• R, 1 hr. 46 min.
  • Comedy
  • Directed By:
    Seth Gordon
    In Theaters:
    Jul 8, 2011 Wide
    On DVD:
    Oct 11, 2011
  • Warner Bros. Pictures

Horrible Bosses Quotes

The top Horrible Bosses quotes selected by the Rotten Tomatoes community. Login to submit a quote!

    1. Kurt: If Nick and I were in a prison who do you think would be raped more??
    2. Dale: Nick.
    3. Kurt: Nick, really? Huh.
    – Submitted by Adam P (4 months ago)
    1. Nick: My boss, who we're planning to kill is dying... And you save his life!!!!
    2. Dale: Well it sounds bad when you say it like that.
    – Submitted by Adam P (4 months ago)
    1. Dale: Penis?!
    2. Dave Harken: PEANUTS!
    3. Dale: Oh my god, peanuts! Your allergic to peanuts!
    – Submitted by Adam P (4 months ago)
    1. Kurt: I'd sure like to bend her over the barrel and show her 50 states.
    – Submitted by Adam P (4 months ago)
    1. Jack Pellit: Life is a marathon and you can't win a marathon without putting a few Band-Aids on your nipples.
    – Submitted by Meredith F (9 months ago)
    1. Nick Hendricks: I was drag racing.
    2. Officer Wilkens: In a Prius?
    3. Nick Hendricks: I don't win a lot.
    – Submitted by Richard F (11 months ago)
    1. Kurt Buckman: You know, they should call you Motherfucker Over-Jones, to avoid confusion. Right? Dean 'MF' Jones: What's the confusion?
    – Submitted by Ram C (20 months ago)
    1. Dr. Julia Harris: You said she was just a hole for your dick.
    2. Dale Arbus: I never said that... Not really my style.
    – Submitted by Badnan A (23 months ago)
    1. Kurt Buckman: Oh, and to answer your question, that was your wife.
    2. Dave Harken: You fucked my wife?
    3. Kurt Buckman: I fucked your wife!
    – Submitted by Badnan A (23 months ago)
    1. Kurt Buckman: What about you grandmother, 'Booby'?
    2. Nick Hendricks: Gam Gam.
    – Submitted by Abhirup D (2 years ago)
    1. Dale Arbus: What do you mean 'deliberately undress?'. So, you 'accidentally undress?'
    – Submitted by Abhirup D (2 years ago)
    1. Dale: Why did you put his whole bathroom in your ass!?
    – Submitted by Mike B (2 years ago)
    1. Dale: [Wetwork Man] Are you telling me I drove all this way and no one wants to get pissed on?
    – Submitted by James B (2 years ago)
    1. Nick Hendricks: I get to work before the sun comes up, and I leave long after it's gone down. I haven't had sex in 6 months with someone other than myself. And the only thing in my refrigerator is a old lime. It could be an old kiwi, no way to tell.
    – Submitted by Evan T (2 years ago)
    1. Dr. Julia Harris: Oh, I'm sorry Dale. I'm a squirter.
    – Submitted by Ethan C (2 years ago)
    1. Dean 'MF' Jones: They call me Motherf***er Jones my mother was a drunk when I was a kid. So one night she passed out on her bed naked. I walked into her room, slipped my fingers in her purse....and stole all her money from her wallet; whole week's pay. I really f***ed that mother over.
    – Submitted by Jamey B (2 years ago)
    1. Bobby Pellit: Yo, dickwad! What the fuck?
    2. Kurt Buckman: What?
    3. Bobby Pellit: Three hours late. What's the deal?
    4. Kurt Buckman: I was at your fathers funeral!
    5. Bobby Pellit: Uh huh. Maybe that excuse would work if my dad was here, but, I'm in charge now.
    6. Kurt Buckman: That excuse wouldn't make any sense if dad was still here.
    – Submitted by Hunter E (2 years ago)
    1. Kurt Buckman: We've been taking murder advice from someone whos biggest crime is... taping an Ethan Hawke movie!
    2. Dean 'MF' Jones: So you do know the movie?
    – Submitted by Hunter E (2 years ago)
    1. Dale: [after Pellit is shot] what's going on hows pellit?
    2. Nick: Still pretty f***Inge dead Dale.
    – Submitted by Jay S (2 years ago)
    1. Rhonda Harken: Your balls are so soft.
    – Submitted by Rodrigo R (2 years ago)
    1. Nick Hendricks: [during Nick's intro] The only hitch: I work for this guy, David Harken, who right now is feeding me some fresh sh*t for being two minutes late. He's a total f*cking asshole.
    2. Dale Arbus: [during Dale's intro] And it would've been the perfect job, if it weren't for one evil, crazy b*tch...D.D.S.
    3. Kurt Buckman: [during Kurt's intro] And if the worst thing about this job is having to tolerate my boss' dipsh*t cokehead son, well, it's a small price to pay.
    – Submitted by Slade U (2 years ago)
    1. Kurt: You know, they should call you... Motherfucker-over Jones to avoid confusion, right?
    – Submitted by Mayank F (2 years ago)
    1. Dale Arbus: [Dale hands Julia the dental water spray]
    2. Dr. Julia Harris: Alright, let see if this thing is working. [she sprays Dale in the crotch with the dental water spray]
    3. Dr. Julia Harris: Ooh!
    4. Dale Arbus: Oh, my God!
    5. Dr. Julia Harris: Oh! I'm sorry. I'm a squirter, Dale. Oh, you know what? I think, I can make out our little friend right there! [she squirts him in the crotch again with the water spray]
    6. Dale Arbus: Stop it!
    7. Dr. Julia Harris: Shabbat Shalom, somebody's circumcised!
    – Submitted by Pepper W (2 years ago)
    1. Dr. Julia Harris: I bet you're no shrimp in the c*ck department, huh Dale?
    2. Dale Arbus: Okay, Julia. Come on!
    3. Dr. Julia Harris: What?
    4. Dale Arbus: I'm not comfortable talking about that.
    5. Dr. Julia Harris: Oh, Dale! Come on! You know that I like to fool around! [she takes the hand of the patient and places it on her breast]
    6. Dale Arbus: Oops! [to the patient]
    7. Dr. Julia Harris: Mr. Anderton! Not in the office! This is bad! [hitting the patients hand]
    8. Dr. Julia Harris: Bad! Bad! Bad!
    9. Dale Arbus: Probably shouldn't hit the patients.
    – Submitted by Pepper W (2 years ago)
    1. Nick: [showing Nick's intro] My boss he's a TOTAL FUCKING ASSHOLE.
    2. Dale: [showing Dale's intro] My boss she's a EVIL CRAZY BITCH.
    3. Kurt: [showing Kurt's intro] My boss he's a DIPSHIT COKEHEAD SON.
    – Submitted by Baurushan J (2 years ago)
    1. Kurt: Your first name is Mother Fucker?
    – Submitted by Baurushan J (2 years ago)
    1. Dean 'MF' Jones: I can't walk around this f**king neighborhood with that Disney-ass name.
    – Submitted by Pato G (2 years ago)
    1. Dale: Speaking of entrapment, I'm going to see that girl about her vagina.
    2. Dale: Excuse me.
    – Submitted by xniquet L (2 years ago)
    1. Dale Arbus: You crazy bitch whore! [pauses for a moment]
    2. Dale Arbus: Ah! That felt good!
    – Submitted by Jesse W (3 years ago)
    1. Dean 'MF' Jones: My name is Dean Mother Fu**er Jones.
    – Submitted by Zaid S (3 years ago)
    1. Nick: I don't have sleeve gloves!
    – Submitted by Valleen N (3 years ago)
    1. Dale: We are MEN, SEEKING A MAN!
    – Submitted by Kathleen S (3 years ago)
    1. Dean 'MF' Jones: I can't walk around this f**kin neighborhood with that Disney-ass name.
    – Submitted by Kathleen S (3 years ago)
    1. Kurt: You can't win a marathon without putting some bandaids on your nipples!
    – Submitted by Chris C (3 years ago)
    1. Dean 'MF' Jones: I'm going to be your murder consultant.
    – Submitted by Ze P (3 years ago)
    1. Dr. Julia Harris: I'm a squirter Dale!
    – Submitted by Kyle V (3 years ago)
    1. Kurt: Tell you what, I'd like to bend her over a barrel and show her the fifty states, you know what I'm saying?
    – Submitted by Simon M (3 years ago)
    1. Bobby Pellit: We need to trim some of the fat.
    2. Kurt Buckman: What do you mean by trim the fat?
    3. Bobby Pellit: I want you to fire the fat people. They're lazy and they're slow and they make me sad to look at. You can start with Large Marge.
    4. Bobby Pellit: Marge can you come in here please?
    – Submitted by Gene A (3 years ago)
    1. Dale: We are men looking for a man.
    – Submitted by Jack P (3 years ago)
    1. Dale: You're a raper, you raped me, that's a RAPE!
    – Submitted by Alec B (3 years ago)
    1. Bobby Pellitt: You can fire Professor Xavier.
    2. Kurt: You mean Hank.
    3. Bobby Pellitt: Creeps me out, rolling around all day in his special little secret chair.
    – Submitted by Gregory R (3 years ago)
    1. Dale: At least your boss isn't sexually harassing you.
    – Submitted by Alec B (3 years ago)
    1. Kurt: Your boss is incredibly hot.
    2. Dale: Don't talk about how hot she is.
    3. Kurt: She makes herself a little snack. A popsicle. A banana. And finally, a hot dog. And eating them in that weird order thats not a proper meal.
    4. Nick: It's cold to hot.
    – Submitted by Mark H (3 years ago)
    1. Nick: I was drag racing.
    – Submitted by Chisom A (3 years ago)
    1. Kurt: What do you mean by, 'trim the fat'?
    – Submitted by Alec B (3 years ago)

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