Total Recall: Best Movie Wizards
With a new Harry Potter flick hitting theaters, we run down the best practitioners of cinematic sorcery.
Class is back in session at Hogwarts, with Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince hitting screens this week. Since the academy is a place where young witches and wizards practice their craft, we at Rotten Tomatoes thought it would be a good time to count down some of the most spellbinding mystics who've ever graced the big screen. The entrants on our list of memorable movie wizards share many of the same attributes: musty spell books, magic wands, and unkempt beards, as well as prickly people skills and the ability to rouse the dead. However, they've also provided many a fantasy film with magical moments. Read on for a compendium of cinema's finest sorcerers! (And don't forget to check out all the reviews for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.)
10. Akiro (Conan the Barbarian)
When we meet Akiro (Mako) in Conan the Barbarian, he's not exactly on an upward trend, living a hermit-like existence and tending to an ancient cemetery. But when Conan happens by, the two of them become tight, which comes in handy later when Akiro is called upon to revive his muscle-bound pal from the dead. It's a good career move; by the end of Conan the Destroyer, Akiro has a new gig as the chief wizard of Shadizar. In addition to sorcery, Akiro is a master in the mystical art of voiceover work, providing the narration for both Conan movies.
9. Tim the Enchanter (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
Tim the Enchanter (John Cleese) may not be the kindliest of wizards, but he has several qualities that set him apart from the ranks of cinematic sorcerers. He has the ability to blow stuff up, which he utilizes liberally (he even has a flame-throwing staff!). He speaks theatrically and portentously in a thick Scottish brogue ("Death awaits you all... with nasty, big, pointy teeth!" goes a typical oratorical flourish). And he wears an awesome hat with rams' horns on it. He also helps guide King Arthur and his men to the Cave of Caerbannog, dispensing fireballs along in all directions with little discipline, but Arthur and his men fail to heed Tim's dire warnings about the cave's seemingly innocuous defender -- with tragic results. A word of advice, kids: when a wizard -- no matter how gruff and ill-tempered -- offers insider knowledge, you should probably listen up.
8. Lo-Pan (Big Trouble in Little China)
Wizened and wheelchair-bound one minute, 10 feet tall and shooting laser beams out of his eyes the next, the ancient Chinese warlord Lo-Pan (James Hong) -- a.k.a. David Lo-Pan, CEO of the Wing Kong Import-Export Trading Company -- overcame a somewhat conflicted relationship with the mortal plane to wield a stack of fearsome powers that included a trio of weather-themed martial artists, championship-level hologram thumb-wrestling skills, and the ability to send people to the Hell of Upside-Down Sinners. He is also, so far as we know, the only wizard ever to utter the immortal words, "Now this really p---es me off to no end." But the best thing about Lo-Pan has to be his raison d'être: For all his insults, kidnapping, and murdering, all he really wanted was a wife. Sure, he was a little picky -- she had to have green eyes, a rather uncommon attribute in Chinese girls -- but he kept trying for centuries, and who among us can't respect that kind of tenacity?
7. High Aldwin (Willow)
Most of the wizards on our list either hold exalted positions on their local royal courts or act as magical free agents, but Willow's High Aldwin -- played memorably by Hollywood legend Billy Barty -- is a different breed of warlock, acting as a sort of mayor for the diminutive Nelwyns. Between his position as a beleaguered bureaucrat, his less-than-imposing stature, and the fact that his wizardry has more to do with an impressive gift for flimflam than anything truly magical, you might be tempted to dismiss the High Aldwin as an unworthy interloper on this list, but we ask you: Have you ever turned an apple into a bird, bossed an Ewok around, or determined which finger holds the power to control the universe? Didn't think so.
6. Miracle Max (The Princess Bride)
Fast-talking Miracle Max (Billy Crystal) makes only a brief appearance in The Princess Bride when Fezzik and Inigo Montoya deposit an expired Westley at his doorstep. When we first meet him, it's apparent Max is a slightly shifty old character with a prince-sized chip on his shoulder. He quickly informs Fezzik and Inigo that Westley is merely "mostly dead" and, before he agrees to revive him, proceeds to ask the hopeful duo how much money they have and whether or not their desire to revive Westley is based on the fact that he owes them a gambling debt. Max is clearly a curmudgeon and a cynic, and he only agrees to help Westley when Inigo informs him that doing so will mean pain and humiliation for the prince who fired him, but he ultimately proves he's worthy of the "Miracle" in his name when he succeeds in bringing Westley back to life. Well, sort of... Westley remains partially paralyzed for pretty much the rest of the film.
dj Mark on 07-16-2009 10:15 AM
So Gandalf is #1.... well DUH. But High Aldwin??? You guys were really reaching for source material eh?