Horrible Bosses Quotes

The top Horrible Bosses quotes selected by the Rotten Tomatoes community. Login to submit a quote!

  • Kurt:
    If Nick and I were in a prison who do you think would be raped more??
    Dale:
    Nick.
    Kurt:
    Nick, really? Huh.
    ‐ Submitted by Adam P (11 months ago)

  • Nick:
    My boss, who we're planning to kill is dying... And you save his life!!!!
    Dale:
    Well it sounds bad when you say it like that.
    ‐ Submitted by Adam P (11 months ago)

  • Dale:
    Penis?!
    Dave Harken:
    PEANUTS!
    Dale:
    Oh my god, peanuts! Your allergic to peanuts!
    ‐ Submitted by Adam P (11 months ago)

  • Kurt:
    I'd sure like to bend her over the barrel and show her 50 states.
    ‐ Submitted by Adam P (11 months ago)

  • Jack Pellit:
    Life is a marathon and you can't win a marathon without putting a few Band-Aids on your nipples.
    ‐ Submitted by Meredith F (16 months ago)

  • Nick Hendricks:
    I was drag racing.
    Officer Wilkens:
    In a Prius?
    Nick Hendricks:
    I don't win a lot.
    ‐ Submitted by Richard F (19 months ago)

  • Kurt Buckman:
    You know, they should call you Motherfucker Over-Jones, to avoid confusion. Right? Dean 'MF' Jones: What's the confusion?
    ‐ Submitted by Ram C (2 years ago)

  • Dr. Julia Harris:
    You said she was just a hole for your dick.
    Dale Arbus:
    I never said that... Not really my style.
    ‐ Submitted by Badnan A (2 years ago)

  • Kurt Buckman:
    Oh, and to answer your question, that was your wife.
    Dave Harken:
    You fucked my wife?
    Kurt Buckman:
    I fucked your wife!
    ‐ Submitted by Badnan A (2 years ago)

  • Kurt Buckman:
    What about you grandmother, 'Booby'?
    Nick Hendricks:
    Gam Gam.
    ‐ Submitted by Abhirup D (2 years ago)

  • Dale Arbus:
    What do you mean 'deliberately undress?'. So, you 'accidentally undress?'
    ‐ Submitted by Abhirup D (2 years ago)

  • Dale:
    Why did you put his whole bathroom in your ass!?
    ‐ Submitted by Mike B (2 years ago)

  • Dale:
    [Wetwork Man] Are you telling me I drove all this way and no one wants to get pissed on?
    ‐ Submitted by James B (2 years ago)

  • Nick Hendricks:
    I get to work before the sun comes up, and I leave long after it's gone down. I haven't had sex in 6 months with someone other than myself. And the only thing in my refrigerator is a old lime. It could be an old kiwi, no way to tell.
    ‐ Submitted by Evan T (2 years ago)

  • Dr. Julia Harris:
    Oh, I'm sorry Dale. I'm a squirter.
    ‐ Submitted by Ethan C (2 years ago)

  • Dean 'MF' Jones:
    They call me Motherf***er Jones my mother was a drunk when I was a kid. So one night she passed out on her bed naked. I walked into her room, slipped my fingers in her purse....and stole all her money from her wallet; whole week's pay. I really f***ed that mother over.
    ‐ Submitted by Jamey B (2 years ago)

  • Bobby Pellit:
    Yo, dickwad! What the fuck?
    Kurt Buckman:
    What?
    Bobby Pellit:
    Three hours late. What's the deal?
    Kurt Buckman:
    I was at your fathers funeral!
    Bobby Pellit:
    Uh huh. Maybe that excuse would work if my dad was here, but, I'm in charge now.
    Kurt Buckman:
    That excuse wouldn't make any sense if dad was still here.
    ‐ Submitted by Hunter E (2 years ago)

  • Kurt Buckman:
    We've been taking murder advice from someone whos biggest crime is... taping an Ethan Hawke movie!
    Dean 'MF' Jones:
    So you do know the movie?
    ‐ Submitted by Hunter E (2 years ago)

  • Dale:
    [after Pellit is shot] what's going on hows pellit?
    Nick:
    Still pretty f***Inge dead Dale.
    ‐ Submitted by Jay S (3 years ago)

  • Rhonda Harken:
    Your balls are so soft.
    ‐ Submitted by Rodrigo R (3 years ago)

  • Nick Hendricks:
    [during Nick's intro] The only hitch: I work for this guy, David Harken, who right now is feeding me some fresh sh*t for being two minutes late. He's a total f*cking asshole.
    Dale Arbus:
    [during Dale's intro] And it would've been the perfect job, if it weren't for one evil, crazy b*tch...D.D.S.
    Kurt Buckman:
    [during Kurt's intro] And if the worst thing about this job is having to tolerate my boss' dipsh*t cokehead son, well, it's a small price to pay.
    ‐ Submitted by Slade U (3 years ago)

  • Kurt:
    You know, they should call you... Motherfucker-over Jones to avoid confusion, right?
    ‐ Submitted by Mayank F (3 years ago)

  • Dale Arbus:
    [Dale hands Julia the dental water spray]
    Dr. Julia Harris:
    Alright, let see if this thing is working. [she sprays Dale in the crotch with the dental water spray]
    Dr. Julia Harris:
    Ooh!
    Dale Arbus:
    Oh, my God!
    Dr. Julia Harris:
    Oh! I'm sorry. I'm a squirter, Dale. Oh, you know what? I think, I can make out our little friend right there! [she squirts him in the crotch again with the water spray]
    Dale Arbus:
    Stop it!
    Dr. Julia Harris:
    Shabbat Shalom, somebody's circumcised!
    ‐ Submitted by Pepper W (3 years ago)

  • Dr. Julia Harris:
    I bet you're no shrimp in the c*ck department, huh Dale?
    Dale Arbus:
    Okay, Julia. Come on!
    Dr. Julia Harris:
    What?
    Dale Arbus:
    I'm not comfortable talking about that.
    Dr. Julia Harris:
    Oh, Dale! Come on! You know that I like to fool around! [she takes the hand of the patient and places it on her breast]
    Dale Arbus:
    Oops! [to the patient]
    Dr. Julia Harris:
    Mr. Anderton! Not in the office! This is bad! [hitting the patients hand]
    Dr. Julia Harris:
    Bad! Bad! Bad!
    Dale Arbus:
    Probably shouldn't hit the patients.
    ‐ Submitted by Pepper W (3 years ago)

  • Nick:
    [showing Nick's intro] My boss he's a TOTAL FUCKING ASSHOLE.
    Dale:
    [showing Dale's intro] My boss she's a EVIL CRAZY BITCH.
    Kurt:
    [showing Kurt's intro] My boss he's a DIPSHIT COKEHEAD SON.
    ‐ Submitted by Baurushan J (3 years ago)

  • Kurt:
    Your first name is Mother Fucker?
    ‐ Submitted by Baurushan J (3 years ago)

  • Dean 'MF' Jones:
    I can't walk around this f**king neighborhood with that Disney-ass name.
    ‐ Submitted by Pato G (3 years ago)

  • Dale:
    Speaking of entrapment, I'm going to see that girl about her vagina.
    Dale:
    Excuse me.
    ‐ Submitted by xniquet L (3 years ago)

  • Dale Arbus:
    You crazy bitch whore! [pauses for a moment]
    Dale Arbus:
    Ah! That felt good!
    ‐ Submitted by Jesse W (3 years ago)

  • Dean 'MF' Jones:
    My name is Dean Mother Fu**er Jones.
    ‐ Submitted by Zaid S (3 years ago)

  • Nick:
    I don't have sleeve gloves!
    ‐ Submitted by Valleen N (3 years ago)

  • Dale:
    We are MEN, SEEKING A MAN!
    ‐ Submitted by Kathleen S (3 years ago)

  • Dean 'MF' Jones:
    I can't walk around this f**kin neighborhood with that Disney-ass name.
    ‐ Submitted by Kathleen S (3 years ago)

  • Kurt:
    You can't win a marathon without putting some bandaids on your nipples!
    ‐ Submitted by Chris C (3 years ago)

  • Dean 'MF' Jones:
    I'm going to be your murder consultant.
    ‐ Submitted by Ze P (3 years ago)

  • Dr. Julia Harris:
    I'm a squirter Dale!
    ‐ Submitted by Kyle V (3 years ago)

  • Kurt:
    Tell you what, I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states, you know what I'm saying?
    ‐ Submitted by Simon M (3 years ago)

  • Bobby Pellit:
    We need to trim some of the fat.
    Kurt Buckman:
    What do you mean by trim the fat?
    Bobby Pellit:
    I want you to fire the fat people. They're lazy and they're slow and they make me sad to look at. You can start with Large Marge.
    Bobby Pellit:
    Marge can you come in here please?
    ‐ Submitted by Gene A (3 years ago)

  • Dale:
    We are men looking for a man.
    ‐ Submitted by Jack P (3 years ago)

  • Dale:
    You're a raper, you raped me, that's a RAPE!
    ‐ Submitted by Alec B (3 years ago)

  • Bobby Pellitt:
    You can fire Professor Xavier.
    Kurt:
    You mean Hank.
    Bobby Pellitt:
    Creeps me out, rolling around all day in his special little secret chair.
    ‐ Submitted by Gregory R (3 years ago)

  • Dale:
    At least your boss isn't sexually harassing you.
    ‐ Submitted by Alec B (3 years ago)

  • Kurt:
    Your boss is incredibly hot.
    Dale:
    Don't talk about how hot she is.
    Kurt:
    She makes herself a little snack. A popsicle. A banana. And finally, a hot dog. And eating them in that weird order thats not a proper meal.
    Nick:
    It's cold to hot.
    ‐ Submitted by Mark H (3 years ago)

  • Nick:
    I was drag racing.
    ‐ Submitted by Chisom A (3 years ago)

  • Kurt:
    What do you mean by, 'trim the fat'?
    ‐ Submitted by Alec B (3 years ago)

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