For the benefit of those who came in late: Rob Zombie's House of 1000 Corpses was filmed in 2000 for Universal Studios. Upon seeing the final cut, the studio politely but in no uncertain terms refused to release it. So did MGM, after initially agreeing to distribute it. In the ensuing three years, the unseen film has developed the status of a cult legend. After all, goes the reasoning of the young and rebellious, if not just one but two big fat Hollywood studios refused to release it, it must be something pretty dangerous, or weird or whatever. On the other hand, sometimes big studios do know what they're doing. (Hollywood hasn't gained world domination entirely by accident.)

Having made a name as the father of a form of music known as "shock metal," former "Pee-wee's Playhouse" production assistant Zombie has long been an aficionado of horror movies, particularly the deviant variety that flourished at the nation's drive-ins and grindhouses in the late 1970s. It's an affinity that has been given free reign in his music, both as leader of White Zombie and solo artist, and in the videos he has directed. So it's not surprising that when he attained sufficient clout he would take the opportunity to make a feature film of his own.

Set during Halloween 1977, House of 1000 Corpses opens at Captain Spaulding's Museum of Monsters and Madmen, a combination gas station, fried chicken joint and freak show funhouse located on a rural backroad. Proprietor Capt. Spaulding is played, in smeared clown make-up and an accent thick enough to choke Slim Pickens, by the veteran exploitation actor Sid Haig, best remembered for his work in the cult film Spider Baby. (You don't want to know about his films that aren't so well remembered.)

Stopping at Capt. Spaulding's this dark and rainy night are a quartet of twentysomething culture vultures who are writing a book about America's sleazier roadside attractions. Needless to say, they (or at least the two male members of the entourage) are thrilled by the Captain's collection. They're even more excited to learn that nearby is the site where a local lunatic was hanged by an angry mob for doing amateur brain surgery. With a map provided by the not-so-good Captain, they're on their way.

From this point, Zombie heads right into the middle of Texas Chainsaw Massacre territory. Our foursome's car breaks down right outside the house of a deranged family named Firefly. (Yes, there are lots of names here taken from Groucho Marx characters, and no, I haven't the faintest idea why.)

Horror buffs will amuse themselves for awhile counting the classic shockers that House of 1000 Corpses refers to. Aside from Saw, there are smatterings of The Hills Have Eyes, 2000 Maniacs, Tobe Hooper's The Fun House, and The Brain that Wouldn't Die, to name only the most obvious. This leads to an overstuffed plot that is kept moving with a hyperbolic style that includes regular inserts of flashbacks, clips from old movies, insane monologues and ramblings from a Zacherley-ish horror host.

But what soon becomes apparent is that Zombie is more of a fanboy than filmmaker. He's adept at tossing off references to his favorite films, but much less skilled at making something coherent, not to mention original, out of them. (Good thing he still has that other career to fall back on.) Like an 88 minute music video, it's a lot of allusions that barely hang together as a story: plot elements are introduced only to vanish, and the climax seems to have been taken from a whole different movie, as if they'd mixed up the reels at the drive in. (Which, come to think of it, was known to happen in the 70s.)

And while Zombie has loaded his film with gore, it has almost no effect. Partly it's because the characters are so uninteresting (or openly annoying: the two young women seem to be competing to see who can do the most abrasive Molly Shannon imitation): we just don't care what happens to them. And it's partly in the matter-of-fact way he tosses off the most revolting instances of torture and dismemberment. Was it a tactic to get the movie past the MPAA? If so, it seems to have worked: House is in theaters with an R rating, but parents considering taking children to see this should be warned that it is in no way appropriate for any but the most hardened teens (who will probably sneak in by themselves anyway).