So how do we make people buy into this shit?

"Ok, the first movie was a complete failure, so I guess that puts an end to our planned franchise."

"No, no. I know a way that we can make a second movie that people will actually want to see!"

"But the first movie was total shit. How do we profit on a second one?"

"We cast the Rock as the main character and have Channing Tatum just be a supporting character."

"Eh, that's good and all, but what about someone with a little more experience in the action department. How about Bruce Willis?"

"How about both!!"

"Ok, both. What's the story gonna be?"

"Who needs a story? We'll make bank with these two as our leads!"

"But won't the movie be another failure?"

"Yes, but with these two as the main characters, so many people will see it and we'll make so much money!"
Alex Maverick
12-21-2012 04:37 PM

Thread Replies

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Alberto Balsalm

Alberto Balsalm

It is hard to hate GI Joe because I'm sure their target audience (7-12 year olds) will enjoy the film probably, but I just thought that a large part of the film was bland and in some sense dull. It is a badly made kids action film.

Apr 11 - 12:04 AM

Hunter Primm

Hunter Primm

I'm wondering if we saw the same movie. Both movies are incredibly violent. Not for kids at all.

Apr 14 - 05:01 PM

Francisco Valle

Francisco Valle

hahaha!

Apr 9 - 11:33 PM

Jamie Pinson

Jamie Pinson

I love big guns and explosions, fast cars, etc.. but there's still a right way to make a bad movie. I felt like I had was on a bad trip or had ADD. Lots of noise and random sequences with more noise and explosions. Someone really digs the copy and paste feature in their little movie studio. Whoever made this makes Michael Bay look like Stanley Kubrick in comparison.

That's just my opinion, if you enjoyed it good for you. That at least makes one of us who had a good time.

Apr 7 - 05:37 PM

Tommy Fisher

Tommy Fisher

I can only hope nobody suffers any long-term health problems from inhaling turd-polish fumes

Mar 29 - 07:03 PM

Troy Carrington

Troy Carrington

I'm sure there was deal somewhere at Paramount that the Rock does this dribble and gets say a good movie down the road. Really don't need much for action these days, big guns. big explosions, driving fast, women in tight clothes and heroes that say the most trite things.
Would have done better having Arn Anderson/Marty Lunde write it.

Mar 29 - 08:28 AM

Pat ChalupaBatman

Pat ChalupaBatman

First of all it's "drivel" and why would you expect GI: Joe to be anything but big guns, big explosions, driving fast etc? Are you some kind of delusional retard?

Mar 29 - 05:37 PM

Hunter Primm

Hunter Primm

Well there are good ones like Inception or Skyfall or something of the sort that puts something before action and makes it an all around better film. And then there are movies of what you described. Complete popcorn flicks that don't have anything going for it besides the action. They could make a smart G.I. Joe movie but then will get rage for being smart and not having the same thing as source material or something. People these days.

Apr 14 - 05:06 PM

Troy Carrington

Troy Carrington

I'm sure there was deal somewhere at Paramount that the Rock does this dribble and gets say a good movie down the road. Really don't need much for action these days, big guns. big explosions, driving fast, women in tight clothes and heroes that say the most trite things.
Would have done better having Arn Anderson/Marty Lunde write it.

Mar 29 - 08:28 AM

Cole Jaeger

Cole Jaeger

It seems like people, and I'm saying even typical action movie lovers and mainstream audiences would recognize that this movie looks so bland. It seems instantly forgettable because it's just all boring action. But I guess people do go and see the franchise.

Mar 28 - 07:20 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

its not as bland as it seems..saw it yesterday...its quite a treat

Mar 29 - 12:53 AM

Paul Warner

Paul Warner

Opinions, people, opinions....

Mar 31 - 12:31 PM

Migs Rodriguez

Migs Rodriguez

Nice plummet from 88%....hahahah

Mar 28 - 07:10 PM

Ash Gilmore

Ash J. Gilmore

Yeah, that shit fell pretty fast

Mar 29 - 08:14 PM

Diego Tutweiller

The Artist Formerly Known as Tutweiller

As bad as these movies are, I don't think they're betraying the original franchise.

Mar 26 - 03:44 PM

Pat ChalupaBatman

Pat ChalupaBatman

This. Why are people expecting Apocalypse Now or Full Metal Jacket out of this?

This was a show that was made, like transformers, to sell toys to kids.

It was pretty much how the first movie was, some convoluted evil plan, good guys egos battling, overcome it, big action, with cheesy dialogue.

At least it doesn't have Shia Leboeuf or Turturro over acting like idiots.

Mar 27 - 06:09 PM

Tommy Fisher

Tommy Fisher

Isn't that assuming that the original franchise had something worth betraying?

Mar 29 - 07:28 PM

Kevin DeLoughry

Kevin DeLoughry

ONE MORE TO A ROTTEN CONSENSUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mar 26 - 03:20 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

make that two more from today

Mar 27 - 07:12 AM

Kenneth Elliott

Kenneth Elliott

With this much attention to G. I. Joe, I want to see a studo make a BIG budget, live action Barbie movie.

Mar 25 - 09:51 AM

Tony Stark

sam varma

seriously?

Mar 26 - 09:53 AM

Lancol E.

Lancol Et

Yeah he's serious. Retard.

Mar 28 - 08:08 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

whoa language....since you did im gonna too..so get lost motherfucker

Mar 29 - 12:54 AM

Lancol E.

Lancol Et

Your mommy wouldn't like that kind of talk

Mar 29 - 08:30 PM

Lancol E.

Lancol Et

You're right, I'm sorry for calling you a retard. That was an insult to retards.

Mar 29 - 08:32 PM

Paul Warner

Paul Warner

Some people really don't understand sarcasm these day :')

Mar 31 - 12:33 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

none taken dude

Apr 2 - 09:22 AM

David Lo Pan

EntertainMeOrDie .

OH MY GOD THAT WOULD BE EXCEEDINGLY EPIC. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE SCENE WHEN BARBIE GETS JEALOUS AND SHOOTS KEN'S EYE AND YOU SEE THE BULLET IN SLOW MOTION GOING INTO HIS EYE AND OUT THE BACK OF HIS HEAD. HOLY SHIT THAT'S GONNA BE FUCKING AMAZING. THEN THE PINK MANSION FALLS DOWN ON HER... AND END CREDITS ROLL.

Mar 26 - 12:35 PM

Bazooka Jew

Bazooka Jew

A remake of Oliver Stone's Scarface with Barbies. I'd watch that.

Mar 26 - 01:32 PM

Bazooka Jew

Bazooka Jew

A remake of DePalma's Scarface with Barbies. I'd watch that.

Mar 26 - 01:34 PM

Tommy Fisher

Tommy Fisher

Ken: Everybody be cool, this is a robbery!
Barbie: Any of you f**king pricks MOVE and I'll execute every last motherf**king one of you!
-Que Dick Dale music-

Mar 29 - 07:31 PM

Bazooka Jew

Bazooka Jew

Plastic Fiction.

Mar 29 - 07:34 PM

Ash Gilmore

Ash J. Gilmore

I gotta write this shit down!!! lol

Mar 29 - 08:15 PM

Alex Maverick

Alex Maverick

That is cinematic gold!

Apr 1 - 08:58 AM

Diego Tutweiller

The Artist Formerly Known as Tutweiller

"What does Marcellus Wallace look like to you? Does he LOOK like a BRATZ?"

Apr 1 - 05:20 PM

Jeff P.

Jeff Walken

"What?!"

Apr 2 - 02:14 PM

David Lo Pan

EntertainMeOrDie .

Let's pitch it!

Apr 5 - 02:50 PM

Lindsey Holder

Lindsey Holder

Jules- "Does Marcellus Wallace look like a BRATZ?"
Ken- "NO!"
Jules- "Then why are you trying to dress him up like a BRATZ?"

Apr 6 - 05:58 AM

Pat ChalupaBatman

Pat ChalupaBatman

The first one looked and had the formula of a GI JOE episode, I'm seriously confused as to what people expect these movies to be, LORD OF THE JOE?

Mar 23 - 09:50 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

i know

Mar 24 - 10:27 AM

Alex Maverick

Alex Maverick

I have a question for you, Pat: Have you ever seen an episode of G.I. Joe before? The only similarities between the movie and the show was the title and Snake Eyes.

Mar 24 - 02:36 PM

Jeff P.

Jeff Walken

I got a question for you, Pat: Have you ever seen an episode of G.I. Joe before?

Mar 24 - 02:37 PM

Pat ChalupaBatman

Pat ChalupaBatman

I grew up in the 80's I've seen them, all. It was cheesey toy marketing with bad slogans and one-liners and over-dramatized badguys.

Where is this DIFFERENT?

Mar 25 - 03:10 PM

Ricky Rodriguez

Ricky Rodriguez

Yup, that's how I remember it too. And on that note, I enjoyed the first G.I. Joe film and am looking forward to this one.

Mar 28 - 06:24 PM

Pat ChalupaBatman

Pat ChalupaBatman

Amen Ricky people getting absurd expecting rehashes of marketing strategy shows to be Last Tango in Paris level character dev and dialogue now

Mar 29 - 05:35 PM

Tommy Fisher

Tommy Fisher

I'll admit, nobody should be expecting a Kubric film here but who says an action-movie can't be provocative and intelligent? Why can't we have something like a Matrix or a Die Hard or an Escape From LA? Why does dialogue and storytelling have to suffer based on the genre? Am I the only person who feels offended as a moviegoer that this is the level of depth filmmakers think we're capable of handling; and that we've become so complacent to it that we actually EXPECT these films to suck but see it anyway? The reason this shit exists is because we LET this shit exist. We don't expect any better so what motivation does anybody have to make a better film?
Whatever. I'm just on a rant. 'Cuz f**k it, right? You'll still go see it.

Mar 29 - 07:19 PM

Tommy Fisher

Tommy Fisher

I'll admit, nobody should be expecting a Kubric film here but who says an action-movie can't be provocative and intelligent? Why can't we have something like a Matrix or a Die Hard or an Escape From New York? Why does dialogue and storytelling have to suffer based on the genre? Am I the only person who feels offended as a moviegoer that this is the level of depth filmmakers think we're capable of handling; and that we've become so complacent to it that we actually EXPECT these films to suck but see it anyway? The reason this shit exists is because we LET this shit exist. We don't expect any better so what motivation does anybody have to make a better film?
Whatever. I'm just on a rant. 'Cuz f**k it, right? You'll still go see it.

Mar 29 - 07:20 PM

Pat ChalupaBatman

Pat ChalupaBatman

Because it's GI:JOE there's no point re-inventing the wheel when the subject matter is vapid marketing strategy. Save that stuff for the original concepts.

Mar 30 - 04:49 PM

Stepping Razor

Stepping Razor

Well, if they'll watch such junk as the Transformers movies and Avatar, helping them break office records, they'll watch just about anything.

Mar 23 - 03:42 PM

Dwayne Camacho

Dwayne Camacho

From the director of the Justin Bieber movie, and a studio that barely exists anymore, the much-delayed, out-of-continuity sequel to a crappy movie about old army men toys that hopes to sell your kids a lot of cheap crappy plastic weapons, made by slaves in China!

Mar 21 - 06:04 AM

Ryan Venson

Ryan Venson

Sounds 100% accurate.
There's I was surprised I went to the "guess the tomatometer" thread, and there's a bunch of addled fanboys over there talking about the possibility of it getting a fresh rating.
I nearly laughed myself in to a coma.

Mar 21 - 11:52 AM

Ryan Venson

Ryan Venson

Sounds 100% accurate.
I was surprised I went to the "guess the tomatometer" thread, and there's a bunch of addled fanboys over there talking about the possibility of it getting a fresh rating.
I nearly laughed myself in to a coma.

Mar 21 - 11:52 AM

Ryan Venson

Ryan Venson

Sounds 100% accurate.
I went to the "guess the tomatometer" thread, and there's a bunch of addled fanboys over there talking about the possibility of it getting a fresh rating.
I nearly laughed myself in to a coma.

Mar 21 - 11:53 AM

Tony Stark

sam varma

too bad... 4 reviews are giving it fresh... beat that ryan

Mar 22 - 11:59 PM

Donald Whitman Jr

Donald Whitman Jr

Yeah about that... 4 fresh 0 rotten already bro

Mar 23 - 11:45 AM

Bazooka Jew

Bazooka Jew

Seriously? You guys debated this when there were only 4 reviews up?

Mar 26 - 01:46 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

shut up david

Mar 28 - 02:49 AM

Bazooka Jew

Bazooka Jew

No, you.

Mar 28 - 08:31 AM

Tony Stark

sam varma

and you call me the kid

Mar 28 - 10:45 PM

Dylan  J.

Dylan Jones

Well, you are a kid, Sam. You admitted it already.

Mar 29 - 01:58 PM

Ash Gilmore

Ash J. Gilmore

So you're pissed at someone for calling you a kid when you are indeed a kid and even admitted so... Seems logical.

Mar 29 - 08:17 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

no im not pissed! his back answer was childish so i gave a reply..thats all..and yes im 13 years old...so what?... i just joined to talk about movies but when someone uses abusive language( eg. maverick and alcoon slambag A.K.A david) i lose control...everyone has seen avengers right?

Apr 2 - 09:25 AM

Ryan Venson

Ryan Venson

My thoughts exactly.
Look, if you're a film company trying to promote a turd, you send screeners out early to the people you think are gonna give it a good review. You see this happen ALL the time with horror movies. Some paint by numbers horror flick is coming out and, if they bother pre-screening at all, it's all people they know are more likely to give it a positive review.
This will fall like a "rock" (tee-hee), although it might end up higher than my initial guess of 32%. Now I'm thinking it may get close to 36.

Mar 26 - 04:29 PM

Ryan Venson

Ryan Venson

Damn I'm good.

Mar 28 - 12:37 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

and you call me the kid

Mar 28 - 10:45 PM

Ash Gilmore

Ash J. Gilmore

Movie studio that barely exists anymore? I hope you're not talking about Paramount Pictures.

Mar 30 - 06:16 PM

Diego Tutweiller

The Artist Formerly Known as Tutweiller

I was going to make a thread about this movie, but nothing can top this.

Mar 19 - 05:48 PM

webhead

ken francis

CALM DOWN PEOPLE...ITS BASED ON KIDS TOYS! THIS IS A FUN POPCORN MOVIE.

Mar 19 - 10:55 AM

Jeff P.

Jeff Walken

It insults the intelligence of children.

Mar 21 - 03:56 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

how jeff?

Mar 22 - 03:21 AM

Tony Stark

sam varma

im a kid but this just enhances my imagination and creativity.... i am going to make a movie which will be so awesome!

Mar 22 - 03:22 AM

Bazooka Jew

Bazooka Jew

Just curious, how old are you sam? I'm guessing 11...12? It's weird to have someone openly admit they are a kid. Usually it's kids pretending to be older.

Mar 26 - 01:37 PM

Dylan  J.

Dylan Jones

I know, David. I gotta admire the little bastard for his honesty.

Mar 26 - 04:20 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

thanks bitches...i appreciate it...by the way how do you send friend requests...cause its not working for me?

Mar 28 - 02:50 AM

Tony Stark

sam varma

since you asked...im 13 david....your profile pic looks akward..is that bald guy you....!

Mar 28 - 02:52 AM

Bazooka Jew

Bazooka Jew

Haha....NO. That isn't me. That is Cleveland hack radio host Maxwell, AKA Benjamin Bornstein, who had a "radio war" with the Opie and Anthony show, which I listen to. I just found the situation really amusing, so I decided to use pic of him as my avatar.

Mar 28 - 08:33 AM

Tony Stark

sam varma

anyway its nice

Mar 28 - 10:46 PM

Ash Gilmore

Ash J. Gilmore

I totally thought that pic was of you!



My whole life is a lie!

Mar 29 - 08:19 PM

Bazooka Jew

Bazooka Jew

David Tanny isn't even my name! MIND BLOWN

Mar 29 - 08:22 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

i saw a video called meet storm shadow..... a guy mentioned that storm shadow never really killed the chinese master in the first and was framed by one of cobra and hence the rivalry starts between snake and storm! storm shadow might even help the joes by the looks of the trailer

Mar 14 - 07:11 AM

Sam Hennigh

Sam Hennigh

Well the original story is that storm shadow and snake eyes are brothers, but cobra kidnapped and brainwashed storm shadow

Mar 25 - 12:44 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

i get a headache talking about gi joe...im not actually a fan of the series but since the new movie looks like the best under the hasbro title it may be worth watching for some action fest this weekend...

Mar 28 - 02:53 AM

Daniel S.

Daniel Simmons

I think Im the only one kind of excited for this one It looks good They've condensed it to a handful of G.I Joe's instead of an army and the new cast is awesome this one can actually be something.

Mar 13 - 05:26 AM

Chris Bode

Chris Bode

From the director of Step Up 3-D and Justin Bieber, Never Say Never comes the action movie you have all been waiting for, G.I. Joe: Retaliation. In all seriousness, the special effects look cool and the cast is likeable enough, this might be a decent popcorn flick. Is it gonna be a good movie? Of course not. But it might be a fun thing to do on a Friday night with a few friends.

Mar 6 - 11:18 AM

Beaker

Beaker Muppet

Of course it'll be awful. It's made for bored kids spending mommy and daddy's money...and kids don't care about good writing, acting, directing.

Mar 6 - 06:10 AM

Nick Fury

Nick Fury

I do. I'm Generation Y, so I love action/science fiction/fantasy and not arthouse or Oscar bait, but I couldn't stand the first GI Joe, even with Christopher Eccleston in it. Give me Inception, Harry Potter or X-Men over GI Joe or Transformers any day.

Mar 11 - 01:07 PM

Nick Fury

Nick Fury

I do. I'm Generation Y, so I love action/science fiction/fantasy and not arthouse or Oscar bait, but I couldn't stand the first GI Joe, even with Christopher Eccleston (the 9th Doctor) in it. Give me Inception, Harry Potter or X-Men over GI Joe or Transformers any day.

Mar 11 - 01:08 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

cant wait for this! looks so cool

Mar 14 - 01:13 AM

Ash Gilmore

Ash J. Gilmore

they pushed the movie back so they could have reshoots to give Channing Tatum a bigger role due to his growing popularity. Which even further proves your point

Mar 2 - 05:09 PM

Ash Gilmore

Ash J. Gilmore

they pushed the movie back so they could have reshoots to give Channing Tatum a bigger role due to his growing popularity. Which even further proves your point

Mar 2 - 05:09 PM

hollis m.

hollis mills

this will almost double profit, shame that this shit movie is going to earn money

Feb 17 - 01:31 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

such a short movie!

Feb 16 - 12:42 AM

Nick Fury

Nick Fury

Did you actually see Iron Man 3? Because it looks so much better than 3.5 out of 5 stars. And the first GI Joe was far too long.

Mar 11 - 01:08 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

im talking about the sequel....only 1 hr 35 min..thinking whether to see or not..im wasting my money these days.. a lot.. since im a kid...but action looks so awesome

Mar 14 - 01:15 AM

Jerry  B.

Jerry (Go Adam Sandler!) Diablo Jersey who met Bradley Cooper

Ever heard of Premium Rush, Paranormal Activity 4.

Mar 25 - 04:04 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

no thanks

Mar 26 - 09:53 AM

Tony Stark

sam varma

this is the situation for almost all movies you asshole! you make a movie then you son of a botich!

Feb 13 - 10:57 PM

Lee Augustus

Lee Augustus

If he doesn't have the right to say a movie is bad because he never made one, what right do you have to say it's good? You idiot

Feb 19 - 01:16 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

are you talking to me cause if you are you one hell of a bas****!

Mar 14 - 07:12 AM

Lee Augustus

Lee Augustus

*asshole

Mar 16 - 12:27 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

i was just asking you you dickhead

Mar 18 - 05:52 AM

Lee Augustus

Lee Augustus

and I was correcting you.I'm not a bastard, but an asshole

Mar 25 - 01:46 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

asshole

Mar 29 - 12:55 AM

Daniel G.

Daniel Ganser

Is cobra even in it? It doesn't even seem like a sequel...

Jan 12 - 05:24 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

watch the trailer!

Mar 14 - 01:14 AM

Chris M.

Chris McClure

"Spoiler Alert" Cobra is actually in this one, unlike the last one. Cobra Commander is wearing masks, you get Fangs, Hiss', and Cobra Hydrofoils. And Cobra troops actually almost have Viper helms. They messed up the Storm Shadow-Snake-Eyes thing a bit, but it was such an improvement on Sommers' movie it makes me want to cheer.

Mar 28 - 12:22 PM

Lee Augustus

Lee Augustus

I actually enjoyed the first one as guilty pleasure

Dec 28 - 06:29 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

me too a little bit5

Mar 14 - 01:13 AM

Lee Augustus

Lee Augustus

I actually enjoyed the first one as guilty pleasure

Dec 28 - 06:29 PM

Lee Augustus

Lee Augustus

I actually enjoyed the first one as guilty pleasure

Dec 28 - 06:29 PM

James P.

James Phoenix

It's sad how true this sounds.

Dec 21 - 09:16 PM

Dick Travis

Mick Travis

What's really sad is it has a higher Tomatometer than A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD!

Mar 28 - 12:59 PM

Alex Maverick

Alex Maverick

I know! I mean, Good Day wasn't great or anything, but it's gotta be better than this garbage.

Mar 28 - 02:04 PM

Tony Stark

sam varma

good day is much worse..i actually liked this

Mar 28 - 10:46 PM

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