The Love Guru Reviews
Aside from a few chuckles here and there...it was completely forgettable. Which is unfortunate because the potential is there for a really funny film, but sadly it's Mike Myers limited character repertoire that ultimatley does things in. A majority of the time Guru Pitka comes across simply as Austin Powers playing dress-up.
The highlight (and I use the term loosely here) are the tow "Bollywood" dance numbers.
It's probably because The Love Guru is just another version of Austin Powers with Meyers playing up excrement and masturbation humor to its fullest. Wait a minute! I can't use the word humor because they're not funny. Now before you label me a prude, I enjoy a good joke about poop. One of my guilty pleasures is a film called Night Patrol, a 1984 film featuring a farting Billy Barty and a masturbating Pat Morita. Even a scuzzy film like that can make it funny. After years of Mike Meyer's doing it as Austin Powers and now as Guru Pitka it just seems desperate. Very, very desperate.
The Love Guru is about a hockey player named Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco) who leaves his wife (Meagan Good) for some "bitches", but becomes obsessed with her coming back after she hooks up with goalie Jacques "Le Coc" Grande (Justin Timberlake). The Maple Leafs owner (Jessica Alba) decides that the way to win the Stanley Cup is for Guru Pitka (Meyers) to come to Toronto and cure Roanoke of his problem and get him back together with his wife.
Yeah, the movie sucks just as much as the plot. I could bash Meyers some more, but we all know what his problem is. Instead of actually having his face in films he decided to take the quick payday and voice Shrek for half the decade (I really, really, REALLY wish that they would give us a cut of the first film with the original voice of Shrek- Chris Farley). So what happened? Austin Powers got stale real fast and people like Sandler and Rogen took over Mike Meyers spot. As I said, the Love Guru is just another Austin powers movie that was rewritten to not quite be an Austin Powers movie. This film is such a piece of utter garbage that words can't describe how universally awful it is. If Ed Wood was alive he would say that The Love Guru is shit. I could talk about the acting, but it's awful and there's no point in wasting the time. Ben Kingsley is in this! Ben Kingsley who won and Oscar for being Gandhi! He goes back to the well and uses his Gandhi skills for this piece of shit? What the hell's wrong with you, Ben? Remember Schindler's List? Just say no, man. Just say no.
God, even thinking about this movie again is giving me a headache. I just realized something. Some people like to be whipped. Some people like to use clothespins in areas. I like to watch toilet remains like the Love Guru. Isn't it kinky?
Nate's Grade: A-
Doubt - You know you're in for some intellectual and moral ambiguity when the opening sermon covers the nature of doubt. [i]Doubt[/i] follows a New York head nun (Meryl Streep) in 1964 that suspects one of the new parish priests (Philip Seymour Hoffman) of having an inappropriate relationship with a young male student. The acting by the four principal actors is phenomenal. This is a showcase of stellar acting. Streep is ferocious and unwavering, a one-woman wrecking ball, and yet she still manages to make an antagonistic character empathetic: she's doing what she feels is right to protect her students. Are unethical deeds acceptable in a righteous pursuit? Does she truly believe her convictions, or is Streep striking back against an entrenched hierarchy that diminishes her value? There is a clear resentment between some of the nuns and the array of priests with all the power and all the say. Naturally, in a he-said she-said molestation case, the audience is more likely to side with the funny, caring, progressive priest than the scary nun who detests ballpoint pens and Frosty the Snowman. In the end, the accusations aren't cleared up and the film lets the audience debate the results. Director/writer John Patrick Shanley adapts from his acclaimed stage play and does a mostly fine job bringing it alive on screen, though he has a penchant for relying on really simplistic visual metaphors. The supporting cast rises up to Streep's level, notably Viola Davis as the mother of the boy accused of being mishandled. Note to future students of acting: study Davis' 10 minutes of screen time to see how a truly talented thespian displays a range of conflicted emotions, none of them feeling inauthentic or cheap. [i]Doubt[/i] isn't just one of the best-acted films of the year but also one of the best, period, and I have little doubt to that.
Nate's Grade: A
The Love Guru - While never approaching the realm of good, I'll admit that Mike Myers' latest is not the cinematic abomination is has been hailed. I laughed a few times, though rare. Myers' brand of comedy mixes puns, juvenile bathroom humor, slapstick, celebrity cameos (Ben Kingsley, why?!) and a certain level of self-aware absurdity (I don't think Myers has found a penis joke that he didn't enjoy). I feel that the comedy world has moved beyond Myers' once popular brand of yuks. Thanks to Judd Apatow, we've transitioned to smart and tender character-based comedies. The threadbare plot relies takes too many self-indulgent and lazy detours. Why do we have to endure Guru Pitka (Myers) sing "More Than Words"? It's not funny and just wastes time. Here's an example of the lack of thought: Pitka wears a chastity belt but he can still get injured being hit in the groin. It's a movie that doesn't even remember its own gags. I'm always wary when a movie resorts to extended scenes of the characters cracking up and adding lines like, "I haven't laughed this hard in a long time." I have no qualms over crude comedy but it needs to be done with some planning to context and character. Watching someone get hit in the face with urine is not funny. Having pint-sized Verne Troyer get hit in the head is not funny the 80th time it happens. The movie never even satirizes the self-help industry. [i]The Love Guru [/i]is too indulgent, too forced, too pun-heavy, too ill conceived, and far too stupid to succeed. I never thought I'd say this in a comedy that includes Myers, Stephen Colbert, Jim Gaffigan, John Oliver, Daniel Tosh, and Romany Malco, but Justin Timberlake is the funniest man on the screen as a daffy French-Canadian goalie. And would someone please stop hiring Jessica Alba for anything that involves speaking.
Nate's Grade: D+[/color][/font]
Austin Powers trilogy star Mike Myers collaborates with writer Graham Gordy for this comedy concerning a self-help guru named Pitka (Myers) who devotes his life to unknotting the romantic entanglements of troubled couples. As a young child, Pitka is abandoned at the gates of an ashram in India and taken in by kindly gurus. An American by birth, Pitka absorbs the lessons taught to him by his teachers and later returns to the United States to become a leading authority on spirituality and self-help. While Pitka's methods are decidedly unorthodox, they may be the only means of ensuring that the Toronto Maple Leafs win the coveted Stanley Cup. Maple Leafs star Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco) is in trouble. His estranged wife has recently begun dating L.A. Kings star Jacques Grande (Justin Timberlake) in a vengeful effort to send her husband's career into a tailspin, and when Roanoke starts to falter on the ice, the whole team starts to suffer. As their visions of leading the Maple Leafs to the Stanley Cup are quickly going up in flames, team owner Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba) and Coach Cherkov (Verne Troyer) enlist the aid of the world's best-known relationship expert in restoring the peace between Roanoke and his wife, and getting their team back on track to the championships.
What a tragedy that Hollywood thinks that jokes about bodily functions, excrement and sexual dysfunction are the only kind that get any laughs these days. "The Love Guru" is by far one of the worst pieces of trash I've ever seen and certainly one of the worst movies ever to come out of Hollywood. I would not be surprised if this bomb sinks Mike Myer's career, any more movies like this certainly will. On top of the dreary, monotonous toilet humor, the C list celebrities, the stupid plot and the hammy, bad acting there is really nothing worthwhile in this stinker at all, no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
I was made to go through work and all of the bad reviews I read prior to watching this were correct in every way. In fact you will seldom find such universally negative consensus on a film, the only recent exception would be The Happening.
Myers last titles were good, but the sequels only survived because of the solid foundation that the first films laid, I refer to Wayne's World and Austin Powers. This film truly is terrible and what only shocks me more is that, on reading some of the other reviews here, some viewers liked it...?
My last point is Jessica Alba, as stunning beautiful as she is, as an actress she is quite average..
I give it half star, I would give it a zero star