Full of nauseatingly puerile penis-enlargement and bodily fluid gags, the film pads out its mercifully brief running time with witless cameos from the likes of David Hasselhoff, Jedward, Jason Donovan, Peter Andre and several Spice Girls.
In some inner circle of Hell, this movie will be for ever playing.
| Original Score: 0/5
The emphasis on cheap sex is pitiful. The illustrative use of bangers and mash beyond infantile.
You don't really need jokes when you've got a ginger 'tache, a silly voice and a big fat woman swearing, do you?
| Original Score: 1/5
Had it all been done more tongue-in-cheek, it might have worked as a rubbish curio like a more adult Spice World, but instead it's boring, offensive and not funny in the slightest. Like Spice World.
| Original Score: 1/10
We came to this film with the hope of surfacing with a few burnished comic pearls from down, down in the lowest common denominator depths. But we came back with nothing.
Even the Mr Skin moments are unwatchable, and the funniest moment in the whole thing comes from a bus sign.
Career lows all round, then?
Keith Lemon: The Film has no coherent plot, is childish, lewd, coarse and mindnumbingly boring.
[Lemon's] execrable film debut ... suffers from reverse Norma Desmond syndrome: He's still small, it's the picture that got big.
Full of cameos from everyone you'd expect, all of whom appear wooden and uncomfortable, as if they've finally realised the terrible place their unquenchable thirst for self-publicity has landed them.
It may be the most staggeringly perfunctory piece of filmmaking I have ever seen.