - 08:08 PM
Oct 20 - 08:07 PM
I ah didn't ever watch this one...
Oct 20 - 08:06 PM
God, you are a genius.
Oct 20 - 08:09 PM
Consider yourself lucky.
Really? How in the blue hell does Sam not recognize this chick is hitting on him?
Oct 20 - 08:03 PM
So Sam is beginning to see visions of Cybertronian symbols. This is a pretty interesting plot point.
Oct 20 - 08:01 PM
Still better dancing than that Russian fucker's tap dancing in Die Hard 5.
Oct 20 - 08:00 PM
"I'm gonna be getting my Spitzy freaky freak on."
Someone was actually paid to write this.
Oct 20 - 07:56 PM
"The shard's gone."
Oct 20 - 07:54 PM
Another cool-looking Decepticon.
Oct 20 - 07:52 PM
The more I remember this movie, the less I like it. I should watch it again.
It'd be cool to see you tear it asunder.
I hate 3 way more than I hate 2.
Oct 20 - 07:55 PM
3 was the best of the three films.
Oct 20 - 07:57 PM
Oct 20 - 07:59 PM
2 is the worst.
Oct 20 - 07:51 PM
That Decepticon looks fucking awesome.
Oct 20 - 07:50 PM
I absolutely hate this film! Bay raped my childhood!
Oct 20 - 07:49 PM
"Hey, Professor. I'd do anything for an A."
SHUT UP ALREADY! You're driving me nuts!
Oct 20 - 07:45 PM
Lol. Yeah, robo-bitch was annoying.
Oct 20 - 07:47 PM
When you say robo-bitch, are you talking about Megan Fox or Sam's mom?
Wait. Sam. Robot. Sam and robot. Sounds familiar.
Oct 20 - 07:48 PM
Huh? Deadly Friend reference?
You knows it.
Still not fucking funny, Orci and Kurtzman.
Oct 20 - 07:44 PM
And the hell continues...
You've gotta be fucking kidding me...
Oct 20 - 07:43 PM
Hey, look, it's Josh Peck's girlfriend from the Red Dawn remake.
Oct 20 - 07:42 PM
"You know, you don't often see white boys with the dreadlocks."
I saw one in the year 3000 played by the villain from Broken Arrow.
Oct 20 - 07:41 PM
Pot brownies. Lordy, lordy, what has the world come to?
Oct 20 - 07:40 PM
Pot brownies make me buy Avril Lavine songs on iTunes.
You can't trust 'em if they make you do that.
Oct 20 - 11:23 PM
GOD, that scene was retarded.
I know, right? How does shit like this belong in a Transformers movie?
Because MICHAEL FUCKING BAY.
Really? Not because Plotline?
Oct 20 - 07:58 PM
"It's just like Hogwarts."
Really? 'Cause I recall Harry Potter being a better franchise than this.
Oct 20 - 07:39 PM
Not according to a certain someone on this site.
Oh, but of course.
"Don't be sucking the sack, bro!"
"The ball sack."
"Dude, what kind of tool are you?"
I'll admit, that was actually pretty damn funny.
Oct 20 - 07:36 PM
"That's Sharsky. That's Fassbinder."
Replace the "i" in Fassbinder with an "e" and you'll gross more than Avatar.
Oct 20 - 07:33 PM
How was this fucker able to get a VENDING MACHINE OF ALL THINGS in his dorm room?
Oct 20 - 07:32 PM
Hey, look, it's that guy from Battle: Los Angeles.
Oct 20 - 07:28 PM
"I feel smarter already."
*facepalm* Bitch, please.
Oct 20 - 07:27 PM
Oct 20 - 07:29 PM
NO! NOT HER AGAIN!
Oct 20 - 07:26 PM
"That's a good question."
Oct 20 - 07:24 PM
"What if we leave and you're wrong?"
Optimus, he's obviously wrong.
"Will you leave peacefully?"
No, because if they do, there wouldn't be more sequels.
Oct 20 - 07:23 PM
"Sounds to me like something's coming."
Oct 20 - 07:22 PM
"Who are you to judge what's best for us?"
A giant robot who'd be a better president than Obama.
Oct 20 - 07:19 PM
"Forgive the interruption, General."
I'm sorry, we can't. Now go home and slap your woman while you're at it.
Oct 20 - 07:17 PM
Galloway, how dare you interrupt Optimus' awesome speech. You go to your room and learn something about non-douchiness.
Oct 20 - 07:15 PM
John, did you ever watch Transformers: Cybertron? Greatest TV show ever.
Oct 20 - 07:13 PM
No. I thought Firefly was the greatest TV show ever.
Oct 20 - 07:16 PM
Well, yes. But T:C is one of my nostalgic favorites.
Oct 20 - 07:25 PM
So these Decepticon eels, I guess, suck this satellite's multiple dicks. That's not really how it looks, it's just how the eels transport the information to the satellite.
Oct 20 - 07:12 PM
Oh, great. THIS fucking douchebag. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to Galloway.
Oct 20 - 07:10 PM
Ten second moment of hilarious hijinks that is anything but hilarious.
Oct 20 - 07:09 PM
NO! Not these two fucking retards again!
Oct 20 - 07:08 PM
"NEST Classified Operations - Diego Garcia"
Oct 20 - 07:07 PM
Another reason why I guiltily love this movie.
Oh, my God! Soundwave's in this movie! This is gonna kick serious ass!
Oct 20 - 07:06 PM
I KNOW, RIGHT? SO BADASS.
"I hate that it's working."
Reminds me of the time I posted remake ideas and casted Nathan Fillion in roles to make Diego like them.
Oct 20 - 07:04 PM
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me."
I can understand why. And it's still better romance dialogue and acting than Attack of the Clones.
Oct 20 - 07:03 PM
Oct 20 - 07:05 PM
I love the parents in these movies. And Shiia Ladouche is actually okay. And the special effects are pretty sweet. And the dialogue is funny. And John Tuturro is badass. And...
Okay, I'd better stop before I lose my cool.
Oct 20 - 07:00 PM
There's nothing even remotely funny in TF2.
Oct 20 - 07:01 PM
I'm sorry... but the scrotum line gets me every time.
Oct 20 - 07:02 PM
Bumblebee cries. Still more humorous than him pissing.
Oct 20 - 06:59 PM
Oct 20 - 06:58 PM
That's the stuff.
"He's still having voice problems?"
What the hell happened to him speaking at the end of the fucking first movie?!
Oct 20 - 06:57 PM
"I cannot live with a psychotic alien in my garage!"
Just like the audience unable to live with you being an incredibly annoying fucktard?
Oct 20 - 06:55 PM
Aw, John, I wanted to do this! Still, it's an incredibly enjoyable shitfest of a movie.
Oct 20 - 06:53 PM
Oct 20 - 06:56 PM
I like the first two Transformers movies WAAAAAAAAY more than I should.
Oct 20 - 11:24 PM
Please, stop. No more of this bimbo.
Another bad-ass entrance, now in the form of Bumblebee.
Decepticons have piss-poor aim.
Oct 20 - 06:51 PM
And more of Sam's annoying-as-shit mom. Yippee-ki-fucking-yay.
Oct 20 - 06:50 PM
Fuck. More pointless dog humping bullshit.
Oct 20 - 06:49 PM
So the sliver lands on the kitchen table and it has the power to turn every electrical appliance into a Decepticon?
"Mikaela, I think a sliver of the Cube got stuck on my shirt."
Oh, the Cube from the first film.
BTW, don't say "sliver" unless it has anything to do with that Sharon Stone movie.
Oct 20 - 06:47 PM
"I'm breaking up with you, Sam."
Now we know why she didn't come back for Dark of the Moon.
Oct 20 - 06:39 PM
"In two weeks, it could be Muffy."
If only it were Buffy instead...
Oct 20 - 06:38 PM
She's painting the Devil on a motorcycle. Oh, the irony.
Oct 20 - 06:37 PM
Dat Megan Fox ass.
Wait, she's back as Mikaela. Can't wait to see below-average acting and above-average hotness.
Oct 20 - 06:36 PM
Dogs humping each other. Did this inspire Movie 43?
Oct 20 - 06:35 PM
Oh, for fuck's sakes...
Oct 20 - 06:34 PM
"That was a really creepy move just now, Dad."
Oct 20 - 06:33 PM
The dad gives the mom a slap on the ass. How is that funny?
John the type of nigga to make a fake account for his wife and say "Dear, I love you. :)"
Oct 20 - 06:32 PM
Sam, can you tell your mom to shut the fuck up and make you a sandwich?
Oh, dear God...
Oct 20 - 06:31 PM
Okay, we got Sam Witwicky back. And his dad (eh?). Who else?
Oct 20 - 06:30 PM
"That doesn't sound good."
Really? No fucking shit.
Oct 20 - 06:29 PM
John the type of nigga to X-Ray his heart to see if it's broken.
Oct 20 - 06:28 PM
John the type of nigga that puts squishy holders on his pencils.
Now that's a bad-ass entrance.
Oct 20 - 06:27 PM
John the type ofnigga that, when he sees his friend, he walks up behind him, puts his hands over his friend's eye and say, "GUESS WHO?"
Oct 20 - 06:26 PM
Wow, that's pretty damn cool.
Lame Pun #247-B. Starring Skids and Mudflap. A Michael Bay film.
Oct 20 - 06:25 PM
"I make movies for teens. Big crime"
John is within this demographic.
Oct 20 - 06:24 PM
Also, when he said "big crime," he was being sarcastic.
No shit, Sherlock.
The hell's up with this Asian guy? Giant robots come through his house, and his facial expression tells us: "Why, of course."
Oct 20 - 06:23 PM
John, you're 13. No one with respect would admit they liked Transgenders 2
Oct 20 - 06:22 PM
I'm not 13.
However...when are they gonna learn that bullets from human weaponry can't kill giant fucking robots?
For every time John Tyler says something stupid, I will post.
Oct 20 - 06:21 PM
You're the one whose posts are stupid.
HOLY BAD-FUCKING-ASS, BATMAN!
I anticipate a bad-ass action sequence coming this way.
Oct 20 - 06:20 PM
Oct 20 - 06:19 PM
Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson are back. Oh yeah.
"Suck my popsicle!"
Written by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, everybody.
Oct 20 - 06:18 PM
"Cool looking robots for the win"
Oct 20 - 06:17 PM
Ladies and gentlemen, meet the two annoying fuckers known as Mudflap and Skids.
So, after the events of the first film, the military and the Autobots form NEST. All right. I'm down for this.
Oct 20 - 06:16 PM
China? I wonder what Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith have to say about this.
Oct 20 - 06:15 PM
Cool-looking robots for the win.
Oct 20 - 06:13 PM
Another seven thousand until we get to that Roland Emmerich shit.
Oct 20 - 06:12 PM
45 seconds of logos.
SIN COUNT: 1
Oct 20 - 06:11 PM