G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Movie Reviews - Rotten Tomatoes

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra Reviews

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Top Critic
Michael Phillips
Chicago Tribune
August 14, 2009
[Director] Sommers did the first two chaotic Mummy remakes; those play like Tender Mercies compared to this one.
Full Review | Original Score: 2/4
Matt Brunson
Creative Loafing
August 14, 2009
This isn't G.I. Joe so much as it's C.G.I. Joe, a nonstop orgy of computer imagery and pretty much what we'd expect from the director of the execrable Van Helsing and two dopey Mummy movies.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
Tom Meek
Boston Phoenix
August 14, 2009
If only they'd brought Mr. Potato Head into the mix.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
Jim Lane
Sacramento News & Review
August 14, 2009
... marginally better than the Transformers franchise (not that the bar was all that high) ...
Full Review | Original Score: 2/5
Adam Tobias
Watertown Daily Times
August 14, 2009
So, now you know, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is about as uncomfortable to sit through as running in a marathon with a bad case of the trots - and knowing is half the battle.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/5
Jesse Hassenger
PopMatters
August 14, 2009
Unfortunately, the plot requires Sienna Miller to strike sparks off of Channing Tatum, which is somewhat like smashing granite against wood.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/10
John Beifuss
Commercial Appeal (Memphis, TN)
August 14, 2009
Harks back to the pulpy spirit of 'Doc Savage' adventures and Roger Moore-era James Bond movies...
Full Review | Original Score: 3/4
Matthew Razak
Examiner.com
August 13, 2009
I don't think I've seen an untested film franchise be set up for a sequel so hard in my entire life.
Sean O'Connell
Charlotte Weekly
August 13, 2009
The action figures formerly known as "Real American Heroes" deserve something better than this artificial, live-action cartoon.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
AskMen.com Staff
AskMen.com
August 12, 2009
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra contains two hours of cartoon violence, wildly exaggerated high-speed car chases and more than enough laser beams and bomb blasts to keep the kid inside you entertained. If you're going in expecting anything else, you're
Full Review | Original Score: 57/100
Mike McGranaghan
Aisle Seat
August 12, 2009
I don't mind if something blows up every five minutes so long as I'm given a reason to care why something is blowing up every five minutes.
Full Review | Original Score: 1.5/4
Armond White
New York Press
August 12, 2009
G.I. Joe must be understood as an authentic measurement of our cultural values. Its appeal to the pop-commercial synapses also demonstrates livelier filmmaking than such utter banality as Iron Man and Star Trek and Harry Potter's Half-Blooded Chintz.
David Foucher
EDGE Boston
August 12, 2009
The real reason Paramount Pictures didn't screen "G.I. Joe" for critics: they were afraid of reviews like this one.
Full Review | Original Score: D-
Nick Schager
Lessons of Darkness
August 12, 2009
Basically Team America: World Police played straight and minus the political edge.
Full Review | Original Score: C
Top Critic
Chuck Wilson
Village Voice
August 12, 2009
After a first hour that plays like a bad TV show, Sommers hits his groove with an over-the-top Paris chase sequence that, in turn, leads to an underwater finale that's absurdly overproduced, momentarily diverting, and then instantly forgettable.
Tim Brayton
Antagony & Ecstasy
August 12, 2009
A bit like having pieces of metal thrown at your face in a wind tunnel.
Full Review | Original Score: 1/10
Jackie K. Cooper
jackiekcooper.com
August 11, 2009
This is the best bad movie you will see all year.
Full Review | Original Score: 6/10
Sean Burns
Philadelphia Weekly
August 11, 2009
A slightly more pleasurable experience than Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. But then again, so is a prolapsed colon.
Top Critic
Christopher Orr
The New Republic
August 11, 2009
Sometimes, a film defies conventional narrative and artistic standards so utterly that it seems unfair to judge it by them.... Consider this a tone poem in 40 scraps of dialogue.
Bruce Kirkland
Jam! Movies
August 11, 2009
Sienna Miller is eye-candy in black leatherette as good-bad girl the Baroness. Ditto for Rachel Nichols as redheaded heroine Scarlett.
Full Review | Original Score: 3/5
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