Further Reading: Seasonal Slaying - The 12 Horrors of Christmas
Kim Newman chooses 12 Yuletide nightmares.
Thanks to Charles Dickens and A Christmas Carol, the Yuletide season has long been associated with ghost stories -- often with hard-won uplift at the end, like Scrooge being reformed by pestering spectres or Jimmy Stewart terrified into affirming that It's a Wonderful Life after all. In the 1970s, the BBC threw a chill into Morecambe and Wise-dominated holiday schedules with their annual Ghost Story for Christmas series, mostly adapted from stories M.R. James had originally written to be read aloud as a seasonal treat. Somehow, the combination of the long nights, the cold weather and forced proximity to your family is as conducive to bone-freezing horror as joy to the world and all-round merriment.
So, for those who still think Christmas fans should be buried at the crossroads with a sprig of holly through their hearts, here are my recommendations for a full holiday of horrors...
On the first day of Christmas, my true love watched with me...
Tales From the Crypt (1972)
Joan Collins bludgeons her husband to death under the Christmas tree and tries to get rid of the body, all the while besieged in her hideous suburban home by an escaped homicidal maniac dressed as Santa Claus. In the end, her innocent little daughter lets Santa in and he throttles Joanie. Heh heh heh. The classic first episode of Freddie Francis's adaptation of stories from the gleefully nasty 1950s horror comic.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love watched with me...
Hansel and Gretel (2006)
Three Korean psychic kids establish an eternal Christmas with sweets and cake for every meal in a house in the middle of magic woods. Only loosely connected to the fairytale, it features a Korean Santa who can actually grant little kids' wishes and a miserable orphanage flashback which makes Oliver Twist seem cheery.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love watched with me...
Santa's Slay (2005)
A maniacally evil Santa (wrestler Bill Goldberg) turns out to be the Devil's son, and has only been nice to children for the last thousand years because he lost a bet with an angel. Now the term of the promise is up, and he can revert to his favoured mode of celebrating the 'slaying' time of year. Ho ho horror!
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love watched with me...
Black Christmas (1972)
Even before Halloween, there were holiday slashers, and Bob Clark's sorority-set horror film is among the best of 'em, with Olivia Hussey, Margot Kidder and Andrea Martin as sorority girls persecuted by a prank caller (yes, they trace the calls and... they're coming from the attic!) at Christmas. The remake has murder by sharpened candy cane, but isn't as good.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love watched with me...
36:15 - Code Pere Noel (1989)
It's almost impossible to see this Christmas horror film -- which I voted to win several awards at a film festival in 1989 when I was on a jury -- because it's never been distributed outside France. At the time, director Rene Manzor said that Hollywood wanted to remake his story about a shut-in, ingenious kid (Alain Musy) who improvises booby-traps to defend himself from a killer Santa Claus (Patrick Florsheim) over the holidays - but drop the Santa angle. Funnily enough, Home Alone came out a year later and doesn't credit this as a source. The French film is darker, funnier and has more guts than John Hughes' version -- but good luck trying to find it.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love watched with me...
You Better Watch Out (1980), aka Christmas Evil
My personal favourite psycho-Santa movie, this is about an embittered, holiday-loving employee (Brandon Maggart) of a nasty toy company who spends the holidays murdering folks who abuse the spirit of Christmas and giving away toys for orphans. John Waters said of this film, "I wish I had kids. I'd make them watch it every year, and if they didn't like it, they'd be punished." For a real holiday horror, double bill it with New Year's Evil.
Mike Greenblatt
I loved Gremlins, but that christmas speech was really not needed and stood out as a real dour moment in a great film. The Santa Claus thing from Tales From the Crypt traumitized me as a child, and still makes me wary around escaped psycopaths around the holidays.
Dec 25 - 06:01 PM