Critic Review - New York Press

G.I. Joe must be understood as an authentic measurement of our cultural values. Its appeal to the pop-commercial synapses also demonstrates livelier filmmaking than such utter banality as Iron Man and Star Trek and Harry Potter's Half-Blooded Chintz.

August 12, 2009 Full Review Source: New York Press | Comments (51)
New York Press

Comments

kargo

ivan kargovski

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

**takes a breath**

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

The walking self-parody strikes again!!

Aug 12 - 11:22 AM

Ross P.

Ross Patterson

So, you say that a completely original movie as in District 9 is a sham, and a completely unoriginal and sloppy movie like GI:Joe is great. Give me a break.

Aug 12 - 11:22 AM

Vince Vaughn XD

Vince Vaughn but not really

ross come on its obvious. he's a troll
i dunno he likes the attention

Jun 16 - 12:49 PM

Some guy you dont know

Bruce Campbell

http://img8.imageshack.us/img8/1897/armondwhiteisntinsane.jpg

Aug 12 - 11:26 AM

doc

doc carter

i love reading your hilariously ludicrous reviews, your thesaurus rape, your tactlessness. and i know you do this all on purpose, loving the response your reviews will glean. dude, you%u2019re one of the most successful internet trolls ever. keep up the great work, man.

Aug 12 - 11:27 AM

Sean T.

Sean Trimpe

doc,

you nailed it buddy

Aug 12 - 01:50 PM

floyd f.

floyd fox

I agree.

Aug 12 - 12:38 PM

Mike V.

Mike Vecchio

I honestly think this loser writes two reviews after he watches a movie. One review praises the movie and the other bashes it to no end. Then he waits to see what the general consensus is on the movie and posts the review that's opposite everyone else.

For example, this is the RT quote that is listed for White's FRESH review of The Hurt Locker:

"So far, the best fiction films about the Iraq War are Nick Bloomfield%u2019s Battle for Haditha, Irwin Winkler%u2019s Home of the Brave and John Moore%u2019s allegorical Flight of the Phoenix remake. It%u2019s sufficient praise to say The Hurt Locker joins that short list."

He wasn't the first to give The Hurt Locker a review but many other FRESH reviews came afterward. Now, in the GI Joe review, White says that The Hurt Locker is "now-overrated". WHAT?! So just because he decided to post his review earlier than others, no one else after him is allowed to agree with him that a certain movie is good? I bet if he put his review for Hurt Locker a couple of days ago, it would have been bashing it left and right.

ONLY IN A F***ED UP WORLD LIKE OURS IS AN *** LIKE THIS ALLOWED TO GET PAID FOR THIS CRAP.

Aug 12 - 01:32 PM

ManUnitdFan

Eric Dodge

The point of a movie critic is to provide movie goers with expert advice as to the positives and negatives of a film before they go see it.

If your opinion flies in the face of public opinion, common knowledge, and the opinions of your peers at almost every opportunity, what is the point of your existence?

You have no role in society. Please go away.

Aug 12 - 02:08 PM

Barjuca

John Barjuca

Honestly could you be ANY MORE ****ING IGNORANT?!?

everyone has the right to their own opinion I guess, but keep yours for your ****ING SELF!!

Aug 12 - 02:12 PM

Bob H.

Bob Higgs

So you're saying that G.I. Joe is a run of the mill, typical, American, 21st century, action movie... and that's what makes it good?
I don't understand you.

Aug 12 - 03:34 PM

Matt T.

Matt Thomas

You are THE worst critic in modern history!!!!!! You have a mind of a retarded baby who can't tell if he is sucking his thumb or his dick!!!!!!!!!!!

Aug 12 - 03:55 PM

UninspiredUnoriginal

Jeff Heesch

I don't think he has a soul.

Aug 12 - 04:10 PM

Dexter Morgan

Jay B

Translated for the non pretentious:

"Look at me, being the rebellious contrarian again. I was going to post this sooner but I like to wait until there is a critical consensus achieved first so I can go against the grain, regardless of the actual merits of the film in question.
Now here's the point where I use a big word....lugubrious...there, see how intelligent I am? Witness my mastery of the vernacular....blah blah...liberal sensibilities...blah blah...the left wing...blah blah...liberals don't understand that blah blah...I'm a conservative douchenozzle..blah blah."

Worst.Critic.Ever.

Aug 12 - 04:19 PM

Tits M.

Tits McGee

I had to register for RT to comment on this review and the feedback received to date. Doc's comment about 'thesaurus rape' made me laugh out loud at work. I'm going to have to use that phrase as much as possible.

I particularly like this excerpt from Armond's review: "G.I. Joe grasps its own junkiness. None of its stunts are especially witty... G.I. Joe%u2019s in the same innocuous class as...Tomb Raider."

How in the world is this a positive review? A few sentences earlier, he calls Harry Potter and Iron Man "utter banality." He then says the same thing about GI Joe in a slightly different way, but after sodomizing his thesaurus, innocuous = good, while banal = bad. His thesis seems to be that because other critics like the Harry Potter movies, the movies are pretentious. Personally, I appreciate the timely political messages in the recent HP films.

I've noticed discussion postings for Armond White reviews that question why this guy has a job. Of course, by spending time reading his review and typing this response, I've legitimized his role as a relevant movie critic.

So I offer the following suggestion: We could start a letter writing campaign to his supervisors at New York Press. Multiple hand-written letters to his supervisors informing them that their reviewer is nothing but a joke on RT, and that his employment compromises NYP's integrity by apparently playing a cruel joke on readers that take his reviews seriously. Secondly, we should contact the companies that have purchased advertising space adjacent to his reviews to inform them that their stores/products/services will be negatively impacted by their association with Armond, and that RT readers are starting a boycott of any companies using this advertising space. Anybody got contact info for NYP's upper management?

Aug 12 - 07:25 PM

Jack E.

Jack Engle

"As for acting, operatives Tatum and Wayans look great in their special Accelerator suits, surging through the air, tumbling and weaving in dreamlike acrobatics to gladden the wide-eyed part of your aesthetic sensibility."

Can someone explain to me how this applies to the acting in the movie?

Aug 12 - 07:59 PM

soundwave159

tom jbb

I grew up watching and loving the cartoon, and I used to have some of the G.I. Joe toys like Cross Country with his H.A.V.O.C. When I watched this movie, it brought back some memories, especially seeing Snake Eyes, Baroness, Storm Shadow, and Scarlett. The actress who plays Scarlett almost sounds like the animated character, and she even looks like her too. I think the actor who played Duke could've been better with his acting. He would've been better if he was a side role but NOT a lead role to play an iconic character like Duke. He didn't really remind me of the cartoon character. The animated Duke looked and sounded mature and Channing Tatum didn't seem to have that quality. Even if you're young, and not a veteran actor, there's something an actor has that makes him/her stand out (like Jack Nicholson, Johnny Depp, and Helen Mirren) but I'm not really sure if it was the script or just his acting or a combination of both. Overall, I thought the movie was fun and entertaining, and maybe Tatum would be better in the sequels.

Aug 12 - 09:35 PM

soundwave159

tom jbb

"like Jack Nicholson, Johnny Depp, and Helen Mirren"

When they first started out I mean.

Aug 12 - 09:48 PM

tom S.

tom Swerdna

DON'T MIND ME. I JUST STOPPED BY TO SEE IF MY BUDDY COLD ICE HAD LEFT ANY HINT ABOUT HOW HE FEELS REGARDING THIS MOVIE AND CRITICS IN GENERAL. I must also confess to wondering if he has been a fan of the cartoon since '81.
Oh yeah... And what exactly DO gay movie reviewers do on their time off besides "watching baseball and friends"?
MY FRIEND COOL ICE WILL KNOW.

Aug 13 - 04:55 AM

CoreyG

Corey Gallagher

It's because a Waynes brother is one of the stars or this would have gotten a rotten review as well. You're the most racist son of a ***** out there.

Aug 13 - 08:08 AM

sobreiro

Felipe Sobreiro

I'm absolutely sure Mr. Armond White actually hates movies and movie-making as a whole and he just writes the opposite of what the actual, serious critics think just to create some controversy, like a zany prankster sabotaging the system from the inside. OH, ARMOND, YOU'RE INCORRIGIBLE.

Aug 13 - 09:45 AM

scoville

Doug Redway

A White = No talent *** clown.

Aug 13 - 11:16 AM

Cry-Baby Walker

Alex Flores

Yep, he's the "Michael Bolton" of film critics. LOL

Aug 13 - 12:50 PM

Roberto V.

Roberto Valente

omg, that is too much

Aug 13 - 09:46 PM

Matt L.

Matt LeBoeuf

This guy can NOT be serious. You are the WORST. THE ABSOLUTE FREAKING WORST!!!!!! Movie critic in the history of movies. How in the hell does RT take you seriously. Get this guy off of here!

Aug 13 - 10:12 PM

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