Jack and Jill Quotes

The top Jack and Jill quotes selected by the Rotten Tomatoes community. Login to submit a quote!

  • Jill Sadelstein:
    [to Otto] You don't look homeless to me, you're fat! You're Al Quida!
    ‐ Submitted by Jed G (2 years ago)

  • Jill Sadelstein:
    Mom always said it's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
    ‐ Submitted by Mary M (2 years ago)

  • Jill Sadelstein:
    WHERE WERE YOU?
    ‐ Submitted by Mary M (2 years ago)

  • Jill Sadelstein:
    Are you going bald?
    Jack Sadelstein:
    Huh?
    Jill Sadelstein:
    No, no, no, no, you're getting fatter, and your hair doesn't realize it needs to cover more face.
    Jack Sadelstein:
    Okay.
    ‐ Submitted by Jed G (2 years ago)

  • Jack Sadelstein:
    [Jill is in the bathroom] Hey Jill, can I talk to you for a second?
    Jill Sadelstein:
    No! My bags are packed and there's nothing left to... [farts] say! [farts again] I spent the day at Felipe's picnic where I finally felt welcome. [farts again] By everybody! I tried to serve food for the very first time! [farts again]
    Jack Sadelstein:
    I'm guessing Mexican?
    Jill Sadelstein:
    Yes, Mexican, Mr. Food Detector! [farts again] At Felipe's! [farts again, very loudly]
    Jack Sadelstein:
    What, is Evel Knievel doing wheelies in there?
    ‐ Submitted by Jed G (2 years ago)

  • Jill Sadelstein:
    [whispering] He's homeless, right? He seems clean, but you should put one of those toilet seat protectors underneath him to make sure he doesn't ruin the chair.
    Jack Sadelstein:
    Are you whispering with a bullhorn or something? Everybody hears you.
    Jill Sadelstein:
    No, they can't, Mr. Hearing Expert.
    ‐ Submitted by Mikhael M (3 years ago)

  • Himself:
    Your sister an I grew up on the same street. When I look at her, I see me.
    Jack Sadelstein:
    When I look at her I see me too.
    ‐ Submitted by Jed G (3 years ago)

  • Jill Sadelstein:
    I crave this family time!
    ‐ Submitted by Jed G (3 years ago)

  • Jill Sadelstein:
    Maybe I should stay through Hanukah.
    ‐ Submitted by Jed G (3 years ago)

  • Felipe:
    Oh yes. We play games,we eat, and we steal whites peoples wallets.
    Jill Sadelstein:
    What!?
    Felipe:
    I'm kidding! We don't eat.
    ‐ Submitted by John C (3 years ago)

  • Himself:
    This must never be seen by anyone!
    ‐ Submitted by Alexandar T (3 years ago)

  • Todd:
    She converted right. That's so cool, she doesn't look Jewish at all.
    Jill Sadelstein:
    Maybe God wouldn't have gave you a rat face if you believed in him.
    Otto:
    Star Wars.
    ‐ Submitted by Amir V (3 years ago)

  • Jack Sadelstein:
    Are you whispering with a bullhorn or something?
    ‐ Submitted by Amir V (3 years ago)

  • Jack Sadelstein:
    Tomorrows he's going to go back home...less.
    ‐ Submitted by Amir V (3 years ago)

  • Jack Sadelstein:
    My balls are itchey!
    ‐ Submitted by Jack F (3 years ago)

  • Jack Sadelstein:
    You're looking a little like Bin Laden there.
    ‐ Submitted by Austin G (3 years ago)

  • Felipe:
    Oh yes. We play games, we eat, we steal white people's money.
    Jill Sadelstein:
    What?
    Felipe:
    I'm kidding. We don't eat.
    ‐ Submitted by Austin G (3 years ago)

  • Jill Sadelstein:
    Maybe I should stay through Hanukkah.
    ‐ Submitted by Austin G (3 years ago)

  • Jack Sadelstein:
    This is the guy who's gonna do a Dunken Doughnuts commercial.
    ‐ Submitted by Austin G (3 years ago)

  • Jill Sadelstein:
    I need to drop little chocolate bombs.
    ‐ Submitted by Austin G (3 years ago)

  • Jill Sadelstein:
    What..what is this Internet thing!? [Jill whining] You know I don't understand those things! I DON'T EVEN OWN A CALCULATOR!
    ‐ Submitted by Shayla M (3 years ago)

  • Soccer Player #1:
    I told you she was a woman.
    ‐ Submitted by Randy I (3 years ago)

  • Felipe:
    Just kidding!
    ‐ Submitted by Gil O (3 years ago)

  • Jack Sadelstein:
    Actually I did feel something... Pride in my son.
    ‐ Submitted by Jemalee T (3 years ago)

  • Gary:
    Busted, disgusted, never to be trusted!
    ‐ Submitted by Jordan S (3 years ago)

  • Jack Sadelstein:
    God told me your feet were on my desk.
    ‐ Submitted by Ceci G (3 years ago)

  • Felipe:
    I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
    ‐ Submitted by LILIA S (3 years ago)

  • Jill Sadelstein:
    Aw will you stop already? You know all he wants to do is play twister with your sister.
    ‐ Submitted by Chris P (3 years ago)

  • Jack Sadelstein:
    Are you whispering with a bull horn or something? Everybody hears you!
    ‐ Submitted by Chris P (3 years ago)

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